Feeling a little discouraged!

[jibi07]

This has been a good / bad weekend.... I'm almost at my 60 days clean.. Yay for me... But almost crashed on the 1st... It was my brothers 10 year anniversary of his death it was a hard day for me,,, very emotional but I got through I didn't pick up as much as I wanted to ..... To numb the pain! We had our great niece for he weekend, 18 months old..... Not used to having babies around, so naturally by the end of the weekend me and hubby r exhausted, lack of sleep etc..... I went to a NA meeting tonight as tired as I was.... Was fighting fatigue and was so sleepy.... So yes I was doing a bit of he nod..... Got home only to get a text from a group member asking if I got home ok bc they were worried about me, they figured I was high bc I was doing the " nod" this really upset me.... To the point where I'm not sure I even wanna go back.... I was hurt and felt discouraged!!! I now feel like I can't even be tired without someone thinking I'm high!!!!! I told them I was on nothing just exhausted from chasing a baby around all weekend!!!! But honestly this is really bothering me and I find myself wondering if everyone thought I was on something?!?!? Is this normal? Is this what I should expect from people when I'm tired? I almost felt guilty for going being sleepy after this..... Almost don't wanna go back..... What to do?!?

[ROSYouralright]

I'm sorry about your brother. My dad committed suicide and then so did my daughters dad. I KNOW what it means to want to numb the pain. You are doing so amazing. DON'T LET ANYONE WRECK it for you. Sometimes when we over think things we can become our own worst enemy.. U know what I mean. YOU DIDNT CAVE IN WHEN YOU WERE CRAVIN❕❗ AWESOME, AMAZING job❕❗ keep on keepin on and don't let anyone stand in your way.

[conhall]

I am glad you are still going to meetings, dont let anything or anyone get in your way to staying clean! If you feel they are judging you maybe just be open about it tell them they are way off base and you appreciate concern but this is not the case and if they continue(which I would hope not) ask them if they are okay maybe they are projecting their issues on you you could say that also ;-)
Hang in there my friend you can do this and you are doing great!
I am sorry about your brother I know you are sad and I also know you are strong and determined!

[jibi07]

Thanks so much guys I feel better today and I'm going to keep going to the meetings. I'm not giving up

[ricart70]

Good posts from above and I also had experiences like OXYtired described.
  
Jibi !  You are doing great ! We are proud of you.

I will say one thing about your question - The Meetings are for YOU not for THEM

[OxyTired]

From my experience, all kinds of people go to meetings. Including those who while well meaning and sincere, are a little too quick to pass judgement on others. Like everybody said above, you are doing an amazing job!

I spent years in AA. I have seen overbearing longtimers "take inventory" of a shaky newcomer and drive them away, having declared that the newcomer has little chance for sobriety with such a faulty attitude. Fortunately these people are rare, but they exist.

Congrats on all your hard earned clean time. I am at 30 days clean.

[meegWpaw]

jibi ... hi!  you went to a meeting when you were exhausted, you kept up with a baby, and you overcame a tremendous urge to use?  AWESOME!!!!!!  you are amazing!  your a goddess!!!!  who cares what that person thinks?  I know its easy to say, and I'd prolly care too, but it's not worth it.  the people who care don't matter, and the people who matter don't care.  (that you looked one way or another)  be proud of yourself!  almost sixty days is the freakin bomb!

[Done610]

FEEL THE LOVE,  that person cared enough about you to call and see if you were ok. This is your program ! try not to let others screw with your serenity. Could it be that your fatigue is causing you to react this way ? if you weren't so tired you might feel totally different about this experience. If I were you I would absolutely go back to that meeting a pick up your 60 day chip ! Im planning to pick up my 60 day chip that same day too.  Hope you get some rest and have sweet dreams.

[Bkitty2]

Try not to focus on this too much. Im not trying to minimize it by all means. I have hard time "believing" that people really care. Im so used to feeling like people are out to get me. You explained that you were tired. That's all you need to do. What really matters in the long run is your actions. You go on back to that meeting...show them. You are following your treatment plan and that is all that matters. You knew you needed to go to a meeting and you did! After some rest...the next meeting they will see. Its more than OK to be tired. What mattered the most is that you put yourself first and went. Good Job!