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Ecstasy - still feeling bad affects 8months after quitting

Hello, I was wondering if anyone cud offer me some advice.

Im 22 years old and used to take exstacy pills/odd lines of cocaine and have tried speed on a couple of occasions. In my lifetime I have probably only taken 20-25 pills but feel as if they may have caused permanent damage. I have allways been quite an anxiouse person and very sensisitive so its probably quite obviouse why im feeling bad effects and why I used them (for gained confidence.) But last December I experienced bizzarely the worst night of my life or one almighty blessing in desguise! I went to a glass house and took a few pills, but after my friends left early i started to experience some terrible bad effects, n i was all alone! basically I started hallucinating people rotting away all around me, felt a severe sence of disgust that what we were all doing was wrong, and all the people around me was basically on 1 way road to hell but only i cud c it if ya no wat i mean.... not just that, i then thought i was turning into the elephant man while my personality was being destroyed and i felt like i was gaining some sort of irreversable complex which cud lead to being trapped in sum psycosis hell. Then when i went outside to calm myself down my eyes started to flicker side to side uncontrolably, my head started feeling really numb, which then maid me think id burst a blood vessel in my brain. I basically thought i was dying and after a lot more drama n humiliation in the night club i went to hospital, which i stayed there for about 48 hours on an introvenouse drip goin cold turkey before my parents found out what had happened who then took me home.

Hope that ive told the story in a way you can all understand but so much happened it would take a whole novel to put across clearly lol!

So basically what im worried about now is that since quitting drugs (from that night) I feel very depressed (nothing in life seems to excite me). i keep getting overwhelming feelings of doom n gloom when eva i start feeling gud to bring me bak down, i cant seem to relax (like i cud used to hapily lay in bed n watch a dvd contently on a sunday afternoon say, hangovas are now like revovering from severe head injuries after being in a car crash, my vision is quite blurred n my head allways feels heavy (concentration is very hard), iv lost interest in women, my imagination is shot to pieces (i used to be easily pleased by simple things lol n on a bad day, day dreams wud bring me up n make me feel great - now i cant fantasize over anything and things such as meteorology/gaming/football which used to bring me much pleasure do very little now.)

I fear that iv either absolutly drained my self of seratonin or badly damaged there receptors. On the other hand i hope that its just a severe boubt of depression that will eventually go away..

So if anyone could shed some light on why im feeling this way or offer help i wud be very gratefull. many thanx :)
12 Responses
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Avatar universal
from how many times youv taken it, it would be hard to imagine a problem unless there was a drug interaction.  Your brains rewards system is just really miscalibrated.  dopamine and seratonin(coke & E).  Give it some time.  You could have mistakenly ingested a MAOI with E and caused some pretty bad damage up there, either way though, your brain chemistry gets better with time.  Theres people who do many times more than that, and have no problems.  Usually people report that things never seem the same after opiate addictions, never heard of this from E or coke.

See a doctor, see if anything is out of the norm.  What you are explaining is pretty much unheard of unless you accidentally took something nasty or had a conflict.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal

wow, i think youve hit the nail on the head their Sandman! '' Don't think about weather you'll be happy 10 minutes from now or not or wonder how long this "good moment" will last because it seems that simply by thinking about that you destroy the moment.''

But i still think there may be some seriouse damage done which is amplyfying my bad thoughts... i.maybe due to a lack of seratonin (like once i feel a good thought theres nothing to reward myself and back that good feeling up.) ii.ive permantly damaged receptors or changed the chemistry in my brain. iii.the blurred vision/extreme lack of concentration isng going away...  

lol, maybe im just depressed n anxiouse, maybe thats causing all these symptoms..

But Im guna heed the advice and go see the doctor and on a positive note i think i have a good platform to start with like quitting drugs smoking, have a stable home and am involved in lots of sporting activities.


Thanx everyone but Sandman I have found your advice very helpfull and warming, you havent sugar coated the truth and have possibly found me ansers out of one almighty mess lol!
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Avatar universal
no, iv neva taken any meds such as anti-depressant's.....

Lol soup youve got me quite worried now, the term 'e-tard' is quite horrific! shawly i cant be one of them after definatly takin no more than 25 pills over a 3 year perriod. For the fist couple of years I probably did e on about 8 occasions, no more than  1-2dropped a time..
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Avatar universal
From what you described, you did not take MDMA.  Typically the drugs you find on the street in pill forms contain anything from caffeine to crack.  If you were hallucinating from  E, you probably took a phenethylamine like 2-CI or 2-CB.  But either way, you probably had SOME e in there anyways.

The reason you still feel bad could possibly be to the time span that the drugs were taken in.  MDMA raises seratonin levels to extremely high levels.  When taken frequently, before your brain has a chance to bring its endogenous 5-HT system levels to normality, you take the drug again which sets you back even farther, eventually getting you to a point where your brain never fully recovers, hence the term "E-tard".

You also could have been experiencing a drug interaction.  MDMA when taken with MAOI inhibitors or SSRIs can have some odd effects.  MAOIs inhibit the breakdown of this neurotransmitter, so the levels are at insanely high concentrations in the brain.

If any, what medications were you taking at the time, this might be of some aid.


And as for E withdrawals,  they don't really exist.  It technically isn't physically addicting in the same way many other drugs are, but the psychological addiction can be substantial.  Eventually, chances are that your brain will normalize your neurochemistry in time.


PS.  Tricylic antidepressants I believe also have a negative interaction from reuptake inhibition.



Hope this helps,


Mike C

--The chemist--
Helpful - 0
232561 tn?1206384750
....er might otherwise NOT avoid. lol......typing too fast.
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232561 tn?1206384750
Jedb, you sound like like you think alot and sometimes you think so much about a situation AS IT'S  HAPPENING you second guess yourself while your taking action or talking or whathaveyou.

Does this sound right?

If you go thru each social situation while at the same time always holding yourself up to some expectation of  fear or social embarrassment, then you will effectively create a self-fulfilling prophecy - you fear loosing your zeal for life as you express it and your fear makes it a reality.

Stop thinking about life so much and just try and live in the moment. Don't think about weather you'll be happy 10 minutes from now or not or wonder how long this "good moment" will last because it seems that simply by thinking about that you destroy the moment.

Sounds like your a guy who likes to stop and smell the roses, but sometimes misses the enjoyment of the moment because your looking over your shoulder, as it were.

Is there a pattern here?

Do you see a pattern of behavior that might be causing this?

Run an internal self-diagnosis. If you believe in God- ask him for some peace to help sort this out, HE WILL ANSWER- just remember it may not be what you wanna hear. lol

Maybe by simplifying some OTHER areas of your life, it will give you time to sort this out. Create a FOUNDATION and build from there.

Just don't let bad patterns develop. It's all about breaking cycles. This has all happened before and it will happen again. Question is, do you learn from others mistakes or do you have to make them yourself......listening to others in here and asking advice from others who may have been where you are will help you avoid pitfalls you may otherwise avoid.

My 2 cents....

....be well.

S.
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Avatar universal
Ye, that horrible experience made me quite, was just over 8 months ago, quit smokin just before that aswell...
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Avatar universal
cheers guys, what youve said is very helpfull and I can see youve taken time to help me.

Ye im guna see the doctor next week when ive got a day off work, about the eyes flickering bit though,.. ive just read up on that been a quite common seide effect of ecstacy... so i hope it isnt me getting damaged.  I was quite hungova from alcohol yesterday, hope this is a better description of my problem to anyone who can offer some help:


Basically when I get these overwhelming feelings of doom and gloom, they just come out of nowhere and for no reason at all. They mostly happen when i feel as if i can finally have some rest or peace of mind or im starting to think positive... Its very hard to explain but the feeling is like a sence of un -wellbeing (opposite to well-being) if ya know what I mean... Its like an aura of evil just surrounding me and choking me (almost like a panic attack), where I feel uncomfortable,restless and quickly am brought down to feeling like **** again....

A perfect example is last week when Id just got in from football training and was on a big high cos id performed superb (lol theres a lot of competition for places at this football club), soon as id got back home and started tellin/braggin to my parents about how well iv done, I got that overwhelming feeling i was on about... which then just instantly made me feel quite scared n that something was wrong me, why couldnt i enjoy the moment? While all this feeling comes over me i have other smaller feelings/thoughts that ''im not aloud to enjoy myself' 'idont deserve to feel good' 'me feeling gud just isnt guna happen'.... and this experience happened the week before...


To be honest, after the first couple of times of trying most of the drugs I mentioned I started not to enjoy them, hence why I only tried speed a few times... When I was on e's rather than 1 i had to take 2 to get the same feeling then just before 'that horrible night' i was on 3.

Basically,the last few times of being on 'E' I hardly enjoyed it and started becomeing anxiouse on it and only had a high that lasted about an hour (first few times I tried it the high was about 5 hours) and I started feeling that what i was doing wasnt right and was just dirty/low.... Maybe when i saw people looking like zombies/sinfull it was 'me' saying it wasnt for me...?
Also before that night I was on a footie do and felt really low, n that people werent aknowledging me, think that was why i went out n just took the e's.

Whats really annoying is I really cant describe my situation as well as id like to, its like 'the same persons still there' but i dont have the tools to express myself/think rationally/be just how id like to be..

Whats really funny is between the ages of 14 n 19 i was allways very anxiouse, unsure of myself, felt like a bit of a weirdo.. but when i look back i think i had it all because i was a great kid, simple things pleased me and i had some really superb times.. but now i feel as if ive blown it n its too late?,, if ya no what i mean..

But saying all that I have an inner belief that i will never lose hope and although things for me look dire at the moment,.. rather than sad id describe myself as 'empty'.....
Helpful - 0
232561 tn?1206384750
Jedb, feel for you bro. The symptoms you describe are the ones I hate the most when I experience withdraws. A recent issue for me.....but about your issue:

I really think that what you described with your eyes flickering MAY indicate some damage - and I don't wanna scare you, but discuss this with your doctor. Dude seriously. Tomorrow.

Another thought:

In my younger years I used to see alot of friends taking hallucinogens, LSD and the such.....I took some too, but never had issues and have long since discontinued.

I DID however spend a lot of time talking friends down from bad trips and actually developed a rep for the guy to go to if someone starts tripping....

,,,,having said that, I'm not saying you what you did is exactly like LSD but unless you know exactly what you took, I know there is some powerfull stuff out there in the party scene that people are taking that may have similar brain altering effects. If your not sure what you took, who knows WHAT It was. But it does concern me that you have these issues so long after the incident.

Are you still using?

.....if your a thoughtful, calm, INTROSPECTIVE person,  it's likely this experience traumatized you a bit.....I have seen personality changes in people after bad trips....permanent ones (NOT ALWAYS BAD EITHER). But my feeling was always that this was caused by a deep introspective change in that person and this was NOT a physical or brain chemistry thing.

Now a days I am not so sure with all the weird drugs out there- not to mentioned stuff cut with who knows what or substituted for who knows what.....but I bet if you were not sure what you took, consider that you may need some medical help to correct some brain chemistry issues this drug caused.

If there was damage: You should get that diagnosed right away and pray that there is some help for it. Perhaps there are meds to mitigate the symptoms.

If your just feeling the way you are because your a naturally anxious person to begin with, it's likely that some counciling  would help.

Not being a doc, that is what I would do.

Good luck friend!

Sandman

I
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Avatar universal
It's been quite awhile since December.  Eight months.  That's a long time to feel depressed for somebody that normally doesn't feel that way.  It may go away, but it's easy to see why you are concerned.

You obviously received a tremendous shock to your system that knocked your structure off balance.  Some intricate and vital connection took a hit that has affected its/your ability to function.  Our sysetms are interconnected internally so that when one part is affected every part is affected -- the domino effect, if you like.  Can't get sexually aroused if you are depressed.  Can't feel creative if you can't concentrate or think straight.  And so forth.  The whole system goes down for the loss of one part.  And then it all becomes circular -- reinforces itself.  You become depressed, because you can't get out of your depression.  Can't feel sexy because you are worried about it.  We get dragged down hopelessly by the mere overwhelming fact of our hopelessness.

Everything is chemical.  We can't get our feet under us if our chemistry is out of whack, and in your case it's hard to know exactly which part took the hit.  As you said, maybe your seratonin levels are down.  There is no way to know until you find something that puts you back together even if only for a short time while you keep looking for a more permanent answer.  

I don't know if you have a doctor, but if you are going to address your chemistry (Many would recommend approaching your problem through diet, others through acupunture, others through hypnosis...whatever...it still comes back to chemistry in my opinion.), you will have to have one.  I know several people personally who have had their lives miraculously changed who were feeling exactly how you feel.  One girl told me, "One pill.  From that moment on my life was worthwhile again."  In her case I think it was Elovil.  I'm not sure.  Anti depressants, mood elevators and the like do have their place.  If nothing else they may help get you by while your natural forces repair themselves.

That's what I would do.

At your side.,
Rider
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Avatar universal
start reading about brain chemistry, you probably have used up your feel good brain chemicals in your brain and need to get new ones back in there, amino acids (from the health food store) will help a lot.

my anxiety and depression got completely better when i took them.
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Avatar universal
are there any qualified health experts on here who can offer any advice?
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