Dutchess Golden

Dutchess,
I replied to your post ( the one you posted back to me in the thread I started by asking you about RLS )but I forgot to add something. THE CHILD YOU LOST WOULD BE SO PROUD OF YOU!!! AS A MOTHER, WOMAN, AND DOCTOR, YOU HAVE CHANGED SO MANY PEOPLES LIVES ON THIS FORUM ALONE. I can't speak for anyone else, except that I've read posts on how much people say you've helped them. Your daughter ( I am so sorry if I read your post incorrectly and it was a son you lost, but I think you said daughter) is so proud, wherever she is ( I, personally, believe in Heaven but don't know if you or others do and hate it when people cram religion down your throat, but just giving my opinion. I hope I can accomplish the things in my life ( obviously not being a doctor, but a counselor) that you have just on this forum...patience, dedication, honesty, pride in who you are, loyalty, etc. I hope that one day, my son will look up at me ( as I KNOW your daughter does from heaven or wherever she is), smile, be proud, and say "That's my MOM!!!" I have never experienced a death yet of someone close to me, but Dutchess: MAN, ARE YOU A TROOPER!!! Thank you again for all you've done!! You've made me want even more to be there to help people the best I can!!

[DutchessGolden]

Yes it was my daughter. I was carrying twins, one did not live a few months after birth. And as much as I know she sees me from heaven with her little sister (she was born first :) and her Daddy who kissed them good morning and goodnight from my tummy each day, you have no idea what it means to me to hear this from you. Degree or no Degree, you have already helped me more than you can imagine! You are going to be an amazing counselor! It is people like you, that during this time of year really make me not want to abuse my meds because I am reminded of my baby looking at me from up above and I am going to be strong for her and her sister no matter what it takes. I was so angry with God for so DAMN long! I always knew she was safe in heaven with him but this was the one thing that ever happened to me where I just wouldnt be able to make it through without someone like you and your words. Thank you so much for this post, I really don't think you know what it means and I never thought I could ever be so touched by someone on the internet.
Thank you soo much.- D.

PS- I got your reply to me and I posted back to you on that same post. Thank you again.

[emilyanne]

It's just the truth! And you're right...your daughter ( both of them ) want and need you to be clean...you were obviously put on this earth to help people...maybe that is why you went through an addiction! The best therapists, counselors, doctors, etc have been through what their patients have been through...as a patient, it would mean so much to me to hear my doc say " Yes, I totally know what you're going through! The RLS is horrible, and I felt like I was going out of my mind!!"...know what I mean? Stay strong for both your girls, and continue to make them proud!!
And yes, the death of a loved one, ESPECIALLY your own daughter, is enough to rock your faith in God and make you feel anger towards him that you never thought you had in you. But here you are, Dutchess...helping us all stay clean, get clean, or want to get clean! If you don't mind me asking, what is the date that your daughter passed away? I just want to know so that I can say a special prayer on that day...If I'm overstepping my bounds, tell me!!

[DutchessGolden]

no I don't mind at all. They were born January 8th, and she passed away May 29th. Thank you so much for your prayers.It's hard to admit for someone as stubborn as myself, but I really do need all of the prayers I can get. And especially right now, it's getting so close. I keep all here in my prayers also. The runny nose, yawning, and stretching have always been my most common w/d symptoms, other than feeling like every cell in my body was convulsing constantly! Please let us know how you are doing with that and what has been helping you, a lot of people here have these symptoms during w/d. I'm trying to be strong here but your posts keep making me cry, just because it seems like you really understand and every word keeps me going right now.

xoxo- D.