EVIL

this drug is playing tricks with our minds body and soul we just want to die why did i give this evil to my beautful wife no sleep again  tonight  it is so painful thought we were getting but we are in hell i hate H but i still feel desire for it 7 days we pray to god we can make this      ..........................................................................8days

[jt808]

hey bud be strong man uve made it ths far keep fighting and ull kick this stuffs azz.. were all countn on u and no tht u can and will do this. u gota be strong for ur girl. god bless bro, and keep postn ill be here all nite with ya i cant slp either. i havent replyed to any ur other posts but belive me i have been following u and thnkn bout u 2. take care and here come 8!!!!!!

[dominosarah]

You can make this.  Just keep fighting.  Your mind is just playing tricks on you.  That is all it is.  Dont let the devil win.  You dont want to be a prisoner to this drug anymore.  I know we keep telling you it will get better and it will.  It is he!! right now but you have the strength and determination to kick this.  It takes time to flush all the poison out of our system.  Just hang in there and keep fighting........sara

[10356]

Hi james kim I'm so sorry that you both are suffering so physically.. and that your thoughts are consumed by the b!tch.. But I'm heartened to read of the expectations of another day clean :) The first time I had gone through ct on this forum.. I had posted what is sleep ? It was about 3:am not sure exactly but nobody was here..I was miserable and could only think of how much I needed to sleep.. The Great Grebo responded to me.. You will get enough sleep when you are dead... Although I have only seen her post a few times.. I will always be grateful for her words.. They brought home to me that I had time to figure out the things I was doing that were not working for me... it gave me the strength to be grateful I had this time to focus on what I wanted and what I needed to do to make this work for me.. I'm grateful for her blunt words.. I thought I would pass this on as a way to think about something for you and kim both.. You both have a plan or you would not be fighting so hard.. I would love to see you accomplish your goal.... Turn your thought else where the mind is a powerful tool.. My kindest regards and love for you both.. warmly lesa

[Jacqui805]

James!  You are EIGHT days clean man, good for YOU...and Kim!!!  I know what you're going through, and I know it's AWFUL, it's TORTURE, but the only way to get through it is with time, support, and determination.  You've got all three man.  Don't give into something you're already winnin' the battle for.  Your brain IS playin' tricks on you dude...it IS.  YOU, thank God, are able to recognize how far you've come and that you don't want to go back.  This is a battle for your LIFE James.  It ends one way or the other, and you are taking charge and livin' it on YOUR terms!  You may not feel too powerful right now James, but you ARE powerful!  You came HERE for support so you can fight, instead of just givin' in.  You ARE fighting and if you keep it up, you WILL win!  

It is so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now James, I know.  I remember being exactly in your shoes and in horrendous pain.  My anxiety was through the roof.  I was restless as he!! and I hadn't even slept one single minute at this point.  I wanted to DIE.  BUT...at the same time, I wanted to live.  I THOUGHT I wanted to die, but what I really wanted was for those awful symptoms to go away.  YOU don't really want to die, or to use Heroin again James, YOU just want these symptoms to go away.  The good news is that there is a total CURE for them and you will have it with just some more time.  So many times I wanted to die through my w/d's James....they were LONG.  I swear it took forever and I came here and begged for help and someone to talk to and help me distract myself from how I was feeling.  I wanted hope that things would get better.  Some great people here gave me all of that.  They got me through it.  They will help you get through it too James.  Keep talking, keep writing, keep everything you can until you're feeling better.  You just keep doin' whatever it takes to keep you on the track that will lead you out of that tunnel.  

It is SO much brighter on the other side James.  You and Kim will REVEL in it when you see it.  Not IF you see it, but WHEN you see it James.  YOU CAN DO THIS.  YOU CAN DO THIS.  

We are here for you James and Kim.

Jacqui

[SophieShine]

Come on James,
Hang in there.
Remember how strong you felt a couple of days ago when you sent that guy to hell cuz he was trying to dell you stuff?
THAT'S HOW STRONG YOU ARE.
Go take a good walk, call your brother, or go get a good long warm shower. It does miracle.
Think about all you've been thru. You don't wanna go there no more.
YOU ARE STRONG.
YOU ARE GONNA MAKE THIS

Keep posting. We are all there for you guys.
Sunny hugzzzz crossing the channel.....again!!! LOL
XXX

[stilltrying1965]

Thanks to everyone who sent us hope and encouragement. We just wanted to die we thought the worst was over but it comes and goes in waves. This is the hardest thing we have had to do in our lives but it is only to prepare for something harder just reading your msgs of support take our mind off it for a while. THANK YOU James and Kim

[dominosarah]

We might be a bazillion miles apart but we are there with you and Kim in spirit.  Im going to do another happy dance for you!!!!  Keep it going!!!!         sara

[Jacqui805]

It IS the hardest thing I have ever done in my whole life too James.  That's what makes it all the more sweet when you get through it.  You appreciate every single damned day like you never have before.  I swear colors are brighter, things seem more possible, and optimism is the word.  It is an awful journey to get there, and once you've reached the end of the tunnel you look back and go, "There's no way I EVER want to go through THAT again!"  One of these days, YOU will be uttering a big, "WHEW!"  and you will start to be able to enjoy your life again.  Until then, we are all holding you up and fighting with you James and Kim.  We understand how bad it is and how you feel.  We all look forward to the day you report that you are so much better guys...we willl Hip Hip Hooray with you!

[10356]

You are right on james kim... this is to prepare for something harder.. and through this you will gain strength and courage for the battle ahead.. This is what made you reach out.. Good on you friend.. We can use our mind to manipulate a eskimo into buying a freezer.. imagen what you can manipulate when you are clean..  I know your goal this is the only way to accomplish it..  Hang tough friend you are on your way...

[scaredmom330]

James,

We all are here for you, even in spirit only...I pray for you and kim daily...yall all are gonna beat this and before you know it, you will be on here giving advise to the young ones fighting the same fight....8 days is such an accomplishment and I am so proud of you, I wish I was there so I could hug you both....You are in the fight for your life right now, dont let that devil H back in...you can do this, I have faith in you...be strong my son.....sending all my strenght to yall..

gentle hugs
Karen

[gizzy32]

Can you believe you and your wife are 1 week clean today? James that desire for H will still be there in another week, but your physical is almost over. I know the sleep and energy take longer to come back and cravings from hell, but i promise it gets better. Remember you are fighting for your life, your families life and it's not easy, it's painful and I am sure moments of complete insanity, but that is normal. You have come so far and I now look forward to reading your posts and checking on you and so do many others. Keep fighting, your showing signs of improvent and it will continue to get better. It's ok to have weak moments, you have us here to hold you up. Stay strong James.

[LIZZIE LOU]

i am sooooooo proud of what the two of you have accomplished ! ! ! !

i know that you feel like hell...but try your d@mndest to force yourself outside and walk...as soon and as much as possible.  walking is a natural way to release those "wonderful" endorphins...actually making you feel better, more alive :)   walking has also been shown to aid in depression.

i CANNOT stress enough, the need for you and kim to get involved with some kind of therapy / counseling / na or aa meetings.  you two have been through the PHYSICAL part of your recovery...it is imperative that you address and be ready for the MENTAL part as well.  living clean and sober is something that you will have to learn to do all over again

you are whipping the devil...keep on keeping on :)

lizzie lou (kim)

[steveo30]

these drugs have a way of saying,you've been doing so well what can a couple bags do,it's a little voice that dosen't like to leave where he's been so comfortable for so long.he will always be there but we have the capability of quieting him down to a whisper.hang in there kim and james,your on the road to freedom

[steveo30]

hard to do but excellent advice,everytime i got out and went for a walk i would feel better.mentally it can be hard to get motivated.where the body goes the mind will follow

[stilltrying1965]

Thanks for your advice and concerns they help greatly and your right Kim could not get motivatated at all today just lay on the bed in pain but then forced herself to walk and she felt a lot better coz her rls is still bad and she gets it bad in her arms too and your also right about the emotions mines were all over the place when Kim went for a walk to her mums i was convinced she was scoring and was so paranoid and angry but i knew she hadnt just by looking into her eyes then felt so guilty for not trusting her. But hopefully every day is a step closer to FREEDOM something i have not tasted for a long time James

[faithnhope41]

James, you and Kim are warriors! Think of this as the hardest battle of your lives. 8 days baby! I know it's hard but part of you has to be proud.  The pain will stop and oh that euphoric feeling of not using sets in.  It's amazing how good clean feels. This wont be your last worst day, but you have a lot less of them ahead of you. Keep pushing on.
Lisa

[mtgoat911]

try na, i have been at an na convention all weekend, its kinda hard for the drugs to enter my though process when i am hanging out with people in recovery

[benzo1961]

hang in there and be strong you will beat this, just keep telling yourselves i can and will do this . god bless  jennifer