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Full disclosure????????

I know that during addiction we all do things that don't necessarily reflect our true personality.Personally I have alot of skeletons in my closet and because my husband is aware now about my painpill addiction and he knew from the beginning about me doing the methodone,I've shared some "war stories" with him.However,there are some things that I did when I was abusing the vicodin that I haven't even forgiven myself for yet.Everytime they pop up in my head it's like this chill of disgust goes through my whole body.That one burnig question in his mind is did I ever cheat on him and I continue to lie and say no.Obviously he's not convinced because that questions been lurking for at least 2 weeks now.I did cheat and the disgusting thing is it was all to support my habit without having to pay cash.I met this guy who used to get pharmacy bottles of pills and he showed alot of interest in me and I knew if I led him to believe that I was interested in him that he would supply my habit.So I had an affair just so I wouldn't run out of vicodin and I don't know how to look my husband in the face and tell him that.I have a hard enough time looking in the mirror knowing what I did.Is it always best when in recovery to tell the whole truth or are some things better left unsaid? Will the guilt of what you did eat you alive or do you come to terms with it eventually?Peace.
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Avatar_f_tn
for one you need to be honest with him.  i have done some things in my past and held them from my husband, but i could not take the guilt. so i told him everything, things were really ruff at first but then we worked through it togeather. nothing will get better untill your honest with him.

hope that helped..  good luck

lisa
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460948_tn?1232305722
You're dealing with a dual edge sword here. I will send you a PM and explain my thoughts on it. Give me about 15 minutes and you will have it in your in-box!!
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Avatar_f_tn
Kim, Check your mail! Penelope
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401095_tn?1351395370
What would be the point of telling him now?  it is over...that is my thought....i would not want to hurt someone i loved just to unburden my own guilt...that is just my opinion and i dont see any purpose it would serve at this point...i would talk to a counseler or something...now that is just me and if u feel this is the only way u can live with it...tell him...i am just not sure he deserves the hurt it may cause him
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Avatar_m_tn
Confess to your most trusted friend. Confess to a Priest, or counselor. Don't blow your marriage. So many people have shattered their lives over such meaningless affairs. If you are sure that your husband can handle it, OK. If not... We all have private pieces in our lives.
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401095_tn?1351395370
I agree with cadillac....this was your misfortune and your bad judgement...and if he loves you it will cause him pain...to tell him to make yourself feel better is just not fair...I know honesty is important but honesty has its place...if he flat out asked me about it I would fess up...if he is danger because of it...i would fess up...to relieve your own conscience,,,,no
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410221_tn?1227635437
If there is a chance he might find out he is going to be really upset later if you lie to him. It's a hard call but just be prepared to pay for your past actions. Even though you are changing for the better, that cannot go back and erase the mistakes of your past that are put in motion. He may not be able to get over it. I know I would bring it up to my husband forever if it happened to me. I also know that I would know the truth without being told. I imagine he knows but when he hears it from you it will be hard.

Sorry I'm no help.
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Avatar_n_tn
Its really sad he has to pay 4 your addiction. I think you need to go tell him that you would rather cause him the most painfull thing anybody could put you through in the world, life changing, heart crushing, indescribable pain, rather than to detox from stupid pain pills! What you get the runs, cramps, crawling skin, sick? This, if he feels anything like I do, is going to be a life long pain. Why do women have to be such ******?  I feel for him. Reading this just brought it all back for me, not that I dont think about it everyday!
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Avatar_f_tn
I just wanted to thank everyone for all there advice.I've been wanting to post that question for almost 2 weeks now,but just didn't have the nerve.I don't want for people to think that I'm the type of person who doesn't care about how my actions affect others especially those I care about the most in my life.The sober me cares deeply even the 'high on vicodin me' felt disgust and guilt but not enough to stop.The hardest thing about telling someone this for me was hearing them say the things to me or call me the names that I already do to myself about what I did.I thank all of you for not treating me the way I sometimes think I deserve to be treated because of what I did.I can't imagine causing my husband anymore pain then I know I already have.I needed advice to know for certain what the right thing to do is.I'm just not at the point where I completely trust my own judgement yet,at least not where it comes to matters like this.I told so many lies while I was using,this is the lowest I sunk because of my addiction,and it's the only one I haven't fessed up to ,well at least not to my husband.It helped for me to say it to someone and all your feedback has helped me to make a definite decision so again I thank you all for your responses. Peace.
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401095_tn?1351395370
I am glad ou have found some peace...after all of this you deserve it
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