Aa
Going thru the worse thing ive ever been thru
Just to start im sorry to who i make madbut i truely have heard all the bad mean comments and thoughts and i have questions im trying to get answers to . ok well its kind of hard for me to talk about it i never i would have a story like this. My husband and i just had our first baby together and he was born last monday he was perfect 7 pounds 10ounces beautiful all his health screens were perfect and for the first time in the whole 9months my husband and i were happy we both felt like we had everything.. And for the first 2days we had everything till 30 mins before they discharged us . well my health chart had been flagged because i had been to treatment b4 for meth,herion and pills. i had been sober after that for awhile then started using ughh meth again and couldnt stop except for three months in my pregnancy then started using again. Anyway i was to scared to tell my doctor and at the end of my pregnancy i started having extreme high blood pressure i was a week over due so the finally induced me last sunday. once i was at the hospital they were very sneaky about what they were doing but finally monday at 2:30pm he was born healthy 7 pounds 10ounces he was perfect. anyways when it was 30 mins till we could go home a social worker came and told methey put our son on a 24 hour hold cuz i tested positive for meth and they pushed my baby out of my room and took him to the nursery. wtf. my heart was broken the next day came and they said hey were discharging me but my baby was going to be held on a hold by cps.. it didnt seem real it seemed like a bad dream. my husband was mad .. i hate myself for what i have done to my son i talk to the nurses 20times aday to check on him and its killing me to not be holding him i cant believe what i have done he was showing signs of withdrawl so they put him on morphine and he is doing much better they said he will be kept there a month. when my husbands family found out they would call and thearten me and say horrible things just like everyone else i hate myself and will never forgive myself ever. its his week old bday tmrw and he isnt going to b with me i cant stop thinking bout it and i try to be strong but i cant and my husband is mad at me cuz cps is pretty much saying **** you to him. i cant believe i did this it makes me so sick. i have a case worker and nobody will answer my questions so if anyone can help please i need it. everything is harder when u have no support and they only thing u can think bout is what u did to your kid. what usally happens next why r they trying to act like he has no rights to his own son. how long is it going to take me to get him back i will never give up i will do whatever hey ask me to i need my son and so does my husband. this is killing me please someone tell me how i can get thru all this just to go thru it again tommrow
Everything is going great i have been sober now for 69 days and feel great i see my son two times a week not nearly enough.. He is three months tmrw. we have our case review jan 24 so hopefully it will go great im still in outpaitent treatment... hows u and ur daughter
So how was it? I bet he's big now! U have to b so releaved u got to see him? Is he doin ok?
I finally get to see cartar there is no greAter reward then that thank you ladies for everything
You have to understand that, when you're being forthcoming , you are in "recovery". When you are minimizing or refusing to disclose the truth of your reality, then you are in denial and you are feeding your co dependence.
From experience with my own mother, i'll say one last thing. My mother never hit any of her four children, but, she died with all four of her kids despising her for staying for "everything" (things) and the sex and not leaving her abuser and getting her kids the help that they needed. All person's coming from abuse, will suffer consequences.
This guy is telling you that you deserve what he's dishing out. Because of him putting in terms of YOU having something to do with the abuse, You're asking WHY is this happening to me, i'm a good girl .IT's smoke and mirrors with an abuser. He doesn't know you, or care about you, you're his punching bag. Find a real man, start with Carter and work up from there. This is not as easy as you doing the bare minimum , and do what people have to do, to get out of jail, or get their kid back. This is about you NOT knowingly setting up that poor little boy for a life of shame and abuse, by bringing him back into your husband's home.b You have to do this sober, of you simply won't make it. Right now Carter is in a "loving single mother's home". YOU be that loving single mother for Carter.
Just like using dope "IS NOT AN OPTION", allowing violence around your son, "IS NOT AN OPTION", allowing violence in your life "WILL SABOTAGE YOUR SOBRIETY".
From experience with my own mother, i'll say one last thing. My mother never hit any of her four children, but, she died with all four of her kids despising her for staying for "everything" (things) and the sex and not leaving her abuser and getting her kids the help that they needed. All person's coming from abuse, will suffer consequences.
This guy is telling you that you deserve what he's dishing out. Because of him putting in terms of YOU having something to do with the abuse, You're asking WHY is this happening to me, i'm a good girl .IT's smoke and mirrors with an abuser. He doesn't know you, or care about you, you're his punching bag. Find a real man, start with Carter and work up from there. This is not as easy as you doing the bare minimum , and do what people have to do, to get out of jail, or get their kid back. This is about you NOT knowingly setting up that poor little boy for a life of shame and abuse, by bringing him back into your husband's home.b You have to do this sober, of you simply won't make it. Right now Carter is in a "loving single mother's home". YOU be that loving single mother for Carter.
Just like using dope "IS NOT AN OPTION", allowing violence around your son, "IS NOT AN OPTION", allowing violence in your life "WILL SABOTAGE YOUR SOBRIETY".
You're husband is the enemy. You're husband's abuse will destroy your sobriety. In treatment the first question asked "Is there anyone at home that will sabotage your sobriety?" The idea is that the person "at home" will either attend a treatment for families of addicts, so that the person can maintain their sobriety, or that there are other arrangements made so that the home is "safe" and your sobriety not sabotaged. You're describing an abusive home that you are pretty determined to brink your baby into. How have you addressed the physical abuse issues at home?
You don't want your baby in your in laws hands, because they don't have your son's best interests at heart, the fact is that your son's father is just as bad as his own father, and regularly physically and mentally abuses you. It' would be dangerous to bring a new baby into your home because your husband continues to be abusive to you.
You ask, why is this happening to me? I'm a good person? Somewhere along the way you became co dependent, and when you go to treatment , and are 100% forthcoming, a trained professional will work with you and you will find out why "a good person, who hasn't done anything to warrant abuse" does indeed, become a target for abuse. You don't have to be at fault for a psychopath to pick you out of a crowd and abuse you. There are enough problems in the world, and many people suffering in co dependent families, so there are still lot's of women who lack the self esteem to put an end to abuse, the first time an abuser "tests" you. Because that's exactly what they do. They play with you like a cat with a mouse, and after they've destroyed you, they'll throw you away and call you pathetic.
The physical abuse that you're talking about will rip your son's heart out faster than you doing drugs. Say you were a "functional addict" and didn't beat your kids when you were high, but just made it impossible to save any money, never owning a home of your own, or no college fund, or other bad "choices", beating a boy's mother is more damaging then if you did your drugs in front of your son. AND it won't be long before your husband starts to beat your son, because in your words, he doesn't think what he's doing is wrong, it's always the victim who causes him to react. He thinks that he teaching you how to "act" when he beats you or abuses you. Telling you to put up your hand to talk, why not make Carter put up his hand to talk? It's okay for his mother, why not him? It's okay to punish you physically , why NOT punish Carter? He believes he has a right to do what he's doing. AND co-dependence to him means, that you're going to let him get away with abusing you. You're husband doesn't ever have to put a hand on your son (but i think he will) to damage CARTER BEYOND measure.
I think it's great that you went to treatment, that means alot. If you're blood and urine testing (you can get that done free in through the treatment centre) that's great too! Your long term sobriety is in danger. You are in danger staying with this man. He does not love you, or he would not abuse you. This is NOT because you are unlovable as much as it is he is probably misogynistic, trained from birth. This is something that has to be talked about ALOT in treatment with your addictions therapist or counselor. By you allowing a man to abuse you, you really start to feel like the stupid piece of **** he's been beating into your head. You have less and less ability to believe you can make it on your own. YOU DESPERATELY NEED TO BE OPEN WIT H A COUNSELOR AND FIND OUT WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO PROVIDE CARTER WITH A HEALTHY HOME. If you think all you have to do is "show up" to a rehab and not do drugs, while your drug testing, you're not doing nearly what it's going to take to DESERVE Carter.
You don't want your baby in your in laws hands, because they don't have your son's best interests at heart, the fact is that your son's father is just as bad as his own father, and regularly physically and mentally abuses you. It' would be dangerous to bring a new baby into your home because your husband continues to be abusive to you.
You ask, why is this happening to me? I'm a good person? Somewhere along the way you became co dependent, and when you go to treatment , and are 100% forthcoming, a trained professional will work with you and you will find out why "a good person, who hasn't done anything to warrant abuse" does indeed, become a target for abuse. You don't have to be at fault for a psychopath to pick you out of a crowd and abuse you. There are enough problems in the world, and many people suffering in co dependent families, so there are still lot's of women who lack the self esteem to put an end to abuse, the first time an abuser "tests" you. Because that's exactly what they do. They play with you like a cat with a mouse, and after they've destroyed you, they'll throw you away and call you pathetic.
The physical abuse that you're talking about will rip your son's heart out faster than you doing drugs. Say you were a "functional addict" and didn't beat your kids when you were high, but just made it impossible to save any money, never owning a home of your own, or no college fund, or other bad "choices", beating a boy's mother is more damaging then if you did your drugs in front of your son. AND it won't be long before your husband starts to beat your son, because in your words, he doesn't think what he's doing is wrong, it's always the victim who causes him to react. He thinks that he teaching you how to "act" when he beats you or abuses you. Telling you to put up your hand to talk, why not make Carter put up his hand to talk? It's okay for his mother, why not him? It's okay to punish you physically , why NOT punish Carter? He believes he has a right to do what he's doing. AND co-dependence to him means, that you're going to let him get away with abusing you. You're husband doesn't ever have to put a hand on your son (but i think he will) to damage CARTER BEYOND measure.
I think it's great that you went to treatment, that means alot. If you're blood and urine testing (you can get that done free in through the treatment centre) that's great too! Your long term sobriety is in danger. You are in danger staying with this man. He does not love you, or he would not abuse you. This is NOT because you are unlovable as much as it is he is probably misogynistic, trained from birth. This is something that has to be talked about ALOT in treatment with your addictions therapist or counselor. By you allowing a man to abuse you, you really start to feel like the stupid piece of **** he's been beating into your head. You have less and less ability to believe you can make it on your own. YOU DESPERATELY NEED TO BE OPEN WIT H A COUNSELOR AND FIND OUT WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO PROVIDE CARTER WITH A HEALTHY HOME. If you think all you have to do is "show up" to a rehab and not do drugs, while your drug testing, you're not doing nearly what it's going to take to DESERVE Carter.
I Havnt been on here in so long... I'm sooo happy ur doin what u need to for ur son. U didn't give up! I just want u to kno that I've been thinkin about u and am glad to see that u have made great progress (= and its such a blessing he didn't end up in the hands of ppl who don't have his best interest at heart. It also sounds like ur alot happier! Just keep it up. February isn't that far away, especially if ur granted overnites.
Make sure you keep us updated.
I bet you are so excited about seeing your baby again.
I bet you are so excited about seeing your baby again.
Thank you so much it means alot to me that i found alot of the best advice from everyone on this site i needed awake up call and support so thank you you have truely been real with me.
Wow Girl,
Congrats on completing rehab and getting clean. You should be so proud.
I am so happy you are getting your baby back and can look forward to a long happy life together.
Protect him girl. I know you can.
Congrats on completing rehab and getting clean. You should be so proud.
I am so happy you are getting your baby back and can look forward to a long happy life together.
Protect him girl. I know you can.
Ii was confused, because I'm slow and still brain dead.....so for anyone else that was confused, Nighthawk has been loving, posting, supporting and suggesting for a long time. That's why she's aware of the history that we weren't if we just read this thread. The posts and dates referenced above are from the "abuse" community on this forum.
I'm hoping wantourbabyback will listen......for you first and then your baby.
Just clarifying outloud in case someone else felt lost, too. Ha!
Thanks Nighthawk~
I'm hoping wantourbabyback will listen......for you first and then your baby.
Just clarifying outloud in case someone else felt lost, too. Ha!
Thanks Nighthawk~
You must go to a shelter for Carter. Should he witess this. Please love Carter more tham this.
Nov 07, 2012
my husband usallay says one thing and does another he blames me and keeps being very abusive he calls me names says hurtful stuff tells me he will break my face if i speak without raising my hand he broke my jaw last sept for throwing a cd away ; he blames me and keeps being very abusive he calls me names says hurtful stuff tells me he will break my face if i speak without raising my hand he broke my jaw last sept for throwing a cd away
Nov 10, 2012
Im scared to leave he will take everyrhing that i worked hard for
Nov 11, 2012
it's so crazy because I'm starting to believe it. I use to be a very strong minded girl now my mind is completely messed up. and I don't get why I can just pick up and leave what is holding me back besides having nothing cause he will take everything
Nov 14, 2012
i dont understand how he can be like this right now he isnt even somonei feel like i know
Nov 15, 2012
At the worst time ever i find out my husband cheated on me and then tonight beat me for getting mad and crying.. im fice mins away from doung something dumb ti myself im so worthless why do i deserve this
my husband usallay says one thing and does another he blames me and keeps being very abusive he calls me names says hurtful stuff tells me he will break my face if i speak without raising my hand he broke my jaw last sept for throwing a cd away ; he blames me and keeps being very abusive he calls me names says hurtful stuff tells me he will break my face if i speak without raising my hand he broke my jaw last sept for throwing a cd away
Nov 10, 2012
Im scared to leave he will take everyrhing that i worked hard for
Nov 11, 2012
it's so crazy because I'm starting to believe it. I use to be a very strong minded girl now my mind is completely messed up. and I don't get why I can just pick up and leave what is holding me back besides having nothing cause he will take everything
Nov 14, 2012
i dont understand how he can be like this right now he isnt even somonei feel like i know
Nov 15, 2012
At the worst time ever i find out my husband cheated on me and then tonight beat me for getting mad and crying.. im fice mins away from doung something dumb ti myself im so worthless why do i deserve this
Wow! I just sat and read this entire thread, and it about ripped my soul out! I'm so glad you are clean now and that your baby is healthy. That is ALL that matters, because that's what it'll take to get him back. Congratulations on your time clean, and just don't ever, EVER touch drugs again. I'm sure they will be watching for a while, and I would hate to see you lose him! It sounds like rehab was a blessing for you. Again.....I'm so glad it's worked out, and your husband's family didn't get to keep him. That would have been a disaster. Don't listen to any more negativity from ANY of them, your husband included. No one has a right to beat you up emotionally. Remember what you did for yourself and your son if you ever want to use again! You DID IT! Congrats!
Take this as a lesson learned and never touch drugs again. Your son will not remember you like this so do your very best to stay away from everything. Best of luck to you.
Wow, what an amazing update! GREAT job! Keep fighting, keep working it...I coiuldn't be happier for you! Way to go! Don't let your guard down hon! Keep on truckin'!
What's going on with your husband? Did he get any help for HIS use? Are you two still together??
Much love...you still have my prayers coming. Your happy ending is coming soon...what an incentive to work your recovery huh? XOXO
What's going on with your husband? Did he get any help for HIS use? Are you two still together??
Much love...you still have my prayers coming. Your happy ending is coming soon...what an incentive to work your recovery huh? XOXO
I just wanted to check in with everyone and give you girls a update! Thank you all so much this has been the worst possible thing to happen in my life. But all of you have helped turn it into the most positive thing as well. I just got out of treatment and did great now im in a great relaspe prevention program 2 days a week and have NA twice aweek my cps case worker said im doing great and by the end of feb my son CArtar should be back at home with me im so excited i have court monday to see if overnight visits can happen. Cartar has been placed with a living single mom for now she is wonderful she sends me photos and updates everyday. so thank you all for everything
i know they kept him there for that reason and im greatful they did. he is still there. im so mad at myself for what i have done. yes im going to treatment on tuesday. they checked out my father and brother in laws backgrounds and saw they were abusers and said no. they keep leaving me messages telling me they will do whatever it takes so i will never see my son again. ughhh. and im scared to say your probley right bout my husband his family always seems to do that. i just gotta do what i need to. thank u for the striaght truthful responce and support i need good motovation and it helps when i come here so thank u
Honey, listen to me.
The hospital and child services kept your baby to protect his health and keep him from being sick.
Your only choice is to go to rehab and get clean now. I can tell by the way you are writing that you are still using meth. PLEASE don't listen to your in-laws.
Just FOCUS on getting into rehab ASAP. Trust only your case worker and a lawyer. There are services for free lawyers in all states. Don't trust your husband--he is using too and his family will influence him.
Tell your caseworker BEFORE anyone picks up the baby that your husband's father abused his wife and kids. Have them put your son in foster care, which is more reliable than your in-laws. There are many, many loving and safe foster homes and parents out there. I was one for years.
Then you focus on REHAB and parenting plan, NA meetings, and a church if you can. You need a support system of your own. Otherwise, staying clean, caring for a baby, and dealing with a shifty husband and bad in-laws will be far too hard to do on your own.
Make it easier on yourself. Follow the advice you're getting here. Get CLEAN and be reunited with your son when you are healthy. Push for supervised visitation, whoever ends up caring for him while you get well.
I hope that you can get clean, stay clean, and hold your head high. And I pray your son will be healthy when he's released. Best of luck to you. Remember: focus on what must be done. Block out the other crap.
The hospital and child services kept your baby to protect his health and keep him from being sick.
Your only choice is to go to rehab and get clean now. I can tell by the way you are writing that you are still using meth. PLEASE don't listen to your in-laws.
Just FOCUS on getting into rehab ASAP. Trust only your case worker and a lawyer. There are services for free lawyers in all states. Don't trust your husband--he is using too and his family will influence him.
Tell your caseworker BEFORE anyone picks up the baby that your husband's father abused his wife and kids. Have them put your son in foster care, which is more reliable than your in-laws. There are many, many loving and safe foster homes and parents out there. I was one for years.
Then you focus on REHAB and parenting plan, NA meetings, and a church if you can. You need a support system of your own. Otherwise, staying clean, caring for a baby, and dealing with a shifty husband and bad in-laws will be far too hard to do on your own.
Make it easier on yourself. Follow the advice you're getting here. Get CLEAN and be reunited with your son when you are healthy. Push for supervised visitation, whoever ends up caring for him while you get well.
I hope that you can get clean, stay clean, and hold your head high. And I pray your son will be healthy when he's released. Best of luck to you. Remember: focus on what must be done. Block out the other crap.
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