Feeling really weepy tonight.......

So Ive been doing so good and now all the sudden I cant help but cry..... I feel so bad for waisting so much of my childrens life on this ****! Spending so much time going from ER to ER and taking time away from them just so mommy could get high. My poor little girl.. the whole 6 months of her life there has maybe been a week or two I havnt been on pills and that time I mostly spent going through withdrawls... This is my last baby I got my tubes tied and I have waisted the first 6 months of her life thinking I had to be supermommy and in order to do everything I felt I had to take the pills. What kind of a mother does that?? I have all these emotions all the sudden and all that triggerd it was thinking back on how much of both my kids lives Ive spent on the pills. I feel so bad....

[princess2000]

Do you have family that can help while you detox or go to detox?  I sounds like you need help with the kids so you can help yourself.  Take that first step for you and for your kids.  Seek help through your dr and let him advise you.  Good Luck, praying for you,


Princess2000

[GabbersMommy22]

My doctor knows about my addiction, however my family does not.... I dont associate alot with my family due to their own addictions and issues.... My husband works full time so I know that makes it tought... he is trying to keep our heads above water financially concidering all of my "issues" Ive had.... I havnt been much help in that department. Really there is nobody else around her. I think being away from my kids going to a detox would be harder on me.... It does help to cuddle and love on them... I dont want to go back, I dont want to waist anymore of my life on that stuff. I just cant help for feeling guilty for all the times I did. My husband seems to think I just became dependent on them not that Im addicted. I know he holds me on a pedistol which makes it even harder to be honest about it... I dunno I just cant help but cry tonight... And its really hard because Im trying to hide it from my 4 year old. Im sure it will get easier...

[worried878]

u r clean tho right?  u r in that depression yucky part?  hit me at about a week or 2...ugh...doomers is what i called it..cry ur eyeballs out!  let em flow and dont worry bout it...pent up emotions we drowned out with pills....late part of the wd process and is a sign u r moving forward...positive sign

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

Pretty normal to get depressed after using and after thinking about what our use did to loved ones.....Live in the "now" though.......you realize that you cant change history .... but you can make today the absolute best one possible....best way to show the kids love is to make right now the best that they can have.... For yourself I think the amino's SaMe and 5-HTP would do some good - - I know that I was able to ditch an antidepressant that was horrible for me ... and I like the way the amino's treat me ..... takes some time to get back in the saddle after a lengthy period of use ............... but recovery is very possible - - - keep doing it right - - - And keep up with the forum - - it is good support and knowledge,,,,

[GabbersMommy22]

Thanks guys, Well I guess its reasurring to know this is all part of the process and not just me going crazy! :) Because there for a little while thought it was possible I may be. I know I should be so proud right now of the process I made, guess I thought the worse was over :) Thank you all for your support and I appreciate your comments!

[suzipen]

This has been the hardest part for me as well. My children.  I have 3, and they have suffered right along with me for 5 years. My daughter is 6, and so basically she has only known me on drugs. They never  knew what to expect from me and were always walking on eggshells so they didnt set me off on a yelling rampage. I am learning all over how to be a good mom. My kids are my world, and yes, its important to cuddle with them as much as possible right now. I have been feeling lots of guilt , but like others just said, you have  to live in the NOW, and move forward. Trust me when I say-I cry a lot also.
  Its healing to cry. Hang in there-  you're a good mom, or you wouldnt be writing about this.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, Suzi

[micheleTX]

agree with suzi, i have always cried alot, and it always helps me get through whatever i had to deal with.  Ive cried buckets in these past 3 days, and really it did make it better.  Take good care of yourself gabbersmommy, and be proud of yourself.  You are doing a wonderful thing for you and your children and family.  Take care and i am praying for you too..

[CR_ST_NA]

you are telling my story girl. i went through the same thing with my baby girl. she is almost two now and i'm just starting to get clean. my boys have seen the worst of it and the good part is she will not have to see me using. my oldest is sixteen and he has seen me through w/d's so many time, just thinking mom had the flu. i bet he thought i was a hypocondrieack because i was sick a lot. i felt bad to and really depressed after grace was born until she was about eight months most of that was post partum depression and i did go on anti-depressants, but i've always struggled with depression. but i also saw a natural doctor for the depression and for the w/d's and she gave me some supplements that changed my life. the crying is also your bodies way of getting rid of toxins, every time your tears are cleansing and im sure your body is letting you know its trying to get clean. try not to beat your self up so much, i know that is easier said than done and everyone lets go of the guilt at different times and in different ways, but remember, an addict is not a bad person, they (we) are sick, and if we treat ourselves with the same compassion as someone who has any other disease, we can go a little easier on our selves. WE ARE NOT BAD PEOPLE TRYING TO GET GOOD, WE ARE SICK PEOPLE TRYING TO GET WELL.  and having the disease of addiction does NOT make you a bad mother. one question: do you have a support group? you really need one, especially if your family doesn't know. it is crucial that you talk with other addicts and let them give you support, it's really the only way to really conquer this disease. the last thing this disease wants is for us to be honest and confide with others, holding our head high and not being ashamed to admit we are sick and need each other. just know that there are great people here who really do care about fellow addicts and offer their support freely, me included, so don't hesitate to call on me, i know exactly where you are and what you are going through and that helps us to know we are not alone. you will be in my prayers. God Bless Christina

[10356]

My husband and I went through wd together.. I'm an addict he was dependent on a very small amount.. We were both crying about everything.. I would look over he would have tears in his eyes over reading a sappy e-mail I would smile then I would be crying over a commercial.. What a pair we made.. That will stop.. As for the past we can not change the past but we can change today.. I wish you and your family the best they and you sound wonderful and you deserve the life that it brings.. I wish you well.. lesa

[CYMER]

I don't know why however I'm more emotional now than before. I think Old Yeller would do me in...

[10356]

Old yeller would do a person with a stone for heart in :))