For the first time I'm on the right path

[Christymoore]

Hey what's up all,
So I'm happy to say I've put 7 months of sober time together,I've had a pretty lengthy opiate addiction,finally I no longer crave my drug of choice,for many many years I was in and out of 12 step programs,I've seen 12 steps help plenty of people, but I always had great difficulty with the steps,and the rooms,until I realized its not the path for me,I chose smart recovery this time around,and it suits me better,but my 12 step friends,have told me that without working the steps I'm setting myself up for a major relapse,I'm doing great in this program,and have met some great people through it,but a few days ago I had a friend in aa,tell me I'm a dry drunk/addict,becauseI'm not working the steps,I think I'm doing a great job,and so do the loved ones in my life,i shouldn't be second guessing myself like this,I'm very happy with this program,I guees my question is am I doing the right thing by going with what feels right? I never want to go back to 12 steps,this is ok right ?

[TRU44]

Ppl will always have their opinions and judgments but it's up to you on what your willing to keep as positive ones .As long as your happy and clean thats all that matters.

[TRU44]

Congrats !!! Also only you k ow what works best for you. Not every program works for everyone. I'm glad you found something that works for you and that's all that really matters in the end. try to dismiss the negative options of others when they say ur setting itself up for a relaps ( they just may be a little jealous of ur success )

[jifmoc]

I'm sorry, I don't think anyone w/ long term sobriety is going to be jealous of someone else's 7 months clean. It sounds like her friends are concerned about her, that's all.

[dominosarah]

It wasnt an option around my area when i cleaned up and i really dont know much about it.

[dominosarah]

I got involved with NA just for the simple fact i had nothing to lose and everything to gain.  I couldnt afford to pay attention when i cleaned up and this was free.  Once i started working the steps the demons i had buried started to come to the surface and i started to deal with them head on.  I decided they were no longer going to run my life.  If you are happy where your recovery is going then continue.  7 months is great!!  How long have the ones who are telling you this been clean/sober?  You have to do what makes you happy and what works for you.  Tell me more about Smart Recovery

[Christymoore]

Sending love and respect to all who took the time to reply,have a bliss week,thanks!!

[motye51]

Christy.....nothing said on here is negative.....promise!  Totally not bashing you in any way....
These are just our experiences with how to stay clean...nothing more!  Much love...

[jifmoc]

That's a provocative question. I do have the same exact question as Motye: why are you "against" the 12 steps? You don't want to the work? You have a "God" issue? I think if you answer that for yourself, with complete honesty, a clearer answer may come to you. Often, when we say "It doesn't work for me" it's because we didn't succeed doing something.

Also, if friends, whoever they are, are suggesting you are a dry drunk, what may the reason be for this? Perhaps your behavior isn't as wonderful as you think? I'm just asking. I would ask them why they think that. You may learn something important.  Also, you said you've been trying to get clean for years and years. Remember, it's very hard for others to watch us go through all that, it's very trying on loved ones and friends. 7 months is a great start, but other's trust in your ability to lead a sober and sane life is going to take a lot longer. Other sober addicts will be honest w/ us where non-addicts tend to be clueless and afraid to rock the boat. Just today, my sponsor told me something I didn't want to hear, right to the core of my character defects. She wanted to help me. It was so hard listening. She was loving but it was hard. I told her how uncomfortable I was and we talked it through. The program is about fixing the things that aren't working for us anymore. Would I rather not do any of that? Hell yes. But, my life became a mess and I need to learn a different way. If I thought I was a success, I wouldn't listen, do the steps or any of it. My point is listening to the hard stuff, like what your friends are telling you, may be worthwhile to you. Even if it's uncomfortable. Just my 2 cents.

[Christymoore]

this post was not by any means meant to be "provocative"this is a support forum right?did I cross some line by merely trying to share a personal issue,I do appreciate all of the feed back I'm getting,I found this forum by searching addiction substance abuse right!!this issue is no joke for me,I have a 4 year old son,one of the many reasons my life is better living a clean life,I don't have a God issue ,I'm not even sure what a God issue is,I have my own beliefs that I don't feel it necessary to share,everyone has their own views,I'm not the person who will try to make you believe what I believe,I really had no idea that this site was strictly 12 steps

[Christymoore]

I also never said I thought my behavior was wonderful,

[jifmoc]

Christy, oh no!! What I meant by provocative is "thought provoking." That's the definition and I meant it as a compliment. That your question was interesting. Please please don't take offense by anyone's feedback. We are just sharing what our experiences are. This forum isn't "12-steps" based, or anything-based. I guess it's just ironic that the only peeps that are responding are us people in NA or AA who have decent clean time and are working the steps. The other "regulars", those with several years of clean time or more on this forum also are NA or AA based. There have been tons and tons of other folks on this site, but they've disappeared. Honestly, I don't know anything at all about Smart recovery and I have no judgement about it. The only people I have ever encountered w/ long term sobriety are in NA/AA. That's just my experience.

Anyway, I'm only suggesting, ASK why your friends say what they say to you. That's all. You don't have to change a thing. It's all up to you. Your original question was "Is it ok if I never go back to 12 steps?" We are just giving you our opinions. I think it's good that you are asking about this, it means you are very concerning about staying clean. That's great.

No one would ever ever say on here "You have to...you better...you need too..." It's all trial and error. Again, just our experiences:)

[Mark42190]

If you have a strong recovery program it really doesn't matter what anyone thinks, as long as you are sober and happy.  I go with AA but with my few years of sobriety I have come to an understanding that as long as you are happy and clean, what difference does it make?  I love AA and it saved my life, however there are many people in AA who go to meetings everyday who are miserable.  The real answer is finding a God of your own understanding and trusting him and knowing that he loves you.  It is a spiritual program and if you don't have any type of spirituality you will probably relapse from my experience and seeing people in and out of the program relapse.  If someone from AA is telling you how to run your personal recovery and saying your wrong even though you are spiritually fit, happy and sober, that usually means they aren't spiritually fit and are probably feeding their egos trying to tell you that their way is the best way.  However, if you choose not to do anything for recovery at all, than yes you are a dry drunk.  I have seen it time and time again where people try to white knuckle it without any support and the outcome is always the same.  I have many respected friends who are sober who choose different paths such as AA/NA, religion, Smart Recovery, ETC...It is a spiritual journey that only you and your higher power can judge if you are doing enough for your recovery.      

[Christymoore]

Thanks Mark,I like that

[Bubulous]

I can understand where you are coming from but the problem is your attitude towards the 12 step programs.  If you don't want people to give you negative feedback about your opinion on AA or NA than it would be wise to not bring it up at all.
I am not saying you should support 12 step programs but in not doing so it is important to not sound like you are against them either.  Saying "I never want to go back to the 12 steps" sounds to me like a very small but very real disgust towards the process.  You are like us all and we are like you.  I am not a christian but I love the christians and christianity.  Why not?  They are doing great things and they have Faith.
On a one to one conversation I would honorably and respectfully challenge some beliefs and ideas.  Not for my own ego but in order to either gain knowledge for my own ignorance or enlighten someone who may need it.
Does that make sense?  You are not being attacked because what you think, you are receiving negative feedback to what appears to be a negative and biased statement towards a program that has saved lives.

[Christymoore]

I love this answer

[motye51]

What they were trying to tell you is that the program is MORE than just getting clean.  I think 7 months is great and I think you've probably worked really hard for it....but recovery is more than just being clean.  The 12 steps are prevention/ education/ and release!!!!  Those 12 steps are what is going to teach you about yourself and your personal character defects, how to acknowledge them and let go of resentments and issues ( in all of our lives ) that we use over and over again to use.  I had cancer as a young teenager....I used this is my head for years to justify my using.  Me and my children were involved in the murder of my neighbor by her husband (when I say involved I should say witnesses b/c he did it in my home while I was hiding her), I used this QUITE a bit.  ALL OF US in recovery have stories like these that we use in our minds to keep us sick.  I would bank these people are only telling you this b/c they want you to succeed!  
Just for ***** and giggles....all the people in your program ( I chose N/A for myself) with substantial clean time....have they all worked the steps?  Have you ever asked?  I would bet my life....they had.
I would also have to ask...what's the harm in doing the steps?  What are you afraid of?

[motye51]

I'm also thinking it's not recovery your not meshing with....,it's those damn steps!!!!  Maybe take a look at why you don't want to do them???

[Christymoore]

Your reply is appreciated,thank you for taking the time,im very happy with the program that I'm doing right now,like I said ive seen 12 steps help plenty of people,I'm very aware that recovery is much more than being clean,and I'm working very hard on that,why if I'm happy with my program and my progress,would you suggest I go and try the 12 steps again?

[Christymoore]

It's not meant to sound rude,it's just seems I've been getting a lot of this lately,even some of my 12 step friends have been distant with me since I got clean a different way this time,

[motye51]

Definately wasn't trying to be rude....was just trying to point out something that was told to me early on...In the beginning I had a lady ask me, "DO YOU WANT TO FEEL BETTER OR DO YOU WANT TO GET BETTER?"  To be honest, at first I just wanted to feel better....but then that happened and then I stagnated.  The program of recovery consists of going to meetings, sharing, getting a sponser, working the steps and helping others (H&I)....this is a program...a journey that we choose to take....the journey I'm on has taught me more about myself, my past, my present and my future!  I think what your friends are trying to tell you is that "going" to meetings isn't working a recovery program.  We go there to recover...learn, and grow....GROW being the key word there.  SMART recovery is God is your your higher power, right?  Isn't it basically the same as N/A or A/A but God (church) based?  Am I incorrect in that thinking?  
Also, I'm not an N/A nazi...so please don't think I'm trying to jam this down your throat b/c I'm not....I'm just trying to get you to see what they're trying to say.  But, let me also say this....we have new people in and out of our home group and meetings, every day....they come in, find some physical relief, then find some mental relief, then after a few months, **poof** , their gone....a couple of months later, they return a little more battered and bruised....they do this until they give up and just surrender to the fact that they can't do drugs and alcohol (like a normal person, lol, I love that line)...