ESH

[KimH]

I wondered if we could try that again? Will anyone share the positives of being sober compare to the hell of being addicted? I wan't to thank you Methman for sharing your hope. I didn't mention, I am an X herion addict and have been to a methadone clinic for a few years as well. I havent touched it in 4 years but I take ultram by the fistful. Not right now, I have been following the doctor's ween. I just think positive sharing of being sober really helps you get through the hard part of recovery. When you don't see any positive, seeing someone else's does.

[SarpyJesse]

Gina-
I guess I'm hijacking this thread to tell you that, YES, you are in the right place to talk about meds, and Suboxone specifically. As Bmac said, from time to time, we get into fights, and we're actually just having fun with one another-- So don't let that get to you. Most of the "Fighting" is just a release for many of us, and is mostly good natured (even if it doesn't appear that way to a newcomer).

Regarding Suboxone-- It has proven to be an effective alternative to Methadone Maintenance; with the added benefit of your doctor (If he or she has taken the DEA-mandated 8 hour class in prescribing it for addiction) being able to prescribe it in the privacy of his or her office so that you won't have to suffer the "Stigma" of the clinic environment.

I'm sure that many people here can help you regarding your question -- People, Help her out!

Good Luck, Gina-

Jess

[AmberHunter]

hey gina!

i saw your post asking if your were in the right place... bickering happens on boards, it can be uncomfortable for those of us who are new and don't really know what is going on...

i hope you keep posting, and if you are interested in joining another forum that i started a few weeks ago give me a shout: ***@****

even though i have the other board i come here everyday and love it here! i started the other forum b/c it is easier to post a question in it!

peace,

amber

[Susie B]

The other thread filled up, so I thought I'd catch you on this one. You've helped me before with my quest to see my husband thru his Percocet w/d. I think today was about day 22. We have a small business, and share an office. I just found 12 percocet in his drawer that I know weren't there yesterday. I'm trying to decide if I should go home and beat his head against the wall, or just go away for a couple days by myself till I can get grip on the fact that we're not going to see day 23- this time.  Your long disertation has given me something to hold on to. I've printed it out, and when I do go home, I'll show it to him, maybe it will help him hold on a little better.  I guess the depression has just been to much for him. Prosac has helped- but not enough. I know I shouldn't be so angry with him - but I'm so disappointed and heartsick. Thankyou and the others here that make this a little easier.

[motox4fun01]

So, i see that your website is devoted to Goat ****!
You actually believe that your dead wife is actually just "in the ground"?
Well, I am so sorry that your wife had  someone like you to put up with for 33yrs. I BELIEVE IN GOD ALMIGHTY! Your wife's soul is not in the dirt, it's in Heaven or hell.
YOU MAKE ME SICK!
James

[Expillman]

James, this is about the rhetoric I would expect from a drug addict.  My wife cannot defend herself and is none of your business, just as my religious beliefs or lack thereof are none of your business.  Go get high, low life.

[lisabet]

Goatman...you REALLY are amazing.  First, you just "pop" into the forum a couple of days ago. Within a day's time, you patronized and bullied many of our long time posters (BMac, Thomas, Mr.Michael, Chezz, etc)....THEN...actually have the nerve to act surprized when they respond to your provoking posts!!!!  You are definitely a piece of work, Mr. Goat, or expillman, or whoever else the hell you are.  As for people not "having a life" except for our little piece of our forum world, it seems more to me that maybe YOU need to get a life, instead of coming into these forums to try to turn things into such a shambles.  OF COURSE, people are going to respond to your bullshit; what do you expect them to do?  Especially our guys on the forum; it's human nature (especially for the male species), to strike back when someone intentionally provokes them. All of the people you've verbally attacked has helped many people (including myself) with their knowledge and kindness.  As of yet, I haven't seen any of these qualities in yourself. Even Hippee, who is the most compassionate and non-confronting person on this forum, saw reason to question your posts. We don't need your bad karma, so Mr. Goat, or expillman, or whoever the hell you post under, I just wish you'd take your cosmic behind back to wherever you came from.  There's people here who is in a lot of legitimate physical and mental pain; we don't need to be distracted by someone like yourself. You've had your fun, so please just go away (far-far away). Lisabet

[bmac]

Right on babe! MrGoat sir will get his due. It sounds to me he is gotten a lot of bad **** going in his life and he thinks by belittling us he makes himself seem so imporatant and so intellegent. He is just another doctor want to be from a pain clinic where most people end up when they can't get a real nursing job(no offense to any other nurses). He has had tragady in his life and he blames God, the one person that he claims never exsisted. Well he will either go away or get banned but like he said he is a hacker(whew, Im proud of that) and he can mess this place up bad. Grownup intellegent man acting like a tennager again. Sad don't cha think!
Well Lisabet you go girl!  Bmac
MrGoat sir, you see you are even runnin' off the women! LOL
                   Bill

[suzieneedshelp]

Hey gal!  You may want to try to call an Al=Anon or Narc Anon program (in the phone book).  It doesnt matter if it is drugs or alcohol..all the same.  They are spouses, sisters, parents, etc of addicts who share their experiences and info on what to do and wut not to do with one another.
Sweetie i admire you so much for your love for your man.
Keep us posted plz,
Love,
Suzie

[peaz]

Jesus, Bill---I go away for a couple days and leave you to babysit and what happens???!!!!  Don't think for a minute we women are going anywhere......You know me better than that.  LOL  

  Now then.......think it'll rain tomorrow???  :-) Peazella

[Expillman]

So much for your self control, Bill.  Your imagingry THREE-HEAEDED, Ill-tempered god is going to give me my due?  Also, you have quite an imagination, don't you?  VooDoo Dolls?  Ah, but what would you suspect from who can not control himself. Did you ever think that this lack of self-control might have something to do with your drug habit?

[Kurt Cobain]

Hey Susie,

I'm glad I found your post -- been kind of crowded here lately.

Being the drug addict (and consequently the "hider", not the "finder") of substances, I can only relate to how you're feeling after discovering those pills in the way my wife has to me, several times, over the years.  She compared discoveries like yours to the feeling she'd have if she discovered my infidelity with another woman. . .she's even called the various substances (be they alcohol, narcotics, whatever) "the ***** in the Bottle" -- a term I still cringe at, but now, I think, understand a little better as time goes by.

I hope I haven't made this worse, that certainly was not my intent. . .just wanted to present something that may help you identify the awful feeling in your gut you must have had when you made your discovery.

As a former avid pill-hider, though, and just as an aside. . .it doesn't sound to me like your husband was being very careful about hiding his drugs from you.  Believe me, when I was an active addict, if I didn't want something to be found, either in my residence or even on my person, it WOULD NOT BE FOUND.  Addiction is called cunning for good reason -- the addicted brain becomes VERY adept at concealing evidence of drug use, perhaps frighteningly so.  Looking back, I think that the only (few) times my wife ever "found" evidence of my use was when I was very sloppy about concealment.  Actually, it wouldn't be much of a stretch at all to say that deep down, I *wanted* to be caught.  After my last run, I very consciously wanted either to be caught by the law and punished for what I'd done (as I was) or to just go over my body's threshold and just die.  By the end, when I was apprehended, not only did it not matter to me which event happened first, I was almost hoping for death.

Please make sure you care for yourself now. . .as that part of your husband that is now being held captive by his addiction would want you to.  I know of groups such as Al-Anon and Nar-Anon that are specifically designed for those in your situation. . .although I've never been directly involved with them myself.  My prayers are with you both.

Peace,

Kurt

[MethMan]

Perhaps your kindled interest in the cause of people's drug habits would be best served if pointed inward.

[twiceain'tnice]

Wow! You sound great.  Hang in there.  i have three weeks after 20 plus years of everything abuse.  You are doing great!! Love will come to you, now that you are seeing yourself.  About that person starting all that ****.  Perhaps he's trying to fill up all the forums so NO ONE can get help.  Why not ignore this waste of space?

[Susie B]

Thanks for your support.  Last evening was ugly-for both of us. Think I'm going to take the afternoon off- a diet coke, a box of Russell Stovers and Oprah with Dr Phil should help bring things back into perspective. Then, we'll start again. xoxo

[rodewc]

Sry for coming in mid-thread; threads fill fast. Maybe this is RLS?? THE achiest aches in the knees, especially at night (for almost a week after quitting).

Deep aches, not leg-jerking. Many of the initial WD symptoms dissipated after the first week. Yet the aches are still about.

I have laid my knees on a (hot) heating pad which alleviates the symptom, but intense heat and a fur blanket (a dog) do not make for a good night's sleep. Neither does the knee ache.

It's not terrible, and given others' probs, it's a minor complaint- when does it go away, if it does?
r-w-c

[AmberHunter]

i slept in the tub. i am serious, there were nights that i just slept in the tub b/c of the RLS and the achiness... i guess i am lucky i didn't slip under and drown! although at the time i don't think it would have mattered much to me!

it will subside! good luck!!!

amber

[MethMan]

Amber is right. The aches SUCK!  But, it will subside.  Do try the hot baths.  As hot as you can endure without being uncomfortable.
Also, try to get out and walk if you're in good enough shape.  I know you don't feel like doing a thing, but it does make you feel better.
Hot baths are the key.  Get in a tub and live there for a while.
Peace,
Methman

[suzieneedshelp]

E-mail me if ya like anytime.
***@**** (anyone is alwyas welcome to)
Peace...
Suzie

[NotDarkYet]

Argh, I am so confused... I guess I am an addict, I have stuck needles in my arms and not only that by my legs, feet, hands and I've been arrested (but not on drug charges, had an assault charge back when I was 23, 6 years ago- last arrest), so I guess that makes me sub-human- geez, don't I feel like ****! WHAT?!

Point is, it doesn't matter how you do a drug/prescription whatever (you can smoke it, shoot it, snort it, swallow it, hell you can put it in a suppository (spelling?) and shove it in your ass- it doesn't matter!). It doesn't matter if you have a PHD or your a frickin' janitor, it affects everyone the same way, don't exclude yourself from the rest of us in this *morass*, never over-extend and elevate yourself from others in the same boat.  Empathy is the word. Once your body and mind need that drug, guess what... you are an addict, period.  I don't give a **** about academics, I've had so many drug councellors with 10 years *academic* experience and they didn't really know squat, it was all textbook rhetoric.

No one sets out to become addicted, it's a matter of circumstance with most.  Me, on the other hand I did it to myself freely (early 20s guitarist in a band and you know us musicians... we're a lost cause!lol) and I'm an addict and will always be an addict, I'm no better than anybody, I'm just working on bettering me and if I can help other people I help myself along the way (hell, that's a win/win situation).  Communication and honesty are very important, not narcissism.  I don't thrive on anything negative anymore, and I don't live in regret either (at least I'm working on that).  I've had an extremely unusual life, lived in 7 different states in the past 10 years and been everything from a tattoo artist to a casino security guard and I've met a helluva lot of people, some good some bad, it'a all par for the course.

I don't know, just that uppity 'better than everyone' here vibe really gave me a bad taste in my mouth.  I don't do flame wars, I'm passive on the internet, it's in person that I'm intimidating!  I just thought I'd put in my 2 cents even though I'm not a total regular but not *newbie* either.  And I hate breaking into threads where there's a bona-fide good question.

Best thing about being clean: making it through my day w/o being spung out and wanting to kill somebody!  Playing basketball again and getting a tan.  Picking up the guitar and riffing out, writing songs, doing tattoos and just plain out giving a **** about things again!  Taking walks at night with my girlfriend and sleeping naturally... sleep has been so taken for granted.  Life can be cool if you give it a chance...

[twiceain'tnice]

YES!!!I started these by perscription and have been to detox, ct by myself all that ****.Did it any way I could.  I am an addict, and I too am learning to smell the roses.  They smell good( a little weird haha)! This forum, minus the occasional bserrs helped me thru my last home ct and i could not have done it without it.  Read what you must and take with you what can help. And always know you are never alone. Best wishes to you!

[lisabet]

Hey you, great post!!! And you're absolutely right, doesn't matter if you're f***** filty rich or middle-working class, or a bum, drugs effects us all in the exact same way (an equal opportunity affliction, I think...)...smile.  You're scaring me, though, about musicians being a "lost cause"; my 16-year old son is a musician and it seems to be all he cares about...smile.   But I see where you're coming from.  At least you care about helping others who have fell into the same trap as yourself. Sounds like you have a lot of "life experience" crammed into your young self, but IMHO, that leads to wisdom in itself.  Most of the people here also have a lot of life experience, and are very caring and supportive. As for breaking into the threads, "Break on in" - it's usually the only way to post a question, since the forum only takes a question or two a day....we all do it.  Sounds like you're doing great...we need inspiration here, all we can get.  Keep posting. Love, lisabet

[bmac]

You said 'Did you ever think that this lack of self-control might have something to do with your drug habit? '
What drug habit are you referring too! My addiction/dependence all started in a doctors office just like yours. My habit was letting surgeons cut into my body and fuse and cut away and butcher my bones and joints, so to hear you refer to my addiction caused by your type makes me think maybe the medical profession you adore so much maybe one small cause in my drug habit as you say. But since we are buds now I will just let that slide for now. So seriuosly why do you think your story with meds makes you a pain patient with legal scripts and mine just drug addiction? I never crush,snort,shoot or take my meds other than prescribed so what is the problem here? Oh I get it now, you just need someone to keep responding back so you will have something to say! OK guys now I get it, Im suppose to just ignore him. Now I get it!  Bmac(AntiAethistDude) LOL

[bmac]

One more thing I forgot, lack of self control?Isn't this calling the kettle black? Once again BRO you can dish it out but can't take it but hey most Satanist are that way, it's called wishy washy here in Bama. Thanks! Your AntiAethistDude!
Wishy washy: like hot and cold or even luke warm. Like saying one thing and really meaning another(that one nailed ja)
God knows I just love addiction! LOL

[Expillman]

Satan is your god, not mine.  Atheists do not believe in any supernatural beings, including the christian god satan.  

Please refrain from spreading misinformation.  BTW, you are making my point.  I stopped.  Put your rage on a shelf, Bill.  I don't think you can.  I don't think you have any self control at all.   There is just ONE WAY to show me up to be wrong.

Think, Bill.....

[twiceain'tnice]

We all know where this guys at, if we stop responding he'll go away and bother other folks.  Hey, hows everyone doing?  I'm happy to be here.  Took my son rollerblading yesterday AND swimming.  What a crack up he is, I forgot how cool this mom stuff is and thank GOD I am here to enjoy it.  Getting energy back but it definitely took a while.  All you who have been here for a long time THANKS.  I like coming in and reading whats real.  I have had some cravings but have managed to not use.  Gosh it is hard sometimes (all the time) but I hope it will continue to get better.

[AmberHunter]

ok... i am having a pretty shitty day... work **** and issues and personalities...

i try to stay authentic to who i am as a person, my beliefs, my likes and dislikes etc... and sometimes when i do so and it may unsettle people it makes me feel bad about myself a little bit...

low self-esteem goes way back to my childhood and my feeling different. now i guess i suffer from terminal uniqiness (didn't spell that right! lol)

anyhow, i guess i am more or less on my pity pot... and i haven't been on it for sometime and i don't like sitting on it! so i guess i have to find a way to get up off of it...

if i am not making a damned bit of sense feel free to just ignore me! i will understand.

peace,

amber

[percsnomas]

Hi Amber,

Sorry you are having one of those days.
I'm just glad you found us here, as I've always enjoyed your posts..............i hope your days improves!!!

percs

[Expillman]

I see.  OTHER Individuals go OUTSIDE this Forum to a private web site, bring the PERSONAL views of an individual into this Forum, CALL HIM AN IDIOT BECAUSE HE IS AN ATHEIST and that is MY responsibility, is that what you are saying?

Bizarre......

[twiceain'tnice]

I have been reading your posts since I decided to go ct again and they helped me so much.  Remember,things get better  everyone has shitty days, not just us.  You are an awesome person who has helped many, hang in there! Hey how about that Martha Stewart??

[bmac]

Rage on the shelf, I thought that was rage against the machine not the shelf. You don't have to get all mushy with me, I don't like aethist and I don't like satanist and you and somewhere in the middle, you just don't see it or won't admit it. And about the anger thing, I am not angry, Christ gave his life so I wouldn't have to defend myself to your kind. Believe it or not!
So to answer your request, I am through posting to a Kenite so goodbye expillgoaystardude! Good foe though! Bmac

[skipper]

hey xpillman:
speaking as one atheist to another...you are truely an a**hole. your belief system aside, why can't you just be a little bit nicer to people who are suffering from the the same problems as you are. ya' know you can assault someone or you can offer up a helping hand... it's real hard to do both at the same time... or maybe the rest of us are overlooking how truely "special" and "different" you are.

at any rate, i will pray for you, and care about you, and even though you (and i) are atheists, there just isn't one damm thing you can do about it!

so...keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[Kurt Cobain]

Gotta laugh at that last part. . .and you know what?  Seems like human biochemistry doesn't really give a RAT'S ASS what we, as addicts, believe or disbelieve in.  If any of us were any "better", more "saved", or just plain more "right" than any others of us, then we wouldn't have the problem of addiction in the first place. . .would we?  And we CERTAINLY wouldn't have such friggin' nightmare withdrawals. . .

I don't know if it was Jesus, or Buddha, or Mohammed, or even John Lennon that said, "Lo, I command you not to be Assholes unto one another," but I'm sure they all had the same thought.  Enlightenment is enlightenment no matter what language it's spoken in.

Peace,

Kurt

[NotDarkYet]

Religion, wow a touchy subject... I've always thought we create our own heaven and hell, it's all right here before our eyes and what we do it with life and how we treat others.  I believe in karma and I think anything is possible, whom am I to judge how someone may view the world.  Organized religion kind of scares me, sometimes it seems more like a cult.  I was raised a Catholic and we seemed to mourn our faith more than celebrate it.  But I believe in a higher power, I guess I'm just a spiritualist.

don't believe in buddha
don't believe in kings
don't believe in zimmerman
don't believe in elvis
don't believe in beatles
just believe in me

-the John Lennon comment made me do it!  :-)

[Kurt Cobain]

Thanks. . .it's refreshing to hear someone besides myself have some of the same views.  I, too, was raised Catholic (but now am recovering), and still believe that most "organized" religion has very little to do with spirituality and lots to do with getting/keeping a certain class or kind of people "up" and another just as firmly "in their place".  Keep in mind that my wife is a Christian minister of a medium-sized suburban church. . .and, after 7 years' Seminary training, has come to many of the same conclusions I have.  Tolerance. . .what a concept, huh?  Keep the faith. . .

Peace,

Kurt

[rodewc]

Thx for the many encouraging words and positive mental images many have shared with me and others.

I am not as far along in recovery as you, hippee, but I have had some experiences w/ cortisone shots (sp). My dad would have one when he could no longer stand the Bursitis (sp) in his shoulder. Dad was not a complainer and after one of these shots, he seemed like a new man. The same happened w/ my youngest brother and his elbow. Then, when it was suggested that a corisone shot on my heel migh alleviate this heel pain, I discovered 2 things:
1. If the shot was "dead on," the pain did disappear. I was a new woman.
2. If the "needle" missed, the cortisone shot may as well have been a placebo.
(I have tried cortisone shots 3-4 times in 3 years)

Not knowing beans about cortisone though, I was bragging about how such a shot removed pain when the 'hit the spot.' My older brother, a neonatologist, remarked that those shots turn "bones to mush" and "they should only be an option in dire straits."

I respect my brother's opinion, though he has always leaned to the conservative side of things: politics, medicine, religion.

Another friend (not a medical person) told me that bone spurs move about and eventually dissolve.

Thanks to those of you who recommended to me earlier.. what to do about these DEEEEP knee aches, especially noticeable at night. I am taking many deep soaks and also long walks and runs on the beach. I also swim a.m., so the aches are not for lacka exercise.

The heating pad works well at night when I dont want to waken the family running hot baths. Also dousing myself in the bedside baby powder helps stave off the heebie jeebies too.

Good books when not sleeping are excellent distractors. I have garnered invaluable info here, and am eternally grateful, but after months of this, shouldn't there be a symtom free night? (for a good sleep)

It is a minor complaint, making me feel petty for mentioning it.

`rw`c`

[NEW ORLEANS LADY]

You are one of my many inspiriations--I was in the medical profession many moons ago.  I worked for an orthopedic surgeon and cortisone shots were standard treatment for tennis elbow--It's is just like rodewk said if they "hit the spot" it's like a miracle--Immediately after the injection you should ice it down.  Sorry rode no offense to your brother but cortisone is not a drug of last resort--at least not to the orthopedists--We injected shoulders, knees, heels, elbows, ects.  It is a wonderful treatment for arthritis--High doses of oral steroids can be dangerous such as the kind they prescribe for chronic asthma, especially if they are used for an extended period of time--They can cause avascular necrosis
(lack of blood supply) especially in the hip joints--but the orthopods used such a small amount it was never a cause for concern--We would also mix the cortisone with marcaine which is a deadening medicine so the injection wouldn't hurt going in.  They also make "tennis elbow straps" which seems to take the pressure off of the tendon--I don't remember ever "casting" anyone for tennis elbow.  Anyway I hope this helps--I sorry you're having a rough time with this--I know tennis elbow can be very painful and to have a bad shoulder to boot--my prayers are with you hippi---Good Luck--Peace prayers N.O. Lady/Mystere

Anne

[MethMan]

Evening, Hippy dude!
Sorry I'm responding THIS far down in the threads, but hey... and open spot is an open spot!
I wanted to add something to the conversation regarding your "alternatives" to opiate use for your shoulder.
I'm obviously no doctor, but it appears to me that since your shoulder hurts most when you wake up, perhaps a circulation issue may be exasurbating the problem.
Suzie B touched on the "Sports Med" issue.  Have you tried whirlpool therapy for your shoulder in conjunction with steriod use?  I know it sounds like pushing a mountain with a shovel, but if your shoulder circulation were increased, you MAY find some benefit from it.
I know when I was playing football, after a monster linebacker pounded me, I couldn't WAIT to get to the whirlpool!  Plus, whirlpools have an added benefit!  Chicks, Hippy.  HIPPY CHICKS!
Think of the pain THOSE can remove!
Peace,
Methman

[Expillman]

How many times are you going to enter a F-I-N-A-L message with YET ANOTHER PERSONAL ATTACK and then state that you are "through" with me?

Is your attention span just that short?

Your insult is THIS, for those who don't know.  A Kenite, according to the christian mythology is the result of the sexual union between Eve and the so called serpent who was supposed to be/represent Satan in the garden.

You have the nerve to characterize me as an "*******" or sick, or whatever.  

One more shitty message at me and the gloves are coming off again.  This is a promise.

Expillman

[MethMan]

I wonder how much of this we will have to endure. 90% of the threads are now taken up, people are not getting any answers (Not that I could answer them, but SOMEONE here could) and our fellow addicts are being turned off from their own people at an increasing and alarming rate.
It is a sad state of affairs, this thing.  And coming from someone as full of it as I am, something HAS to be wrong.
I regret taking up another thread with this post but felt compelled to do so as I've grown somnolent of the constant barage of ill-mannered, redundant prose which burdens no one but our brothers in struggle.  Even I know the meaning of "Uncle".
Please stop.  You're beginning to hurt people.

PEACE,
Methman

[Kurt Cobain]

I couldn't agree more, Meth.  I have a lot of patience, but these people going back and forth at each other is the most juvenile kind of pissing contest, and one which no one will win.  You're right -- it's the people that *really* need help who come here that will suffer -- not like I *don't* need help, but I'm at least past the acute withdrawal phase that so many seem to come here in.

Fellas, let me add my voice, for what it's worth, to the others who have spoken and feel the same way (and for the others who may feel that way too but are too disgusted to comment): please just DROP this whole thing.  If you don't like each other then just STOP BAITING each other and taking childish passive-aggressive shots.  It's not only counter-productive, it's just embarassing.

PEACE.

Kurt

[Rdytoquit]

HArd to get on here! Last night I posted and was asked if the 400mg plus of oxycontin I take each day is for pain. Yes I take it for pain but even if I have a "good day" I still take my meds. I take one 80mg one 40mg and 2 5mg I/R every 6 to 8 hours. One time I was without my meds and was in another state 500 miles from home and my doctor. After 48 hours I knew what true pain was! Just the feeling of panic was almost uncontrolable! I feel like the drug that gave me back the control of my life, now has taken control! Before taking the oxy I never used any other drug other than a beer now and again! Sad about all of the fighting going on here, you all sound like you have so much to offer!

[Kurt Cobain]

Glad you got through. . .I take it from your post that you want to quit the narcs?  Aside from the time you mentioned, have you ever had any other withdrawal experiences?  What condition gives you the chronic pain?  Don't want to bombard you with too many questions all at once, just any background you can offer would be helpful.  Briefly, I have abused prescription narcotics off and on, for pain and for naught, from about age 17 to 34 -- half my life.  Thanks to being busted for prescription forgery 13 months ago, I managed to put together 13 months clean, and try to just get through one day at a time (as much of a cliche that is, it really is the way I do it).  Don't be put off by recent "incidents" here between several people. . .it seems to just happen from time to time, I guess.  I'm just glad to be talking about something that actually has to do with the purpose of this BB. . .write back as you can with as much of your story as you feel comfortable telling.  There ARE many caring, experienced people here who have helped me tremendously already.

Peace,

Kurt

[dancinginthedark]

Oh, bravo!  Finally, someone with the stones to "stand up"...ahem to the power that thinks he be.

I hadn't been back here for about a wk. & jumped on Sat. & saw all kinds of mayhem afoot.  Rather stunning, to say the least. As soon as I saw it from expillNOTman, I had the proverbial, ah ha moment.  While MH has always been my fave forum, our Fiorinal thread was forced to move after brouhaha many mos. ago.  Apparently we used too much bandwith (and we do!) & we have unlimited at DA.  However, at DA, I'd noticed a few posts & attempts from the goatmonster to start a new thread.  Prob is, no one, NOT one responded.  Ppl there are very welcoming & when I saw one of his interjected in the middle of a F thread/conversation, I thought, now Judes, he's trying to relate to us so give him a break.

I'll have to translate his post:  This post is about me & I stopped a 3 yr. 240-300 mg. Oxy habit - easy as pie except a few days - and LOOK AT ME!  Aren't I great!  I thought we could start a thread about ME, ME, ME.  I'm not an addict but we could talk about ME!

Did he ask for any help?  No.  Did he proffer any?  No.  From his posts there, it's obvious the only thing he wanted to talk about was me, myself & I.  Ah, I wonder if he ever read about the legend of Narcissus?  Methinks not.  Or if he did, it clearly wasn't about ME because I'm SO FABULOUS & if anyone isn't sure, they only need ask me.

God help us all.

I again stayed away from Sun. on 'til today & went back to try again & couldn't figure out why virtually all the top 10 threads were closed.  I did a quick check of 1/2 of them & his contributions - HA! were from 28-42% of the total msgs posted per thread.  And no, I didn't count the ppl who responded to him.

This represents a complete & total disregard for the time & frustration level all members have to waste on such piffle, not to mention a completely unacceptable & frankly, disgusting lack of respect for Cindy & Phil.   How could I feel disgusted with myself? I'm a narcissist!!

Kurt you brought up an excellent point about ignoring him.  Hey, he kept interjecting msgs at DA & they were so self serving, NO ONE responded to him, which is not like those folks.  Sat. a.m. he posted twice & then disappeared...uh...here!  (WhatcanIsay?)But clearly, ignoring him worked beautifully.  Look at his pathetic ego, no doubt almost as withered as his ****.  He cannot bear to be ignored!  He *needs* attention & if he has to behave like an a-hole to get it, he will.  At DA, he was not untoward, apart from his arrogance & narcissism but he wasn't getting any response - not one - to his posts & hapless efforts to start new threads.  

When I was stalked - of the Movie of the Week ilk! - I learned from the cops & Gavin de Baeker's office that the stalkee ;-) MUST NOT ENGAGE.  In a nutshell, you've got a wacko calling, following etc.  You ignore his calls for a long time & finally out of frustration you call back on the 30th call, you've taught the stalker a lesson.  The price of getting your attn. is 30 phone calls.

This guy has to go & we can expedite this by ignoring him but I do* think Cindy & Phil will help us because they don't want this mayhem afoot.  

Sorry for the bandwith I've used.  It's been rather tight this week, hasn't it?

Cheers, guys,

Judes

[Expillman]

Kurt you brought up an excellent point about ignoring him. Hey, he kept interjecting msgs at DA & they were so self serving, NO ONE responded to him, which is not like those folks. Sat. a.m. he posted twice & then disappeared...uh...here! (WhatcanIsay?)But clearly, ignoring him worked beautifully. Look at his pathetic ego, no doubt almost as withered as his ****.
---------------------------------------------------------

Obviously you didn't think it excellent for long, did you.

Congrats, hypocrite.  


Gloves off.

[Kurt Cobain]

Hey Judes! (sorry, couldn't resist. . .I'm a Beatles nut)

Point well taken. . .especially about the "ignoring" part.  People whom you just don't like on the Internet are just about the only problems in this life that will just go away if they are ignored.  We should all take advantage of that.

Having said that, I am not "in defense" of or "in support" of anyone (since I believe that everyone in this great nation of ours, myself CERTAINLY included, has the unalienable Right to Be an *******).  However, assholery (and yes, it is now a verb, because I say so :) IS a two-way street.  Just the fact that we don't like or agree with someone is NOT an excuse to deliberately, in a sneaky, roundabout passive-aggressive fashion, actually PROLONG THE AGONY.  In other words, just because you have the RIGHT to be an ******* does not mean you have to EXERCISE that right so frequently.

And, although I've delivered my Rant on "religion" and "spirituality" elsewhere on this board (I think it's under the SECOND of the duplicate "ESH" threads that slipped by -- one that mysteriously closed, BTW -- if anyone cares), I just can't keep this to myself any longer -- seems like if this is a battle between an "atheist" and a "Christian", then maybe the one whose Boss said 'way back when to "turn the other cheek" ought to be the one to just, quietly, let it end.

Peace,

Kurt

[Kurt Cobain]

Sorry, must still be in post-acute withdrawal (or early Alzheimer's. . . :), but my aforementioned rant on religion and spirituality was NOT on the second "ESH" thread (that's THIS one. . .duh), but the first thread on the board, which has since been closed.  Again, if anyone cares.  Is there a full moon just now or something?

Peace,

Kurt

[lisabet]

Guy, why don't you just go away?  You're actually starting to bore everyone. Even Bmac, along with the other guys you've been trading barbs with, is beginning to tire of you. Don't you see you're just turning into a joke here?  This is supposed to be a substance abuse forum, ai: SUPPORT!!!  Take your bullshit somewhere else! We are NOW officially TIRED of you.  As for myself, I try - really-really try to see the good in everyone, and I honestly tried to see the good in you, but now I (along with everybody else I'm sure) am just tired of your ****!!! This is my last post to you or about you; it's time to move on to the business at hand which IMO is getting and giving support to people truly in need.  You are now invisible to me.  Lisabet

[Expillman]

Guy, why don't you just go away? You're actually starting to bore everyone. Even Bmac, along with the other guys you've been trading barbs with, is beginning to tire of you. Don't you see you're just turning into a joke here? This is supposed to be a substance abuse forum, ai: SUPPORT!!! Take your bullshit somewhere else! We are NOW officially TIRED of you. As for myself, I try - really-really try to see the good in everyone, and I honestly tried to see the good in you, but now I (along with everybody else I'm sure) am just tired of your ****!!! This is my last post to you or about you; it's time to move on to the business at hand which IMO is getting and giving support to people truly in need. You are now invisible to me. Lisabe---
---------

Then why did you bother to make this post?

[dancinginthedark]

Hey Judes! (sorry, couldn't resist. . .I'm a Beatles nut)

Don't!  Even tho I believe I'm officially Judith - clearly too much demerol for mom at my birth - starting with my grandfathers & Dad, I was always Judes.  And then in school, college, clients & so on & on.  I'm resigned & rather like it!

Hey Sailor (sorry, couldn't resist, the fleet was in)

Point well taken. . .especially about the "ignoring" part. People whom you just don't like on the Internet are just about the only problems in this life that will just go away if they are ignored. We should all take advantage of that.

I agree but how to get "across the board" cooperation?  (Hey, not bad pun, n'est-ce pas?)

Having said that, I am not "in defense" of or "in support" of anyone (since I believe that everyone in this great nation of ours, myself CERTAINLY included, has the unalienable Right to Be an *******).

Any Rand as perhaps the one who plante that seed...right?  Rest easy my friend, I've read everything she wrote, her followers, participated in study grps, etc.

However, assholery (and yes, it is now a verb, because I say so :)

That cracked me up completely because I always make up words because like, I wanna 'n stuff...

IS a two-way street. Just the fact that we don't like or agree with someone is NOT an excuse to deliberately, in a sneaky, roundabout passive-aggressive fashion, actually PROLONG THE AGONY. In other words, just because you have the RIGHT to be an ******* does not mean you have to EXERCISE that right so frequently.

Precisely.  But an egomaniac has the unalienable ability to only see his or her own fabulousness.  You've been around this brd for ages & for me, almost a yr., & we tend to really cut ppl slack at the beginning.  The last know-it-nothing we had, BSills, came across as aggressive, rude, et alL, was eventually chased away & while she certainly turned the board upside down, she didn't quite match expilly's rude, obnoxious, arrogant & narcissitic behavior.  And she too was queen of the posts, filling every thread, tho not quite with the enthusiasm HE has extended twd this cause.

And, although I've delivered my Rant on "religion" and "spirituality" elsewhere on this board (I think it's under the SECOND of the duplicate "ESH" threads that slipped by -- one that mysteriously closed, BTW -- if anyone cares),

Yeah, I do.  I'd love to read someone's "hypothesis" that just might agree with mine & if not?  Ah, vive la difference, n'est-ce pas?  I loathe dogmatism.  Sir William Osler once said.  

"The greater the ignorance
The greater the dogmatism"

Doesn't that just make your soul sing?

I just can't keep this to myself any longer -- seems like if this is a battle between an "atheist" and a "Christian", then maybe the one whose Boss said 'way back when to "turn the other cheek" ought to be the one to just, quietly, let it end.

Amen.

BTW; that msg above from expillmaniac is rather confusing but then I am a blonde....SIGH!  I have no idea what he meant, whether he expected an answer, well, that would necessitate me having a clue, as opposed to no clue what the heck he was trying to say.  Am I having an uber blonde moment?

Well, at any rate, he's toast.  

Ciao for now,

Judes

[doner]

I have read through most of the threads which happened to be mostly filled at the so I am hoping to find you down here somewhere.I am battling a methadone addiction and you seem to be the most qualified(by experience)to give out some advice if it suits you.I read you post on 6/4 that after 7 mos you still werent feeling quite right. I chose methadone on my own free will to quit tabs and oxcycotin. The reason I chose this route is because I have access to an unlimited supply and felt it best to go through the psycological withdrawl first and then the physical. I have no access to meds to help with withdrawls nor do I have legit pain. Although I have formulated my own personal plan to remove this drug from my body it so far have been successful. My reason for wanting your input is because not many people here have been addicted to meth.I have only been on it for about 6-7 mos but started at too high of a dose.80mgs then dropped to 40 w/o much pain then to 20mgs and got stuck. Finally had to go for it and dropped 5mgs off. Quite painful but needed to be done to complete my plan. I am going in 2 wk increments. Week one of 15mgs was hell but I feel much better through week 2.In the start of week 2 I felt good and considered dropping again but worried that too much constant pain would dicourage me.This coming Monday I will be taking 2.5mgs off my daily dose and am hoping it wont be as painful as the last drop but feel confident in my plan as I have not taken even one extra dose. The reason I come to you is you have had experience in this area and would like to learn what you know and your experience with this if you are willing to share it with me. As of now I am physically comfortable but extremely depressed almost to the point that I am scaring myself. Today I have learned of a few vitamins that I will be picking up tomorrow.Seems few people  in this forum have had much experience methadone. Any notes/facts or advice would be appreciated.Thank you for your time and most importantly CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU ON YOUR SUCCESS. You have my utmost respect.Truly yours,Melissa

[Kurt Cobain]

Thanks for the words. . .as a former English Writing major, I'm almost ashamed to say I have not yet read anything by Ayn Rand (please don't hate me).  You wouldn't perhaps be an English major yourself, perchance?  Blonde moments or no, you have a lively writing style. . .don't be a stranger (but I've a feeling this thread is about to close, so I'll catch up with you elsewhere, I suppose. . .)

Peace,

Kurt

[hippy]

i was wondering why you copy peoples post.

there is nothing wrong with people having thier say when it comes to your posting here,
i was wondering if you really care about the suffering addicts who come here for some releif.
i would hope that you do  and  that tou could see your way past
the negitivity you have aroused, i am not blaming you for peoples negitive response's, but i would think if you cared you
could change a little to fit in .that is a simlpe definition of recovery CHANGE.
i would hope that your heart is in the right place and that you do care about new people showing up here looking for answers.
It would be nice to see you surrender enough to  help this fourm
get back to doing what it does best.
you said you wee a big man and a strong man , and it takes a strong man to change, i know you have been going through a lot with the withdrawls and your loss.
i really would love to see you put all you energy into kindness.
no matter waht any one say negitive to you, it takes a strong man to do that. in time as you stay clean and share you experence ,strenght and hope you can help others .
it is apperent that you have something to ffer positive.
It would be nice to see that come to frutaition.
thomas's receip has been invaluable  for addicts going cold turkey. mr michael s information and experence has invalueable.
bmac has been a, and is a good man .
but as is with most addicts they don't take wel to put downs ,
and being contradicted, as i am sure you feel the same.
in recovery it is an important lesson to accept people where they
are, acceptance of the truth can be hard to swallow.
if you are going to stick around it would be nice to see you not react to any negitivety, with the same.
it takes courage to change, it's not easy, i think your here for a reason, we all can learn, and we can all make the world a better place. it is my hope that you can be part of the solution
around here.we reap what we sow and i hope you are able to sow goodness, no matter waht anyone else post.
it is my hope  that you can put to use any positive informs\ation
you have , to make this fourm a better place , then before you got here,
it's not a pleasent sight to reap negitivety, so i hope
things change, lives may depend on it and the lives of children are at stake in these situations,
eaqch day is a new begining and  we all need to be able to say we ahve been wrong, and that we need help, that we get lost sometimes. That we are sorry. or we don't know.
it's our pride that does not allow us to admit these things,
and it is humilty that allows us to embrace these things,
i hope things change for the better around here , we all have
been wasting space here at the fourm the past 5 days.

in the mean time i would like to know who you are , and  how
you are making out

KINDNESS KINDNESS KINDNESS--------HIPPY
HOPE TO BE HEAING FROM YA.
ps. sorry for the bad grammer and spelling