Hi everyone. I have been on sub since 8/5/08 and since then have had constant craving for oxys. The thought consumes every fiber of my being. I am a chronic pain patient that really abused the pain meds for over 14 years. I went to one doctor today and overheard the physician assistant telling the doctor that I was hospitalized on a lot of meds yada yada. So I made an appt with the doc who gave me my pills all these years. He never suspected I abused them b/c I never asked for more b/c I bought more off the street putting me in severe debt. I can't seem to lose contact with my dealer and talk to him/her weekly. My personality has changed and I fear I will never be happy until I get my drugs back. I know this is the drug talking. Living in constant pain may attribute to this, but I know I am also chasing the high I got on the oxys. Please help me... anyone! I feel so weak and now feel that I will never get off these damn subs.
I also feel that I cannot go NA or AA meetings for fear of someone seeing me b/c I am well known around my community. I haven't even been honest with my sub doc and told him I took the oxys as prescribed. I feel that if only something took away my chronic pain then I could focus on recovery. I just feel so darn weak right now. Have no desire to do anything. I am going to try the online NA meeting chat tonight though. Any ideas guys? Really feeling bad here. :(
"I will never be happy until I get my pills back" - i am also a legitimate chronic pain patient. And a drug addict. You need to think about that statement you made. There may well be something there for you. I am in #9 pain as I type this to you......and you know what ? I am in much better shape than when I was totally pilled out for years....you can be also.....narcs cause changes in brain and chemistry,,,,one modality of treatment dictates that it is important to stop the cycle before changes in the brain occur....talk back to that drug and regain control of your body and life.
Try the online na .I still think everyone needs some type of local support I did not want to do the na way either .I found a therapist with substance abuse training it was the best fit for me .You dont want to start the oxys agian . Ask yourself why are you not being honset with your sub doctor and your other doctors .Is it becuase you dont want the opton down the road to get more pills taken away or is it something else .Getting to the root of your useage helps soooo much .Then you get better know what tiggers to aviod .You can do this .
Thanks for the comments of inspiration. I am sorry that you suffer as well, and I THANK YOU for serving our country! I really mean that. My grandfather always taught me to thank a veteran. 14 years or 30 plus years still seems like an eternity to an addict. How and what do you do to try and cope with your pain (physical) I mean. My pain knocks at my door constantly and frankly driving me crazy. How do people like us break this cycle? I can't have injections and it isn't a back injury and bascially nothing else can be done. Are you employed because I am and I can't even think straight in work.
I too suffer from a back injury but the truth is (as many on here know) pain is only helped with opiates for a very short time before the addiction takes over. After a year or so you find yourself chasing the high. There are so many other ways to help the chronic pain sufferer, but the doctors just keep the dope coming until we each reach the same point -- addiction that is very painful to get free of. I wish you all the best in your quest to get clean.
Of course the ones you mentioned plus Chiropractic, Acupuncture, Spinal implants that block the pain (battery pack external or internal), and many other ways -- I would recommend a pain specialist. I know how bad it hurts and I wish you all the best. Oh, one other that many have found useful - -- Prayer. All the best.
Prayer is a powerful tool....but icing a sore area can really help more than boatload of oxy...we get to such high doses that it isnt really helping..it is keeping us from being depressed and keeps us from worrying about the pain as much./..cos we are in oxyland..not here on earth...chronic pain patient here as well...trying to avoid another surgery...yoga helps, heat, massage, ibuprophen, stress reduction where possible, chiropractic has brought me more relief than anything,
when a pain episode hits...and u feel like u cant pull out of it..depression sets in...that in itself can cause us to crave....making a plan to work on the pain..try new avenues...never giving up hope...seek new oinions..and u r right..this could all be worthless and do u no good in the end.....but when u lose hope u lose the essence of life..that special person that can never be replaced..YOU...there will never be another YOU again on this earth...and the pills will take your essence..ur specialness..ur contributions and things u have to share and give/ away from u...i can see how sometimes people are just ready to throw in the towel/give up and let the pills win..let them seep into ur mind, ur veins and ur whole being...then u really have lost u have lost urself and everything u could have given to the people u love..I am not there yet....alot of this is mind over matter.....dont let the pills win...dont ever think that is ur only answer to being "pain free" it is the pills thinking for u when u think this...keep fighting..if i ever give up and completely give in...i will write my obituary right beforehand, while i still have enuf wits about me to do it and say what i need to say to those i love
HEY Buddy,you went on Sub,Why to $sell the oxy? I believe you may be registered on a Narcotic check-list,Sub is for Drug Abusers,it ***** for pain relief,and for not going to N.A..Well n.a. is a fellowship of addicts who (Honest,Not Scammers)I have had 2-Back serguries and as of 4-months ago Ahip Resurfacing and i dont Need an 80mgs x 100000 Oxys or percocets.Listen to what others have said.The only requirment is a HONEST desire to not use??
I still have pain too and it could give me legitimate grounds for still using (had a hip replacement 3.5 months ago and it still hurts quite a bit, esp when I get up from sitting).
HOWEVER -- I do feel that it is tolerable and esp now that I have been off the dope for more than 1 month. I guess now that I am clean and my body has readjusted and I can think straight....it would just not be worth it to me to get back on that nasty dragon of opiate use to cover this pain. the reality is...1) once I get up and start moving the pain is not so bad 2) exercising my lazy *ss helps a lot 3) taking tylenol and iburofen help too...4) the drugs made me feel more like "a baby" about my pain -- "oh, my hangnail hurts! I better take 2 percs now!!" (etc).
and it's true that being on the junk makes you more intolerant of even minor pain -- somehow it magnifies and wants you to justify staying on the dope. that thinking will change if you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, and once you get a few weeks clean under your belt.
I just started yoga to help strengthen and stretch my poor muscles -- it is awesome! and I might explore acupuncture too. I think the basis of it's efficacy is sound.
Amen to yoga...me, with screws in my neck and a spine from he!! love yoga..even became an instructor...takes time to build up to the poses and workouts as some types of yoga are tough...but strengthening in a way that doesnt injure you...and the mind...it helps my mind sooooo much...there are tons on DVDs for sale online if u dont go to a gym...GAIAM can always be trusted to have a quality instructors and work outs...the FLOW SERIES is great...Yoga also stretches your spine and muscles and relieves pain...a good yoga workout can be better than a massage any day of the week
stick with the suboxone it is 25-40% stronger on a mg to mg basis for pain relief than morphine, so its def. a strong pain reliever,and believe me i was one of the biggest doctor shoppers there ever was. i have close to a 100 medical bills sitting at my house and im only 22. in the lower Wisconsin and upper Illinois area my name is known by heart, any emergency room, urgent care, immediate care they know me and wont do anything for me other than give me a huge shot of toradol a strong anti-inflammatory drug like ibuprofen, its a joke. but its what i needed. i came up with every excuse in the book to even using real ailements i had to my advantage and for a year it worked great and i could always count on that when the supply of oxys or H was low, but eventually youll get caught up. i ended up getting caught forging scripts for originally 5 mg instant release oxycodone capsules taht got a way with adding a 1 in front of the 5 for a couple of months but one bad 1 and they caught right on and i could have gone to jail and been screwed but i got lucky, and **** youd think i would stop but that didnt even phase me that only made me try harder and go further to find a good clinic that would treat me. i eventually realized i couldn't get clean on my own after hundreds of attempts and opted for help. i detoxed and started suboxone treatment but after breaking my wrist after 8 months of being completely clean i started it all up again doctor shopping and all. i would scam my primary doctor and the hand specialist for anything they had. i ended up on 240 mgs of ms contin and 10 norcos a day and it would only get worse so id decided toa ct and went to the methadone clinic and its now been four months and i feel soo much better its amazing. the suboxone can really work and keep clean it can def. be a life saver so stick with it and fight those urges to go to doctors, i know how hard it is i feel the same way still..but you need to stay strong. i strongly going to NA, counseling, and one on one meetings, it helps soo much, best of luck to you-christos
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