First week without vicodin and I want to buy more.

What can I do to not go out and buy more??  I stopped taking the vic's a week ago and I've been taking zannies up until monday.  Now i have nothing left and I really need something.  I just don't want to do this anymore.  I was taking about 4-6 1000 Mg. vic's a day and maybe a few xanax.  this has been going on for over a year now.  I didn't think it was going to be this hard to stop.  any suggestions?  

[DayToTry]

Well yeah ... now comes the hard part ... staying clean.  How bad do you want it?  I know I want it real bad.  I'm on my 19th day and would never do anything to mess that up now.  If you've got a week in that fantastic!!!  Don't turn back now.  A better life is ahead.  I think those cravings will come fewer and farther between.  Keep on hanging in there.  Think about how good you've done so far.

[IBKleen]

You mean 10 mgs, not 1,000 I assume.

Anyway, we can't stop you from going but think about what you are doing. So you get some tonight and then what? Buy more tomorrow? What happens when 4 to 6 don't work anymore, then it's 8 and then it's 10.

You changed your life when you stopped and you broke the cycle. I hate to see you throw it all away over craving or whatever it is that is making you want them. You say you need them? What happened?

They will bring you down at some point and you will be back in withdrawal, and each time gets harder and harder. Why do that to yourself?

How about you stay on here, keep talking, turn on some music, stay in for the night, get some sleep and come back in the morning and let us know how you are feeling... How is that for a plan?

[vicki595]

It's very bad to stop Xanax cold turkey. It needs to be tapered down.  That's going to be your big problem.  You're setting yourself up for a seizure!

Get with a doctor about this.

Good luck!

[udontwannaknow]

Hi, this is my first post and I am writing because I really want to quite, but I feel like I might be in too deep to be able to.
I never used to like opiates, they just made me drowsy and go to sleep.  I met my fiancee and I ended up pregnant with our beautiful son.  I was disconnected to my father, because he had been an alcoholic my whole life and was never around.  He sobered up, and when I told him I was expecting, it opened up a door for the two of us to be family again.
As it turned out, he had a new addiction- this time to opiates.  My fiancee liked them, and my father, wanting to be "cool dad" would give him a few vics here and there.
My addiction began after I had my son.  Let me tell you, it didn't take more than the prescription for 40 vics that they gave me after giving birth to become hooked.  I didn't even realize it was happening.  I took my doses as directed; I felt good and had the energy to take care of my family and the around the clock baby awakenings.  When I ran out, my craving was there and strong, but at the same time I was oblivious to it.  My fiancee wanted to take care of me, so he called my father and asked him for some for me.  He of course said sure as it was a way for him to be able to spend time with me and my new son, and once again be "cool dad".  My father slowly became my supplier, and as his tolerance went up, so did mine.  Vics no longer cut it for him, so he ended up buying oxy off the streets.  I started taking those too, because that was what was around.
My sons 2nd birthday is a week away, and to me it also marks the beginning of my life ruining addiction.  I don't want that association.  He is the most amazing human being ever, and I do not want him to have to pay for his parents problems and mistakes.  I can now easily take up to 150 mg oxy a day, or up to 240 mg morphine.  I am a full time student, part full time worker and a mother of a rambuctious toddler.  I want to quite so badly, but I can't take time out to go cold turkey.  I have tried cutting my doses down, but my addiction has snowballed to the point where sometimes all I can do is stay at the same dose.  It happens so suddenly, literally one day I max out at 75 mg. a day, and not even one month later, I'm suddenly at 125, etc... I really am desperate, my fiancee and I really want to quite and get our lives on track.  We dont want to fight anymore, have to search and score every day or so, and we don't want to blow all of our hard earned money on it.  I also think I should add that we have taken to snorting them as well.  We will sometimes chew up 30 mg oxy, and snort another 15 in one go.  Please help us!!!  I can't take this anymore, and sometimes I just want to die because of it!

[IBKleen]

Hi udont,

It is going to be hard to follow you in someone else's post. If you go to the top of this page, hit the green "Post A Question" button and copy and paste what you wrote here. That way you have your own post and members won't get confused about who is talking to you. If you need help, just ask.

Hope to see you.

[aperture]

      Yea I meant 10 mgs.  thanks.  what happened was I realized that I don't really want to stop.  I just think I'm trying to do it for the people around me.  And I also realize that I have to stop someday.......so why not now?  Idk, I'm really confused.  I know I have to stop but I don't think I'm ready.  Everyone says that you have to do it for yourself, not someone else.  And right now, it's not for myself.
      Last night was pretty horrible.  I took some Tylenol pm's to try to help me sleep, but they didn't work.  I ended up just lying in bed for hours.  Until I finally cried myself to sleep lol.  then I woke up around 5 and....well now here I am at 8:32 am.  The cravings are still here and I know I'm at my breaking point.  Pills are just a phone call away!!  I'm not really sure what's stopping me right now.

[wantthissobad]

Your willpower and your soul is stopping you. They don't want it you don't want it, it's u that's stopping. So even though you don't realize it there must be a small part in there that wants this. Listen you will be fine in a couple of days. I promise you if you don't stop it will get worse and boy do they f up your body. Stay strong the people around you love you. There are a lot of addicts out there that don't have people who love them enough  or worry about their addiction your one of the lucky ones. Take care and you can do this.

[Dav125]

Problem I sense is you haven't experienced enough consequences that would help you firm up your desire to stop Aperture..Believe me, the consequences are waiting for you out there if you don't decide to break the endless cycle now..And believe me again, the wd's will get worse and harder to overcome if you continue the cycle..

Your a week away from them. Your passed the possible worse that could have been..Try this,,,,something I've used in the past to help my thinking from time to time...I was born without these drugs, lived many years without them and had no problem in doing so...So why am I having this battle in my head? I say this because life was ok without them before was it not? So everytime you get craving them ,,try to reflect on what I just said.. You've already indicated its taking more pills to acheive that feeling you were wanting. Then eventually it will become a case of "no matter how many you take", that feeling isn't there anymore..Just a big headache and a question mark in your head saying "why do I keep doing this to myself?".....This is a chance to break free and not get caught up in the cycle..Take advantage of it...Thank me later :)

[IBKleen]

What scares me the most about you is that you are chasing a "feeling". I know I sound like Nancy Reagan giving you a drug lecture but after chasing it myself but after years of chasing it myself I can tell you that it soon will not be there for you. Dav is so right that you will just be chasing the pills and doing the pills only to stay "normal". Whatever feeling you were looking for will be long gone.

That feeling is within you but you have to want this. No one can make you stop, or stay stopped. If you decide to use again, hopefully some of what was said here will stick with you and you will know that recovery is possible. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers either way. I hope you decide to stick around..........

[aperture]

thank you IB.  I'm trying really hard to do the right thing.  All I know right now is that I want the pills.  I'm not going to buy them, at least not today.  But I can already see myself giving in.  That "feeling" is all I know.  I don't know what it's like to be normal.  This feels weird to me.  Maybe when my skin stops crawling and the anxiety goes away, I'll feel different.  but right now, this *****!  

[IBKleen]

I know it does. I wouldn't wish withdrawal on people I don't like.

Just so you know, I wake up every day (so far) and ask myself if I am going to use today. Just doing that I am 3 years clean. Some days are harder than others, I won't lie about that but every day I don't use is a good day.

So if you can take it 24 hours at a time for now, that's great.

Try and keep yourself occupied doing things you enjoy doing to get your mind off of the pills. If the weather is nice, maybe go for a walk. Exercise will get your endorphins going and that is a natural feel-good. Above all, hang in there..it does get better.

[aperture]

So I've been doing ok I guess.  The cravings are strong but I'm fighting them.  The problem now is that I feel sick all the time.  And I am tired as hell.  I'm not getting much sleep.  As you can see it's 4:30 am and I'm awake lol.  My head is pounding and it has been (on and off) for days.  but these are all things that I guess will go away in time.  Aside from being sick, I'm also tired of the racing thoughts.  they're killing me!  It's none stop and the thoughts are all over the place.  i miss being numb.
    Yesterday I took the pup for a walk.  Didn't really help much but its a good start :)

[wantthissobad]

Sounds like you have been having a tough time, I understand the racing thoughts that is my number one problem when I have gone though withdrawal it's a horrible thing. Have you tried and supplements? Maybe that would help? Good Luck and this will all pass.

[dscom]

Just find a friend to call and it will end in mins think of the fed up life with them and how great life will be with out just a suggestion good luck and ur farther then me so really keep strong

[aperture]

So its been a few weeks now.  I've been doing good.  last night I drank a little bit and this morning I'm feeling withdrawals again.  Grrr, guess I can't drink for a while.