For those that know me, and don't, here's an update that may surprise you...

[kiylen]

Well, after a lot of thinking, praying and talking with my counselors and psychiatrist, I'm dropping completely off the methadone in three weeks.  I'm at 40 so I'll be down to around 30, possibly 25 when I stop.  I'm holding at 40 this week because I'm going to be comfortable until I hit the full withdrawal.  I'm already having moderate, pretty painful, no sleep withdrawals everytime I taper, so why go through that when I'm going to have to bite the bullet in three weeks anyway?  I'm only waiting three weeks because for one, I had paid them a month in advance, I have two boys with the same birthday, November 19, and I want to get through their parties, make it through Thanksgiving, and then by Christmas, hopefully I will be somewhat human again.  The only thing is I don't have any help with the boys and it's going to be quite a struggle to say the least.  I mean, NO ONE to help me.  The good thing is my oldest lives with his Dad during the week since his private school is so close to his Dad's house and I hate to say this but it would be much easier for him to be here all week (he's 14) than the 11 year old.  The 11 year old needs so much help with homework, fights to take baths, brush his teeth, go to bed, get off the computer, won't get up in the morning, etc. and I don't know if I will be able to handle it.  Then on the weekends they will be fighting and everyone with kids knows how it goes.  At least they will have their new Playstation 3s and new games to pass the time and some other gifts.  They just don't understand.  When I told them I will be really sick and not be able to get out of the bed for a while, kind of like when my lupus acts up, but a lot worse, they don't get it and that's okay, they're kids.  

I'm just scared.  I've done this before and I know what I'm in for.  I do remember some but you don't remember it all until it hits you.  Like I said I've been having moderate withdrawals and I keep thinking what am I doing?  I have my Bible, unlimited prayers to God, and all the support from a lot of caring, unselfish people on here who give their time to help people like me.  I will still be on until I start withdrawing in three weeks, and will maybe crawl to the computer to give updates (ha).  Thanks to everyone and just wanted to let you know what I had decided.  The clinic had me on this set-up to where at 30mgs, I would go down 2mgs a week and then at 20mgs, go down 1mg a week.  That's like five or six more months!  It's about money and I would suffer during most of that time anyway.  I hope I'm doing the right thing.  I know people who have dropped off from a lot higher cold turkey and did okay.  I dropped cold turkey at 240 one time but that was family pressure.  I just couldn't wait to get out of the hospital to dose.  This time I only went up to 70 and this has not been a spur of the moment decision.  I'm ready.  Please pray for me as I get ready and I'm stocking up on all the necessary supplies.  Thanks everyone.  And I'm still here for everyone else, too.

[gnarly_1]

hey girlee....wow big decision ...well like you said people have jumped from higher
doses....as for me the fear of withdrawals kept me tapering ...that and my phyc dr
told me I would wind up in a manic episode if I jumped early (im bi/polar) so I ground it
out all the way down to 1mg but as you said..and my experience showed...tapering
sux and its no fun being in withdrawals for 6 friggin weeks ...you need to get in touch with Kim715 she jumped at 25mg and has been successful shes got like 600+ days clean..im shure she will be helpful and i hope she sees your post....might want to start one with the word "methadone" in it ...might get her attention..as for your taper
I would speed it up to the 10% every 72hr thing...it will bring down your dose faster
hence...less withdrawals in your final withdrawal ....I got to say im impressed with your bravery ...and you have proven you have perseverance ..you got to want it bad
and im shure you do...I cant over emphasizes how important your walk with god will be...when your in withdrawals hes all you got...and he will get you thew it regardless of when you choose to jump off...just remember YOU CAN DO THIS....try not to read annything  into  your withdrawal...mine was alot different then I thought it would be
and by no means was it pleasant.... but it was very doable...go into it with a win win attitude...your mind can be your bigest asset as well as your worst enemy its a choice you have to make...and remember this...worrying is like praying for what you dont want....let go of your fear...give it to god to cary for you..and you WILL BE FINE...good luck and god bless...I will continue to pray for you...Gnarly    

[sway1]

i really hate to ask this, but have you ever listened to tony robbins, the self help guru? you can download his stuff just like music. my "normal" husband listens to him all the time and it used to drive me nuts. then i started to pay closer attention. i am still messing up half the time, but i think it is do-able. best of luck!

[kiylen]

Thanks girl.  Will check it out.  Music is a big thing for me.  Takes your mind places away from where you are.

[kiylen]

Thanks for the comments gnarly.  I also sent you a message.  If I speed up my tapering, I'll be done in like two weeks so it kind of defeats my purpose.  Plus, like I said, I'm going to be comfortable until I take my miserable ride into he!!.  My psych said there isn't much difference in tapering from 40, 25 or 10.  I know when I cold turkeyed the first time from 240 and then the second from 100, it really was basically the same.  I'm ready though.  There will be no backing out and I am so proud of you gnarly.  I know what you went through and to see you getting better every day is a blessing.  Can't wait until mine is over.  Love ya lots...