Fear Of Quitting?

[gizzy32]

What was the scariest part of quitting for you. Although there are many reasons for some, what do you believe held you back the most before you got clean. Sometimes we get so worked up with the thought of quitting, the fear itself makes it worse, it did for me anyway. Looking back do you think it was as bad as you expected?

[boogieman]

i feared not staying clean more than the alternative, and that's what it took. i already knew what i would go through, but i just didn't want to live like that anymore. today if i pick up, it's the same. if i don't treat my condition, i will eventually want to use more than not use. so far it has worked out for the good. take care,  gm

[thehollowclown]

having bipolar disorder, my biggest issue is having some sort of control over my mood. in dealing with my lortab addiction, (yes, i call it an addiction even though i am prescribed this) it's the biggest issue aside from the pain from fibromyalgia. if i can't fall asleep feeling some hope for tomorrow, all is lost, and that hope is that i will feel good, get things done, and get along with my family. upon quitting there is always the known fact that i have several days of complete hell from withdrawals, and the unknowing of how i will handle myself without this medicine that i need (and want) quite desperately.

[jillian6]

For me, it is living without pills and the daily choice I make.  In all honesty, there are times I really miss the pills but I contribute that to cravings that are mental.  

I loved the energy and escape I got but I hated the lies and chasing pills and finally got serious about quitting for good.  I try to always remember I'm only a day away from buying pills and even though it's been 50 days, I still have little energy and miss that "happy" feeling.  I'm just trusting all who have come before me and gotten sober and my own drug free happy self is back.  For me, stopping was easy compared to staying off.

[Florida_Guy737]

During my use, the meds helped me cope with a very stressful job.  After work, some people drink a glass of wine or two, or beer but for me, a couple of percs made the day wash away.  I still had pain but the stress relief was really what I was justifying; I didn't think so back then but looking at the situation with a clear head now, it was definitely the stress I was under and that was the reason for the 'escape'.  Of course I didn't want to experience wds but I could pretty much deal with that...was on me and no one else.  

Glad to be healthy again without the meds.

Guy

[minim]

fear of 'change'- once i get used to a habit- i am always scared to change. have to remind myself everyday that once upon a time i was happy drug free and i can be that way again

[worried878]

I had to skim down to c if i had already posted..saw the post was from april...good post tho and makes u stop and think...I think my greatest fear was losing my coping mechanism..my escape..my nrg pill....i was not afraid of wds..nor was it what my friends and family think..well i do but those who love me will understand....and it was a bit hard the first time i went to a meeting to say "Hi..I am Laura and I am an addict"  but it wasnt sumpin I feared in advance..just kinda happened...the fear of losing the the one thing in my life thats a pain in the rear end!  doesnt that sound stupid when u put it into words?...The money, mental anquish, and depression the pills caused me and I was still afraid of going withou them...go figure!

[cattalina]

Great question Gizzy - great posts too. I think this is harder to pinpoint for me but I'd say ultimately, fear of the unknown in general. I mean, I didn't just 'do drugs' I had a 'lifestyle' that was really the only thing I'd known. That was my biggest fear I think, what the heck do I do, who am I if I'm not using, hustling, running, lying anymore. Eventually you become what you do out there and it's hard to separate the two to find yourself.

[10356]

I was a afraid of my mind straight no doubt about it.. and that life would be boring.. Happy to report. I was very very wrong :) lesa

[jekorb]

I am so envious of you!!  Wonderful post, and thank you for your inspirational words.  It most definitely IS a lonely place in which to survive---I look around at others, esp. my family, and think "Oh, what you don't know about me".  They think I'm perky, happy and energetic and that my colitis pain is under control, when really I am under the control of my Tramadols.  I will have to have my husband (who knows all about this) use the old "She's got the flu, bad" smoke-screen when I go through the fire.  I am just praying for strength and hoping God is hearing me.  Thank you for the post!

[refusingbondage]

Well I was definitely fearful of withdrawal, which is why I went on suboxone..  but initially nothing else.  I was so exhausted of the lifestyle and just drained.  Drug addiction sickened my soul.  My mind, body and soul were dying and I felt that it was either quit or die in the literal sense.  It was such a lonely place to be. I would look around and scream in my head but unable to say a word to anyone and wonder if anyone on the face of the earth felt like me.  It was over.  I was actually happy and excited to quit.  Recovery has been a scary but wonderful place to be though.  

[xxpinkyxx]

It was the fear of all of the above for me which is why I REALLY cant understand why I am virtually back where I started 2 yrs ago! I was clean for 5 weeks and then I just couldn't cope with no energy any longer!I was losing my job and I started using oxys again just to "get me through" I So So So want to be clean....thing is I haven't told ANYONE this time that I back using, feel like I let everyone down.....especially ME!

Great Post Though Gizzy

xxPinkyxx

[guv338]

Wow.  What a question.  All of the above and then some would have to be my answer.
Once I decided to get clean, my wife and I prepared for the worse we could think that it might be.  At times, I thought it was the worse possible,  now looking back I know it could have been alot worse.  I hated the thought of not being able to have my morning cocktail (4-40mg OCs and 2 Soma's)  to get my day started.  And that was just to get going at 4am.  Sobriety scared me bad.  The fear of the WD was bad but I accept as the price I had to pay.  Funny thing is about the fear of family and friends finding out,  THEY
ALREADY KNEW.  Jokes on us, huh.  As far as admitting to the addiction, I knew long
ago in the back of my mind, just never would let it pass across my lips.  Once it finally did, it wasnt so bad.  I read these stories and my heart goes out to everyone of you that
are fighting this battle.  It really helps to know your not the only one and that there is hope.  I give all credit to the Almighty God and my Loving Wife for the unwavering support and strenght that they gave me.  I remember nights where I prayed for the strenght to fight for one more breath and one more minute and each time was given just that and more.  Sorry for the essay, but it helps to get it out.  Please continue to help our brothers and sisters in need.  

[SophieShine]

fear of facing myself.

[Totsie59]

When I realized what I was doing, I was so far gone...I didnt want family to find out..didnt want to lose the energy..But I was a shell of myself..a zombie. I had lost all interest in everything. I scared myself. Just made up my mind..and I am 50 days clean..Looking back...I cant believe what I WASNT doing for my family. The fog is gone...glory be...

[beatingthis]

I was so scared of the w/d's. I didn't have enough info on what would happen.
I thought I may have to get in care. Didn't want that.

Great post gizzy!!

Terry

[freebird227]

I couldn't live with the dope and couldn't live without it. It was a process of comming to complete surrender. My husband going  to prison for 2nd. degree murder actually help me get clean.He was more or less the dope dealer I was more or less the dope user. Funny how we were a match made in addiction
When the dope was gone I was a empty shell of a young lady, soooo old to be so young,.July of 1984. My clean date is Jan.21 1985
Took me 6 months to finally get it.But once I did ****I kept it.
I have been blessed in recovery, I have wonderful teachers along the Discovery and Un-covery Path I chose.
Paths are many, whatever works for you , as long as you don't use any mood altering chemicals, no matter what form.

Great post, sorry I rambled so much but I am going through a tuff time with my brother's relaspe.

[merrymaria]

i voted fear of living life sober...when you are so used to the pills just to feel halfway normal...it s a scary thought of how am i going to deal with everything sober.  on the other hand i wanted to be normal...like everyone else.  i was also scared of the withdrawls too...but i feel for me it was going to be hard to get through the day without a pill....after a couple weeks without i learned to deal with it...SOBER!....maria :)

[ProdigalGirl]

As you may know,, I posted recently that I relapsed and am going back on a quick taper of sub in the very near future after a long deserved time away with a very nice gentleman. I hid behind my computer as some do and became worried, worried, worried that lying to myself and the forum would cause me self destruction. Destruction even more so than I did before. My biggest fear is that I will live in pain again b/c I am a chronic pain patient like so many on here. Also, the cravings for the drug play into this. Also, the energy that the drugs gave me etc as I sometimes fight fatigue. So, I would have to be TOTALLY HONEST that it probably is all of the above.

ProdigalGirl
Great post by the way! You are an inspiration to me Gizzy

[jooler]

i was scared of finding the real me after 14 years of abuse. im on day 5 and i have found the depression side effect. i wasnt prepared for this. will i like the normal me. will my family like the new me...

[dominosarah]

I thought i was going to have to be put into a rehab facility and my family would find out.

[gizzy32]

I should have put up the energy and motivation part too because at first that was horrible for me. The first couple months i did not want to go out and I was so beat up when i quit. Drugs take their toll in so many ways. Thanks for the feedback.

[allaboutmary]

For me it's the fear of not having any energy or motivation. Last time I got clean before going on sub. I felt like I was never going to be motivated again. Had I just been a little more patient with myself I could have skipped the relapse's and getting on sub.

[jimi1822]

Giz,

     By the way great post :o) It wasn't the fear of w/ds, In the early 90's when I got into
     vicodin I became so dependent that without it I could not function without it  ie go to
     work take care of my clients and pts and it became a 10 year journey that was very
     painful and lacked true joy and true happiness. And after detox I started to drink beer
     to help me sleep at night and that got out of control. So now I'm a little over a year
     sober and sleeping well PTL and I Love and Respect Life with such a Passion. Its so
     important that we help our other Brothers and Sisters going through this Battle with
     the demon we call "addiction". So we can help restore their Life and their Spirit!!!! We
     have fought the "Good Fight" Who better to lead them back home again where they
     belong.


                                            Always Your Brother in GOD and Light....  

                                                                         jimi (little wing =0)

[mojorisin64]

fear of being bored....having to go thru everyday on my own without that altered state...i just get bored easily...no other excuse...