Does enviroment matter?

[snowbunny1]

Hello, I am a 36 yr old female that has been on painkillers for about 5 yrs now. I am tired of popping pills for no substancial reason exept for to get high and besides, they dont even get me high anymore they just help me to function normally. I have been in a physical and emotional abusive situation now for 20 yrs with two children involved. I keep telling myself that if I dont get out of my bad relationship that I will never be able to get off the drugs because I am already so emotionally distraut most of the time that I take pills just to try and forget about my situation. So I guess my question is that Im wondering if you think that my enviroment could have alot to do with how it might effect me when I do try to kick the habit or if I should be able to do it no matter how bad my situation is? In need of help.

[terter]

I have been visiting this site for a while and a lot today b/c my craveings are bad today. I am not a doc but was told by some that one of the reasons we hold on to the pills or got to were we are when useing is we are not either happy or content in our own lives and are looking for something better ie: pills I think in my case I was bored, The doc said once that wanting that good feeling is normal but needing it all the time is were addict comes in. I hope I got that right. An encouraging thought might be that you might have the strentgh to do something about the abuse once you stop, We do and put up with so much when are minds are on drugs maybe yours will say stop once your off. It will be sometime before you feel better after stopping. I'm not sure if you have tried in the past or not and know what to expect. I am a 41 yr old F w/4 older kids 2 are still at home (teenagers)18 yrs ago I married my 2nd husband who in the beginning was also abusive/jelous/controlling ect.. after about the 5 yr mark he stopped I have several reasons why I think he did. We have been married 18 yrs now and he is more loving and supportive now then ever. I never would of thought this would be the man I would spend my life with but I do now, I am not trying to encourage you either way but I would be willing to talk to you anytime. Ter

[Thomas050]

that is the exact same reason why the girl i was seeing was on them. She ultimately got away from the bad husband, but unfortunately was still addicted to the pills. So to answer your Q: no, at that point (she had been using them for 4 years) environment didn't help. Went thru hell trying to get off them even in the new safe stable environment. it's an addiction and one of the biggest, so you have your work cut out for you. It is always best to stop using sooner than later, however I would make priority #1 getting in a safe stable environment and address that issue first. Check if there are any Womens Crisis Centers (or the like) in your area.
Best,
T050

[rodewc]

Like many, I read. My bookmark is a tattered paper. Written on it, is large scrawl.. in blue marker, thick, hurried script, desperate sript.

A whole piece of paper is a cumbersome bookmark, a cumbersome reminder.

What's on the bookmark? A phone number. A nurse's name. I was trying to pass a lie. Mebbe get a refill early. Mebbe refill that 30 day scrip on day 12.

Right. Vacation. Leaving town for 3 weeks. I shld be so lucky.

Yea, I think yr surroundings matter. It's as simple as a bookmark.. or as hard as ______ (fillin in the blank).

It aint no easy way out for us.

rwc~

[MethMan]

As with everyone here, I can only provide my personal experience and hope that you may find something within that will make sense in your situation.

I started on opiates when I broke my back.  Before, during and after that event, I was in a relationship (married no less) to a woman that was in serious need of a 200 gram injection of kindness.  While initially the opiates helped me endure the pain, I found that they also helped me deal with the pain of the relationship.  I got to where I didn't care as much as she did, which at the time, I thought was pretty cool. I found a way to hang in there for my daughter AND deal with the wife.

A strange thing occurred during this path. After YEARS of this method operandi, I began to realize that not only was I putting a lid on the emotional hurt caused by a bad relationship, but I also quashed any semblance of a decent life.  There was no joy or happiness in life any longer.  In the beginning, the trade off was a good one. But after living that way for years, I realized how much I was missing and decided to do something about it.

Looking back, I can tell you that the "drugs for no feelings" trade was a poor choice.  What seemed like an easy way to cope was nothing more than a life-sucking lie.

I'd like to tell you now that I am clean, life is wonderful; perfect.  But I can't.  What I can tell you, is life without the burden of drug use or being bound by a miserable human being is 10,000 times better than before.  I'm still looking for the blessed person that enjoys a perfect life.  And if I find him/her, I'll damn sure report back to ya.  But until then, focus whats best for you.  Take a chance to change for the better.  All you gotta do is reach for it.

Peace,
Methman

[snowbunny1]

Thank you all so much for the comments, it helps so much to know that there are alot of people out there going through this hardship. Terter, I do love my partner and probably always will, after all, he is the father of my two children, which are now 9 and 15. If I thought for a minute that things could change, I could spend the rest of my life with him. Unfortunately, he also has an addiction and that is to Xanax. To let you all know alittle more about my situation, about 5 years ago my other half and I had seperated for about the millionth time and I started to see another guy that I have known most of my life. We dated for about 6 months and at the end of our relationship, I learned that I was pregnant with my third child. In a dilemma and not knowing what to do I made the decision to have the child and give her up for adoption, this started my whole addiction because I was lost and did not know what to do. In this tramatizing event, I lost a good job, lots of friends who I thought were friends and werent and I guess I just lost a whole chunk of my life, have never been the same since. I started popping pain pills during my pregnancy but it only started out as one a day and eventually ended up at 5 or 6 a day after I had my baby. My oldest kids dad decided that he wanted to get back with me during this event even knowing what had happened and willing to except it and so I let him back into my life, big, big mistake. At this time he started taking Xanax to deal with his anxiety but was a alcoholic already. Many years ago my boyfriend was very abusive phsyically but it has now turned to emotional abuse and he constantly uses my past to hurt me in which it does because I just want to move on. I never did get any counseling when I went through this, instead I turned to drugs and here I am now. Since then I have had several promising jobs that could have lead to a good career and have quit all of them because for some reason I just cant get a grip on my emotions or my drug problem. I know that I could use counseling just to get out all of the bottled up feelings that I have and I guess this is where Im starting, and so for whoever out there who reads this and has some sort of comment to make, please do so because right now, I am lost in my emotions and cant seem to pull my head out of my ass. Thanks again for all of the comments so far, hope to hear more soon. snowbunny1

[terter]

The biggest part of this addiction that I have learned from personal exper. and what I have read is that only you can make the choice to stop, We can help you through it if it's what you decide but it is your choice, I wont judge as well as anyone here b/c we have all been through it before usually more then once. I think you have a rough road ahead with what you described, and the abuse from him is probly due to the alchol I don't know much about Xanax, Be careful not to put your life at risk for him or the pills but only you can decide that. You probly suffer from depression has it is and you will feel an extreme amount when and if you decide to stop. I would suggest you talk to a doctor or theraphist about your situation and see if they will help with an antidepressant or any other meds that might help. I tappered for a couple of weeks with darvocette and my w/d wern't as bad, hardly any depression and slept after only a few days which surprises me b/c in the past I had terrible w/d I was taking about 20 Hydro (vics,norco ect) whatever I could get my hands on a day for almost 3 years I also took Ultram which is what I started with and would take if I ran out of the others, my started with carpol tunnel on both wrists and a cervical fusion which was discovered I have 3 more bad disc's in my neck. It has been tough and I've been battleing cravings even as I write. If you need to talk you can post here of course or e-mail me anytime if you think it's safe. ***@**** sometimes it helps to talk to someone whos been there done that, and theres so much info here. Good luck TER

[suzieneedshelp]

Man... i am so proud of you and miss you!  How's TExas macho man with a heart?  Would love to hear from ya!
"Love is all we need."
Suzie

[MethMan]

Hey Chickie!
Everything is going good here, except the weather.  100 frickin' degrees! Percs said he'd send me some cool breeze down here, but sent that damn Bmac. I was thinkin' of a different kind of "Cool Breeze" percs... thanks alot!

Anyway, how are you doing?  Hope you're stickin' with the program girl.  You better be. Otherwise, I'd have to come over to your hangout and start in on ya.

Peace,
Methman

[suzieneedshelp]

Watch your use of words man!  You know my mind...start in on me??
Love,
Suz

[bmac]

What do we have here? OK let's see!  Now Im talkin like you Suz, what dija do 2 Me Huh? Texas, Florida? Alabama, weather? I get it now, oh yeah! Cleared that right up! Thanks, Bill

[Jerri2]

I guess I should have listened!We turn our backs for a min.and he's out dreamin about twins!!! I guess like Methman Said he's just a lesbian!!He did tell us that!!!  Jerri

[bmac]

OK I am a lesbian I must admit. Really I am just a big ole teddy bear at heart. I have been playing with you two and I love it. Flirting is one thing that makes me feel good about something. Some people flirt and they have something else in mind so it doesn't come over as funny. I am a FLIRT. I admit it, but if it wasn't fun you two would be replying back about it. So hey babe I got want cha need, email me and I'll show ya! LOL
                         Bill
***@****

[lisabet]

Hey Billy....Like Thomas, you're an uncurable flirt and pervert, but a "loveable" one, which is why the ladies fall all over you...smile.  I can sense your big ****-eating smile every time I read your posts.  There's "perverts" and then there's "perverts"...(huh?)  Thankfully, you fall into the second category....heh-heh.  Confused?  Good!  Have a great week ahead, you lesbian, you....:)   Love, Lisabet

[bmac]

You 'nailed' me babe! Whatelse can I say(just don't tell anybody else)! ttyl,  Bill

[Jerri2]

We'll love you know matter what you are!!!I can picture a big ole teddybear when I read your posts!!You little prevert you!!  Jerri

[bmac]

Thanks and I am a big old teddy bear. Just keep that image in your mind, It will be OK then, You be good Jerri.....Bmac

[lisabet]

Hey - you big mac daddy!....Thankfully, there's enuff of you to go around....and keep ALL the ladies happy...smile.  Personally, I LOVE men who don't take theirselves too seriously...so you are "officially" one of my "main squeezes" - (a sentiment shared by Peazy and Jerri, and God knows who else, also!!!)...smile.  Have a great week, Billy, and thanks for the laughs this weekend. Sometimes that's better for the addictive soul than anything!  Love, Lisabet

[Jerri2]

I've gone through my first 5 days of wds.and because of all of you its been a breeze!!!Instead of dwelling on them I've been coming on here and laughing!!Thanks Guys!!And DADDY you are our main squeeze!!!!! Love and Hugs..Jerri

[bmac]

You girls are making this old man feel warm and fuzzy(don't go there) and it will not go unnoticed. One day.....! Bill

[peaz]

Hey Doll---Think this gig'll  play in Peoria??!!  I say you and I take it on the road-----we'll be a smash!!   They love us here!!!!  LOL  (okay, okay--they love YOU here...)  peazy

[bmac]

Now stop it, you are gonna run all the new babes off here. Give me a break. If I don't try I'll be in my van, down by the river!
OOoooOO kk Kk  !lol

[Jerri2]

What happened?All the arguing I guess they wont give us new threads!I think this is the last open one?!?Hope everyone is good!I'm at the end of day 6 and going strong!!!We wont scare off easily Teddy Bear!! Jerri

[jack daniels]

commimg into day 8 and all is well.....

[jack daniels]

what is this thing that they call  "sleep"?   i think it's way, over rated!

[bmac]

Hey Jack(I always wanted to say that!) I am glad you are better. And yes sleep is something for the regular folk. Us addicts learn it isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sleep that is! The invation stands here man, lake, water, babes in bikini's and alot of sun. Hey Methman, fish are jumping in the boat bro'!
Catfish are jumpin,water keep rollin just the same!

Jerri,  you are just so dang sweet, you know! Where is your sexy sidekick, Lisabet? Cat got her tounge laetly? Peace!!!
                              Bmac

[lisabet]

You rogue, you!!!  First you post down at the bottom, and then you close the thread on me!!!...smile.  Peazy, Jerri and I may have to possibly cuff you to the bedposts to teach you a lesson!...heh.  Yeah, big boy, you'd like that, wouldn't ya?  BUT---you don't know what we have in mind for ya.  OK, BIG MAC DADDY...THERE'S YOUR FANTASY FOR THE EVENING....ha!!!!  Take care, Billy - hope ya have a great week.  Love, Lisabet

[Jerri2]

I guess that answered your ???  Loves ya sweetie!!!  Jerri

[Jerri2]

Hi sweetie,How goes it tonight?I'm doin good!Staying strong!And with our TEDDY BEAR to keep me on my toes I think I'll make it this time!!  Love ya..Jerri

[lisabet]

Hi Jerri....That damn Bmac is such a ***** and a tease!!!!  (I know he'll like that accessment...hell, he'll take it as a compliment..)...smile.  I'm SO happy you're still staying on the straight and narrow...you have no idea how proud I am of you.  You're doing it, girl!!!!  I keep telling myself I can do it too....(but haven't convinced myself yet!)...smile.  Honestly, you're such an inspiration to me (and it DOESN'T matter to me if you've relasped and had to start over again!)...at least you had the guts to quit, if only for a day. I have yet to do that.  So I celebrate your success every time you quit (if even for a day or two or three)...hope you celebrate yourself for the same reason!!!!!!  You're a special person, and your sweetness shine through your posts! Love you, Lisabet  xoxo  :)

[bmac]

OK, now I have had it! I want numbers and address! This has gone on long enough (not really, continue)  Yo Daddy!

[SarpyJesse]

OK.... I have all the phone #'s and Addresses. For only $4.95 per minute, I can provide this information for you! AND, I am an exclusive re-seller of the "Girls Gone Wild--Snoop doggy dogg stylin' spring break 2002" edition! As they say, "It takes Skin to win!"

OK... Just kiddin' with Y'all. How is the OxyContin working for you compared to the Kadian? I found that Oral Morphine didn't work worth ANYTHING for me, as opposed to smaller amounts of oxycodone, or even Ultram!

Please update the forum!

Jess

[Jerri2]

You were'nt supposed to find out we were over here and not reporting back to you with your share!!Please dont beat us!!! Love ya..Jerri

[SarpyJesse]

Oh... Don't you worry now Jerri! I know you'll "Come back"--- I'm a guitarist, and Bill's 2 strings (Or maybe one) short..... Once you've moved up the rock -n- roll ladder to "Guitarist" you can't just take 2 steps DOWN back to "Bassist" again!

I kiss you all over, Jerri; you Christian sweetie-pants groupie!

Just kiddin' with you Bill. You know that in reality, after all's said and done, that the Bassist gets the "Good" girls anyway. Sheeeeeeit.

Goodnight`

Jess

[bmac]

I do get all the 'good' girl don't I? Hear that ladies, I am the man. Well for all the 'good' ones that is, thanks Jess!
Jerri you are soo groovy babe. I wish all you babes were here so I can so goodbye for now, so babes, goodbye for now, I will miss you today and I hope to be back here by tomorrow. If I don't see ya then remember I love you guys (you know who you are)!  Bill

[lisabet]

Hi Billy - what kind of procedure were you having done today?  Hope all's well, and you're back to posting in the next day or two. Now you've gotten me all worried about your "ornery" self!...smile
Hi Jesse - my God, you're a guitarist too!?  I'D like to hear your CD.  THAT IS SO COOL !!
Love ya both, Lisabet

[Jerri2]

Hope your ok?!We'll miss you TeddyBear!I'll be praying for you!!Love to ya!!!  Jerri

[Jerri2]

Does this mean I get to run my fingers through your hair?!?Loves ya sweetie..Jerri

[bmac]

Oh you two little huzzy's! I bet youz guyz missed me, didn't you? Come on admit it!

[Jerri2]

Of course we did YOU SWEET THANG YOU!!!!How goes it??Love ya..  Jerri

[bmac]

I am better Now that you called me sweet thang (it's a southern thang) ! Thanx Jerri, you are sooooo sweet yourself!  Bmac

[MethMan]

Bill, you man *****.  You got Jesse and I out at the gates selling tickets to this "Live" show.  What gives brother?  You said we could come in after all the scalpin' is done.
We've been done for 4 hours now!  Open the ******* door!

[bmac]

You said it bro'. Damn send in the hired help! BTW when can you answer your phone? Bill

[MethMan]

I'll call ya from Mr. Cell this weekend.  Cool?

[peaz]

Just let me know when my flight arrives in Dallas......I can't wait!!!  PEAZY

[bmac]

Who's flight?  Percs/Meth you guys better be ready for this! I am a wild man now! I am just kidding Percs,Dont worry I'll make sure you remain faithful (yeah friggin A)!! Bill

[peaz]

What do you mean--WHOSE flight?? Percs didn't tell you?? Well, I guess you're in for a big surprise......:-0

[bmac]

OK you win, I'll stay home and you go then. K
    Bmac

[MethMan]

Peazy Girl.  You gonna make the trip?  COOL MAN!
Let me know the flight, gate and time and I'll be there to "pick you up".
Bill... Texas is west of you.  Wait till the sun sets and drive toward it.  As you're driving, you'll notice the moss stops growing in the trees.  That means you left Louisiana and have arrived in Texas.
Another good way to know when you reach Texas is all the pretty girls.  Leave em alone.  They're all for residents of the state.
BTW... don't stop for gas in Sliddel, Louisiana.  They've got blind, pink-eyed, albino banjo players that make dudes from Bama squeal like pigs.  It's a nasty habit of theirs.  It can't be helped, only avoided.

[bmac]

Thanx Bro but I be fly not drivin!
I will left you know when and which flight I will be on!
Peazy, beg please!   Bmac