Four months off oxy...thoughts..

[NeverAgain127]

Hi everyone:

I am ashamed that I haven't spent more time here in the past month.  This board was my LIFE LINE when I was in the early throes of detox.

Here I am at 4 months...I wanted to share how i feel right now.

To save time, I took prescribed oxycodone for 8 years.  40 mgs a day, for all kinds of pain...ranging from arthritis in my back to fibromyalgia.

The first 30 days were awful.  The next 30 were better.  The last 30 have been difficult.

All kinds of weird pain that the opiates were masking is back.  My back hurts and I'm now experiencing SEVERE issues with carpal tunnel.  BUT...I'm glad I'm off the opiates.

I was in such a fog, such a haze.  I wasn't truly living my life, I was going thru the motion like a numbed-out robot.  

I've finally realized what a mess my life is.  My job has been going downhill for year (I'm in commission-only sales.)  My marriage was on auto-pilot.  And my health was being completely ignored because I was living a false reality.

Now I have to face everything head-on, and its terrifying.  I'm having panic attacks again...I'm FEELING again.   Folks, I swear, this is like being reborn.   Like pressing the "reset" button on your entire life.

But..I will never go back.    I've had several dental procedures and the docs tried to give me scripts for Vicodin...I refused.   Life on life's terms is hard...sometimes brutal.  But it beats the alternative, which is dancing with death.  I truly believe that opiates are evil, unless used for short periods of time post-operatively or for terminal patients.  Just my opinion.  

Those out there in the early days...do not give up.  NO matter what...just don't.   Your life is full of so many surprises and you'll never get to experience them in a narcotic tizzy.

Okay, that's about it.   Thanks a BILLION times to the veterans on here who propped me up for the first month.  You literally saved my fanny.

Keep the faith people...
Hugs,
-Robin

[VICourageous]

Congrats on 4 hard earned months.
Your Brain is flipping from a drug brain to a normal brain. It does take some time..Just keep pushing forward.
Bless

[dominosarah]

Nice to see you!!!!

It's not uncommon to feel this way at 4 months.  You have a good positive attitude even during the dark days.  Keep working your recovery as it does get better.  Dont let yourself get to overwhelmed.  I used to write down all my issues and then i would go thru and prioritize them.  Some were in my control, others werent.  This helped me tons!!  Just keep taking care of yourself and your health.  

Congrats on 4 months!!!!!!!!!!!

[refills]

Hey Robin. Great to hear from you. It's kind of like we graduated from the same class. lol. How about this life sober? Yeah I know it's still tough but it's 100 times better than before. I just wanted you to know that I thought I was reading my own update. Same exact problems. I ache all over and yes, panic attacks. I don't want to rationalize but I know my pain was real. Both physical and MENTAL. I still haven't settled in with the new treatment plan. So glad you're still fighting the good fight. I just wanted you to know that what you are experiencing is across the board. The book has been written and were are following it to the script. Good Luck and way to go Robin! ..ike