For those who were supportive and acutally cared

[NneedHope]

I really appreciate those coming on and having kind words.  God knows I need them right now.  After I cried myself to sleep because I am a hormanal mess anyway and feeling so hurt by the things that were said.  I actually called my husband (who is not an addict but is very supportive of me getting help) and was bawling because I was just trying to find a place to get some support and talk to others that have my addiction and maybe get some advice while I wait for the 18th to come so I can see my pain doctor.
Although some of my questions were not answered.  I asked that since I was not a herion user and not a street script drug user, that if methadone was actually the right choice for me?   I also asked if taking methadone at the methadone clinic for the 2 or 3 weeks while I wait for my other doctors appt... if I can become dependant on the methadone in that time?  
Right now I am ONLY on the methadone.  I had run out of hydrocodone and went into withdrawals and went to the methadone clinic thinking they could detox me for a week or so give me methadone until the wd from the hydro were gone... but to my surprise the doctor at the clinic said they DO NOT take women off of methadone while they are pregnant.  If I want to come off I MUST wait until after the baby is born.  She said it was a good thing I came because there is a 10% miscar risk to women going through wd. Since I started going to the methadone clinic and my ob said that I COULD go see my orig pain doctor when I called and made the appt on the 18th they called in enough hydrocodone 5/500 to last me until the appt on the 18th.  At that point I had already been on methadone for almost a week and did not want to go backwards so I have NOT taken any of those hydros.  I went and picked up the script and they are sitting in the drawer.  So right now I am ONLY on the methadone.  20mg daily dose.  Which from what I understand is so low.  The average is 80-100mg.  
So the reason I posted last night was to find out what anyone who is educated with these drugs and pregnancy.... until the 18th should I continue with the methadone or stop the methadone and start the hydrocodone... just unitl the 18th until I see the doctor and have him tell me what I need to do for the baby.  I didnt want to go back to hydro because I have already been off of it for almost 2 weeks now..... but i dont want to get completely dependent on the methadone either.
This sucks!
btw.... yes I am an addict... hello addiction forum... duh
i have started and stopped hydro use over the past few years.  Withdrawals suck!!!!  Been there done that!  My concern this time was going through that and hurting my baby.
So instead of the insensitive ignorant comments that I got last night making me feel worse than I already do......... maybe someone can actually HELP me and answer some of my questions and concerns.... either way the final desicion will come from a prof. doctor........ I am just anxious to know what others think my options might end up being.
Yes I ramble......   Thanks again to those who did seem supportive... too bad i couldnt have gotten your posts FIRST so I did not have such a sad night last night.  You should be careful... what if I were suicidal or something... you dont know what you are dealing with on these forums, give help, give support, give advice.... not criticize those that are asking for help and say things that are repulsive.... dont be more concerned with the fact that YOU WANT to know if they realize they are an addict or not.  That might not be the most important thing to address at first... maybe building a rapport and trust first hmmmm

[Tim2H]

I am so happy you came back. There are some really nice people here that will give you compassionate good advice. My prayers are with you and it will all work out. God Bless you!!!

Tim

[lonote]

Although I didn't have the knowedge you needed last nite and stayed out of it i'm glad to see you came back!!!!!!!

[mom2rachie]

Hi hon..... I just found this:

Methadone maintenance is the best way to provide stabilization, although infants born to methadone maintained mothers may undergo a withdrawal syndrome after birth. Infant withdrawal "combines the symptoms of the adult withdrawal syndrome, with irritability, poorly coordinated sucking and, in the most severe cases, seizure and death." Lowering the methadone dosage can lessen or even eliminate this withdrawal syndrome, however. The authors report that "at methadone doses of less than 20 mg per day, little or no neonatal abstinence is seen."

I am no dr so all I can offe ris my experience, strength and hope.  
I'm here if you want to talk.  
God bless you and congratulations on your pregnancy.
- Tara

[FLaddict]

I am glad you came back.. You do need support. To answer you questions.. I am assuming they meant they don't take methodone dependent woman off while the are pregnant. since you just started I think going back to the lesser of two evils is in your best interest. Wd's will be less severe for you and the baby on hydro. Just knowing about drugs like this I would think it would be better. plus it is what your body is used to..

[mom2rachie]

Again I'm not a dr but I agree with Fladdict!!

[beachtowel]

I am sorry that your a mess, I know more than you will ever no about being a mess.........
No doctor at a Methodone clinic is going to detox you because of Liablity reasons they know the risks are questionable both ways ..........

May I ask you a question please, why are you on pain meds...?

[lucyred68]

I don't know how long it takes to get addiced to methadone, honey, but i am strongly warning you, as a recovering methadone addict who has gone through hydro wd's also, that the methadone is much worse and i was only on 30 mg's daily.  not that much more than you.  it is day 25 since i started tapering, and i still can't sleep.  i would hate for you to go through that.  i would start tapering off now, and use that hydro you have.  it is MUCH easier to kick, and less harmful for the baby. as a mom, I know that is a concern for you.  you will make it and if you taper, it shouldn't hurt your baby this early in the game.

[grievingwidow]

Hello, I did not post yesterday but did want you to know that is one more person here who is definitely not judging you, especially since I have been in your exact situation, though was 16 years ago.  That was the pretty early stages of my addiction and I was not taking much, though at the time I felt like I was, and even though I dealt with daily guilt and worry over my unborn baby and the possible danger I was putting her in, I still took the pills, was taking probably 1-2 Lorcet a day then.  I ended up having no problems whatsoever, my baby was born fine without any withdrawal and no developmental problems. I was not taking methadone then, but am now.  I definitely agree with the posters who do not think it would be a good idea to go through withdrawal at this time.  I would think that it would surely have to effect your unborn child, knowing what absolute hell you would be going through physically.  I think you are doing the right thing at least now until you can get to your pain doctor.  I was so worried when I was pregnant and had nobody to confide in, needless to say it caused a personality change and I was not the easiest person to live with.  Well, I just wanted you to know that you have one more friend here.

Love, Cindy

[Tim2H]

Just respond to posts you feel comfortable with. Welcome to the forum!!! Congrats on your pregnancy. Is this your first child??

Best wishes,
Tim

[Marce4]

Hi...I am an L&D nurse/Prenatal testing! I have seen many methadone moms since I have been in this field for 10 yrs....I know you didn't choose this for you and your baby. You are doing the right thing by being honest with your OB and there should be no judgement on their part.  How far along are you (weeks please...not months!) We start testing drug addicted mom's babies at 32 weeks.  We do NonStress Tests that are totally non-invasive...we listen to the baby's heart for about 20mins-1 hr and look for indications of fetal wellbeing and we do this up till delivery. Also, being informed upfront, we will better know how to deal with the delivery and who will need to be present ie. NICU personnel.  

I know this is breaking your heart but I really do think you would have been better off  tapering off the hydros. I'm really surprised that your OB did not refer you to a Perinatologist (High Risk) or are you very early in your pregnancy.  Also, I do know that it is very dangerous to go c/t when you are pregnant so that is not an option for you now! Does the methadone clinic say now that you have been on this med for a week that it is too late to stop and go back to the hydros?  I'm sure you know either one is not a walk in the park, but I know you want to do what's best for your baby! Ask them  now. Methadone is very difficult to w/d from and I just want to be sure you are doing the right thing for both of you!

I will be happy to answer any ?? you may have but I will be getting off soon!  Please don't lose sleep over this, you need to rest and have a clear head!  I'm sorry it took so long for me to post but I worked all day and just caught up this evening! Good Luck and keep us posted!
Find some Peace!
Marcie:)

[NneedHope]

I agree with not staying on the methadone either.  I am sure what would be best for the baby is to be on nothing but prenatal vitamins lol.  I do have to admit that there was a small part of me that felt releived when the doctor said they wouldnt take me off the methadone until after the baby was born.  Just that feeling of thinking... I wont have to deal with wd, cravings, pain, taking more than prescribed of hydros... that was like phew that would be GREAT.  On the other hand I felt the guilt that says that I should be able to come off of this stuff because it is such a low dose and it wasnt like I was on the methadone maint program PRE pregnancy.  I do think the doctor will take me off the methadone.  I just told my husband that my concern is AFTER I have the baby... being pregnant helps you NOT take stuff because of the baby inside of you.  However when you arent pregnant... you do not have that "reason" to not anymore.  You start thinking of reasons that you SHOULD take it.  Oh I have a headache, my back hurts, I am depressed it will help me snap out of it etc.  So I know I am going to need real help to STAY off after the baby.  I said that maybe after I have the baby (assuming that they take me off of everything really soon and through the end of the pregnancy) if I feel the urge or need that maybe I can go back on the mmt until I can get the help I need to make sure I dont take the hydros.  Sorry.... I was rambling again.  

[Marce4]

How many weeks are you?

[NneedHope]

I am 15 weeks pregnant now.  I am thinking about switching my ob doctor because of the lack of support that they gave me when I was going through withdrawals and that could have put my child at risk!!!  I am so upset with them.  
Also yesterday I did go to a ob visit about 430pm and the nurse couldnt find the heartbeat and after about 5 minutes I was BAWLING..... I thought OMG I have killed my baby.  The drugs or the wd.... either way it is my fault.  Then the doctor came in and he FOUND it after about another 5 minutes.  I was so upset at that point I couldnt talk to him really.  I told him about the methadone clinic and the miscar risk they told me about but I couldnt really tell him how disappointed I was in the staff there and the other doctor because I was too shaken up.
I will be 34 at the time I deliver this baby.  
I was on the pain meds because of back pain.  
This is my 4th pregnancy and 4th baby.  I have a 15, 11 and 7 month old.
YES 7 MONTHS OLD!!!!
I had a baby last November and I think that I was suffering from ppd.... I know I was and prob still am.  I hurt all over but esp my back.  So instead of getting help for the depression i got help for the pain!!!  Wrong desicion.... but too late now.  This new pregnancy is a surprise!!!  I had already been on the pain meds since January when I got pregnant in march and found out in april.  
I hope that answeres all of your questions out there... sorry if I missed any

[FLaddict]

Having once been a heroin addict and now a pill popper.. methodone is way to strong of a med to be used to come off hydro.. I detoxed in rehab with is years ago off of heroin.  I would never imagine knowing everything I know now using it for detox from pills.  I know you are just looking for a way to get you off pills, but there are other answers for after the baby comes.. It never should been made into a maintence program. It should have stayed in inpatient treatment centers where it belonged. You have options. Talk to your doc. They will know what is best for the baby and you in this situation. Like I said before since you have only been on meth a week, making the switch back to hydro should not be a issue at this time. I wouldn't wait to long though if that is what you are gonna do.

[mom2rachie]

There is always help out there.  After you give birth there are many things you an do to try and stay clean.  Take a look at your baby for one.  Go to an addiction therapist, seek out an NA meeting in your area, continue to post here, pray, exercise.... You CAN do it and you will.  Your baby is a gift from God.  I just had my daughter in September and there is nothing better, NOTHING.  I never knew love like this existed.  It's indescribable!   She is a piece of God and heaven here on this earth and I am blessed that she chose me as her Mom.
Right now though my concern is that you are thinking too far ahead.  Take it ONE DAY AT A TIME.  Believe me, we all can use a little of that thinking no matter where we are inour recovery!!
There are no promises for tomorrow, only today.  None of can say that we will NEVER use again.... all we can do is make a decision to live our life to the fullest TODAY and make that conscious choice to NOT use TODAY.  Tomorrow will come and take care of itself.  It always does.
  .  

[lucyred68]

i don't know if 1 week is long enough to get hooked, dear.  you might just be able to get off the methadone without much trouble if you start now. deffinately ask a medical person or even your pharmacist.  you can call them annonimously.  (spelling?)  the withdrawels from methadone are so horrible if you stay on it a loong time, and a whole pregnancy would be long enough to be in a bad state and unable to care for your baby.  you could taper off the hydros and be ok, later.  i've done that one too.  no judgement here, just lots of concern.  i don't want ANYONE to go through what i have been through these past few weeks.  methadone is probably the hardest one out there to kick.  don't get hooked in the first place, is my advice, dear.

lucyred

[mom2rachie]

Our daughters re about the same age.  I had her in September.  I couldn't imagine getting pregnant now... God bless you!!

[NneedHope]

I am really really hoping that when I go to the doc on Monday that he will take me off the methadone (I think it takes about a month to become dependent).  That he will just have me watch for withdrawals.  I am thinking that the withdrawals are DONE for the hydro... it will be 2 weeks OFF of hydro and 2 weeks ON methadone.  So i am thinking i could have kicked the major pains of hydro and havent gotten "hooked" on the methadone.  So that I can just stop the methadone and just watch for symptoms and go from there.  I will need some help from my husband because if I am NOT taking the methadone I cannot sit in a house WITH HYDROS in it and not be tempted to take them or give in to the urges.  I dont trust myself.

[FLaddict]

They only detox methodone usually 5mg per month drop.. that would have you WD from the methdone for 4months. I would call your doc tommorrow and find out what they want you to do.. clinics are not good with detoxing clients.. they are used to handing out the same dose day to day. Please talk to your doc to get this straightened out before its too late to come off the methodone.

[Marce4]

Being in your second trimester is so exciting! Pregnancy is such a wonderful experience so I know this totally put a damper on joy you should be feeling! I'm sorry for that!   I agree with everything Lucy/Fladdict and anyone else who told you to get off the methadone said!  I know how bad hydro w/d are but I have been on this forum for 5 mos now and I hear that the methadone w/d are much more diffcult and drawn out than hydro w/d.  Whatever you ingest, your baby ingests so please take this as concern and not judgement, but find out what you can about getting off the methadone and get back to the hydros and take it from there. At least you could try a taper with the hydros but  not with the methadone. Again, please know that this is truly out of concern for you and your baby! You should be able to enjoy this gift after he or she is born, not be addicted to a new and more powerful drug that will be more difficult to quit!

I'm going to bed now but I hope you will keep posting and let us know how you are doing!

Peace,
Marcie:)

[NneedHope]

I am off to bed!  Thanks again for all of your support tonight.  I really need it.  I am scared of everything....... staying on the drugs, coming off of them, the baby..... I just want a straight forward answer on monday.  I hope that he is able to give me one and doesnt pawn me off like the ob doctors did.  The sad thing is I got more support and advice from the methadone doctor than my own ob doctors.  I have a friend who is on methadone but she was on it before she got pregnant for years.  So ofcourse they are not going to take her off of it now that she is pregnant.  She has an ob doctor that is supportive.  I may go see her doctor instead.  I feel like my ob doctors look at me differently now.  They dont speak to me the way they used to and are not as helpful.  Hell threatened to no longer see me if I continuted to see my pain doctor that I had been seeing since before my pregnancy.  Then backed out of that and said no she wouldnt have said that...... I know what she said to me.  Anyhow... good night!
THanks again for listening and all of your support and advice.  I will keep you updated on my situation esp after my appt on monday!!!!!! it is early in the morning so......... i cant wait to get this overwith!!!!!!!!

[FLaddict]

You will not be able to get stop the methodone without any severe WD.. yes technically the hydro is gone.. but since you went right to another opiate you will still need to WD from opiates. switching back to hydro then tapering is best. methodone does not erase WD from the original DOC. it just band aids them for awhile.. that is why it is called "replacement" therapy.

[NneedHope]

didnt know that.......... again my way sounded better though huh?  lol.  Yours is prob just more realistic...... damn.
I am sure he will tell me the same thing on Monday.  So wish me luck and I will be taking my last dose of methadone on monday and then I have those hydros still that I can make my husband dispense to me because I am a sad pathetic addict that cant trust herself to not talk herself into.... oh just take one more its not gonna hurt.  oh just take the dose an hour early... no big deal.... etc.... I am sure some of you can relate to that!  
Thanks again and I am really gonig to bed now

[FLaddict]

Your way did sound better... sorry it isn't true.. I didn't want to sugar coat that part for ya.. This will still take work and support.. your hubby sounds like a good guy. Let him help you...

[tomanypills]

" i know more then you will ever know about being in a mess ",,just wondering,how do you know that

[oxysbliss]

I am so thankful that you came back and read again! I do think you need help and you came to a good place to do that...dispite your first experience.......it isnt always like that yet there are alot of people here with different experiences...REad anyways...and keep things in mind as you post....

I cant really say anything more than what has already been said other than Im here for you as best as I can........

Hang in there......and I am really glad your here!!!

Love
C

[Tim2H]

Maybe Beach had a baby??? The Tom Cruise syndrome????

[lashamummyof2]

Hi, I'm new to this forum, but I posted to NneedHope on the pain management forum. I read yesterday's posts to NneedHope on this forum and felt so sad for her. It's tough to feel alone, and to be made to feel even worse about decisions you've made. I've read all of your posts today, and you are all kind and wonderful people. Thank you for offering the information you did to her, speaking from experience, it is hard to get a straight anwser from a doctor, and where one says black, the other says white, especially with neo-natal health.  I am also pregnant at 37 weeks and although not taking much at all (I was on all kinds of pain relief, mostly non-narcotic, prior to my pregnancy for a back injury, and put on narcotic once I found out I was pregnant). On top of my back problem, I feel down a flight of stone stairs at 20 weeks and broke my tailbone, and have been dealing with terrible pain and taking Tylenol 3 throughout this pregnancy. My doc says T 3 is pretty light, and I'm tapering down to just 2 a day, I think I'll be able to live with the pain for a few weeks until birth.
I know how hard it is -even when the meds are prescribed - to rationalize your needs vs the baby's needs and I'm glad that there is a group of people who are knowledgeable and caring and willing to offer support.
I wonder if when my back improves, how I will deal with not being on meds. I know that I can come here and get help and support from people from all walks of life who have years of experience and believe that we can all make a difference to someone who needs help. Thank you !