First step to stopping these pills again

I have been on this site for well over a year, ive been clean once, for 21 days and ive gotten so much love and support here. I know I can get off these pills. I know i can, i just feel like the weakest person ever born. I know everyone keeps saying to come clean with my family about this addiction but everyones situation is differant and I can NOT tell my family about this. for 3 years ive been hiding my addiction. I got into this myself and i have to get out of it the same way. I KNOW i cannot do it completely alone and today for the first time I will be calling some places to see if i can get help or at least advice. My family may not be an option but i know i need help of some sort. All I know is that I can NOT live like this anymore. Its not even living. its getting by and I want and deserve more than just getting by.

[LadyLuck12]

i understand more than you will ever know. i feel so weak and worthless because i cant just stop. These damn pills always win. I think about them from the second i wake up to the second i go to sleep. I hate going through my day without them and i couldn't tell anyone. But i finally said something to my mom because i really need help i cant do this on my own and she told me that she was pretty sure she knew something was going on all along. i really dont know what to tell you because i have never been clean for more than 4 days. i just wanted to let you know that there are other people out there and if you think that you need help, telling your family is the first step to being able to tell a doctor, and if you've ever been high around your family then they probably already know about your problem. im not living anymore either, but getting clean is the hardest thing i've ever done.

[dominosarah]

Glad to see you back, just wish it was under different circumstances.  You sound like you have had enough.  Existing in life is no fun.  There is a life out here that is very fullfilling and yes you do deserve to finally live.  You know that recovery is a slow process.  It takes alot of soul searching and changing the way we do things.  My concern is how you can keep hiding this from your family.  Would they be mad at you or not supportive?  You gotta put you the No1 priority here.

[10356]

Yes Evilways You do deserve so much more. It is good you are checking for outside help with your addiction.. we may have got into this ourselves but we need Help/Support in getting out.. I will keep you in my Prayers.. You can do this.. lesa