Follow up to former post...

[Andie015]

I posted this on my other post but I want this seen.  I have 3 kids who are sick with the stomach flu for the past week. I have been working my tail off to take care if them while dealing with other household responsibilities. I cleaned like crazy to get rid of all germs in my house today...from top to bottom. When my husband got home his first words were "did you get pills?"  Because I went to the doctors office with my daughter today. I am heartbroken...I thought the work I have been putting in would speak for me but obviously not..  This just shows how much trust is broken by this addiction. It obviously takes a long time to get this trust back....in tears....

[weaver71]

I was a chronic relapse person, so it hurt not to be trusted once I got serious. I try to see me from my wife and kids point of view. I'm not to sure how much I would trust me either. I can say that after 6 months my wife said, "I believe you are going to stick with it this time." The joy I felt from hearing that was 1000 times more uplifting than the hurt from her not knowing for sure a few months ago. I have finally come to accept that all the joy I get today is joy that I have worked for and have proven that I deserve. I'll be honest, I miss instant gratification, but when those moments of respect or joy come, it's so sweet. I still find my kids and wife responding to the old me. Now I can see it happening and am clear enough to cope and prove myself once again. I feel like my family deserves that from me, more than I deserve for them to automatically believe in me all the time. Each opportunity brings new joy and freedom. I still have a long way to go, I look forward to overcoming those challenges as the person I always intended to be. There's so much joy to look forward to. Keep believing in yourself and the world around you will follow.

[clean_in_ks]

Hey girl.....you're healing......and he has to have TIME to heal, too.
It's a family thing....this addiction....whether we like it or not, our using behavior affected EACH and every soul in our household!

My hubby always trusted me....BEFORE opiate addiction.....then I turned into someone he didn't know or trust or like very much.  

You are 3 mos into this which seens a lot longer to you than to him and he was probably nervous and maybe trippin about this dr visit today.  Even tho is was for your daughter....it was still the VERY SAME dr you got your pills from in the past, right?  And, in the past when you house was all spic and span, maybe the use of pills gave you that energy to get it that way. huh?  He's just probably afraid and doesn't know HOW to express that.

I, myself, crave some praise.  It's fuel for my gas tank....but I'm learning that people who aren't addicts.....CANNOT understand us and they can't be the ones we count on to give us those "pats on the backs" and the encouraging words we need.  It'd be GRAND if they could....but they have to heal right along with us in their own ways.  The more I can explain to my hubby (and some other people in my life) about opiate addiction and all that happens for MONTHS after while I'm healing.....the more equipped they are to "try" and be supportive. (still ain't happening like "I" want it to though, ha).  I am SO raw and wacked out...unbalanced....my feelings are swinging like a pendalum......swinging WAYYYYY over to one wall and hittin it SMACK....hard....and then WAYYYY over to the other.
Extremes....no balance yet.....major physical anxiety....weird sh*t I HATE!
But......other recovering addicts can hold us up, build us up, hug on us, talk to us....and that's why aftercare is our FRIEND.
You crave his love and attention now that you are this NEW you....me too.
But I'm learning he isn't able to give it to me (at least not like "me thinks he should").....so I better go where I can get it, ya know?  As long as I'm not defensive....then I know inside I'm ok.
Just gotta fuel up my gas tank at a different pump for awhile LOL
Hang on girl.....trust will come~

[luvabugga]

I would say let it go before it turns into an ugly argument...and it's not worth it.  It was said....you told him how it made you feel, and dwelling on it isn't going to help anyone.  You know how good you're doing and right now that's what matters.  And to top it off your house is nice and clean...and germ free!

Now....let's see that positive attitude come through!!

[Andie015]

I told him how it hurt and he tried to defend himself by throwing my past in my face....typical

[killerzoey]

Maybe because you cleaned so well? ;)

It must kind of suck to have to wonder, you know, from our loved ones' perspective. Try not to get indignant if you can help it, though I understand.

[conhall]

Hold your head up
because you have every right too.
Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself...
He will see the positive changes, Right now unfortunately it was his first reaction and that is unfortunate and I Know it hurt you. Tell Him that he hurt you and tell him that you are working hard for your family and in the future to give you benefit of doubt. Do something nice for yourself and HOLD That head up high! :)

[cork712]

Hey, I love your positive comments! Please don't stop! We are all especially sensitive to what our families say because they are important to us. That's why their words hurt more than a stranger/acquaintance's does. Our loved ones have been through something too and will see through your actions that you mean business and will be there for them. It's only their fears speaking.  Sarah is right, the trust will return.

[dominosarah]

The longer you are clean the more your actions will speak louder than words.  Your husband has every right to feel the way he does as this is what they are used to.  It takes awhile for them to regain their trust again but it does happen.  I do know how hurtful words can be.  Rise above this, you are doing great.  Dont let this knock you down any pegs~

[Andie015]

That's what I get for being to positive...

[Andie015]

Thanks guys...it's nice to know I have a place to turn to with people who truly understand. I guess this knocks me down a few pegs.,.

[cork712]

try not to take it too hard. after long periods where that might have been the case, he made a thoughtless statement based on  that.  Sometimes spouses say things without knowing how deeply it hurts. You are doing so well and know it. Try to let this ride. As time goes on, that won't be his first thought. And this is coming from a person (me) who would've reacted  your way! Do something for yourself: bath, read, meditate, walk and sometimes that puts things in a better light. Also, (if possible) mention that you just feel so good lately that it hurt at this time. Our loved ones also need time to see what's going on with us. Bridges to mend, right? Keep going on your positive path!

[toothfairie]

i'm so sorry this happened to you!  i'm sure the trust will come back....just hang in there and be PROUD of all you have accomplished by getting off pills!  don't let this get you down.....no one but other "addicts" understand what we go thru...no matter how much they love and support you....just keep your head up and know that tmrw will be better!   hope your kids feel better soon too!  :)  

[ricart70]

noone is going to trust you right away.I wouldn't take it too hard.You know that you are clean and that is all that really matters.Don't let how other people feel affect your sobriety.It will get better and just keep up the good fight