Getting Busted, a Blessing in Disguise.

evening. Last week I got a blessing in disguise, I'd been abusing vicodin since last fall. Getting 3 refills a month. I came up with every excuse to keep taking them as directed. Then some a$$clown suggested I crush them to get a stronger effect, me being an addict,did so. Well, I got busted the FIRST time I did it. As I said, it was for the best. Doc will no longer prescribe narcotic classed drugs to me-ever. Said I broke my narcotic agreement, which pretty much black lists me from getting narcotics anywhere, ever in my life. Hopefully I won't ever need them for something serious, now that I've gone and been a fool, and screwed everything up. >:(
I'm angry at myself. Can't believe I was so weak.

She referred me to a substance abuse doctor, who called me and interviewed me. I'm having such a hard time. This discontinuance occurred three days before I was due for a refill. So I split them up into 5's from 10's. I've been sneezing, unable to sleep long, diarrhea,body aches, my injury seems to hurt 3x worse. But this is for the best. I'm not making excuses anymore. It's so easy to wrap up addiction into a pretty little package...and yet so hard to see it for what it *really* is. I wish I was strong...on Thursday, at 12pm I will take my last dose of Vicodin, hopefully ever. I see this substance doctor on Friday at 3:30pm -well- into withdrawals. I'm scared..like anyone else. I don't even know how to live sober. I set up an apt with a substance abuse councilor but I don't see them until Aug10th. I hope I can post here for support. I know I screwed up, so I don't need any hard talk, just need some support so I stay on the right path. I can't sleep either =( I heard Effexor is good for the anxiety and even pain relief.  I'm kinda moody, find myself crying at the drop of a hat....I gotta get through this. Help. I'm an addict, and I f*ked up. Big Time. ="(

[scoenen]

How did you get busted?  

[proudmomma2007]

it is very hard to stop and live life normal but in time it does and will get better but you have to live life day by day and learn to love yourself again and see the joys out of life that once made you happy before you got addictided,and as withdraws yes you probley can take something to help but as time goes on it will ease up,and i know you are reading this thinking ya right whatever you say,but as time passes all the pooping and everything will get better but wanting doesnt you have to stay strong!

[lmccoy]

I'm sorry you are haveing this experience, but don't feel like the Lone Ranger, as you read the posts here you will find that these embarassing and demoralizing experiences are almost universal for people with addiction problems. You can and will get great help here and it sounds like you have a good plan in place for recovery. Its not much fun getting off the drugs, but your life will be so free when you do. Its very worth it. You'll do great.

[ang_811]

Ur doing the right thing by posting here, I can't tell bow much support I've gotton from here. This site has changed my life. Neways ur a step closer to getting ur life back. Cudos to u onseeing an addiction counselor. I can't tell u how much of a huge  Difference it makes n my recovery. U will learn how to live clean again thru ur counselor. I'm at 36 days and still finding myself figuring out how to live clean. But this is the life for me. It's a great feeling and a high itself.    As for sleeping u should go to wal mart or a market and get some melentonin, valerian root or alteril they r all natural sleep aids and promote serentonin. Check out the Thomas recipe here. That also played a huge difference n my recovery also.  Keep posting here and u will find so much support. This site and seeing my counselor r the 2 main reasons y I'm still clean. Tomorrow u will get a bunch of responses. Sundays r kinda slow here. But know u can do this!! It takes positive thinking. That changes everything. Also have faith n God and pray that also played a huge role n me getting clean. Good luck and if u need nething just message me

[jewlz2626]

Hello. You came to the right place, many have been in your boat, as well as going through, or about to go through withdrawals. More people will respond to you soon, and no one will judge you here. Your subject line said it, it could be a blessing in disguise. Hold tight, some one more experienced will be here shortly. They have a few pages and some info that may help you out during your withdrawals! Top right click on "Health Pages" and look for the Thomas Recipe & The Amino Acid Protocol, read a bit while you are here. I really hope you are ready to get clean, if so you are in the righ tplace! People here are amazing! Keep ya head up! And God bless! Julie

[buzzhorn1]

Yup, Thomas Recipe will help.  Immodium AD for the runs, Motrin/Aspirin/Tylenol for pain, Clonodine for blood pressure and drowsiness.  Anxiety and moodiness are tough, Inositol (a B vitamin) is suggested at like 6 grams 2x daily.  I don't have any of that but have been megadosing Lecithin and B vitamins.  I think it helps.  Your substance abuse doc might set you up with Rx stuff like Clonodine and Effexor.  A lot of people say valium helps.  I'm getting very very gun shy about any drugs that are addictive.

Keep posting!  You have found the best forum on the internet, I kid you not!

Stay Strong!

[lesson_learned]

Thanks everyone for your support :)  (First responder: You know those "nose checks you get at the doc's office? That's how. Stupid, I know, but when your on that high, you feel invisible...I get stupid about drugs.

I  also checked out the Thomas recipe, it helps, even a little. I've been drinking a lot of water, and took some potassium and magnesium, and aleve, I also took an ambien for sleep. I've taken these off and on, and luckily don't seem to have a problem, but to not risk my doctor directed sparingly. Since it's 1am and I'm still wide awake, I'm taking one. but also going to get the other stuff on the recipe tomorrow.

I mean to do this. I sat outside on my porch tonight, and just stared at the sky, it was one of those "eye of the storm" moments. Usually my mind is so jumbled with a million things, that I am overwhelmed. Tonight,  I felt this clarity and peace, I haven't felt in so long. Hard as it is, being high loses it's awesomeness pretty fast. Vicodin makes me, happy one minute, pissed off the next,I go from social butterfly to an exact example of hikikomori. I will no longer be a prisoner of a little white pill. And thank you so much, everyone for your support. I really mean that, bless you.  

[lesson_learned]

My doctor mentioned that when one has been on narcos a long time that they stop being as effective anyhow. May be some truth to that. Either way after this. I plan on NOT touching this again. Definitely not all fun and games, denial is a powerful drug, my friends. Sorry I'm posting so much just thinking a lot, and not want to be tihnking about the fact im still awake.

[pillfree21]

You are the right place for the moment, no one will judge you here for sure.  One of my greatest challenges was to develop the ability to forgive myself for all the things I do or did not do while chasing the pillhigh and/or running from the WDs...that is no life to live and I realized that it has all happened so all I can do is move forward to heal myself which means I am healing all those old wounds.

I watched Kung Fu Panda yesterday with my 5 yr old and the turtle (Master Ugway) said this that stuck with me....."The past is history, the future is a mystery, but the TODAY IS A GIFT, that is why they call it the THE PRESENT!

You will look back on these days and be thankful that something happened to wake you up out this fog that all of us having walking in for so long....good luck.

[lesson_learned]

I like that saying its nice. My sleep was horrible, broken at best. Few hours here, few hours there. I won't lie, I FEEL like Blah.My body is punishing me for punishing -it- for so long. My nose is running away, still have diarrhea. Guess I'm just checking in.

[lesson_learned]

I wish there was someone on the forums today, I feel just awful ='( I'm tempted to go seeking cause the wd's are so bad. Good thing for me, I can barely move off the bed. Anyone out there?

[dominosarah]

I am here.........keep talking.  Using is not an option.....Getting better is.  This part is only temporary and you can do this.           sara

[jewlz2626]

Yes! it is only temporary! Your body has been mistreated for so long, it has to get used to being treated correctly. YOU GOT THIS!! Try the melatonin or valerian root for some sleep, I know how you feel and it will pass. Its such a small price to pay for your freedom!! Do what you can to keep your mind busy, I know its hard, but it makes a difference! We are here for you!! Jewlz

[dominosarah]

Hopefully you are sleeping right now!!

[jordy662]

You can do this. Stay busy.  Bannas will help you too. The key is to stay active. Day 6 here and feeling alot better. You will make it, stay strong,

[lesson_learned]

Hey guys, I'm still here trudging along. I waited 13 hours before I took my next half. I must admit this does require great control, but I have a trusted person dispensing my medication as needed. I am thankful for that. And thankful people here are so supportive too. This is probably one of the hardest things I will ever have to do..I want to go to an N/A meeting but I'm nervous, and worried I will make friends with people who may tempt me, but going alone isnt a good idea either. Just some thoughts. On a side note: it feels nice to not be lying to everyone and making excuses.  How much potassium a day is best? I'm taking 90 right now one potassium pill a day. The restless limbs thing is driving me MAD. Wold muscle relaxers help with that?

[laurel453]

there is a natural remedy for the restless legs.. HYLANDS restful legs, a magnessium+calcium supplement along with the potassium is also recomended and don't forget taking long hot baths, you will feel much better after one ( if you add epsom salts, much much better :)

[Mike_B_]

I know how hard this is.  At least you had a few to taper with.  I hear the hyland restless legs helps.  I looked it up and they have it at Walgreens.  Good luck to you and may you get some much needed rest and sleep, and come out much better on the other side.  

[lesson_learned]

I wish there was a walgreens near me but alas there isn't. :(  I'm feeling a little better. It s still in the back of my mind, but today I was compulsive about organizing my house trying really hard to keep vicodin off my mind. I kinda feel like that guy on that commercial, where the shark is biting his hand off and he's all, "cigeratte,cigeratte,cigeratte,cigeratte," then takes a nicorette, and yells, "SHARK!!"

Anyway, I'm following a taper schedule then have to go ct for 28 hours in order to go on Suboxone. The dont trust me, lol. All I got was a 3 day supply. Guess I proved to not be trustworthy, so I don't know why I'm whining about it. So, I imagine I will either be posting here a little too much or not at all, which means I'm going through a hell of a time. I hear some people get mad sick on their first does of Suboxone, and I'm also worried that I will get too little a dosage, and be stuck on it for a week. (That will be my next appt.)  I'm still here, wanting people to know I haven't given up. Today was hard because my injury reallly reallly hurts. No more pushing my limits with it without narcos I guess. But yeah, here. Thanks for your support too I'm going to get some epsom salts before the ct 28 hours.

[buzzhorn1]

All the best and glad to hear it's going well!  Our prayers and thoughts are with you!

I've heard suboxone is actually really good for pain.  And, as it doesn't get you high?  It's easier to wean off of when you're done.

Good Luck and Stay Strong!!!!

[lesson_learned]

still here still awake.....seems like the thread has kind of died down. Is there somewhere else I should be posting, cause this isn't really a "question" now.

[wishful1]

Whats up how are you feeling?

[Storme]

Hi lessen, I just wanted to tell you that you are so doing the right thing for yourself and though you feel stupid and shamed for getting caught by your doctor, you probably saved yourself from going down a much harder path than you are on right now. As of today, I am 30 days clean from Vicodin and I cannot tell you how mu ch more beautiful the world is to me. You, my friend, can do this. Ask for help here any time. Even if all you need to here is words of encouragement. We're here, we'll listen and even cry along with you. I still have very hard days myself. I was giving Valium and Clonodine to help with my withdrawals and  they truly helped me get through the worst of the twitchiness and sleeplessness as well as the major anxiety but I used them very sparingly. I now have a major problem taking any pills and some I must take for a heart condition...but yeah, keep strong hon, you have back up here.

[Anonymousfornow]

This is my first post on here but I have to tell you, "Lesson," you've been looking for encouragement, but you are now an encouragement to me. I'm a 30-something woman and I've been addicted, (whew... said that out loud so many times, but haven't confessed it much to strangers before), to Vicodin (this time) for nearly four years. Previously, I struggled with it about 10-15 years ago and in between, while I didn't struggle with addiction, (in the 'can't go without it' sense), I did take it for recreation at times even though it was prescribed to me for legitimate purposes. Anyway, this is it. This is my tapering time and I'm done feeling like a cat, chasing its tail - the constant 'feast or famine' life of chasing that high while running from the withdrawls. I don't want to go into the enormity of the emotions, but I chuckled when you mentioned that cigarette-abatement ad with the shark, I laughed and recalled yesterday, when I became wide-eyed when that came on because I could just soo relate. I'm in between rushed trips to the bathroom, (the fasted onset w/d symptom for me), and I'm just feeling a little less alone right now. Thank God for this site, its outreach, your transparency and the honesty of so many on this site. Soooo... I'm here! Anybody wants to engage in dialogue about this, I'm joining you all in the life boat.

[lesson_learned]

I'm thankful if I am an encouragement to you, and anyone else out there. This isn't easy and for us may just be one of the hardest things to overcome in life, but you know what? I'm not about to have my life snuffed out by a stupid pill. It's amazing just how much I obsess over this. I feel almost OCD regarding it!! Just counting over and over, being anxious over and over..worried about getting my next script..etc. I am here to engage in dialogue with you if you so wish :) I figure I may as well be honest, cause if I'm not that leaves room for me to make excuses, and try to convince myself it's not so bad. This is -so- hard. Part of me wants to watch intervention or sober house, but I'm afraid of it triggering my desire for more. If I see people in the act of it, well I will feel helpless. I got about 7 hours sleep last night, thank God. Still scared cause I only have enough for today, they say they wont put me through that but, it's the addict in me worrying, obsessing. I am here if anyone wants to talk.

[lesson_learned]

It's awesome you took that step, it's hard isn't it? The more I read horror stories about suboxone, the more I am questioning taking it. If I'm going to be tapered, (almost through week 1 already.) I wonder what the hardest part of tapering is. It's not so bad now but I'm sure when I'm down to the nitty gritty, it won't be comfortable. I had the bathroom longings too. :/ Never went through so much tp!! Thomas should include: Be sure to keep plenty of tp on board you'll need it! I feel nauseous right now, I ALWAYS do after morning narcotics, which is the main reason it went up the nose, and for a stronger effect. May be good "excuses" but they are just that:excuses. I did it,all of ONE time. I know someone who goes to pain management, the claim its OK to crush pills well I doubt it. They never get caught either. They are up to perc 30s 200 a month. sigh. All up the nose. None by mouth. Not that this is my business.

As I said, I'm glad I was busted. Just don't know what to do because, the suboxone would be my pain reliever, but not get me "high" and post surgery my doc said they don't prescribe narcotics EVER. Not even after surgery I can tell you  already, it isn't going to "feel better right away" like my doc is claiming. It's really hard for me trusting someone else with my prescription to dispense, but it takes away the ritual effect, so this is for the best, and it's what I'm going to keep doing. I'm anxious this morning, running around trying to make things comfortable IF I go through the subox treatment, I may just be strong enough to taper on my own. I know I get OK up to 3 a day, after that it becomes a STRUGGLE. But it's my bed, I lay in it. I fked up. I take full responsiblity. No more tying it up in a  pretty bow. When I first realized I had a problem, I don't think I got just -how- mentally into it I was. Your comment feast and famine, man that pretty much says it all. Always hope your still doing ok.

[Cris718]

Just read this thread.  Everyone gave you some great advice!  I, like you, got busted, refilling my husbands script.  I never snorted them, but ate then like candy.  How many days are you clean now?

I'm very proud that you've owned up to your problem and that your going to have to go throught it.  Admitting that is huge.  Take advantage of the journaling on here.  make freinds with people....keep coming on here and venting it out.  Get out and breathe in the fresh air, calm your mind, find a peaceful place in your life.  Focus on how far you're coming, not how far you have to go.  Take it day by day.......you can do it.

Your right getting busted was a blessing in disguise, it was for me also, so I can relate to your thoughts there. I'm not sure if your a praying person or not.  Prayer is an awesome tool.  "Cast your cares on him, For he cares for you."

Praying for your recovery my friend.

Cris~

[kiki003]

Hello, Lesson.  I am reading your thread and cringing.  I have been in your shoes.  Just a little different.  I was engaged.  Knew I had a Vic problem.  Had an injury, flipped my car three times.  Been on painkillers off and on for years.  Asked the fiance for help.  Gave him the pills and told him to only give me the prescribed dosage.  But he like taking them for fun now and then.  Slowly a pattern started.  HE got a script, too.  But he had all of the control over the pills and everything else in my life.  Then he would come to me and say, there are only 3 vics left and you have to last 4 more days til the next script.  OMG!  Panic!  He would go off to work and leave me the three pills to divide as I saw fit.  I was like you, breaking them in half....stretching the hours....counting the seconds.  I didn't go on any sites like this.  I laid in bed and suffered.  I once was hospitalized because he let me go from a steady 8 pills a day to nothing for 4 days straight.  Vomited for 26 hrs straight before going to the ER.  They said my potassium had dropped so low that I almost stroked out.  Fast forward a year of living like this.  I find out he has destroyed my life.  HE is a gambling, cocaine addict who has been taking the money I have been handing over for bills and spending it God knows where.  I had NO idea until I found out my car had been put in impound for 6 weeks  He told me it was broken down and getting repaired.  I left him.  I moved in with my sister.  I admitted the Vic problem and had her "control" them for me.  this was in November of 2009.  Swore I would get my act together, just needed to calm down.  I am still on the Vicodin.  I have done things I am not proud of, like searching my sister's room when she is not home searching for my hidden vics and finding them....then watching her cry and tell me how abused she feels.  going behind her back and calling in scripts and going crazy taking them.  I am at the end of my rope.  My sister and I have had a real falling out over these drugs.  She now gives me four a day and we hardly talk anymore.  She just leaves them on my dresser.  I am now 5 days on my four a day.  I was "caught" by my doctor, too.  He told me "no more".  He told me he would know if I got drugs from any other pharmacy or from any other doctors.  I went straight to a back doctor.  I do have an injury and they handed the Vics right over and I started right back.  Then the original doctor got cancer and no longer is in his office, so I went back and had the nerve to get more from there, too.  It  is killing me.  I found this site and am trying, trying to get the strength to do something about this.  Only reason I am telling you all of this is to let you know that yes, this was a blessing, your doctor catching you.  I am hoping and praying I can be done with these before such an incident happens to me.  I have stopped the doctor shopping and pharmacy swapping.  I am taking my prescribed dosage.  Now I just pray I have the strength to continue forward.   so scared of withdrawal again.

[lesson_learned]

Your story is an intense one. Wow. Thanks for sharing it too. I'm sorry you were screwed over by your ex boyfriend. Such a betrayal... :( I am going to talk to a doctor about suboxone on Friday to help me get off this one track mind. Getting,Taking,Seeking, the cycle is just too much. I hope for you, you can get off this too. Have you thought about trying something to get off narcotics? At least you're not black listed like me. I guess in my instance, relapse will NOT occur because, 1. I'm in the middle of nowhere, and don't know anyone. 2. I'm shut off. 3. No vehicle to get where I can get drugs. So, this also is a blessing. I will be praying for you. Please keep writing =)

[kiki003]

I considered Suboxone, too.  But you might want to read about it.  I keep hearing people talking about withdrawal from that.....who needs new habits?  I know you are about to go cold turkey...it makes me nervous for you.  I hope they monitor you and am happy that the doctors know what is going on.  I wouldn't hesitate to call them if things get out of hand...the vomiting and sickness.  Like I said, I almost died.  And to this day I have never admitted it was because of the pills.  I didn't even admit it to the hospital staff.  I told them I had no idea why I was so sick.  In the end they chalked it up to a "virus".   That scares me, that I was too proud to tell the hospital what was wrong.....so proud that I risked death so I wouldn't be called an addict.  That is why I am so desperate to do this myself.  I know what I am and have for a very long time...but it has always been very secret.......that's why rehab and n/a and all of that terrify me.  oh, well, just trying to keep on talking.  hope you keep in touch

[Ballgame]

What's a nose check? They could tell even though you only did it a few times? Didn't know that but never snorted.  Does it stay there long time? Interesting

[lmccoy]

Hey lesson learned,
I read your post about feeling like watching soberhouse or the other watchacallit show. Am I the only one here that just about went balistic/freekout when they say at the beginning of the show "this is a show about addicts getting straight without a safty net". I almost threw my coffee cup at the T.V. I have been reading the posts from all the brave people here getting straight under trully difficult cercimstances and haveing success. I recently finished tapering from 300mg or more daily of oxycontin and oxycondone to 80mg methadone to 5mg methadone a day without any help from my Dr.s and also dealing with a long term serious pain issue. What a bunch of B.S. If they want to see some people dealing with a drug issue without a safty net all they need to do is read some of the storys here. Those spoilt little ***** in hollywood don't have a clue what "without a safty net" really is. I honestly dont know if I'm mad or think its funny but it sure did rile me up! Keep up the good work, I don't want to go into my story, but its on here some where. I don't think I could have done it with out the site. Sometime soon I need to finish this little taper to nothing. At this point i'm constatly forgetting the dose and really feel good. Just seem to wreck my neck each time I get the last bit of withdrawl (withdrawal).

[Ballgame]

How did you taper with no dr help?  Are you clean or using something else for pain?
How long did it take to taper? And how long before you started feeling better?
Sorry for all questions

[lesson_learned]

Hey, ok. A nose check is when they shine a light up your nose. I never thought anything about it alll these years I've had them. And Yes, medication can stay in your nose for any amount of time with the right conditions. I don't wan't go into how, because I don't want the potential possibility of info being misused, not by you, but you know what i mean. Cause you know what? I would have done this. But I'm already almost through week 1 of tapering. My doctor was kind enough to help me and taper me, then make a call to the sub doc she did NOT have to, nor was she obligated to, but did so because I was honest with her, at first I lied, but felt so much shame in doing so. If I hadn't come clean she would've sent me on my way sol.

[lesson_learned]

I get what you mean about sober house. I guess i was just hoping to keep my mind straight, and maybe learn some skills to help. Some parts of the show are hard. the girl lost her best friend and thats sad. =( I wonder if there is a forum part for coping and stuff. I guess I am rushing this a bit but I just want to be done with wanting that stupid pill. You know i didnt say this before but, when I got my last refill, I opened it, took 2. Then almost mindlessly, spilled the bottle out, and spelled "help" I stared at it. For once I was staring at what it was saying not the pretty little pills lined up. Just shows i was really in deep still am. I think intervention is a good show, but I don't like seeing people use, it will trigger me to want, and that's something I don't want in my life anymore. I was tempted to take more than prescribed today, I was tempted to go looking through the persons stuff who's safeguarding my bottle while they were sleeping. I choose not to. I got mad at myself and walked away, and called a friend.

[Ballgame]

I understand. I'm tapering too. I try to learn as much as I can so that's why I asked. Never knew it stayed in a while cause never thought about it. Now I'm curious what snorting does to the nose. I use to know people that did it.  Assuming they look and see white stuff. Kind a gross. But glad you are doing well.   I started my taper a month ago but asked for 2 mire weeks at my current meds cause I had major pain from an accident. Next apt will continue taper.

What's good about your story is they are helping you instead of kicking you to curb, ya know. Cause cold turkey would be te worst!!'  

[lmccoy]

I ended up tapering because within a one month period I lost my insurance and had to switch to methadone from the oxys and the same month I found out my pain Dr was moving 350 miles away and had signed a contract at the new clinic that he would not trreat any patients from his old practice. I was unable to find another Dr that would take me on at the level of narcotics I was on and apparently there is not any law that says Dr.s have to transfer there patients. I was in disbilief. I was left with 3 months of methadone precriptions to allow time to find a new Dr., but realized right away it wasn't going to happen,, especially with no insurance and little money. I started a real fast taper as soon as I was stable on the meth, about a week and started reducing by about 1/3 of the total dose at a time untill I got down to around 30mg a day. I had to slow up then and really slow up below 20mg. Went all the way off from 7.5mg and after 3 days was having so much pain in my neck that all I could do is moan and cry. Went back on 5mg. a day and found a great G.P. who was so impressed that I had tapered from so much to so little that he was just fine with the 5mg a day script. He is my biggest supporter at this point and its just great. Feels good. I do want to get off the last of it though. I don't post all that much because my experience with methadone has been strongly positive start to finish and most people seem to have a lot of trouble with it so I'm reluctant to promote it much. It did work great for me though.

[lesson_learned]

Blah I can't sleep so much is going through my head right now... :(

[kiki003]

Hi.  Today is Thursday....and a big day for you, from what I read.  I am hanging in there.  still taking my four pills like a good little girl.  I SO relate to you wanting to search for pills while you're taperer was asleep.  I actually DID that to my sister.  She went out of town, and I ripped her room apart.  I found six pills in a coffee mug in her room.  She had already told me over and over NOT to go in her room.  I found them and told myself, I will just take one...then two...then they were all gone.  I knew I was in trouble with her.  So I found some white chest congestion pills that looked similar and put them in the coffee mug.  A few days later, the chest congestion pills were given to me.  I took them and didn't say a word.  The suffering started immediately.  Just at the very end of the day, my sister came to me and told me she was well-aware I had swapped the pills, she was hurt and felt abused that I would go through her things.  I confessed and said I was so sorry.  But again, a violation of her trust.  I purchased a small fireproof safe, put every pill in it and gave her the only key.  I never had the urge to search again because I know it is pointless to find a safe I cannot get into.  Just a thought.  It helped me and her because she knows now I am no longer on the hunt.  Might want to try it.  Let me know how you are....you have been on my mind....

[lesson_learned]

thanks for keeping me in mind, it means a lot to have support. Today is a big day for me. I'm scared and nervous. It's good you put them in a safe. I probably would too, but I realize that doing so will only make me come up short which is even worse. Not only that but this is my last script. That's a scary thought....I'm scared about taking suboxone from all the horror stories I read. If I do, it will only be until the other stuff is cleared out of my system. When it gets down to the nitty gritty, I will probably be posting  far too much here. I wish my apt was in the morning :/  Honestly, tomorrow is going to be the WORST. Again, thanks for keeping me in mind, it means a lot =) At night time, it's easy for me to go a 12-14 hour stretch without taking anything. But in the morning I find that, the most I can go is about 6-7 hours MAX then start feeling absolutely awful.

[kiki003]

I know what you mean about the days....it is a clock-watching experience.  I am wondering why they put you on the meds in the first place...injury?  Are you still hurt?  That is another problem that I have been having with these damn pills.  My back aches constantly.  The thought that it has to be left to Tylenol.... a joke to this system of mine ... also scares me.  I am very curious to find out how this Suboxone works for you.  That is why I am asking about your pain issues.  That is a big deal to me....being left in pain.  The forum people and their tough love tell me I am full of excuses and obviously not ready to "end my love affair with pills".  Maybe they're right.....I hope not.  Check on you later....hang in there, my friend.  

[lesson_learned]

Hey kiki, I sustained various injuries to my right knee when a piano hit me full on. It was so bad I couldn't walk without excruciating pain. I was on percocet for only two weeks then opted to go to what I foolishly thought was a "safer" option, vicodin. I didn't want to develop a habit. Turns out no narcotic is safe with the right or should I say wrong environment. I am due for surgery sometime within the next few months. So yes, pain is still a big issue for me. Sometimes I still need to use crutches. I also take celebrex for breakthrough pain. My pain on an average day fluctuates. Sometimes it's reaally bad, others not so much. Obviously with moving around more it hurts more. I made the stupid decision one day when I was really high to ride my bike, BAD choice. As soon as I put pressure on that knee it was like a knife stabbing. I've got four different things wrong that need fixing. Tough love is a double edged sword, we know we need it but it hurts sometimes to admit things. I know I have an issue with pills. The strange thing is, it literally just snuck up on me one day. I can't pin point the exact day, it was sometime last summer. When my living situation got stressful, I abused the meds. What a pain, it's a good thing I'm seeing a substance abuse councilor. They will help me get on track and learn coping skills. Suboxone is also used to treat pain, so I imagine you could use it too, if your doctor thinks its a good idea. It's better to talk to them now about it, then get caught doing something stupid like I did. Boy did I get cocky.....you really do feel invisible when under the influence.....I'm glad your talking to me, it really helps. I just took my last dose so I'm having mixed feelings at the moment. There is still a chance I will just opt to continue my taper, rather than suboxone I don't want to trade one demon for another. I will only know after talking to her weather or not it's the right decision for me though, I can't base my decision after a bunch of horror stories, but I -will- take them into account, and will continue to have a dispenser with the suboxone too.

[dominosarah]

It is very scary to think of our life without pills.  We all understand that.  Fear of the unknown is a very powerful feeling.  Many of us had lots of pain and once we got off the pills our pain increased for a short time.  We also found that our pain got better the longer we were off of them.  The biggest discovery to me was that Motrin actually DID work.  Rebound pain is no fun but it is only temporary.  

Dont let these pills continue to zap the life out of you.  This love affair is deadly......sara

[kiki003]

Please let me know what ends up happening.  I am looking at you for inspiration and learning, as I am everyone on here.  What dominosarah says I know mentally is right, I do.  Knowing something is right and actually doing something about it, without being forced, as was your situation, is a hard, hard thing.  I am trying.........  

[Ballgame]

Is today first day cold turkey?

[lesson_learned]

Sarah, I agree. It is a deadly love affair. I'd rather have a love affair then a pill affair ;) Tomorrow will be my first day cold turkey, ballgame. My last dose was at 12pm, in a few hours I will start feeling eh, but I'm going to push through it...I'm really second guessing this suboxone thing. If I have a hard time with these wd's I can't imagine the ones described...I wish I could hear good things about it, and not just on the medicine site. That's bias, kinda. Kiki, I will keep you updated here, please feel free to add me on here if you want, ok?

[lbaddict1973]

Good luck to you guy.  I am new here....did a short taper from 15 vicodin 7.5's to 5, 5 and 4 over three days.  Last was at 2:15 on Monday.....so 73 hours off viodine....I am starting to feel better (morings are painful though) and can partially see the light getting off of these things.  I wish you all of the best and may your new pain be short.  Keep posting!!

[Ballgame]

Lesson what was your taper down to before cold turkey?  And it's vic right?  If you were able to get to 5mg x 3 a day I wouldn't think wd be that bad.  I'm tapering from oxy and wd are awful, web with the taper.

So you have to go 28 hrs cold turkey and you're already 8 hrs into it right?  Tomorrow might be bad but maybe you won't need the sub.  I'm not sure you should take it with all your send guessing.  
Anyway hope you're doing well.  

[lesson_learned]

Hey guys. I'm feeling BAD. Really anxious, starting to yawn a lot...aches coming back. It's been 11 hours. Ballgame, I'm on vicodin, I got down to three 5's a day before, but I've also tried to stop this (seven times now) each time I cave in to the wd's.

[lbaddict1973]

You can do it guy...think of the freedom!  

[worried878]

Guess when some seemingly horrble event, brings us to our senses...it is a good thing//even tho it didnt seem like it at the time it was happening

[lesson_learned]

I agree. It was quite an embarrassing event. You know the more the hours drag on, the more I'm thinking this suboxone thing just isn't a good idea. Tapering isn't so bad. I can't complain, it's a hell of a lot more comfortable then going ct. Mentally, I understand that the jig is up. I'm busted, shut off, and have no way of getting more. You have to *want* for a sober life...I want it-badly. Not another addiction that makes vicodin wd's look like a 24 hour bug. I donno.....I think I need to not be a wimp about this. Get it over with. I'm anxious for true sobriety, and feel mentally stable enough to kick this in the a**. And of course, as predicted, sleep eludes me. Going on 13.5 hours since last dose. >_<. Taking potassium, got the bananas, magnesium, lots of water, Ibuprofen, ambien..this is a vicodin habit, not like its heroin,fentanyl, or oxys. I think this equivalent to: killing a fly with a nuke, when all you really need is a fly swatter. Anyone else with me on that?

[lesson_learned]

1:50am................................

[troubleinohio]

never underestimate vicodin...dont say "its JUST vicodin, its not like its heroin or fenatnyl"! Look how badly "just vicodin" has taken over your life. "just vicodin" has been controlling you and makign you miserable.
Hang in there, you really can do this!

[lesson_learned]

Boy is that true...I guess one of the things I'm thinking about now is, how I can stop obsessing over the drug after my taper is done. Now that I've pretty much decided sub isn't a good idea.......

[lmccoy]

Your doing great, the obsession thing is big. You will have to find something that you can practice when its really tough. Someone told me once that most cravings have a relativly short duration, cant remember the time, but I think about 5 min. It seems to be true for me. I play all kinds of mental games with the cravings, is it worse than this is it easyer/harder than that. It probably seems silly, but for me it helps. one of the things that helps the most is I think of them like labor pains.Labor pains would seem intolerable if you were just having them on and off in the day randomly, but women have them all the time to give birth to babys and then go and do it again! Shows you can get through anything if you know it will pass and the end is worth getting there for. My cravings don't come any closer that 5 min. apart and I'v made it through labor pains that were back to back, so I'm just giving birth to a sober life! Wierd I know, might not be your bag, but the point is it won't go on for ever, the reward is huge at the end, and you will have to have some coping skills because you will have random STRONG urges to use for the rest of your life. Your doing great, I think if you can make it through without the sub you will be glad. I swtiched from oxys to methadone and tapered off it. The methadone got rid of all cravings and let me feel what it would be like to be clean without the bad withdrawl (withdrawal) first. It was a big motivator for me. I guess what I'm trying to say is, try to do it without the sub, but if you find you cant stay clean or get your life together off the vicodin then you may need the sub to suppress the cravings long enough to get a good program of aftercare going. Maybe just try your very hardest to do it without the sub and only keep them in the planing stag unless you feel you absolutly are about to start using again. That should be the one thing that you just will not allow yourself to have happen no matter what. You will be so happy when you come out the other side.

[Ballgame]

Lesson don't you have a dr or someone to help you with doing sub or not?  
What would sub help yo with? Pain? Wd? I don't know anything about so I ask.  Sounds like it's addicting and hard to get off of.

I'm in the same boat, part of me feels like I should suck itup and get it over with.  And I've tried to cut taper down myself. Bad idea, my body doesn't react well to it. My body needs the pills.  Awful spot to be in

[kiki003]

Hi.  I woke up today and you were on my mind.  I know things are probably hard for you right now.  I told you about my ex.  He put me through w/d's every couple of weeks.  I was SO sick.  And I couldn't tell anyone.  No one knew I had the problem, so it was hard to explain why I found myself "sick" over and over again.  I just began to slowly isolate from everyone.  I didn't even know there were sites like this out there.  Now when I look back and see that he did it deliberately so that he could get over with his nonsense, it hurts all the more.  I found out that he sold alot of my pills to get his cocaine and/or pay off him gambling debt.  Can you imagine doing that to someone you claim to love?  In my wildest addiction, I would never put another human being through such agony.  I can tell you that I have now been 7 days straight on my prescribed dosage.  I haven't cheated.....haven't looked for more or called any doctors or lied.  I am proud of myself.  I feel like a rational human being again.  Sometimes I take a beating from some of the people on the forum.  I am sure it is well-deserved.  I personally feel like this taper has been a very good thing.  I am hoping that may be an option for you.  Suboxone scares me.  At least if you taper, you are "dancing with the devil you know", as they say.  

And to ballgame out there, it IS hard.  My body hated me for cutting it off.  My emotions went wild.  But I never got sick.....it was just my head that I had to deal with.  Every time I start thinking about making a call for a refill, which happens alot, especially on a Friday as I know this is my last chance before the weekend, I get on here and read and read.  It has really helped.

Please, lesson, keep in touch.  Keep talking.  For whatever it is worth, living vicariously through you is really helping me.  I hope someone out there is doing the same for you.  you are in my thoughts and prayers, all of my fellow sufferers......    

[Ballgame]

Yeah I know it's bad, didn't mean it like that. Sorry

[lesson_learned]

Oooohhh I am BAD. I couldn't stand it last night, after everyone went to bed and I was alone. Still not an excuse, but I'm an addict. I took a Norco. I just needed to sleeeeep. It's been about 13 hours since my Norco. I threw the damn bottle on top of my cabinets. I'm meeting with that doctor this afternoon, because my primary says even in order to be tapered I need to at least meet with her, because she thinks I'm trying to refuse treatment, and just want more Norco. Maybe she's right...and can I just say my pupils...holy sh** they are HUGE. Why?!! My body aches, running to the bathroom, bleeeeh. I don't know what I will be doing, but whatever it is, it will be something. The thing is I'm pretty sure I cant take the sub even if I wanted to cause it hasn't been 24 hours. Unless of course, I want to be a masochist and make myself violently ill.  I'm still here just feeling really damn awful.

[kiki003]

You aren't bad.  You are human.  It's okay.  When you go to that meeting, be honest.  Tell them everything at this point...you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.  This is why I think tapering is so much more realistic.  I don't think them cutting you off is going to do much good in the end....especially as you still have pain.  They won't trust you, of course.  But maybe, just maybe they will let you take lowering doses, even if they only give you enough for a couple of days at a time.  God knows it has helped me.  Like I said, I was a maniac til those pills of mine got locked up and I knew that four is what I had and that was that.  Once I actually started taking them like I am supposed to, the craziness in my mind of how I could get more has subsided.  I don't know anything, though.....just my thoughts.

[lesson_learned]

I wouldn't say you don't know anything, you've been through this =) I too, am impulsive about these damn pills. I'm so sick of the obsession. When I'm not taking them, I'm talking about them. Last night I talked about it for two hours straight. Then looked at the door stopper on the wall and thought to myself, "that really looks like a percocet." I am exceedingly bothered by this situation and feel sandbagged in the worst way, but your right-they won't trust me. Not now, not ever. It's why I was only getting a week script at a time. I will talk to this doctor and see what she says, though she does stand to profit from getting another client.

[dominosarah]

You gotta get out of your head lesson......your addiction is screaming at you.  This is why we "preach" recovery care.  Hopefully you will feel better after you have talked with the doctor.  Let us know how it goes okay?           sara

[lesson_learned]

I absolutely concur. My apt is in a few hours, I will be back with updates, hopefully soon after. This is really, really driving me crazy. I Feel like a cat dragging it's claws.

[dominosarah]

Take some deep deep breaths.....This really does help.  Crazy will soon be a thing of the past.  You will get better.  Chin up!!         sara

[Ballgame]

How did the apt go?

[Ballgame]

If I can ask lesson, what state do you live in?

[lesson_learned]

Hey, I live in NH. The apt went good, I decided with my councilor, and pcp, and sub doctor that it's best for now to use suboxone as a tool. I'm only taking 8mg, and that seems to work. But a faint headache, blegh. I took an Ibuprofen 800mg, seemed to work. Well what do you know, lol. I know some people won't agree with my decision but if it gets me off the bloody norcos it's all I care. I don't plan on being on this for long term. So far this is day 1 of being clean from stupid Norco. I'm a bit peeved the pharmacist had major attitude with me. It's like yea, I'm an addict, doesn't mean you need to be a jerk to me. Funny how he never gave me a problem when I was picking up bottles of vicodin per month.  

[lesson_learned]

Not sure what is going to happen now. I had to turn in my bottle of vicodin in order to get the suboxone script, which I'm not entirely sure if my insrance will cover anyway. So now I'm FREAKING OUT. Because I just started this crap, and feel like now, I might get completely screwed over and not have ANYTHING to take. F**** Bureaucracy. UGGGHH. Sorry having a BAD day now. Should've known it started off alllll too smoothly. Yes, I'm feeling rather negative. I could scream.

[Ballgame]

Can't you pay cash?  If not covered let the know.  But I would think it would be covered. Let us know how you do.  This thread helps me as I'm feeling AWFUL. Wd is the worst

[dominosarah]

Gotta let those pills go lesson.  They arent a security blanket even tho it feels that way.  Try and look at things in a positive way.  You are one step away from actually getting off all meds.  Wont that freedom feel good??          sara

[Ballgame]

I want to havethat feeling where once you're off you see how good you feel without them.  Does that happen?

[dominosarah]

YES that happens and it is an awesome feeling.  It will happen Ballgame.      sara

[Ballgame]

Sara how LNG did it take you to get clean? You taper?

[Ballgame]

Meant long. Darn iPhone auto spell

[dominosarah]

I started using when i was young and didnt give it up until i was 46.  I put down the drugs in April of 2008.  Went cold turkey as i wasnt a good candidate for tapering as i am an all or nothing type person.  I took the wd's as they came as i knew i had to rid my body of all the toxins i had fed it.  I remember going to Walgreens, throwing up all the way to get my supplements.  WD"s were brutal but nothing compared to what my life was while i was using.  I got into recovery care as i had so many demons dancing in my head and to this day i am still working my program and dealing with those monsters.  My sobriety is the most sacred thing in my life and i protect it with everything i have.  I have come a long way but i know i cant ever let my guard down.  Just for today i am a very grateful recovering addict~~~~sara  

[Ballgame]

Wow cold turkey. That's impressive. I couldn't last more than 60 hrs cold turkey before getting help. I tried it.
I'm struggling now because it's a struggle to not take a pill when I have wd.  So it's nice to know people can do cold turkey.  My taper is for oxy, is that what you did?
Thx for sharing

[dominosarah]

It was do or die for me so i had to just do it and take whatever came my way.  I took myself mentally to a place i had never been before.  Vicoprofen was my DOC but i took whatever came my way.  Tapering must be dam tough.  It takes a special person to do that in my book.  Just keep going on yours and hang in there.  This is tough i know but the other side is so awesome~~~~~sara

[lesson_learned]

Hey guys just an update. I'm doing good. I don't know how I am but, I haven't had ANYTHING. Not even Suboxone since 12pm yesterday. I do -not- like how buzzed I am on the sub, I'm starting to think if I'm ok, and stay that way. I don't need a damn thing. Maybe it's just me but suboxone makes me too high, which is exactly what I do -not- want in my life. People said it would go away but every time I take it, I get high, emotionally numb, and it effects other *ehem* intimate personal aspects as well. So, maybe I just needed the sub till the vicodin got out. If that is the case, then I'm a very lucky girl, and will give my slot to someone else who needs treatment. Still have a week till my apt but we will see.

[kiki003]

Hi!  It has been a very busy weekend for me...so first chance I got to check on you.  You have been in my mind, though, very much.  I had NO idea that Suboxone got you high!  Shocked to hear that....really, shocked.  I heard people say they were trying to get off of it, but thought maybe you just had to ween.  May I just say that I, for one, am so extremely proud of you.  F***ing pharmacist INFURIATES me!  THAT is the reason I can't bear the thought of the "world" at large knowing my deal.  You are so right, my pharmacist just LOVES me.  Can just imagine how the friendly small talk would change if I were in your shoes.  Well, don't know if I can say I am tapering.  But I am still going straight on my 4 pills a day.  Woo-hoo!  This is the longest stretch I haven't cheated, for lack of a better word, in a very long time.  I will say that every time I am out of my element, I always load up on pills.  Have started dating someone new and went fishing for the first time....on a boat and at night....most certainly out of my element!  Still, not even a desire for more.  I know it isn't much to brag about by comparison to what I read, but finding this site has brought me this far....so much more potential, I just know it!  Praying for you all......  And Lesson, you are awesome, in my humble opinion.....hang in there..  

[Ballgame]

Lesson how is your pain? Mine has gotten worse with taper. About 5 days ago really hurt myself(back) and had to take an extra pill cause of the pain. That went away after a couple days but even though I'm getting off meds my pain is still going to be there.  It was me who said I need to get off, not the pain mgt but wish they had talked to me about a plan for pain going forward.
Anyway how is your pain

ps this whole time I thought you were a male.  Ha

[lesson_learned]

Hey Kiki, woot! Good for you a date! I do the same thing, load up on pills when out of my familiar environment. I'm glad to hear from you, and thanks for your support! I was wondering about you too. Don't sell yourself short, your situation has improved too. Taking only 4 a day IS a awesome thing. Not saying you will, but Maybe one day, you will think hmm I need 3. I hope your date goes well! Stay in touch ok? Apparently the pharmacist situation was that he was concerned I'd take both, and end up keeled over. I'm not stupid enough to try it though, but still I think he was trying to keep my safety in mind. When people hear of an addict, they don't see a face. They see whatever it is they *want* to see.

[lesson_learned]

P.S I was as I said very taken back that I got high, and even ANGRY!

[lesson_learned]

Lol! Nah, I'm a female =) As for the pain, it's actually better than it was on the Norco. I guess  over time Norco actually gets worse for that. I'm also taking Ibp800mg twice a day. It's very brave of you to taper. And very smart to discuss this with pain management. Make sure to find a way to manage your pain effectively or it could be a vicious cycle. I hope your back is feeling better too. Oh, and it's three days and two hours with no vicodin now :D

[kiki003]

Awesome!  So, so happy.  Taking the sub or no?  How about wd's?  Any sickness?  I always got REALLY sick about 2 days off....to the b'room every 3 minutes...couldn't get out of bed, etc.  It was always cold turkey, though...and not because I wanted it.....always because I ran out or the ex held back.  let us know how you are doing....

[Danny750]

Good job lesson. Vics were my favorite too and took a very long time for me to come off. I'm on day 4 of taking about 12 - 10mg a day and sometimes oxys with it.  Its going to be hard but it's worth it. Keep posting here. I've been on this site before and wish I stayed on the first time.  

[Ballgame]

How you doing lesson? 4 days going in 5. Good work. How do you feel?

[lesson_learned]

Hey Ballgame, I'm doing alright. A little tired through out the day, had muscle cramps a bit, little snappy, but nothing too horrible. I also notified my doctor about my decision. I'm still counting :D

[dominosarah]

Nice to see you all supporting each other!!!          sara

[Ballgame]

What did you decide?

[Ballgame]

What did you decide?
How is the wd?

[lesson_learned]

that I turned in my bottle of vicodin to the pharm. The wd's are being managed. It's been since Friday 2am I've not had a vicodin.

[kiki003]

Hey, Lesson.  I am sad to say that I have stumbled.  Back to Day 1.......prescribed dosage, here we go again....

[dominosarah]

What happened?

[lesson_learned]

That is ok kiki, dust your knees and get back up to give another try. You've got friends here, what happened? *hugs* I was tempted today too got hit in the chin with a damn baseball >:(

[Ballgame]

With my pain I don't think I'll ever fully stop. I'm tapering down because I felt it was time since I was taking way more than I should then have to cut way back so I didn't run out before next apt. I'm additiced no doubt.  And they help with pain, but 2-3 days each month I'd be out and get wd. Tired of that routine. So I'm following you Lesson in hopes I can feel good again.  I have your thread bookmarked on my iPhone.  Try to chk in once a day at least.

How many days clean and how do you feel?  The sub helping?  

[lesson_learned]

Hey ballgame, the same thing would happen to me. Then I'd have no other choice then to taper my last few days till script refill. It feels good to not have the anxiety of being in seeking mode, etc. I was SORELY tempted tonight. I went into panic mode because something happened to me that was very scary. I wanted to use right then and there soooo bad. I realized the last time I'd taken a suboxone was about 13 hours ago. I am prescribed two 8mg a day. But only a few days have I broken down and taken the second. I'm trying to stay at 8mg. I started getting the runny nose, anxiety,jumpiness,the runs,. Honestly, the sub is helping extremely so. Doc and I are disputing about how long I should be on it. I don't want to be on this more than three months max. I told her three weeks she said absolutely not. Because of high relapse. Thanks for checking in, and thanks for your support. I would have lapsed for sure if I wasn't taking the sub.

[wishful1]

yep im still on subs and i have been clean 90 days. I am tapering now though!! u can do this the subs really work if u dont abuse them

[kiki003]

Hi, Lesson.  just checking in.  Back on Day 3 of prescribed dose.  Feeling remarkably well, considering.  Glad the sub is working for you.  Am very curious about it, but also scared now that I hear it gets you high!  Cravings still there, big time, and am sure it will continue.  But I am sticking with this....I HAVE to.  Everyone in my thoughts out there.  When I feel like even trying to get more, I get on here and read and read.  Hearing people waiting for police to show up at the door usually snaps me out of it.  Thank God have not gone down THAT road yet.....still, knowing things I have already done, can't say I wouldn't do something stupid if the opportunity presented itself.   So once again I have talked to my sister.  Fessed up about every doctor and pharmacy I have used behind her back.  She tells me she will report me if I do anything like what I pulled the other day ever again....ie, doctor shopping.  I KNOW she means it.  I DO NOT blame her one bit.  Will get on the straight and narrow one way or the other.......at least that is what I am praying for.  I am so terrified of getting in trouble with the law, and she knows that.  This might be the best thing I have done for myself in a long time.  And to everyone out there, never, ever would have done this without you........hope everyone is well out there.....

[lesson_learned]

Not abusing them...I'm taking them as directed...???

[lesson_learned]

Hey Kiki, I'm surprised you can doctor shop no idea how you do it. In my state before they prescribe narcotics they HAVE to see your files or talk to your current doctor, therefore making it impossible to do. I wish I so freakin wish I had some vics right now. I've had a really bad stressful day, a place I started going to, is hurting more than helping I've got weirdos hitting on me, one is actually HARASSING me calling me names and crap cause I don't like him. I'm really really upset and want to dive into the comfortably numb feeling that vicodin gives....I was so upset I was shaking, my teeth were even chattering. I hate this. I don't think I can do this, and I HATE being verbally abused by some (really scary looking stranger, and even uglier on the inside.)

[Ballgame]

Is it a group session? All your Drs seem helpful so tell them what's going on.  Easier said than done but don't let them get to you. You can't control them but you can control yourself.  Be bulletproof and make te insults bounce off you. You can do it!  Just think of it as just words and words won't get to you.
First thing talk to the person in charge.

As for dr shopping I think it depends where you are from.  I'm near Boston and there are so many people and so many hospitals that it's impossible to track everyone.  I don't dr shop but I have been to different drs trying to fix my back. The logistics of getting dr info before giving meds would really slow down the office. Having said that at some point if you dr shop you'll be in everyone system so can't do for long.  

I have a question.  How do drs get your medical history?  I know they can because one did for me.  Is there a general source with all you medical and script info?


Stay strong lesson. You've come a long ways!!

[lesson_learned]

Yes, it is a group session. Sorry for the long silence, got sick this past week not feeling good, and sleeping a lot. Things seem a little better in group though. As for the doctors getting your info, well in my state when you go to get a script, especially that of controlled substance, it isn't so easy. The small practices require your records before doing ANYTHING. The big guys, a little more leg room to dance. Hospitals are too busy but if you end up being blacklisted your screwed;

[lesson_learned]

looks like I lost Kiki =( good luck with things, girl....

[dominosarah]

Hope you are feeling better lesson.   Glad to see you back posting.       sara

[lesson_learned]

Hey Sara, Thanks Yes I'm feeling muchly better.19 Days Clean So Far!

[pattifan]

Hi,

I looked back and saw how miserable you were in your early posts.

It's great to hear you're feeling so much better.

19 days is a great achievement, so be proud of yourself. Great going!

Take care

[adam_addy]

Great job lesson, now u need to taper off the subs, it is just a replacement for the vics.... i did the same thing, and yes u can do it in just a few days...just wait until u feel the clarity of getting off the subs...nothing like it!let me know if u need to talk...Adam

[adam_addy]

Lesson, I forgot to add that no one can make you feel bad....think about that. just like nothing is good or evil, but our thinking is what makes it so....what i mean is, if you let someone bother you withtheir words, then you are letting them do that to you. It is the same as the control that you let the drugs have over you. Change your thinking, and you can take away the power that you let other peoples words and actions have over you. Just decide that no matter what someone says or does, it has no effect on you. It is that simple. You can choose to do this every day. As humans, we are different from all other animals because we have this power to choose. think about it.... Adam

[Ballgame]

Wow your 21 days clean. That's awesome!  Are you still taking the sub?  I know it was hard for you and when you're doing this every minute feels like an hour.  But 21 days is great!! How you feel?  

[lesson_learned]

Hey, I've been kinda sick lately. I don't know. Feeling nauseous. Not eating much at all..etc. I'm still on sub but I tapered down to half the prescribed dosage. :) Shhh. Sometimes I think those sub docs, just want the money lol. Even though there are waiting lists a mile long. 25 days so far its been years since I've come this far along wiith NO DOC's.

[lesson_learned]

It's true I really was a wreck. I feel much better now, just need to kick the nausea.

[lesson_learned]

PS and thanks very much! If it wasn't for the people supporting me here and my therapist, I doubt I could have come so far. It really is a blessing. And it's nice to be off the emotional roller coaster and seeking mode.

[shiningstar500]

This is great you are doing so well!! I wish you the best!!

[lesson_learned]

I'm listening! Absolutely NEED to kick the subs too, the emotional roller coaster is gone from the vics. But there are a LOT of side effects I'm not liking on the sub. Like intermittent nausea,decreased libido,(BIG one,people you think opiates are bad, this is ten times worse.),no appetite,sweats off and on, and I'm sleeeeeping a lot, if my head hits a pillow I'm out. How did you kick these things adam? Now that the vics are out of my system I want to be done of ALL drugs, you know? Want that fog GONE!! But yea, 25 days so far off vics :)

[lesson_learned]

Anyone out there right now? I just got back been out in this crap all day.Phew is it HOT out. Think I'll sit this out in the A/C! I was going to go for a bike ride, but I will do my daily walk thing later tonight. Hope everyone is doing good...I miss hearing from everyone!

[shiningstar500]

Great to hear your doing so well! We are a day apart on our clean time!!! I am in Florida and it is very hot out here!!!

[lesson_learned]

Thanks :) It's hot everywhere it seems...even where I am.

[laurel453]

hey, congrats on your clean time .... you have come through a lot but you have made almost a month, keep counting days :) WELL DONE !!

[wannabsober634]

I am three four days clean.

[wannabsober634]

All of this started very innocently with a trip to the dentist about 12 yeaqrs ago. He gave me percocet. I loved them and an addiction was born. At first it was just an occasional thing, whenever I could get them. Well, twelve years later it has become a full blown addiction! I would take Vicoden, Percocet, whatever I could get my hands on really. I do have back issues so they became easy to get. I also got busted just this passed Monday. I went to the doctors and told her that I had lost my perscription. She said no you didn't and she had a paper right in front of her of every perscription that I had gotten. I was humiliated but I knew that the gig was up!

[wannabsober634]

It was kind of ironic because on the way to the Dr. appt. I was telling myself that I have got to get off this stuff!! I really have not experienced to many of the withdrwals. My doctor did give me "Ultram" to help. I had an appt. yesterday with a counselor but it was only an intake appt. my first appt. is not until the 21st. I have found that getting any sort of help as far as medical help to be very difficult. I am glad that I found this site.

[wannabsober634]

The withdrawls that I have experienced are going to the bathroom constantly, and just feeling very lathargic, and my body hurts. How long can I expect these to last?

[wannabsober634]

My next question is; if I did take a percocet, would my withdrawls start all over again?

[laurel453]

are you taking any otc help for wds symtoms (symptoms)  ? immodium, some supplements like magnesium+calcium, potasium, Hylands restful legs ( for restless legs syndrome)...drink a lot of fluids to keep you hydrated  ( gatorade, tonic water, green tea, apple juice ), take a lot of hot baths too ( they will help you a lot, trust me )...eat a lot of bananas too..

and no, don't take that percocet, please... the point of wds is that of getting clean of any opiates so... get rid of them, flush them away and don't take them .. good luck :)

it would better if you start your own thread so that you don't hijack this, ok ? :)

and congrats on your clean days !!

[lesson_learned]

Yes, I second what laurel suggested, please. I'd appreciate it very much, and this thread has been up a long while. If you post your own thread, you will get more responses. Good luck with your sobriety journey.