FEAR is what held me back

[gizzy32]

it has taken me almost 3 months to figure out how i let myself get to the point i was at in my life, plain and simple, it was fear. i stopped wanting to live life on life's terms and gave myself every excuse to use. i used coke to get me up in the morning, to keep me going at work, and to feel good in the evenings. i used when i was sad, happy, excited or depressed. i used when i had to be social, but worst of all i would use the most when something difficult in my life was happening. i had found the quick fix.

finally when my fear of death overcame my fear of being clean, was i able to quit and stay clean. i was terrified because i forgot how to deal with life again. i didn't understand how people could be happy and energized without drugs. fear is what held me back, but im no longer afraid. it took everything i had to get clean, but i have done it. fear can make anyone do crazy things, but overcoming your biggest fear and coming out on top is a feeling i can't explain.

its crazy for me to look back on the person i was for 5 years, but it is in the past and i have finally forgiven myself, but best of all, i like the person i am again. don't let this fear hold any of you back, i had to learn the hard way.

i will have my 3 months february 11th

[toxictome]

Thanks for reminding me where I came from...and where I don't want to go back to!!!!!

Good post, gizzy!!!

[IBKleen]

Great post!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[oxygirl487]

thanks lmao.....yeah i think we were so sick at that time we probably didnt know what we were saying lol.....i meant that ? for chi chi   lol..sorry how bad is your pms?i know hopsing has it really bad  lmao

[gizzy32]

LMAO, yeah that when my were the worse too, haha. thanks for sharing, just kidding

[gizzy32]

hey, so happy to hear how well your doing, ive talked to you before, but had no idea we had the same quit date almost. feels so good huh?  just wanted to say congrats to you, where's the party gonna be, haha. have a good one.

[oxygirl487]

have u noticed that when u r pms ing cravings get worse? or is it just me......sorry to post this on here gizzy    lol......

[Chi_Chi_Lover]

WAY TO GO!!! I had the same feelings as you before I quit 11 months ago. How would I ever be happy and have energy without my little pills. Now I feel better than I ever have in my life. Don't get me wrong, of course we all have bad days and feelings of depression. But that's just life. I had to come to realize I can't blame "not" being on pills for days when I feel down or in a bad mood. That's just being a woman.

[oxygirl487]

great post...so proud of u....i will have 3 months on the 12th of feb so u r a day ahead of me.....lol.....i also wondered how people got thru life haappy and with energy to do so....now i realize its with love and determination to succeed....proud to say that today i am one of those people...happy and determined...love u buddy...god bless

[BlottedOut]

great job, glad your doing good, i think fear holds alot back, we all know to conquer fear you must face it and live with it, anyway keep it up, good luck