Feeling really low

[Somewhereovertherainbow]

Hi, I am really low at the moment. Wish I could go asleep and not wake up. Can't eat, can't sleep,Too much to cope with. feel really guilty for feeling this way as I have 3 children. I am not an addict but my husband is. We love each other but the lies, abandonment and his emotional distance and blaming me and our "communication" problems for his situation. He is addicted to pain pills/relaxersOTC drugs and keeps saying he is clean even though I know he is not. Been told he has been seeking drugs as recent as last week and this week clearly looked under the influence. I don't want him to die but I can't help him. Its the lies I can't cope with and the lack of emotion or intimacy. we are not living together at present. He left in the summer for 5 months and went over 200 miles and this has had a huge impact on the kids and me. My family and friends think I am a doormat and I need to get a backbone. I wish I could totally emotionally disconnect but I am an emotional wreck. Am starting to blame myself because he turns everything back on me. I just graduated for the 3rd time last week and have alot going for me. I am 32 and get alot of male attention but the one mans attention I want, I can't have because of this blasted disease. What is wrong with me that I need him to want me to make me feel good??? Feel like I am going crazy, can't stop crying, need to get myself together for my kids and work tomorrow. Feel so guilty. Please help me? I don't know what to do?

[benzo1961]

HANG IN THERE, THINK OF YOUESELF AND THE KIDS HE'LL REALIZE WHAT HE'S DOING SOONER OR LATER, GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS JENNIFER  :)

[upnorthguy]

Good luck Somewhere.

You have the right attitude. Our hope and prayers are with you.

UNG

[Somewhereovertherainbow]

Thank you so much for your well wishes. Your advice and courage are giving me strength to stay strong and stay afloat. I just wish he wouldn't lie to me. I can handle the truth but not lies because it makes me question everything. i think lies are a spiral that suck us in on both sides of the disease. To the point where silly lies are told over things that don't need to be lied about like what tv programme he last watched, what happened in work etc., I am goin to a family meeting tomorrow night with him in an addiction centre. he will be in one room with people who are going through the same thing and me in another with family members. hopefully this will help us. fingers crossed. I really respect all members who are trying so hard to beat this and facing the truth of their intake regardless of how daunting it seems. honesty is the only way. My prayers and thoughts are with you all

[10356]

Addiction does leave devastation in it's wake..I'm very sorry you and your children are suffering the consequences of your husbands addiction.. Although your husbands addiction it has layed claim to you also.. depression is a major concern for those effected.. for so long we lie steal lay blame.. it effects those that are innocent.. it makes you doubt yourself.. You are not to blame for your husbands choices.. Wanting him and carrying his guilt are two different things.. The link gizzy gave you will help as other that have gone before you make up the group.. Maybe therapy to help work through your feelings.. I wish you and your family well.. lesa

[dominosarah]

I am really sorry you are going thru this.  You need to get some help for you and your children.  Addiction affects the whole family.  We as addicts blame the ones we love on everything.  Please check out the link gizzy sent to you......all the best        sara

[gizzy32]

I am so sorry, addiction can destroy the lives of those close to us as much as it hurts us. I was just wondering if you were willing to talk to someone? I am gonna send you a link, not sure if you would go or if they are in your area, but maybe you get get more of an understanding and talk to people in the same spot you are now. There are also a few here for family members fighting addiction so stick around. Good luck

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html

[stilltrying1965]

I am the wife of stilltrying1965 who is a heroin addict of 13yrs but so am I. We are starting wirhdrawals from yesterday and things are bad but take it from someone who knows.There is nothing wrong with YOU its your husbands addiction and its his addiction talking and acting the way he is.He is lying to himself more than anyone if hes trying to say hes clean when hes not.When your an addict emotions and intimacy doesnt matter your only intimacy is with your drug.Its easy for people to say get a backbone, leave him etc I could say that and maybe you should but who are we to judge. You obviously love him and want to help him and thats about the only thing you can do right now.Please dont blame yourself coz addicts are great at making it out to be someone or something elses fault believe me I know. Try and concentrate on yourself and your kids just now and hope he comes to his senses. Tell him you know about what hes been doing maybe if you just sit down and both come clean about how you feel etf it might help. I just thought id send this coz I seen your note and felt so sorry for you. Please try and cheer up I wish you and your family luck and hope things get better soon. Remember tomorrows another day