Fighting

[EmPatt]

I have struggled with Pain Pill Addiction for YEARS now along with Ecstasy also (not as much as pain killers) I am currently trying cut it out of my life and would like to know what it is that I can do to help me with this process while avoiding Rehab.

[weaver71]

That quote is from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. It's in the promises. I blamed all my bad feelings on pills or my bipolar, for a long time, but CBT counseling and doing the right thing has helped me cope in new ways. The biggest being, getting off my butt and doing things. Lately, I have been pushing myself to do things I feel some uncertainty about. Like I took on a wiring job last week. Two other people couldn't fix it, so I decided I would give it a crack. It was a challenge, but I feel good having done it. 12 step meetings were like that for me, early on. I didn't want to go, but was told I needed aftercare, so I went anyway. I am so glad I did. Living just beyond my comfort zone, but not too much, has created growth and new confidence in my ability and my mind's stability. I am in control of my destiny, I am no longer re acting, I am being pro active. I believe that is really making a huge difference. Keep being good and it will start to feel good. For now, don't worry about how you feel, just keep doing the next right thing. If you don't know what the next right thing is, do the next thing right. You are free already, it just takes time for our brain to realize that we set our spirit free.

[EmPatt]

Sorry the first one wouldn't post. When I posted the second then it posted! I'm not good with computers. (more of an outside person lol)

[EmPatt]

Weaver71 you hit the nail on the head with that. I do have to start looking at things differently. Yes a definitely feel depressed however it's a little more intense because I have always struggled with depression (a genetic and a life thing) Crazy how when people put words together a certain way sometimes they just really hit other people ;)

[EmPatt]

Oh yes I am determined to figure something out. Weaver71 you hit the nail on the head with that one. It's all about trying to look at things differently. That is the title "You will instinctively handle situations that used to baffle you" lol just making sure so I can look it up. Definitely feel depressed however its a little more intense because I have always struggled with depression (a genetic thing and a life thing)

[weaver71]

For me, the hardest part of quitting pills was replacing them with healthy activities. Maybe you can't afford to pay anything, but anyone can DO something. Like Loveandlight said she couldn't go to meetings a short time ago, but now she has found a way. All addicts are, "I want it now," people, or the ones I know. Truth is, we have to start looking for ways to do things differently. A big one is asking for help and accepting it. Whether it be a parent, neighbor, pastor, or whoever, because we have our whole lives to pay it forward and help others. Don't talk yourself out of going to the gym, church, meetings, counseling, or whatever. When we want something bad enough and work hard enough to find a way, it happens. Sometimes fast, sometimes slow, but the promises always materialize for those who work for them. The promises are in the Big Book of AA, I highly suggest reading them. One of my favorites is, "You will instinctively handle situations that used to baffle you." Keep searching, never stop growing, eat good, exercise, do all the things to make life better, even if it doesn't feel good immediately. You will not regret it.

You are probably feeling the Trams still, if anything. The Anti Depressant agent in Trams can take awhile to pass. How is your mood, have you felt anxious or depressed? If so, realize the trams are long acting and synthetic, so realize you are not back to full force yet. Don't get impatient, just keep those eyes on the prize, the prize is the real you.

[EmPatt]

I really should have spell checked that before I sent it lol

[EmPatt]

I am so happy to hear that. I can let my guard down a little bit. You never know how people are going to act. However I would have been cheating myself if I didn't atleast try so glad I did too!! I am starting to feel a little bit better each down. I am one of those people that wants what they want now. So this is extra hard for me because I want to feel better now I want to go back to the old Em NOW!! I keep reminding myself that that is not going to happen in this case. I am not a single mom anymore but what for years!! And on top of being a single mom I was also a teenage mom which is where my addiction started. I never wanted to just feel out of this world high floating as they say. I would refer to it as my coffee. It just kept me going until it didn't and then I would have to take more and more. Heck yall of all people know how the story goes. lol :) Thanks again

[loveandlight05]

I feel you on the single mom thing. Although I have a husband, he is never home, and I can hardly ever get to a meeting. Today, my mom told me she would care for my twins one night a week so that I can go to a meeting, so that is good. I was recently arrested for doctor shopping, so you can imagine how much money I spent on pills, but like you, that just made me even more in debt. I still don't have any money. I am just not going as in debt as I was before. A lot of people will tell you that if you had enough money for the pills, you can work just as hard to have the amount of money you need for rehab. That is not necessarily true. If every credit card is maxed from buying pills, there is no money for rehab. It is not so simple, so I get exactly what you are saying.

[jifmoc]

Empatt- girl, if I saved all the money I blew on pills I would be able to open my own rehab! We all have done that. Aftercare is free! Talking about AA or NA.(There are others, I'm unfamiliar w/ em tho) I go to AA; even though I never had an alcohol problem, doesn't matter: it's about getting help for the issues that drove us to altering ourselves in the first place.

No one is gonna judge you here. We've all done the same as you and we've all been mortified. Thus, the life of an active addict. But you are getting out of it now, that's the only point.

At 7 days, you are probably past the worst of the wd's, so that's good. Although they do linger for quite a while: def worth it to get Thomas recipe stuff.

Keep posting and let us know how we can help:)

[EmPatt]

I know that seems kind of weird that I don't have the finances for outpatient but did have money for pills. They were causing a lot more financial problems then I could handle. Thanks for not judging :)

[EmPatt]

W/Ds are definitely there. They are actually kind of why I even found this site. Aftercare seems like such a far reach considering my finances and since I am a stay at home mom that isn't married I have no insurance which is the reason for me doing this by myself. If I had some kind of insurance I would have tried to find some sort of out patient. What options to you know of that I can work with. Thanks again :) Oh and I will look that up now.

[jifmoc]

Okay, so you've been off everything for a week? You must be feeling the wds pretty intensely? Look up the Thomas recipe on this forum and that will give you everything you need to ease w/ds. You aren't complaining about wds, which is unusual. Are you feeling better?

You will NEED aftercare my friend. We don't make it w/o it. Have you looked into it?

[EmPatt]

Hey thank you for your comments. I have been taking Vicodin 10mg usually about 8 a day and also tramadol 50mg as many as 12 a day usually not Vicodin usage and Tramadol usage is not on the same day. I have not been taking them for about a week now. Just long enough to miss them. I remember myself at a time before about 7 years ago and I was so happy and full of energy. Quite the opposite now. I know I can do this just need some support from the outside that will give it to me straight.

[loveandlight05]

IBKleen will give it to you straight. Be humble and take in the advice that these women and men give you.

I don't know that avoiding a rehab is the right way to go if you have a problem. I speak from experience. Do you know that there are alternatives to checking yourself in somewhere? I didn't know that which has gotten me into a **** mess. You can detox safely in outpatient and then start going to meetings and such. I am using outpatient rehab in conjunction with AA and NA meetings for now. I have to say that in my experience, the AA and NA meetings are amazing while the private therapy is mediocre and best.

[IBKleen]

Hi & WElcome,

Tell us a bit about your usage. Daily? What will you be coming down off of? There is great support here and the members will help you through this. Stick around.

[jifmoc]

Hey there, Empatt. A little more info will help us help you better. How many pills are you on a day? What strength and for how long? Did you stop already or are you planning on stopping. Mandatory: you must cut out all sources of pills: dealers, dr., dentist etc. If you have access to any, it's impossible to stay clean.

Don't know anything bout Ecstasy but I know it won't do anything good for you. Gotta cut that source too. Block/delete phone #'s etc.

Keep posting and welcome:)