Fiance has been using Oxycontin for 9 months

[concernedfiance]

I just found out last week that my fiance has been snorting oxycontin for the last 8-9 months. I found out because he was lying and I accused him of having an affair with a coworker. She told me the truth that they were not sleeping together, but were snorting oxycontins a few times a month. After he was "caught" he told me that he would do it sometimes 3 times a day, but would detox for a week or so. He says he does this only when it's available to him  (he was selling them to the coworker). Obviously I am not a fool, but we have a child together and I want to believe him that he has stopped. He went through withdrawl these last few days (July 15th was his last time) and seems to be ok now. I am concerned that since I did not notice this before that I would not recognize this if he went back to using. We are waiting to get some help, whether pyshcologically or from medication (if he is depressed or anxious or something) so that is a bonus that he wants to get help, but I am still trying to understand this addiction. I am not into drugs and have never been this "close" to any of them or any addicts. Is there symptoms or behaviours...anything that I can "catch" to free my mind from distrust right now, when the thought of him away from me is making me question him?

[lovemypillhead]

hello~


sniffling all the time is a sign. also, if ur trying to catch someone if they are doing it.......then, start paying attn to what they are doing. like my bf was snorting them and wouldnt admit it. well, everytime he got back from a pill run...he'd go in the bathroom and turn the shower on.......however long later he'd leave the bathroom and id go in there and rub my hand over the counter and there was a shite powder (traces of it) on the counter. and, there was this arizone ice tea glass bottle that he would never throw out (obviously he used that to smash the pill)........and the plsatic wrapper around cigarettes....he always had at least one of those.........in the bathroom.......and, a magazine insert (like if u wanna subscribe).......

so what he would do is...take the pill, remove coating, put in the cig wrap thing, smash it with the glass bottle, use the mag insert card to form a line and then snort it.

signs someone is on pills is if they scrath alot (like they are itchy), pinpoint pupils, talkative.......lots of energy. everyone is diff....tho....

[sessie0407]

I am wondering what the signs are of and oxy user that snorts like i need some one to tell me the exact things that poin it out.  

[lovemypillhead]

also.....what made u stop the wedding? i understand the obvious.....but i mean, did u suspect him doing them  again?  

and, does he associate with the girl he was doing them with still?

[lovemypillhead]

how do u seperate him from the addiction.  i know that is the right thing to do....but, im having a hard time doing it.

[lovemypillhead]

HEY!  I DONT REALLY HAVE A PERSONAL STORY.  I AM NOT ADDICTED TO ANYTHING BUT CIGARETTES. BACK IN THE DAY, I DID DRINK TOO MUCH. BUT I GOT A DUI.....AND GOT MY S*IT TOGETHER.

MY BOYFRIEND, THO, DOES PILSS.  OXY'S, PERCOCETS, VICODINS, DILAUDIDS....PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING W/ AN OPIATE IN IT.  

I HATE WHERE WE LIVE. HE WANTS HELP AND DOESNT WANNA TAKE THEM ANYMORE.  THERE IS ******ONE***** PLACE AROUND HERE THAT DOES THE METHADONE ****----HE HAS NO HEALTH INS.  SUBOZONE IS CRAZY EXPENSIVE......

NOBODY WILL HELP.  I CALLED THE CRISIS CENTER LAST NIGHT AND WENT OFF ON THEM ALTHO I KNOW IT ISNT THEIR FAULT.

HERE'S WHAT I LOVE................................."AMERICA" DOESNT WANT ITS YOUTH OR PEOPLE ON DRUGS, RIGHT?  DRUG ABUSE IS RISING.  ESPECIALLY OPIATE ABUSE.  BUT, HERE'S THE PART I LOVE....................I HAVE SOMEONE IN MY LIFE WHO IS OPENLY SAYING "HELP ME---I WANT OFF THIS ****. I CANT DO IT ALONE. BLAH BLAH BLAH".........BUT YET ALL THESE "CLINICS" BASICALLY REQUIRE YOU TO BE SHOOTING UP OR USING ACTUAL HEROIN OR BE TAKING LIKE 500MG OF OC'S A DAY.  IT IS SO FREAKING STUPID.  IM VENTING RIGHT NOW. BUT THAT IS THE GARBAGE I AM RUNNING INTO.  

OR---I FIND SOMEWHERE IN ANOTHER COUNTY....I CALL THEM...I CAN GET MY BF IN THERE....OH, BUT WAIT----WE DONT LIVE IN THAT COUNTY.

I SERIOUSLY HATE ALL OF IT.

[concernedfiance]

that's exactly the relationship we had/have. He would never cheat and never goes to bars. He is always around the house, but drugs for him...his eyes light up when you mention them...he has a problem and he is going in Sept for an assessment. I seperate the addiction from him because I know that there is the person I fell in love with in there, and that he is not doing this to hurt me...he's doing it because he can't control his addiction.

[lovemypillhead]

wow! I COMMEND U.  calling a wedding off is not easy. hang in there. id love to lie to you and tell u it gets easier but it doesnt. it does if your bf quits. but, what i hate is....the feeling of no trust.  i mean, i hate it.  i look at my bf and i think how much i love him and how i would do anything for him (and have)....and then i think to myself how much i want to believe him. i even think to myself "ok, if he were doing that again....and if i dont know.....does it hurt me".  i know that is stupid thinking but i think it at times. but then i imagine him snorting that garbage and it makes my head pound and makes my heart rush.  

we have a little crack in the bathroom molding and i swear i saw him doing it.  but as my previous post said, he'd deny it.  

we just had a baby 3.5 months ago as well.  he really really wants to get married....i do too...........but not like this.  actually, this is the ONLY thing we fight about.  we spend a ton of time together, get along wonderfully, never cheat, never even drink a drink without each other.............we really are a great couple.....but man, these oxy's cause problems.

it is the trust. i feel as tho i can put him in a room with 18 hookers and i know he would never even look at them out of respect for me.  

but, if i put him in a room with a pill.....

[rue10]

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this.  You are EXTREMELY strong and SMART to follow your gut and postpone such an anticipated event.  I give you credit for taking the necessary steps to preserve your well being.

If all goes well, it will have been just a delay.  If it doesn't you've probably saved yourself and your child from a lifetime of pain and anguish.  

Please keep us posted on your bf's progress.  We're pulling for you both!

Blessings.

[concernedfiance]

Update:

I postponed our Wedding last week. It was a very hard decision to make but I felt that I wasn't happy to be going through with it right now. I do still love him and we have a child together, but I want our Wedding day to be fun, not shrouded in doubt and pain.

My fiance is going to a place called Adapt for an assessment, but that's not till sep. Atleast he is making an effort, and that's all I've asked of him right now.

I believe that he used about 2 weeks ago, but since then hasn't done any...or at least none that I could tell.

I'm finding though that I am very depressed about everything and so I'm trying to deal with my depression....

Thank you for all the posts and information to look for, I really appreciate it!

[liscamdave]

Well, most people when on Oxy's have pinpoint pupils. They look like little tiny dots. And some will scratch uncontrollably. It all depends on the person though. Both myself and my husband were addicted to Oxy's. ANd you could not tell whatsoever that I took them. But he was totally transparant to me. He would dip out and literally fall asleep sitting up. His words words would slur. So everyone is different.

Is he still working with this woman? I mean that is strange in itself. I would be careful, just like an affair, if she is going to be around him still, it is going to he hard for him to avoid temtation .And addicts love company. So if they were partners in their addiction and still work together, odds are one will talk the other into doing it again.

[lovemypillhead]

i want to give u so much credit for being honest and stopping this HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE addiction.  granted, it is for u but u said "i mainly stopped because of my girlfriend and she doesnt even know".  i love that statement because i kinda feel that way.  tho if u read my long post above, i think i already know.  but still.....the fact that u reconize all of this and that ur gf doesnt deserve this is wonderful.  if possible, pls read my post above......am i loosing my mind in thinking he is snorting?

[lovemypillhead]

hey!  so, first let me say i am reading all these post and am so happy this site is here. time for my story!  (i feel for u because i am in the same boat but i think i have more info about pills than you so it may not be as hard for me to detect)------when i met my boyfriend, a year and a half ago, he was "clean" from oxy's for about a year.  He snorted anywhere from one 80mg a day to 240mg a day (so 3 80mg's). And, the only reason he didnt always do 240mg a day was because he wouldnt be able to find that many at the time. (he never had a prescription....he bought them on the streets.) when i met him, he was honest with me about his past. fast foward, a little.....here and there he wanted some vicodin.....maybe some percocet......then he found someone who had the patch.....then found a little oxy~i was actually cool if he took pills.  Not alot of course.  And absolutely NO SNORTING.  Why?  Because #1) as u said earlier.....the image I see in my head of him snorting anything just makes me want to cry and #2) Snorting pills makes them more addictive.  Did u know snorting oxy's is WORSE than doing heroin?  Oh, the research I have done! (There is a special on HBO all about opiates which was amazing) So, like i said----i was cool. He does suffer fromhorrible stomach aliments....and has no med insurance so i know he is in pain, i know pain killers help him, i dont want him "suffering" but i also said things would be done MY WAY. I guess that was my way of "controlling" the situation. Recently tho, i have began to wonder if he is back to snorting them.  Little things he does...for example (i am giving you some inside heads up tips here)...he will go in the bathroom, lock the door, turn the shower on but never come out wet. He seems to be in too bad of withdrawl on the days he doesnt have pills (sweating, cant sleep, throwing up, no motivation, etc). He has been going to his cousin's house more frequently (she snorts them...hell, she'd snort advil if it was infront of her).  And, the other day---this was my personal favorite----i went in his bathroom....i ran my hand across the counter and guess what?  A white powdery sustance was on my hand!  And, there was a magazine insert card folded in half....i ran my hand down the crease and again....guess what?  A white powdery substance, again!!!!  I go downstairs and GO O-F-F! Of course he denied it. He made up some bs about how when he broke some vicodin in half and he used that magazine card to "push all the pwder together" to clean it up.  Honestly, i cant tell u what he said for sure becasue i didnt listen because it is a lie. I am not stupid.  We got into it last night. Like i told him...."Just because i havent been going off daily, hourly--doesnt mean i believe ur stupid stories. It just means I have been too exaushted to fight." And, unless I have a signed affidavit, blood sample, retina scan and video of him doing it...he will deny it (i am, of course, being sarcastic....but u get the point).  And, he rolls his eyes at me when i bring it up.  Thing is this:----------because he has  a bad history of it and because of little things i have been noticing, i do think he is back to doing that. I told him it is over if he does that.  I have a right to date someone who DOESNT put s*it up their nose.  Just like he has a right to date whomever he wants.  It is so expensive of a habit. (FYI----oxy's go for $1.00 a milligram pill.....so, if your guy buys a 40mg pill....just ONE pill....he paid $40 for that one pill.....and 40mg are the most abused.  There are 10mg, 20mg, 40mg and 80mg. There are also 160mg but those are not legal in the US but they are in Canada.  I suppose it is possible he got a good deal on them but oxy's are so in demand and abused that a seller of them KNOWS if he doesnt wanna pay a buck a mg, someone will.  So, trust me....he is spending (or was spending) loads and loads of money.  

On one hand, this post is to help u by letting u know that u are not alone.  I do think my guy is snorting them.  I just havent "caught him" literally....in the act yet. It is to also help u by giving you some other things to look for (white powdery substance, etc). And, in a way....im posting to get advice too! I do love my boyfriend SO MUCH. There is nothing i wouldnt do for him. --o yeah, and for the sex....when they are pilled up, their stamina is LOOOOONG.  That is a big big change. They can go forever and a day.

I am sure I will think of more things to send to you!

Oh, about a year ago.....he got on Suboxone which is a pill they use to medically detox u from opiates.  It worked AWESOME. He had energy, he had ZERO cravings , he was happy.  It was like how he was on oxy. The ONLY reason he quit was we couldnt afford it.  Like i said, he has no insurance....so it was about $400 a week (where we live) between the pills, counseling, drug tests, etc.  Methadone--------that is used to get people off opiates as well.  it is usually for "poorer income". Around here, we only have one place that gives methadone....and u have to be an IV user....which he is not.  I guess he could lie and say he is...but he doesnt have track marks.  

[concernedfiance]

I agree wannabefree330. He has always found people in any situation he was in that had some kind of drug habit. We are going to get help to find out why he does that because he doesn't even know. A doctor last week says he might be trying to self medicate a problem like ADD or anxiety. But again he just doesn't know. Changing jobs isn't the answer it's just a bandaid...I would like her to leave though, but again only a bandaid...the root cause has to be addressed, but my trust is shattered and I'm like 2 weeks away from walking down the isle with him....This has come at the worst time.

[wannabefree330]

Have you asked him if he would consider changing jobs?  Would that help at all?  There will always be that doubt there now whenever he tells you anything?  it is hard for us addicts to win back the trust of our loved ones.  It takes a long time for that to happen, and you don't have to just magically trust him right now.  Just be honest with him.  Tell him that you're having a hard time trusting, but you are working on that and trying.  Really doesn't matter where he's working, if he wants to use, he'll find it.  

[Mandapanda17]

I guess you're going to have to just have trust in him. I know thats hard. I honestly don't know how my fiance still trusts me. I started being 100% honest with him about a month ago, when I was scared and knew I needed help. I think that if you let him know that you are there to help no matter what, he will be more likely to be honest with you. I read your above posts about wondering if he was taking methadone, I think you might be able to tell if he was. I had a SHORT lived experience with that last week for a day and I almost couldn't function at all. very drugged up.. my friend who takes it is also visibly on drugs. shes acting a lot weirder than she was when she was on oxys or vicodin. hopefully some of this helps! ;)

[concernedfiance]

You know it's very hard to trust someone who not only lied about what they were doing but also that they were doing it in the first place. I have decided to trust him that he has stopped doing them...or anything...but I'm stuck in this world now where I don't know what he's doing at work with this coworker even thought he says they are no longer friends. It hurts and it's making this so much harder then it is...any advice from addicts out there for a loved one who is trying to trust?

[james2069]

If you are going to get married I am afaid maybe your fiance is quitting only on the accoun tof you to please YOU!, This is never why an addict must quit, if he is not ready to quit on his own he will end up back using! Me and my wife have been going through this over and over for years, finally I quit only one week ago, but I did it, I WANTED this this time, I did it for me! NEVER allow him to go to the methadone clinic, addicts go here thinking it will help, or maybe even like me My wife wanted me to quit so I went there to make her happy and get me a buzz, after almost 2 months of going there, I realized that place was the devil and if I didnt get out then, I never would, that **** ***** you in and when you get spit out you wish you never went htere,  the withdrawl from that is unlike any other!! The worst, tell him go coldturkey that is the ONLY way to go and then you also learn your leason, to stay the **** away from opiates! Good luck to you, addicts can only help themselves!

[twolve]

it honestly helps me to hear you say things like that..when your doing it your not even thinking like that..to reassure myself that it truly does gross people out to think about snorting something up their nose in a weird way it is good to hear..i just keep thinking about my gf finding out and realizing that the girl who thinks the absolute world of me no longer feels that way..i dont think id be on this message board today if it wasnt for her..id probably be on pills thinking nothing is wrong..it wasnt until i quit that i realized how messed up it was that i was snorting oxys..i was in some kind of denial that i was different than those "junkies"..id see the guys i bought from and id say to myself "thank god im not like them"..but i was on that path..thats for damn sure

[Coolio Hernendez]

Well i think that sex would be the last thing they were doing.....Thats how my wife knows that i am doing the pill's....Because i cant get into sex.....So atleast you have that.......I also think Methadone,Oxy Suboxone Percocite Vics Opana...Its all the same....You do to much to get high then you feel like **** for a week when you quit...

Good Luck...

[concernedfiance]

He told me te coworker has an addiction the methadone...she was on it to get off the oxys. I'm just wondering if he's just saying oxycotin because its easier to accept??? I find it so hard still to think of him snorting something up his nose...that is not the person I fell in love with and certainly not the person I had a child with..

[twolve]

anything is possible. do you have any reason for thinking that?

[concernedfiance]

Is it possible that he is lying and is doing Methadone instead?

[twolve]

yeah you snort a line..oxycontin is a pill but people just crush it and snort it..like i said i have admitted to two of my friends what i had been doing but for some reason i lied about how much i was doing and i dont even know why..the most important thing is quitting if he can quit then who cares how much they were doing..for someone doing oxys for 9 months i doubt he went many days without it, especially if he was selling them..id be surprised if he went any days without it..i only did when i absolutely had to

[concernedfiance]

Another question....the coworker told me they only do one line every few weeks...is that what snorting is?? a line or is she admintting they do something else?