Easier said than done

[hopsing94]

Well as alot of you know by now I have relapsed and relapsed in a big way. I'm back up to 8-10 10/650's a day again. I was clean for two months before this. I don't need to hear what a ******* I am I already know that. After going through c/t withdrawls and tapering in the past I think the only way to end this cycle for good is aftercare. We all remember IBKleen and how she preached to us about aftercare. Well I am now a firm believer in this. For those of you trying to quit or going through w/d and tapering,please seek some sort of aftercare. I am going to a doctor on Tuesday the 22nd to start on suboxone. I just can't go through a 4-5 c/t withdrawl again. I can't take time off from work and really just can't stand the thought of going through it again. My plan is to take the sub for three weeks and start counseling after the first week. The doctor i'm going to requires it. So I guess the point of this is to say for most of us to be successful aftercare is the only way. I believe if I would have been going to counseling the last three months I would not be typing this.

[Firefaery1023]

Good Luck!! I feel your pain with relapsing because I have done it too many times.  I am here to hope I never go that road again and I think I am going to begin NA next week.  I know where there is a meeting Tuesday night.

[hopsing94]

Well today is better. I am very anxious to get started with this whole process. I want so badly to end all of this. In the past with other drugs I have been able to quit go through a 12 hour w/d (cocaine) and it was over. With these pain pills the withdrawl lasts so long its not so easy. I remember when i quit using coke I simply quit talking to the people that I did it with and got away from the connection. The addiction to pills lingers on so much longer,ateast for me it does. I think that is where the counseling is really going to help. Have a good day all.

[bubbaganoosh]

Can i ask what aftercare people recommend for methadone taper?

[Flutterby111]

Oh Man....do I feel your pain.  Gosh, relapse is the worst.  You know, my therapist told me that it's likely when we relapse that we're going to relapse harder than we did the previous time?  I know I did....perhaps the circumstance of losing my father prompted me to use so heavily, but before 4 percs were fine, now I'm up to 10 and 10 trams? WTF?  (((shaking my head)))  hate it.  I hope the best for you, and me, and all of us.  

[wait2long]

you have made an excellent decision, sub works, and especially with aftercare, it is the single most important thing you can do for yourself...aftecare is a must...care for yourself and make the necessary changes needed and you will succeed.
good luck to you...

[hopsing94]

I am amazed at the love in this forum. I wish I could mention everybody but i would probably leave someone out. Thank you all so much and I am going to keep you posted. I got a real nice email from Bonnie today. That really lifted my spirits. I can't tell you all how sick I was Sunday when I was playing with my daughter and I had to stop to take a pill. It hit me like a ton of bricks that I was depriving her of her real daddy. I broke down in tears Sunday night when I put her in bed. I could'nt look myself in the mirror nor could I look her in the eyes that night. You all are so wonderful and have really lifted me today and I am so looking foward to this appointment to get this detox started. I want to be able to look my daughter in the eyes and tell her I love her and know its me talking and not drugs. Thanks again everybody. I wish all the best to everyone here and hope everybody can beat the demon. I want to share this experience as I go through  it so that I may somehow be able to help someone else who is suffering from this horrible disease.

[allaboutmary]

Hey bud we've missed you ! Don't be so hard on yourself and keep us posted. Hugs,  Mary

[troubleinohio]

Hops Im so glad to see you posting again. You have been missed so much here! I wish you the best of luck in your journey and I hope the Sub and counseling gets you on the right path. xo xo  

[worried878]

Great to see you but sorry for the circumstance...I always wonder when someone goes MIA, what happened...like, r they ok and dont feel the need to post or are they not okay and do not feel the need to post...i did notice you went MIA hops...but i am glad u r back and it sounds like u have a plan...Aftercare like NA or AA is important...so important...posting is too I think...it helps me stay clean

[catmagnet]

I think I need counseling also, if he'll take me back as a patient. I just kind of disappeared on him but we didn't leave on bad terms or anything. I now realize I can't do this without more in-depth professional help, and I need to be honest with him I downplayed everything before. I'm not as bad as I was but I've relapsed somewhat.. I'm running out of time to do this. I'm disappointed in myself and you guys probably are too, now... =(

[Clamity2]

I went to my first shrink today in over 30 years. It's funny I didnt know anything about him and was super nervous. But come to find out he is an addict too and was so happy to find out about this site. I know we are supposed to find out why we used. So that is why I went. Hopefully he can help me honestly look at myself.
BE GOOD TO YOURSELF. Dont focus on your failures. Look at your victorys.

[toxictome]

Welcome Back!!   It's GREAT to see you posting  again!

AFTERCARE....AMEN!!!   LOL

When i  post....IT 'WORKS' IF YOU 'WORK' IT..

i am talking about aftercare...AA/NA mtgs, counseling, etc....

GOOD LUCK,BUDDY!!   YOU CAN DO IT!!

[GoingToMakeIt]

I cannot tell you how good I feel to see you back and on the right track. John, I have missed you. You are such a good man. You deserve the best in life and for that life to be a clean one. Your plan sounds solid. stick to it and to us. We need you too.

[mommy52713]

i cant agree with you more.I have struggled with pain pill addiction 4 over four years and have gone ct more than once only to go back to using because i have never gone to counseling  na -aa or for that matter gotten any kind of after care for my problem with addiction. i believe you are taking a huge step in the rigt direction best of luck to you

[spacecadette]

YES! YES! AND YES!!!!  Whew!! So happy you have seen the light!!! NOW you are in recovery.  All the best.

[Rose703]

You have an excellent plan in place and I applaude you for letting us know about your relapse. I would love to here more from you about how the Sub works and how you progress with your aftercare.

[avisg]

Ya know I am here for ya if ya need to chat. you can do this ...... the aftercare plan will really help,white knuckling it is almost impossible to do without relapse.
avis

[hopsing94]

Hey Steph there is something you can do. Can you tell me how long you took the sub and how did you quit taking it? I would like to hear your experience with it. Thanks John

[FLaddict]

You are on the right track... Make a plan and stick to it!!!  

With the right support system lined up you have much better odds at getting and staying clean.

If there is anything I can do, please don't hesitate to ask.

[mimi1313]

Ask flmagi and allaboutmary. They're both on it now.

[LIZZIE LOU]

you've admitted that you are powerless...

you're comitted to a plan...

i too... am a STRONG believer in aftercare...and have preached it repeatedly.  you are doing the right thing hops...you've got to come to terms with "why" you abuse.  

you're an awesome man...and i want to see you succeed :)  as i have also said..."you have to do whatever it takes"...and i see this happening for you!!!!!!

hugs,
kim

[hopsing94]

It really is nice to know when your down you can come here and not be judged. Instead you are just given encouragement and truths to help you recover. I gotta tell ya I am scared about trying the suboxone because of all the horror stories i've read about quitting that. I'm hoping by using what I learned from Bonnie and only using it for three weeks that I won't have to suffer again. I mean what is the point of using it if you still have to go through a withdrawl that is as bad or worse than the pills i'm taking. Thanks to everyone hear for just being hear to talk to. I see alot of new faces and some wonderful older ones too but you are all great. Thanks again--John

[Penelope14]

I agree how important aftercare is, this is what caused me to relapse over & over again, as I always thought I could handle this on my own. Im currently 10 days off methadone & I go to NA, & have a counselor who I speak to every other week. I hear alot of positive things regarding sub. I think this is a step in the right direction for you. Good Luck, I wish you success!!! Penelope

[road2recovery]

Good luck to you my friend....I am glad u are going to do aftercare, yes bonnie was right about that....I would not be 7 months without it, and this forum...
YOU can do this, keep in touch with us!!!
r2r