Do I need to quit taking 10/500?

[winterblues63]

Hello.  This whole forum is amazing!  It's so nice of evveryone to share thier thoughts.  I've learned an incredible amount of knowledge in just a few hours of review- probably more practical and without the b.s. sharing and suggestions than I would get in ten years 10 years in NA.  To my question- Suffice it to say, as indicated, that yes, I know I have a problem, and there is no need to rehash my withdrawal pains....they are all essentially the same.  I will say that as I read about the quantities some of these people *claim* to make, i.e. one gal said 100 norcos a day. She would be DEAD in one day of liver faliure from acetometophine o.d. Be all that as it is, the reality is I see many people posting that they take 14, 20, 15, 12 a day.  I have not taken any Hydrocodone 10/500 for fourteen (14) days and I am still in hell.  My history on this (briefly)- I have an addictive personality. 48 years. Male. 6' 4 1/2" 302 Lbs. Quit smoking cigs 14 days ago. NO PROBLEM there even though I smoked two packs a day for thirty years ( I HATE writing such a hideous fact).  The cigs are like quitting candy compared to Hydro's.  I'm rewarding myself with a gym membership on day thirty, so I can tackle this weight.  To the hydro's!  My wife gave them to me four and half years ago when she effed her knee pretty badly. Ande, just like I read on here, starting one or two a day for the high. (we both smoke pot, though I do very little- she is a pot head, but functional and you would never know it...I would never know it because she is always high, not stoned..ever since I've known her- together nine (9) and married five).  So, anywho...my doctor is not a very good physician. I told him about pain in my feet....he never offered a solution, so I went on line and researched my symptoms to the nth degree and diagnosed myself with alchoholic nueropathy. (btw- My wife and I both quit drinking last year). I had my doctor send me to get a nerve conduction test to confirm, and I was correct.  That is when I made it official for my own scrip of hydros.  It's been three and half years now and I've been taking on average, around six(6) a day. Two immediately upon waking, before pee pee even usually. Then two to three hours later, I take another two, then the same (seems to be the pattern for the last year) around 3 PM so I have a good buzz going by evening. They act as a speed and a 'happy' pill at the same time for me. I never take them at night or I won't get a good nights sleep.  I am very productive while working, (I own a little pipe company) and I honestly am (as of this reading session today) considering stopping them all together.  But, and here the question at long last- Should I? Four months ago, I purposely cut off my alternate source. A freind had broken her back and was selling me her scrip for $30.00 since she didn't like the hydros. Hers are/were 120 month 750/500.  I stopped those with her because I was very worried about liver damage.  I have since maintained this cut down with little issue.  The bummer is my wife takes maybe twenty in a month for endometriosis, so I actually am consuming around 100 pills a month, and never, well, almost never (if we have a social engagement, I pop an extra one for the 'happy' buzz), exceed six in a day and usually run out every month for around three or four days. I suffer through it for two reasons- 1. I want to give my liver and kidney's a few days R & R, and 2. I feel it is just sensible (in light of the addiction itself) to not be on them day in day out for years on end. Don't forget my nueropathy (sever diffuse poly nueropathy with dymenilating features)..that is a very real and very painful condition, regardless of its origin.  This being my own preventable disease, I can look to no one but myself for the condition.  It feels like, for example, a red hot needle is poked into the sole of your foot just from stepping on a pot seed.  Extrapolate that to gravel, small rocks, etc. There is also a constant, and I mean constant overall numbness, stifness and general pain in both of my feet. The hydros, knowing my history as you do now, seem to be a decent alternative. I ride a desk, but I can't imagine having to be on my feet all day any more.  My wife and I started, owned, and sold a small 'mom and pop' ice cream eatery and I was on my feet for 10 hours a day. I could barely walk at the end, and hobbled like a ninety year old man 24/7. It was a living hell.  Bye bye restaurant..back to pipe.  So what I'm getting at is this- I've been out and off hydrocodones for 14 days. I have not called my friend, though I could. (I'm out because I gave some to a buddy who was supposed to repay me one for one, just addicts helping each other, and two days later, he calls to me his doctor cut him off!  I'm screwed! That left me effed after also giving 20 to my wife, which I would not take back. I'm not an indian giver.  There has to be a better description out there. It is highly insulting to a people that caucasians killed by hundreds of thousands.  And the fact is that the term 'indian giver' was applied to the federal govt. because THEY were the ones who would sign a treaty with the Native Americans, then take back the land they had just given them....as if it were THIERS to 'give' in the first place! Sorry, writing's a bit is cathartic for me in my current state, so hopefully I still have a few readers staying with me to the end, which is soon. Back to Hydro land. As I said, I haven't taken any in fourteen (14) days, but I did not say I 'quit' or am even trying to quit. Know this- today is Tuesday, 27 March and my scrip is waiting for me at the pharmacy for pick up Friday morning, 03.30.2012.  (I know, not being a complete dumbo, that I showed my hand a little buy calling the pharmacy so early. They know just what the hell is up when they get those types of calls.  My doc, in side note, has me on a three (3) month renewable scrip.  I pay the piper and he gets his $140.00 a year for being kind enough to legally proscribe narcotics to those willing to pay his 'pimp' fees. He really does make me a tad ill. He is worse than us here. He KNOWS what he's doing when he proscribes narcotics. He KNOWS he in all liklihood is creating an addict and possibly wrecking a life and/or family. But he DOES IT ANYWAY!).  It may be that I am sabbotaging my own scrip..ala' the coward that forces a cop to kill him because he's too much of a ***** to man up and take care of his own mess.  So, should I quit or should I continue?  You have the whole story, no bull sh*t. Another nice thing about this is that one can speak the truth here...hence to b.s. is only to waste time.  Thanks for reading and I will save this, of course and monitor for replies. You have two days from today to convince me to cancel the scrip. And fyi, sorry to say; at this time, right now, the hydros are almost all I think of and I can't wait for Friday morning!  I know you will say, 'duh' after what I just wrote, but consider all the factors: length of use (4) years.   max per day (6).   Nueropathy and the last final fact that I have tried gabapentin and a few other light weight pain killers. But, since we are being truthful, I sniffed out that the doc was a 'scripper', and spent two years and four visits of different meds, all with the intent the entire time of ending up right where I am now, with this scrip. I played him, or maybe not. Maybe he knew and we both played our roles. At any rate, I will cease with the babbling.

[IwillDoThis]

Congrats on day 3 - it is go good to visualize what you want, really see it for yourself and keep moving my friend!  Keep posting!

[minn66]

Hey, great job so far and getting that gym membership. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, yet getting as active as you can as soon as you can will help you work all that mess out of your system. Plus, you will be creating your own endorphins AND you will notice your clothes fitting better;)

Keep up the excellent work and keep posting updates. Oh, and kudos for quitting smoking!

[winterblues63]

Day three....I have relief that I am done with them.  I'm really looking forward to the good feelings I know are coming, but they aren't here now...yet.  Still have all the effects of w/d going on, but I know they will end.  Thanks for your support.  I won't lie- this is no cakewalk.  When I quit a month ago, I figured this time the w/d would not be as severe...they seem to be as much or more so.  My only hope is that this time they will not last a full two weeks. I could barely get out of bed, and I work out of my home...most distrsssing.  I've joined a health club to lose weight. (I quit smoking cigs six (6) weeks ago.  I have a vision of a healthy, energetic person that I cleave to. That is the man I want to become; not some overweight, stinky smoking pill popping slug.  I'm getting there.  Thanks again. This is a big help for me.

[Rickyneedshelp]

Hi Man , I'm with ya , fighting that Demon as well.  Maybe you know someone you really trust that you could have doll out your meds on a preset schedule , that yall could agree on a ween off dosage time frame.  Maybe that could remove the temptation to over indulge.  BUT HEY , I'm by no means a DR OR therapist ... just another poor smuck trying to find my way home.  I'm dealing with REAL pain as well ( lower back ).  We are here for ya , it aint easy by no means.  Best of luck to ya " Semper Fi "

[minn66]

Hi, glad you checked in and gave us an update. You can do this. Yes, it is hard. You, I, and everyone here knows that. Yet, I sense that you are ready. You can do this. Keep posting and we'll help you through it

[winterblues63]

Hi, thanks for your comments on my question.  I am taking the time to give you good news, though.  I realized, after I had filled the scrip, that I was beginning to enjoy being away from them (Hydro's).  My mood was getting more stable, energy level was up, social interation quotient was up....then I filled the scrip and I'm down again.  I am not strong enough to throw them out, but I am strong enough to not renew the scrip. (It is a six month renewable, expiring with this last filling).  I am ready to set them down. I've done it with cigs, booze, hard drugs...now it's time for this to go.  I spent thirty years of my life trying to destroy it, and only in the last two years (of 48) do I want to spent the remaining years reparing my life.  Thanks for your advice and thanks for taking the time to read my reply.  Mike

[winterblues63]

Hello,
Marines....a looong time ago.

[winterblues63]

Thank you all for your comments.  You are all correct, of course.  Only I can decided, and as pointed out, it appears I am not ready.  What I will try to do is stay within the prescribed limit of four (4) per day.  I just shake my head at how much crap I am full of.  I have an addicts mentality- always trying to con my way into getting others to ratify my position.  If nothing else, I know that much.  You guys are right.

[vicki595]

I completely agree with minn66.  Ultimately, picking up that rx or not is entirely your decision. There's no debate here and no convincing you. It doesn't work that way.

You make the decision and we support you. You know what to do...

[ricart70]

Hey like the others said,it is not really our place to convince you to want to quit.IMO  addiction is something someone does against there own best judgement and not others judgements. Sometimes addiction can snowball out of control in a short time after experiencing a stressor or just plain getting older.  If yuo do wish to quit there are alot of knowlegeable people here who are happy to help and support.Best of luck to you whatever you choose to do.  btw   are you ex military by any chance?  

[doitformyson]

you may be suffering from Nicotine Withdrawals as well.  When I quit cigs about 8 years back (before pain pills entered my life) I was sick for 15 days.  REALLY sick....Anyway, just a thought.