Drug dreams I sure am having them

[avisg]

goood morning everyone,
so last night I dreamed of pills BIG HUGE BOTTLES of pills like CHRISTIMAS for a pill addict.has anyone else had dreams like this i am assuming this would be part of PAWS? have a great day
Avis

[RastaP]

I thought i was nuts i have these dreams too!!! i thought i was the only one. I had the craziest dream just now.  I ate all my shrooms and no one else ate theres and a ufo crashed and everyone was freaking out and i just had to wait to have to most terrible shroom trip about aliens.  AND i the other day i took a vicodin before i took a nap so when i woke up i'd feel good, but i had the craziest dream ever i was so messed up in my dream that i couldnt see and i was driving and i was with my friend and we crashed off a cliff and i felt everything that happened i felt the falling the crash it was sooooooooooo realistic

[mtgoat911]

i still have these sometimes, not as bad as before
for me, i know that my using was such a way of life for me that thinking about drugs and dreaming about them is just normal to me
the good new is that when i dream about them i wake up
and
when i think about using, i check my head, and move on
there is no way to control dreams, when i first got clean i had a aweful dream every night, eventually it stopped, but i would wake up feeling aweful

[Hill1986]

I can relate. I used to have drug dreams all the time when I first started to get clean. I am down to 2mgs of methadone a day and starting to have then again. After 4 1/2 years?! This really scares me. Any suggestions?

[avisg]

Thank you for posting that was great post and it really helped me . Have a great day
Avis

[CATUF]

Drinking/using dreams just seem to be part of Recovery - virtually everyone has them.  I hit 23 months yesterday and I still have them.  Interestingly, I seem to be dreaming in reverse chronological order with respect to my drug of choice.  From age 18 to 29 I drank alcohol like a pig; 30 to 39 I was completely abstinent; 40 to 44 I went from occassional, low doses of opiate pain killers to constant, high doses; at 45 I started mixing meth (amphetamine) with pills; and at age 46 I gave up everything else in favor of a crack stem (that quickly stayed in use all day, every day).  Recently I've started having drinking dreams for the first time since about 1989.

Using dreams used to a) scare the hell out of me and b) make me feel like I must not be too serious about recovery.  Not only were they amazingly real and detailed, but they captured all the nuance of that using and pre-using state of mind that I doubt I could put into words.  A particularly disturbing aspect of such dreams was that although I'd be horrified and filled with remorse when I awoke, during the dream I usually LOVED everything about it.  

They would put me in an agony of self-doubt: "how could I possibly dream about that after everything that addiction had done to me and everyone who loved me?"  "What was WRONG with me?"  "Just how BAD could I be, that I could still be attracted to all that?"  I felt like a pig who professed to having a desire to stay clean, while secretly knowing that they would love nothing better than diving into a huge pile of muddy **** and staying there forever.  

They don't do that anymore.  These days I view them as good things, which (although sometimes painful) help me with my Recovery by: a) reminding me what it was like and where I'll be again if I don't stay recovery focused; b) letting me work out some of my addiction issues (it's like free therapy); and c) letting me see active addiction from a new and very different perspective (although I was an eye witness to all of my crimes, I watched through the lens of active addiction - now I get to watch through the lens of a sober, and sane, mind - what a difference.  

I guess my one rule with the dreams is that I ALWAYS talk to someone about them.  The dreams seems to have some sort of power when I keep them secret.  However, as soon as I tell someone about it, including any "bad" part, that power seems to evaporate like the morning dew.  

[ohsnap]

I would have dreams where I would take pills and I would get the "high" feeling and be so freaking mad at myself that I had blown it all...then woke up, and was glad it was just a dream!  It's been a while since I've had one of those...

[LIZZIE LOU]

sorry...but... your post brought a smile to my lips...the way you wrote the post...BIG HUGE BOTTLES...CHRISTMAS...lol.

sounds like a "nightmare" to me...

hope you have a good day avis...you have done one hell of a job girl...and you should be soooooo freaking proud of yourself...i know i am :)

huggs,
kim