FAILING

[smitty80]

I had written a post a few weeks back about telling my doctor about my narcotic habit taking so many pills for years and I did that. I went in to see him and we talked about how long I was on them and how bad my withdwraws are. So we decided to go for a low dose and we started on darvocet. He gave me forty and to take three two one etc...... and come back in when I ran out. So I did that but I didnt do it proper. I was taking them just like I abused the others. Plus getting perks and hydros from other people because I couldnt handle the withdraws. Now I have went in to see my psyc doctor and I got 60 darvocet because it works well with my anxiety meds and I dont get panic attacks from them. So tonight I am posting as im going through an anxiety attack because im abusing this script. Im down to 28 in 2 1/2 days. This is my last chance to really wean myself off of these horrible things. I have so much going for me right now and the only thing standing in my way is this horrible habit. I want to cut every one of these pils and do it right and wean mysef off of these slowy and just be done. I guess im just writing this to tell anyone who would listen and reading it myself gives me hope. Im also a recovering alcoholic and have been clean for 95 days. So im fighting two battles at once. Four if you count my anxiety and the pain im in that hasnt been fixed and thats how the addiction started. Broke my back when I was 18 and I am now 30 and havent been the same since. Im not trying to throw a pitty party for myself its just that I have to start somewhere. I have the most wonderful girl in the world and shes has stuck by me through the toughest time and has supported me with everything and has never et me down. I woud love to spend the rest of my life with her and make it a long one instead of the rate that im going at. My father died when I was sixteen from drinking and driving and thats when my alcohol abuse came into play. I have that under pretty good control but have a long way to go. So whoever would like to take this ride with me and help me along the way it was meant to be because god has put you here to help me. I will keep you posted and in the end I know I can do it this should be a happy ending from a very hard long road. God bless you all and Im here for anyone.

[10356]

Hi Smitty and Welcome to the forum.. You received very good advice from those above. Tapering works for some when you hand them over.. and some of us it causes more anxiety,, seeing how you have moved to the davocet as your main doc, in my honest opinion I would go cold turkey from there.. Your friends that you are getting the percs from and so on are not really friends.. they are helping you to kill yourself.. I would put distance between them. delete numbers even if is just for a symbolism for a decision.. I was also taking 25 to 30 norcos a day coupled with soma.. it was a hard detox but worth it..  going through it I felt I had control once again. we loose this in active addiction and is good when we get a slice of it back.. I also quit drinking as you did before I quit pills.. Life is good for me. I have pain I deal with also and at times it is debilitating as it is my feet but everyday that my mind is clear that my spirit is alive I feel good. the pain is actually lessened off the meds as the opiates have a way of intensifying it.. I have x-rays up in my profile of all the metal in my foot.. I understand how our life can change.. but ya know I have a better appreciation for life for what I deal with.. I notice life outside of myself.. it sounds like you have a great gal and in order to have this you must be s terrific person worthy of a good life.. they make meds specifically for anxiety.. opiates are not meant for this, just another lie our brain tells us.. take control of your health.. get proactive.. a lot of Dr.s have no clue what it is like for a addict to try to detox.. research what is best for you and bring him Your plan ok and take your life back.. You can do this !! You have it in you.. i wish you a long and Happy life drug and alcohol free..lesa

[janet19]

I agree if your girl friend could hold your pills and give them to you. I found that helped with my habit for a while, until I made my hubby so upset he handed them back. I finally kick them and so will you. I ended up going cold turkey and I also have lots of anxiety. Someone told me the other day that darvocet was one of the worse drugs to abuse, because of something in them that other painkillers don't. Shoot I forgot what she called it. But anyway she is a nurse and she said they are easy to accidently overdose, because of this certain ingredient. I will have to ask her Tuesday night at NA and get back about that one.

You are worth this fight and your girl friend who has stuck by you sure must think you are worth saving from this monsterous disease. It is time to quit and I would be telling my doctor that it is impossible to taper and maybe he can help you in another way.

We are all here to help you, someone on here pretty much around the clock. So if you feel you are going to use, jump on here and find a friend to talk with. The advice you get here will be from experienced people who are just starting, in middle of, or even long time sobers here. Just keep trying and keep asking questions.

God Bless

[DazeeMae]

Sarah has a good idea to hand over the drugs to your GF, as long as she is thick skinned enough to realize when you become angry and want more it is not about her but about you craving them.   On the drugs you pretty much just existing and not really living your life.  

Take it one minute, hour, day at a time.  It isn't going to be easy, nothing important ever is, so do yourself a favor and wean off while you have the chance.   Going cold turkey is a horrible experience!  Best of luck to you!

[Lindsay_T]

smitty,
God Bless you too! My advice would be to NUMBER ONE decide to quit. Be a Quitter. Get used to feeling like crap for a while and then get used to feeling really great the rest of your life.
Make a plan to get clean and then work the plan. Tell us what your plan is and people here will give you advice about it.
Then buckle in, the ride is bumpy. One step at a time, though.
You took the first one by writing down your history and your intention. Now write out your plan and then execute it as if your life depends on it. Because, frankly my friend, it does.

[dominosarah]

Is there any way your girl can hold the pills for you?  Once we cross that line some of us cant be responsible when it comes to tapering down.  You can get thru this.  It isnt easy but you can do it.  Read up in the health pages here and get going on some supplements.  When you see your doctor the next time tell him what is going on with the anxiety.  There are other things to do than take narcotics.  Take some deep breaths, you will be okay~~~~~sara