Eff'in Relapse

[tramuser99]

I have been off opiates for about 12 days or so but just slipped. I took 4 60mg codiene tablets because I still can't sleep and don't want to keep using benzo's (script from doctor for detox purposes) as I was getting a tolerance and didn't want to go through those withdrawals as a result. My trigger has been lack of sleep, I have to return to work and I work 72 hour weeks, 6 -12 hour days. I think I slept 6 hours a few nights ago but prior to that went 4 nights with either no sleep or 2-3 hours. Then the past 3 nights I have only gotten 2 hours and have been flying around the country to return to work which only added to the jacked up time/sleeping pattern. I don't know why I still even have some opiates around and why I wasted my sober date on taking not even half the dose I used to take just to hopefully get 3 hours of sleep before my shift. I doubt I get withdrawals again but it will definitely slow my healing time. The damn sleep is what gets to me the most. I tapered for about 2 weeks so was using Xanax to help sleep even though I was only taking one .5 pill which didn't do the trick.

I am pissed at myself already because of how hard I pushed through only to relapse over this... I am in an area where I don't have access to NA meetings and don't have anyone to talk to. Luckily I don't have much meds here left and they are off to the toliet so this doesn't happen again. Opiate withdrawals suck!

[tramuser99]

I have tried every OTC sleep aid possible, during opiate withdrawal u basically are not going to sleep unless you get heavily medicated on per scripted meds, it's just the nature of the beast.  I slept better yesterday, I think it just takes 2-3 weeks before you get a good sleep in between some bad ones. Besides the mental aspect it's by far the worst symptom IMO.  I think I am pretty much over the majority of the physical, now it's just the lack of motivation and mundane lifestyle. However my situation is different because of where I currently live and work, not a fun place to deal with depression.

[overopiates]

That last sentence was not meant to sound like a cheap shot or dig at u but as I read it thats how it sounded but please dont take it that way.

[overopiates]

Have u tried any over the counter sleep aids lime tylenol p.m.(every headache medicine has a p.m.)I hear the nyquil thats just for sleep works well.Tbey benzos shouldnt be used to knock u out(as u know its to ease anxiety).Get something otc.Relapse happens but we will always find an excuse. If u read ur own post u say u relapsed on ur DOC because u basically dont want to take another medication thats addictive.

[tramuser99]

So it's been 10 days since my one time relapse (12 days clean before that) and my sleep is still messed up. I went to treatment overseas so when I came back to my job I had to completely shift my time schedules. I work 8pm to 6am and basically crash from 8am to 11:30 - noon and then lay around all day hoping to get tired and catch a nap before pulling another 10 hour shift (I work 7 days a week as well). It's literally been torture, I have to make up lies and excuses why I can't seem to get my sleep adjusted because the people I work with have no idea. Starting to think the sleeping meds they gave me through treatment are adding to the insomnia. I was given seroquel and Xanax close to every night for about 14 days.

I guess i just eff'ed my body up and want a quick resolution,I was taking a large volume of pills regardless of their perceived level of addiction.  At one time I was taking over 1000mg of DHC a day, that's 10 120mg pills at one shot, and I was able to function. That stuff is basically morphine. I would swallow 12-15 pills of tramadol at a time and not even feel it. My tolerance level was that of an elephant.

[tramuser99]

Yea, when I was at the rehab center I was surprised at how active and happy all these people were there, going to the gym and crap.  Then I started to hear their stories and most were on Meth, Coke, or Crack.  We think of Pain Meds as not being as hardcore but I think the recovery portion is much harder.  Although everyone's DOC is different.

Its been 2-3 days since my relapse and although I dont feel great I think its the lack of sleep.  I dont have any physical withdrawals besides insomnia, but the mental stuff is pretty bad.  I wish I could just fast forward a week.....

[TS8777]

You are so right about the crack addiction. People come down from that and then sleep for days. I am not saying they don't have the mental part, but boy they sure don't have the withdrawal part. And yes sleep and low energy I truly believe are the worst of the withdrawals along with the anxiety. Hang in there, from what I here it gets easier.

[tramuser99]

It's really been messing with my head because I feel so mentally down thinking its a result of that one relapse even if it was a small dose of a lower level opioid. I just work in a very hostile environment that requires long hours and no days off. I won't give details but just think of the worst war ridden country right now. Because of this I can't talk to anyone either. Since I went to treatment in another time zone it's making it twice as hard to sleep since being back. I am going to try to rough it out but f*ck it ***** here.

[NeverAgain127]

PAWS would not occur so quickly, imo.  

You need to give yourself much, much more time to heal than 12 days.   I wasn't even developing my long term symptoms until day 14.  I got a horrible cough that lasted for 90 days.

Can you exercise gently instead of "training?"  Maybe a long walk?   I know it helped a lot with my sleep issues.

Good luck.

[tramuser99]

Oh and I actually tapered off over 2 weeks and then have been 12 days completely off, so everything was out of my system.  I got on Wellbutrin about 1.5 weeks ago to hopefully help with the PAWS.  I actually admitted myself to a treatment center for 2.5 weeks to stop all this, which is why I feel so guilty for slipping.  The lack of sleep and energy far outweights any other withdrawal symptom.  I would of rather had a crack cocaine habit, at least the withdrawals are 10x's easier....

[tramuser99]

Those 4 pills have been wearing on my mind for the last 13 hours now, I am not worried that I will get physical withdrawals because its a pretty low dose considering what I was taking and I actually felt it.  However, I know it takes awhile for the brain to heal and setting that back is what bothers me the most.  I actually flushed everything I have, so now I have no option to get anymore even if I crave.  Its too much hard work to quit just to go back because of weakness.  The gym used to be my outlet but when I dont sleep its really hard to go into the gym and actually workout, I got really sick during my withdrawal with a chest infection and worry about hurting my immune system more by training on no sleep.  

[katmandu516]

I really feel your pain.  You are in a tough situation with working and flying all over the world for work?  I don't think detoxing on that schedule is going to work. Maybe if you took some vacation time?  I am day 2 off of opiates and today has a worse symptom than yesterday. Have you ever detoxed ct before? I would suggest maybe tossing all the pills, take a vacation from work, and then do it. Unless you call your dr. and have him put you on a slow tapering plan. Good luck!