EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER

[witsend0603]

I know.. since I have been here for a while.. that the emotional rollercoaster is a beast to kick... that was the entire reason for my use to begin with.. so how do I deal with it now?   I can deal with pain.. pain isn't an issue with me .. it's the mental and emotional that gets me everytime.. I have tried anti-depressants before to no avail.. and am now trying 5-HTP and hoping it will help.. I know I have ALOT to live for.. wonderful husband.. beautiful children and a wonderful extended family that is always there for me.. but sometimes I get on these kicks where none of that seems to motivate me enough.. like the feeling I get from the pills is even more important than my own kids.. HOW SICK IS THAT.. has anyone else felt this way?  My kids should be number 1 in my life next to God and I can't even seem to say goodbye to those blue devils even for my kids... what kind of mother am I to choose a pill over my children.. wow .. that really looks harsh when reading it out loud.. but sadly it is true... I just can't figure out how to get over the emotional hump... I am taking all the supplements and physically I am ok except for some lack of sleep but this emotional thing has really got it's claws in me... sorry to just go on and on.. needed to vent a little I guess.. but if anyone has seemed to be this low where you feel family isn't even as important as your DOC.. please advise me on how you got out of that funk... I would appreciate any responses

[Beccabeccalynn]

AA meetings help or NA. I really like it because it's people just like me fighting the good fight. Give it a whirl worst thing that happens is you don't like it .
Becca

[witsend0603]

Thanks for the bit of encouragement.. actually I am going to practice my faith right now.. getting ready for church.. I am actually sitting here checking in with rollers in my hair..lol... so I only have a few minutes then I'm off to church for a while... might try to muster up the courage to talk to my pastor.. don't know .. have to wait and see how brave I get tonight.. but anyway.. thanks for all the support .. me and my boys are off to church now.. check in when I get back later ...

[gnarly_1]

HI the emotional part will come in time ..I was an emotional reck for the first 2 mo
of being off I was grateful to God for setting me free of my methadone addiction but
found little joy in anything else....I dident even get the "pink cloud" effect coming off
I felt like a truck ran me over both physically and mentally ....just know in time it dose get better...aftercare is critical to getting better...I see a substance abuse conslor once a week just to vent on ..we work thew recovery things...he was once a user and knows first hand what im feeling and why...if I get cravings im off to an N/A meeting you wouldn't think after being on methadone for 6 1/2yrs I would crave pills but I sometimes do ....its weird I dont crave the pot or alcohol...I quit that 5 yrs ago the cigs...well I think I will always crave those but its these dam pills thats so discouraging why would I crave the very thing that started this whole mess in the first place...it friggin crazy ....as for the depression my phyc dr said it is a normal part of withdrawal ..she dident start me back on antidepressants for 90 days actually it was a bit longer then that but no the less she waited to see if i would snap out of it myself first....im bipolar also so I have to watch for symptoms of depression anyway ..
I guess what im trying to say is your in whats called "rebound emotions" everthing
is coming back on line and we now have to deal with life full blast and its not all fun and games there will be some ups and downs and there amplified of what they really are once your clean a wile your mind will readjust to normal life again...I got 132 days in now and things are just now over the last 30days or so coming back to normal
so seek out aftercare and just hang in there..its not as long as it sounds
you can do this just have some faith in God....good luck and God bless    

[WannaBeFree79]

I hated that feeling.  I would get to day 3 or 4 and physically feel fine, then the mental would hit,  I also enjoyed NOTHING.  I couldnt even concentrate to do something simple like watch TV.  Anytime I tried to do anything my mind would be going, wheels turning, thinking about how I could get more pills.  I would obsess about it, it was all I cared about and nothing else mattered.  My kids always knew something was up and probably thought I was dying since I would withdrawal so much.  I couldn't put them through it anymore.  When I was sick it meant nothing fun for them till I felt better which is unfair since none of this is their fault at all.  I felt like the worst mom on earth also, and I still do thinking of the years they had to deal with me on drugs.  Since I tried and failed so many times on my own, just this past week I started on suboxone.  I feel like a person again, no cravings, and I still enjoy things.  Its amazing.  I have heard the withdrawal from sub is horrible, but I am willing to go through that, because now since I feel ok I can take this time to go to counseling and NA and really work on my behavior and change things.  Good Luck whatever you choose to do.  You will beat this thing, we all have the power to do it as hard as it seems.

God Bless!

WannaBeFree

[witsend0603]

Thanks alot Jacky.. that does help to know I'm not the only one that feels this way... how did we let ourselves get to this point... just had a 1 1/2 long talk with the hubby who FINALLY decided it was time we sit down and discuss this... he admitted to me that he had been doing this for WAYYYYY longer than I even knew about and that he does feel the same way I do... don't even want to wake up and when you do .. wish you could go back to sleep so you don't have to think about any of this.. at least  he can sleep... lol... he said he really wants to just quit his job right now cause that's where alot of his stress comes from and there are alot of triggers there but we both know we would lose everything if he did that ... so that isn't even an option unfortunately ... and in this crappy economy there's no possible way he can find another job.. they just aren't out there... we talked about all the things we used to do when our oldest son was little and how we ddn't seem to have a care in the world back then and how happy we were as a family just to be together.. no strings attached and no alternative reason to get up out of bed in the morning.. just to be together.. that was enough.. now that just doesn't seem to be close to enough.. I want us to get back there again.. I asked him if he had any more dr's appt scheduled and he doesn't so I asked him to not schedule anymore and we would go from there... if the supply is cut then we don't have a choice but to work our way back to where we used to be...

[cleanmom]

I am suffering the same thing. I have gotten through the physical and am able to function fairly normal and on the outside to everyone around me it appears as if im fine but inside where they cant see, i am a wreck. I certainly dont feel normal and even when i appear happy, i am not. I cant seem to find any enjoyment in anything, not even my own children. So, im kinda feeling like worlds worst mom right now too. I don't have much to offer as far as suggestions but thought i would let you know that you are not alone in feeling this way. I too would love any advice that anyone could offer. Hang in there, we have each other and i personally understand more than you can imagine.   Luv, Jacky