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Finishing Methadone
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Finishing Methadone

First I will say that anyone else going through this can check my posts on my name as I have been documenting this process.

I just had a nice big emotional check a cpl minutes ago.  I called my mom on my own choice to tell her that I was finally really done with methadone and I was so proud to do it.  When I get her on the phone and told her the first thing that she focused in on was "Tell me when you have 4 weeks".  Followed by were you never off of it before.  That question came from me telling them 2 times before that I was done bc I didnt want to disappoint them and was tired of them asking me when I was going to go down more.

This was something that needed to be done on my own time and at a time in which my mind was ready, which at the time it wasnt.

So my large guts that I had to call and tell her that (she would have never known) turned into me feeling like I was the bad person again and getting that same feeling of I am never good enough for them.
38 Comments Post a Comment
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3092482_tn?1383176848
I wouldn't worry about what anyone thinks or feels for now. Focus on your recovery and the rest will fall into place. Coming off methadone was the hardest thing I have ever experienced, and I've had some intense experiences. I lied, I was deceptive, I had plenty to make me feel guilt, shame, and embarrassment. The thing is, I had to get clean for me, when I was ready. Not worrying about other people's thoughts and feelings was the most selfless thing I could have done. Now that I've been clean a little while, all is forgiven. My wife, kids, friends, coworkers, and I have even been able to forgive myself. It took 12 step meetings, addiction counseling, and 1000 hrs on this forum, but all is forgiven. Do you have any form of aftercare? It takes more than willpower, but every bit of effort has returned 100 fold. Congrats on getting your life back. Glad you told on yourself. We are only as sick as our secrets. You are doing the right thing. Keep posting for support and advce.
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4522800_tn?1405696702
I DITTO what was said..Just Focus on YOU..We will always be here for Support..You are doing very, very, good there Bud and I am Proud of you!!!
Bless..
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Avatar_m_tn
hey congrats for taking your life back  I did over 3yrs ago and dont look back   family will come around in time right now you need to focus on recovery so you dont slip back into old ways   that lousy feeling you have of self worth can be concoured   start going to N/A meetings as soon as you can it addresses stuff like that  you need to love you b/4 you can truly love others  N/A has a great 12 step program desided for addicts by addicts to take your life back give it a shot it has changed my life good luck and God bless.................Gnarly.......................
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Avatar_m_tn
Yea I have an NA group picked out. We in a small town so there is only one once a week.

I feel like my brain is in the right place for this totally. I am a very hard headed person and once I'm game for something that's it.

That is great advice about the fam. When I talk to my mom again I am going to specifically let her know this isn't about her and if she can't be happy for me then her loss
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Avatar_m_tn
Well we have broken into day 4 now and I'm still doing pretty good. Went fishing for several hours today off the pier which was awesome bc I had never been able to do that before. Haven't had any symptoms except for the runs a bit. I have a good supply of colonos to help me sleep. Just took 3 1mg and we will see how that does. I will post again in the morning (or when I wake up in the night to let y'all know how that works!
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Avatar_m_tn
hey dude  lay off the benzos  there a whole nother can of worms you dont want to become dependedt on........just a thought......Gnarly
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Avatar_m_tn
I'm taking them through day 6 just based on what I read on the Thomas recipe. Also starting tonight bc this will be day 5 I will be taking less. I took 2 today and that's all I'm taking.   Also I have a very limited supply of them so I couldn't keep taking them even if I wanted to (which I don't)

Thanks for looking out tho bro

On another note day 5 is here and I still feel amazingly well!!
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4522800_tn?1405696702
Hi There Bud..Remember what I said about those Benzo..Just kind of take it easy and do a shot little taper as you get feeling better OK..That one with the Methadone plus the other Ha!!! Made my Anxiety shoot to the Moon more then any other substance I have ever experienced..You are doing a good job with the positive attitude..Ya!!!!!
Bless..
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Avatar_m_tn
Thanks for the support. Yea I'm not Nona be messing with them for more then another day. I think (hope) that I'm going to sleep well tonight.

My wife and I started to take care of a quad today and that kept me busy so in addition to lack of sleep I am exhausted. So hopefully that will be on my wide.

Symptom wise I am getting very minor cold chills and taking one muscle relaxer 2 times a day (recommends 2 per doe) has kep my legs from hurting. So in all honesty depending on how sleep goes tonight I cannot believe that I can say I have no symptoms!

Btw I have broke into day 5 now!!!!!!
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4522800_tn?1405696702
5 Days Already????? Wow time just fly's by..That is good for you..Ha!!! Hey do not forget about the Warm Electric Blanket after the Bath with the salt to draw out the poisons..I am very Proud of you..You came off of a low dose so you might just be good to go..Ya!!!!!!
Bless You & Family..Hope you sleep well tonight..
vickie
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Avatar_m_tn
Yea I cannot believe that I am not having symptoms. I guess I just did it the right way and rly took y time tapering. Then when we get to a new city where I know no one makes it a lot easier to not make that phone call to feel better.

For the colonos. I only took 2 yesterday and that was mid day.  None at night to sleep. Just a muscle relaxer and I did wake up for about an hour but other than that I slept the entire night. Looking at the time now I'm officially at 5 1/2 days clean and it makes me want to cry as I type this bc I feel free from something that took away 10 years of my life (my 20s at that).

Thanks for all the continued support and everything y'all have done and ill keep ya posted!
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Avatar_m_tn
Still just going through the day with business as usual. Going to a friends tonight and haven't taken any colonos today. Been working on my computer stuff I needed to do a lot and listening to music. Which I can say listening to music has been a big help
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Avatar_m_tn
HI  go to see your getting out of this ezely  most dont count your blessing keep pushing forward and read what I sad about N/a.......Gnarly
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Avatar_m_tn
Yea I know I am thankful every min of they day for it esp w 8 yrs of it in me. We are in a small town so there is only 1 mtg a week but I already have my book out to go tomorrow night.

We are in day 6 now and I'm not taking anything extra to help me sleep and we will see how that goes.

I'll post hopefully in the morn if not sooner
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Avatar_m_tn
Well seems to be my sleep is working like I will be able to go to sleep normally for like an hour. Then I'll wake p w spasms and not be able to go back to sleep.  Imp just make myself get up and try to burn energy.

More to come
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Avatar_m_tn
Yea still didn't sleep right last night. I imagine that's gonna be the last thing that goes back to normal.  But that's okay, I can deal with that. But other than that I still feel the same. No symptoms and getting more excited as the days go on

Day 6, yay!!
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3092482_tn?1383176848
I live in a town of about 3000, and we have one NA meeting as well. I go to AA. There are a surprising number of members who have battled with opiates. It was suggested to hit 90 meetings on 90 days, so AA was my option. Just throwing that out there. You seem to be slipping out this time, what a blessing. Do what it takes to stay clean, it will not be so smooth again, IMO. You are about to get to know some awesome folks in your area, you probably know some of them already. Let us know how your meeting goes.
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Avatar_m_tn
Yea I will. The meeting is tonight so I will let you know what's up.

This addiction thing I have figured out is all about getting your mind ready to say that it's okay to let go. That was the day I flushed the rest of my **** and went for it. I can't believe after 10 years of this I skated it so easy but it seems I have. No colonos today or relaxers and doing well. In a good mood and working like normal.

More to come.
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4522800_tn?1405696702
Ya you know my story..The sleep was the last and I just had to stop fighting it..Once I Posted for sleep info and I got all kinds of Hot Information..Like about the Stims way before bed and turning the TV off..Having a cool dark room..It just went on & on..Too bad it is so far back..Everyone on here had all kinds of suggestions of what to take to help sleep too!! Like I said it will come back..I told you that last month all I wanted to do is sleep..Ekkkk..You are doing such a Great Job!! Oh and Weaver above me was my Mentor....lol
I also like the AA..I go to both AA/NA but AA seems a bit more caring and spiritual.. You just hang tight..Good Job I am proud of you..
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Avatar_m_tn
Yea but to elaborate or the sleep more. I am sleeping. Naps during that day. No problem, and at night ill generally get to sleep for an hour or 2, wake up for one with spasms. Not lay there and fight it and instead get up and do something. Then once I lay down again I'm good for the night. So I'd say I'm almost there
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4522800_tn?1405696702
What Kind of Spasms??/Like the Leg thing???
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Avatar_m_tn
Yea the leg thing and then my lower back. Feels likes there are tentacles grabbing at my back muscles making me wanna jerk.

So here we are, DAY 7. Slept almost the whole night last night minus about 30 minutes. I went to the meeting last night and was able to meet and talk to some very nice supportive people. I kinda just listened and told my story a bit last night but it was still nice.

But also to add on the spasms are going away now. Don't rly have the leg pain during the day now which is nice so I think I'm getting close to being in the clear.

Most of the times tho when I have those spasms, I have figured out the best way to get rid of them is not lay there and fight it. Just get up and fart around doing whatever for 30 mins or so then I'm good.

So that's my update for the day and I hope to hear from y'all soon!
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4522800_tn?1405696702
Alright day 7!! You are getting some sleep man that is a big plus..Oh the lower spine thing..I think I told you about that one..Its like that is the last place for the toxins to leave..I was told we have a sac on the bottom of the spine that holds fluids..It was like the pain would go up & down like a thermometer..One day it was low and another it was between the shoulders..You are getting out easy because of the taper..I am so proud of you and you are just ticking away with your time..I sure am glad the rls is going away..Did not have that one this time around..I powered prayed at a church with holding hands and asked my God to please take that one..That was my worst fear..had it off the hydo/oxys..Ekkkkk
OK Keep Stepping up those Steps and do not fall back-words..
Bless You
vickie
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Avatar_m_tn
Well day 7 is done and onto 8. I have started to comment to other ppl to share my experience with this and I think that is something that also helps a lot

Feeling good and looking forward to how this goes!
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Avatar_m_tn
Still doing good and I must say that posting on here in an attempt to help others is a get form of therapy in itself
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4522800_tn?1405696702
Hi..Great Job you are just ticking away..Did you get to any of the AA/NA ?? I will tell you this on here is good therapy but I learn the tools and work the Steps that they become your Life savior in the Future..I got on here alot and was backing off of the meetings that I went to every night..I went into a very bad emotional funk and was lost a bit..I got a message last night by someone saying something about the Steps and I just vented to some Bud on here who told me the same thing..Even if I have worked these Steps 2 x before we seem to more in stages of our recovery..Like the Soul Seaching thing I have been doing..That all is part of the Steps..It is really a good thing if we do not want to walk in the Coals again because we will get Burned..Everybody is different but I sure need to do this again right now..I am very proud of you..You are doing a Awesome job..And yes I seen that you have jumped in..Watch for the dates on the post because some of them come back around and are old..and the hour glass on the side too!! Have a good night sleep or at least try...
Bless
vickie.
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Avatar_m_tn
Yea I hit a meeting last night and I mostly just watched and listened. Talked a little about my story but just kinda soaked it in
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4522800_tn?1405696702
OOPPS I meant that as our stages of  recovery process forward we need to do the Steps over & over because more about our Life and our Selves is Reveled..You will understand it more when you hit those meetings..Like I have sad this Journey was not meant to be walked alone..That is the Gods Honest Truth!!!!!
Bless You..
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4522800_tn?1405696702
OK Keep Going it is a good thing..I know alot of people have there own ways but for me my last 57 years my own way got me in this mess..OK..They will tell you to get a Sponsor but I did not Jump on that right away until I listen to people..I needed a tough one because I am so bullheaded and set in my ways..It is like one & one therapy and you can let alot go and so on..You let me know how it goes and I will PM you back too and let you know how mine is going..In fact I am going to go and work on a few Steps again...Good Job Keep on Truckin Forward and do not look back..Ya!!!!!
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Avatar_m_tn
Well middle of day 8 now and I slept in my own bed last night and I slept the whole night!  No spasms, no nothing. Think I might be out of the woods now!
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Avatar_m_tn
Man time flies. 9 days already down. Legs were hurting today bc I'm sure my body is trying to pull any methadone that's left in it. Other than that a little anxiety but nothing unmanageable. We will see how I sleep tonight and I will post either later tonight or tomorrow
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Avatar_m_tn
Slept all night last night except to get up to go to the bathroom. Lookin good!
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4522800_tn?1405696702
Aright..You are just ticking away with the time..I am so glad you where on a very low dose..and you being young is helping so much..I think you might just have it beat..Maybe in many ways..I am proud of you at your age to get a hold of this disease before it really got a hold of you!! You have so much to look forward to!!! My eyes are watering as I write this..You just do not know how much life will offer you and to do this Clean is so Awesome!! I will check back in later to see how things are going..Now you will see the Blessing roll in..I am so so Happy for You!!!!
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Avatar_m_tn
Hey  good to see you going to meetings  they help out a lot   your so blessed to not have symptoms  this stuff is usually a grind comming off but evey once in a wile we read a story like yours   just know yours is the exception you been given a get out of jail free card  lol your off to a great start take care of yourself and just know this stuff is very cyclic you may have a few bad days here and there but keep pushing forward you seam to be threw the worst of it in record time good luck and God bless.....Gnarly
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Avatar_m_tn
Hey all sry I havent been on, had some errands to run and such.  Yea I cant believe it either that I made it though so easy.  I got up this morn after another full nights sleep (no relaxers and no colonos) and mowed the yard and took a shower all before work!

I feel the best today that I have and I am looking forward to it getting better daily.

Also I worked up the guts to tell my boss about what had been going on and she was very supportive and actually pointed me to something that I have built into my work benefits for recovery support, so I am SUPER excited about that.

Also feels good to just be able to tell people and not have to freakin lie all the time anymore!
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Avatar_m_tn
there is a certan freedom that comes with being clean   take the advise from your boss and get the folow/up care you need to sucseed....Gnarly
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Avatar_m_tn
Well I think I am going to close out the journal tonight.

We had a cookout with the neighbors last night and I have been staying very busy.  No more symptoms except for my legs hurting some, but I can handle that.

Slept all night the last 2 nights back in my normal bed so I think I am just about in the clear.  Thank everyone on here for helping me talk through this and youll be seeing me around to help others when I can.

Love you guys and thanks again
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Avatar_m_tn
Slept all night last night like a baby and im up as you can see bright and early this morn and feel freakin great!  I cannot believe I beat this!
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