Finally gave in to the pain, dont think i can do it

Well ,wannabefre2b, just got back from doc's with another script for lortab, i have been struggling all week, had 8 days in, and the pain shooting down my legs was too much to take.  I feel like im a loser cause i cant stick with it.  I feel so proud of you people that can flush them, i know they are poison, but couldnt take the pain.  Im scheduled to go see a neurol surgeon next week, they were talking about giving me a cortizone shot in my back, it only helps me for about 3 weeks, i dont want surgery either, so what do you do.  Im going to TRY to use medication as prescribed every 4 - 6 hours, oh  guys, dont give up on me yet, i wanna be free from those damn things, but i HATE being in pain.  Can anyone understand what im saying, hope your not all mad at me, and i have seen on some posts where you guys get a little discouraged with us addicts, keep me in your prayers, i need all the help i can get, thanks.

[el_em_en_oh]

None of us was meant to suffer, my friend. If you are in legitimate pain, and narcotics are your only option, then it's truly a matter of life & death for you.

Do not get discouraged. There are plenty of people on this board who've been in your shoes (me, me, me) with chronic-pain and a need for narcotic pain-killers.

How do I deal with it? My wife has a lock-box (pathetic, I know, but it works for us) and she keeps my meds in there. In the morning, she gives me 12/hr pill. In the evening, she gives me my next 12/hr pill, and so on, and so on.

Do you have someone that you can trust to distribute/control your medication for you?

[duluthguy]

I know the feeling, I relapsed once. I don't know what kind of pain you are in exactly, but I have to say that I probably would have done the same thing had I not went and discussed my problem with my doctor and dentist. I couldn't leave an "out" for me, it was cut every avenue of supply that I could, otherwise I would fail. There are legitimate needs for pain medicine, and if this is 100% legitimate, and only you would know- then that is what it is for. God bless!

[justneedtotalk]

Don't sweat it man.....I relapsed a 100 times until this last time where I am almost 90 days sober.  I too fight with pain and have found that physical exercise and non-narcotic prescription pain medication really help.  Of course they do not work 100% as well as the narco's but I can live with it.

You truly need to ask yourself what is more important....Eventually and I mean eventually you will have to face the detox demon for good or this lifestyle will consume your life but EVENTUALLY your doctors are going to cut you off or fix your physical problems and you will either be forced to go to the streets or bug friends and family which is a horrible existance.  You caved this time but as your addiction progresses the withdrawal symptoms get worse.

My suggestion would be to confront your doctor (which is very hard to do) and tell him you no longer want to be prescribed narcotic pain relievers and you need to at least try them to see if they will work for you.  This way what ever lies ahead of you in the future for your physical challenges you will be able to take something that will make the pain tolerable.

If I have learned anything from this process, I would have to say that it takes the upmost personal will to become sober and stay sober.  The best day of being "Stoned" is far worse than the worst day of being sober once you get a little time under your belt.  The life beyond narco's is wonderful and it is such a great feeling to wake up and not have to stress about my pill supply or future trips without.  I lost my doctor supply and ended up bumming from friends and local suppliers.....I burnt through a lot of pill and $$$!  I still did not have enough to support my habbit full time so I was constantly running out for a week some times two and having to detox each and every time while no one around me knew what I was going through.  I would not wish that on anyone.....Good luck out there man and I hope you make the right decision....God Bless!

[mellie4]

I don't know what your pain issues are or your addiction issues since this is the first post I've read. Pain management can be a slippery slope for some people. I do not have any addictive tendencies but I still constantly worry that it will happen to me.  I am constantly talking to my pain management team and reading literature on it.

I know I don't fit the criteria for becoming addicted yet you never know. I'm hyper vigilant about it.  I quit taking my oxycodone last Friday.  My prescription for that is 30 to 45 mg. every four hours round the clock.  It was worrying me, despite reassurance from the pain management team.  

I've experienced some very mild withdrawals due to the fact that I'm also on a Fentanyl patch.  I thought I might not get any but no such luck.  And of course, my pain is screaming out of control.  I do plan on going back to the oxycodone but I want to have a little holiday from it to see if I can take it less and at a lower dose.

I've realized, for me, that without narcotics, I'm probably not going to be able to get out of bed much.  And they allow me to live a little bit of a life.

If you're going to come off all narcotics, you still have to learn how to deal with your pain.  Or, like was suggested above, you could have someone dole them out to you.

Only you know in your heart if you're truly misusing your medication.  Studies show that MOST people with chronic pain who overmedicate tend to do it because they are undermedicated to begin with.

Best of luck.  You may want to check out the pain management forum here to see if you can find any suggestions there.

[quinner]

I feel your pain, I'm 17 days off of oxys and percs and right in the middle of CT, at the worst possible time, I got a flare up of gout that usually affects one of my feet but this time it spread to both of my feet leaving me bedridden. After days, I finally could not take the excruciating pain anymore and had to spend a few days in the hospital and i DIDN'T REFUSE the morphine when it was offered to me.  Now I'm being told that my gout may have been mis-diagnosed and I may have Rheumatoid-Arthritis.  I'm thinking about the same things you are, how am I going to manage my pain if I keep getting flare ups and my situation worsens. Nothing works for me accept that little demon pill.

Do not feel alone, you are not the only one. Try to stay positive because it seems like you know what you want and I pray things will work out for you.  It seems like your medical situation is worse than mine but if you were feeling anything like i was a few days ago I dont blame you at all. I really feel and can relate to your situation.  I wish you luck and god bless.

[dominosarah]

Is there someone that can hold the pills for you?  Hopefully you and the neurosurgeon can come up with plan that will relieve your pain~~~~sara

[quitinoxys]

Wanna,  no one on this forum should get mad at you as we all have gone through this. I am a chronic pain sufferer and know exactly how you feel. There are other non-opiate pain relief methods such as Acupuncture, Facet joint injections and radio frequency injections. Cortizone injections do work but they are short lived and can only be done a few times a year since to much cortizone can cause liver and kidney problems. I agree with you about getting surgery as I have had four surgeries and they help for a while but then the pain comes back. As I said there are alot of alternative/natural treatments out there you just need to find the one that works for you. If you would like a list of the ones I have tried send me a message and I will be glad to help you anyway I can. I will pray for you and hope everything turns out well with the neurologist appointment. God Bless---Rick

[Frivolousz21]

Like you I recently had a medical condition. I had 14-5 mg vics, and 30 Darvocets.

took it 4-6 hours, sometimes 6-8 hours part for the duration of this healing.

Yesterday was my first day off it..and I was fatigued, foggy, dizzy, upset stomach.

today after feeling fine for 3 hours, the foggy brain is back.

Hopefully I don't have to go to threw this again for a while and I can keep my time on the stuff further apart.  

Either way having WDs just from that small amount really pisses me off.  While I am likely highly subject to WDs because of my abuse history.

They happen so fast, the meds are evil.

[Dav125]

Might question your doctor about neurontin or lyrica. They are non narcotic and are both suppose to target nerve pain.

[NearlyInsane]

If you're taking lortabs for legitimate pain, the problem is you're on the wrong drug.  Docs prescribe these stupid lortabs for chronic pain, & they really really shouldn't.  Sustained release (SR) pain meds are more appropriate.  Lortabs are for pain that's expected to go away within a week or 2.

Examples of SR pain meds are methadone, fentanyl patches, oxycontin (take as prescribed, do NOT crush, chew, or snort them!!!).  The reason for this is that lortabs & other short term pain meds cause your tolerance to rise very quickly, which is why we end up taking more than are prescribed.  On the other hand, I was on fentanyl patches for over 5 years & never increased my dosage once.  There was no high from them; no increased tolerance, no desire to abuse them.  Yet, they provided pain relief for years.  And BTW fentanyl patches seem to be the least abused of all the opiate pain relief drugs that I know of.  

The problem is docs for some reason have it backwards.  They think methadone & oxycontin are more likely to be abused & therefore cause them to come under attack from the DEA.  Well, sure there are people who abuse methadone & oxycontin, but usually not people who get on them for pain w/out previous addiction problems.  But put someone with chronic pain on lortabs for 6 months, & the result is almost ALWAYS going to be a person struggling w/ dependence issues.  The only way to avoid it would be if the patient realized what was going on early & just refused to take them.  There's just no way to take lortabs for an extended period of time for legitimate pain & not struggle w/ dependence (notice I'm not using the word addiction, because it's not necessarily addiction if you're taking them for pain & not for the "high")  Your body will expect them, so you will have withdrawals if you stop taking them, your tolerance will continually rise so you'll have to take more & more for the same amount of pain relief, & that pain relief PLUS euphoria associated w/ them will make you crave them.  It's a recipe for disaster.

I suggest you discuss this w/ your doc, & if he/she refuses to prescribe SR pain meds, try finding another doc.

[NearlyInsane]

BTW, the reason I got off the fentanyl patches is I actually got better due to exercise - basically taking those core muscle exercises to a whole new level.  (situps, tabletop, etc.)  So there is hope; maybe you could find a really good physical therapist...  I mean, after 10 years I definitely though I'd go to my grave w/ chronic back pain, but you'd be amazed what the right kind of exercise can do for you.  May not cure you, but it might take your pain levels down a peg.  Food for thought, anyway.

[quitinoxys]

Nearly, I have to disagree with you about extended release meds such as oxycontin. You build a tremendous tolerence to those evil pills. I was on them for about 7 years due to a severe spinal injury and when I first started taking them the doctor told me that they are less addictive than other pain meds (percs, vics etc;). Well I started with 20 mg/day after 1 year they were not working anymore so the doctor increased my dosage which worked for while and then not. After years I finally wound up at 80 mg 3X/day plus 10 mg percs for breakthrough pain. I always took my meds as prescribed but I still wound up being heavily dependent on them. I finally was sick of living a drug haze and quit CT which was no picnic. I am now 159 days clean although I still have a great deal of pain but I deal with it through alternative methods of pain relief. The problem with the doctors is lack of knowledge of the drugs the are prescribing, they get there education on drugs from the reps of the drug companies that manufacture the drugs. That is a bit self-serving and to the drug manufacturers it all about money. Just my two cents---Rick

[NearlyInsane]

Yes, I have heard that about oxycontin... but I do believe it is less addictive than lortabs (again if taken as prescribed).  But hey I've never taken them, so I'm just going by what I've read.  I have taken methadone & was on fentanyl patches for years & i can say 100% I never had the urge to abuse either drug.  Oxycontin would be my least preference for a sustained release opiate.  Fortunately my doc felt the same way, which is why I never tried it.

Still, the fact it took a year before 20mg wasn't enough tells me these are WAY better than lortabs.  With lortabs you'd need an increase in dosage within a month.

But yes in the end, if you have chronic pain, that is the conundrum - deal w/ the drugs & the issues they cause, or try another approach to pain management, like PT, biofeedback, even surgery.  Unfortunately nothing works as well & quickly as opiates, & that is a huge part of why they can get hold of us so fast.

[throwindatowl]

Just try and take um and not abuse them. Addicts should understand and I do. Ive been there. One thing different is I have no pain. Who wants to live in pain. If you abuse them then its time to try something different. I aint mad at cha!!!

[quitinoxys]

I agree with you about lortabs and all of the immediate release type pain meds, actually all opiate pain meds cause dependence its just the nature of the beast unfortunatley. I myself found that once I got off oxys acupuncture, yoga and exercise helps with keeping the pain at bay. It is just a shame that to many doctors jump to opiate pain meds before trying an alternative method of pain relief. It just goes to show how the big pharma companies lead doctors around by their noses---Rick

[Kelly_NH]

I work in a mental health clinic, and a number of our clients keep their meds in special timed lockboxes that only release the dosage as it's needed. If you don't have a person with the availability to hold your meds for you, I wonder if this might be an option. I'm betting your local pharmacy could hook you up with it.
Try not to beat yourself up for needing relief from your pain. We are not meant to live in pain, and if you need meds for the time being in order to mange your pain, it buys you time until you find a more satisfactory, less addictive solution.

[NearlyInsane]

A timed lockbox or another person allotting your meds isn't going to keep your tolerance from rising.  It keeps you from taking more than the prescribed amount, but the meds will still become less & less effective over time.  The answer in my book is obvious - either long term pain meds (fentanyl patches being my favorite choice - built in timer!), or get off the opiates & try other methods of pain relief.

Lortabs just aren't appropriate for long term chronic pain.  This is why there are so many lortab addicts around here.

[NearlyInsane]

Just had one more comment for ya: back when my back pain was at its worst, I was looking at things like surgery, because I couldn't find a doc who would give me any kind of pain meds, or any kind of pain relief.  I was so desperate I would've gotten what would've turned out to be an unnecessary back surgery out of that desperation.  Fortunately I found a good pain management doc before I got that far down the surgery path (also fortunately the crappy docs I had at the time weren't so crooked as to operate on a spine that obviously didn't merit it).  I'm really glad now that I didn't have anything more drastic than some useless ESIs done.  But the lack of pain relief would've pushed me to do just about anything, including find some quack that WOULD operate on me.  Hell, I'd have had half my body amputated if I thought it would relieve my pain.  My point is, I for one am glad that I was able to get a few years pain relief from opiates in order to give me time to find out more about my back problems & the options available to me.  I believe lots of unnecessary back surgeries happen because of untreated or undertreated pain.  And more often than not those surgeries don't lead to any decreased pain at all.

I just hope you can get the pain relief you need without the spiraling-out-of-control pill popping you've been experiencing.  I do know what you mean when you say you hate being in pain.  Boy do I know how you feel!  Wish I didn't, actually!  I also don't like the addictive nature of these lortabs.  I'm struggling w/ that myself right now & I don't like it one bit.  I guess what I've been trying to say is it's not your fault.  Docs put you on these meds, & they were trying to help ease your pain.  Unfortunately they didn't know enough to give you the right kind of pain meds & you've ended up in this pickle through no fault of your own.

But now that you know what's going on, it is your fault if you keep going down this road.  Just remember that it's not ever going to be easy taking lortabs for chronic pain.  You need to find another way to treat your pain, & if your doc can't or won't help you with that, you might consider finding another doc.  I hope you find an answer that works for you.  There really are other options than being in pain all the time vs. being hooked on lorcets & taking more & more until your blood is 50% hydrocodone!

[mellie4]

I agree with finding a doctor who will treat your pain.  Or at least keep trying.  I have a wonderful pain management team.  I am not where I want to be pain-wise.  It's bad despite the high amounts of medication I'm on.  I suspect part of it IS tolerance but I also think it's because my pain issues are many and complex.  

I went the surgical route on my  hand ... 9 times and wound up worse than before.  My surgeon is top-notch, well renowned, but DOES NOT get the pain issues.  Lots of doctors don't.  I'm fortunate that I hooked up with a really great pain clinic and that my primary care doctor, if I wanted, would also be willing to manage the medications ... though there are procedures the anesthesiologist does that brings a little extra relief for a bit so I'm sticking with the pain clinic.

No one should feel hopeless regarding their pain. Other options are worth looking into as well, such as acupuncture, homeopathy, exercise in moderation, diet, etc.  I personally feel you need a mix of things to  treat a lot of these chronic pain issues.