FreshStart is back

[freshstart02]

But this time it's the 2nd time around, so I changed my name to 02 -- for 2nd time around. Where do I begin? Taking last one soon.
Question is, will be working through it this time. Jeez. First cleanse was a nightmare, took forever. It's been 6 months again, non-stop. maybe a day break here and there. But, up to 10/10's again. Yellow monsters. I hate them.
I MUST do this. I have been lurking again for the past month and am wondering, where a lot of people are that helped me the first time.
Attabeach, Obsessed, (I've seen gnarley and Ibkleen here), but where did the rest go??
Thanks for listening. I will post my journey hour by hour or day by day as I did the first time. Not looking forward to it. What scares me most is the aftermath. Depression. I guess I now know what to expect. Last time the depression hit me hard, and I had no idea it would be that way. This time, i'm preparing, by signing up for the GYM and being pro-active. I'm scared, my husband does not know. He would be non-supportive. So, I have a horrid flu coming on. sigh....
Kim

[gnarly_1]

Hey Girl good to see you back......wish it where on better terms but it is what it is....now you know what I say when theis is more of a mind screw then anything else  you will be better physically in a few2 days but its the mental part you have to address and stick with it as soon as you think your cured your sunk this takes constant work im still working threw stuff 3 1/2yrs later with my substance abuse counselor you just got to stick with the aftercare to do this joining a gym is good it will blow off excess energy and a work out is good for recovery but its the adtercare that going to make you or break you we can get you threw the next few days there are still lots of memnbers still here they my not post as much but they lurk in the background no start out right and flush the rest of the pills using cannot be an option good luck and God bless......Gnarly  

[lulu747]

Hi Kim...

I don't think we've met but I am happy you are back(:
You''ve been to this rodeo before so you know what to expect. You need to set yourself up for success...so have you gotten rid of the pills?  Having them around is like waving a perfectly cooked steak in front of a starving person.  
The hard part about getting clean is staying clean, and you really have to want to reclaim your life.  Because the alternative is NOT an option Surrender to the process. It makes things much, much easier.  The w/d are the price we pay for poisoning our bodies and minds. I visualized every w/d  symptom as my body getting the garbage out of my system and returning me to myself... It made it much, much easier.

You are fighting for your self back, for your life back...And you ARE worth it.  Have you thought about any aftercare?  The more support you surround yourself with the better.  Also-we need to be accountable to someone.  The saying "our secrets keep us sick' is so very true.  Tell yourself and others you have a really bad flu, take good loving care of yourself, and most of all DON'T use.  Breathe and take it one moment at a time.  You can't change the past, you can't predict the future, you only have this moment.  
The only way out is through this and you MUST believe in yourself.  You can do this Kim.  Believe that.

Sending support...
Lu

[freshstart02]

Well. I caved . 16 hrs into it. Took more. No one knows, family expects breakfast lunch and dinner. I couldn't lay around without an argument. So I took pills. Now I will try again. Will be almost alone for 2 days. We will see.
My withdrawals started with watery eyes. Sneezing, excruciating back pain, RLS.  I took q valium and advil. Still had pain. Mental anguish was horrific. I can't tell my husband. Not an option!!!!! This blows!

[freshstart02]

Thanks Bamma. I'm not sure if we spoke. I dropped off around august. However been reading your post to others and you are inspiring. Thank you. I post every detail to hopefully help others i'n knowing what to expect. I have pepto, immodium, Valium , vit B, and a lot of Gatorade , pedilyte. Gosh, hope it's not as bad as 1st time. My biggest issues was vomiting and nausea.
Thanks Kim :)

[bama88]

yes attbeach is here...ibklean..and always sara....richart...gnarly yep...lots of peole... im bama..did we talk? ive been here since november..i cant relate to my husband not knowing because  both used...we both are addicts. me im hate the blue devils and the oxys...so we all have our demons...yes you can do this...you did it before..and know what to expect..stay close and post alot. this site saved my life my soul my family my whole being....people are awesome..this is the first time staying clean for almost three months...ibe relapsed three days..different not staight but relapses are relapses...its not easy to commit to a life changing life long recovery but with love for yourself and hard real work you will overcome it this time....welcome back

[freshstart02]

Is DominoSarah still around? She was a tougth.  cookie and spoke the trutth. So here I go. Will post day by day. First day is always not that bad. as i remember, it's the 2nd and 3rd day that really is awful. god bless everyone starting out and good luck to those that are finished with cleansing portion and are mentally preparing for the aftermath.

[freshstart02]

Hi all,
To answer some questions. Attbeach,  
I'll go back to my counselor. I stopped seeing her when I started taking 1 pill as needed. It just escalated. I have a question for 133133, how do you make it? Do you work hard labor or sit during the day? Any tips would be really helpful please. To ready2bfree, YES, Norcos. GROSS.
I think it's the fear and depression that is the most devastating to all.

[zoea]

Hiya well i am day 2 again after a clean 7 days. Im new on here and since i found this site i had not be clean for more than 2.days in a whole six months.
My husband does not know the full extent of my use.
Im in enland with about 7 hour time difference. But if u want to chat Im here.
Stay strong
Zoe

[ready2bfree49]

just take it one day at a time :) I'm coming off of methadone..i'm guessin' "the yellow monsters" are norco's? if it makes you feel better if they're yellow monsters...methadone is the big orange momma LOL.....i am here if you want to talk....it's hard but anything worth really having isn't easy to get...hang in there.....after seeing all the posts on here that comment on their husbands, boyfriends etc. not knowing makes it more important that you have support on here...i'm new to all this but i can already tell that i'm gonna need alot of support from here...my BF knows that i take methadone but he thinks it's all in my head and i could stop at anytime if i just put my mind to it....he has never done/ been addicted to pills...can you tell ?? LOL

[133113]

Hi Kim,

Welcome back.  You have taken the first step in reclaiming your life.  I have been a habitual relapser the last couple years, so please make this your last detox.  As for working, you know what to expect.  I am on Day3/4 of my last detox and have worked everyday.  It is not easy but it at least keeps me occupied in between the time you feel like crap.

Did you have any aftercare in place last time you quit?  If not, you need to really make sure you try something, N/A, Smart Recovery or counseling.  For me therapy has been very helpful.  Also makesure you do not have access to the pills.  The hardest thing for me was canceling my pain management doctor and deleting all the contacts out of my phone.  But as I sit here on Day3/4 I know I cannot get any, even if I want to.

Good luck, you did this once, you can do it again

[freshstart02]

Thank you. I just need some support as I go through this the 2nd time. I'm wondering how many people have done it and went to work? I do have a couple of days off, but not an entire week, like last time. So it goes....

[Addicted2long]

Welcome back to the forum. Hope that you are doing ok. Glad u decided to get clean again and I know you can do it! Stay positive and dont be so hard on yourself. We alll have messed up many times and it only makes us stronger. Figure out what oyur going to do differently this time and have a game plan. I know atthebeach is still around the forums and doing great. Duno bout the other one. Well good luck to u. God bless, A2L