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4228027 tn?1360084803
Going thru the worse thing ive ever been thru
Just to start im sorry to who i make madbut i truely have heard all the bad mean comments and thoughts and i have questions im trying to get answers to . ok well its kind of hard for me to talk about  it i never i would have a story like this. My husband and i just had our first baby together  and  he was born last monday he was perfect 7 pounds 10ounces beautiful all his health screens were perfect and for the first time in the whole 9months my husband and i were happy we both felt like we had everything..  And for the first 2days we had everything till 30 mins before they discharged us . well my health chart had been flagged because i had been to treatment b4 for meth,herion and pills. i had been sober after that for awhile then started using ughh meth again and couldnt stop except for three months in my pregnancy then started using again. Anyway i was to scared to tell my doctor and at the end of my pregnancy i started having extreme high blood pressure i was a week over due so the finally induced me last sunday. once i was at the hospital they were very sneaky about what they were doing but finally monday at 2:30pm he was born healthy 7 pounds 10ounces he was perfect. anyways when it was 30 mins till we could go home a social worker came and told methey put our son on a 24 hour hold cuz i tested positive for meth and they pushed my baby out of my room and took him to the nursery. wtf. my heart was broken the next day came and they said hey were discharging me but my baby was going to be held on a hold by cps.. it didnt seem real it seemed like a bad dream. my husband was mad .. i hate myself for what i have done to my son i talk to the nurses 20times aday to check on him and its killing me to not be holding him i cant believe what i have done he was showing signs of withdrawl so they put him on morphine and he is doing much better they said he will be kept there a month. when my husbands family found out they would call and thearten me and say horrible things just like everyone else i hate myself and will never forgive myself ever. its his week old bday tmrw and he isnt going to b with me i cant stop thinking bout it and i try to be strong but i cant and my husband is mad at me cuz cps is pretty much saying **** you to him. i cant believe i did this it makes me so sick. i have a case worker and nobody will answer my questions so if anyone can help please i need it. everything is harder when u have no support and they only thing u can think bout is what u did to your kid. what usally happens next why r they trying to act like he has no rights to his own son. how long is it going to take me to get him back i will never give up i will do whatever hey ask me to i need my son and so does my husband. this is killing me please someone tell me how i can get thru all this just to go thru it again tommrow
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Page 5 of 5
Avatar universal
Referring back to the situation I told u about... They have to let u see ur son and it most likely will b supervised. I think in that case if the mom wasn't getn better n doin what she was supposed to then the baby went up for adoption after a yr n then they would b able to keep baby permanently. Which is what happen. The girl I knew couldnt stay clean.

I had my Dr appt today. I'm scheduled to b induced Tuesday mornin. How long did it take for u to give birth after u were induced? I finally talked to the NICU Dr too. They couldnt give me ne idea how long her stay could b. She could go home with me, that would b best case n worse case is 2 mos in nicu. I almost started crying when we were talkin bout hey goin thru w/d. I still can't believe what I've done
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I am reading your posts, and ms walker as well.
I hope to God that everything works out for y'all. You must be in living hell right now. I can't imagine it. You said you were clean for three months, so you know you can again!
I'm curious, you said that you started meth again. Is that methadone, or methamphetamine? I take methadone, and there are women at my clinic that deliver babies and who are now pregnant. CPS isn't called at all. Of course the hospital checks their urine and bloodwork for anything else, and they're clean. If you're talking methadone, why the hell did they take him?
Six months seems ridiculous to me as well. That's too long.
As for your husband...his family sounds like a real piece of work. I'm so sorry. It's incredible how quickly someone you think is on your side can turn on you. Especially your spouse, and especially when they don't sound squeaky clean, either. I think you said that his parents are/were abusive. Make sure your case worker/lawyer knows that.
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4228027 tn?1360084803
All the lawyers say they don't want to waste my money cuz they no nothing can be done .. it ***** i got a call from my mom saying that our son is going to go to a family member of his!! Great so now what????
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4228027 tn?1360084803
It can be less as long as i do what im supposed to do .. but now that he is going to his family member they r always going to try and pull ********... im scared they gna keep my son from me.. my husband and i know they dont want him they just want to b able to say haha we have your kid. they want me to never see my son and they still want my husband in his life... i feel like i just had a baby carried it for 9months went thru labor all for someone else
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You talk a lot about your husbands family, who sound awful.
What about your family? Is there any way at all that they could help you? If what you say about his family is right, then would your family not be a better choice? I think I read that you said his dad was abusive;has there been domestic violence charges against him?
Don't let the stress of this bring you to using again. If you feel the urges coming on, go take a walk, a really fast walk, for about a mile or so. That always helps me clear my head and think straight.
Lots of people on here are praying for you, and hoping for the best.
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4228027 tn?1360084803
Thank you for the prayers. . well my family i have my mom and cousin and her side but they live in washington state and my mom is  very very badly addicted to hard liq.. and her and my cousing are trying to get us to sign papers so they can adopt him... so besides my dad and brother his family is all.. i just dont know what to do. they hate me and now after this they w do whatever it takes so i can never see him again. im scared
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4228027 tn?1360084803
Thanks .to me now i feel like giving up but i love my son
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4228027 tn?1360084803
Keep ur head up hun. she will be very well taken care of. and dont let the two months scare u she will be out and by urside before u know. i got induced at 930pm my son was born 230pm the nxt day.. it was amazing til this started... is anyone going to b there with u.
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Don't give up. Itll b so worth it in the end! And just imagine how u will feel knowing u won the fight. so what happen with rehab? And I wouldnt b too worried bout the inlaws. they have to let u see him if it's court ordered. If not, theyll get in trouble for not cooperating. Ull also have a caseworker u can report everything to. And when u get him back u can laugh in there face for the way they doubted u Lol.
That's a long time in labor! I hope mine doesn't go that long. Idk who will b there. My ex lives an hour away n is gona try n make it. But he has work n doesn't get paid til Friday. And he doesn't have a car cuz I broke it Lol. So Besides him I don't kno bout anyone else. I'm scared I'm gona have to do this completely alone!!!
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480448 tn?1426952138
I'm praying for you.

Listen, if you give up, you are doing exactly what everyone wants and expects you to do!  You need to prove everyone wrong.

This is going to probably be a hellish battle, but you need to fight fight fight!  Find a good lawyer...you need one.  Do EVERYTHING being asked of you and more.  Make sure CYS knows about your husband's drug use, and the fact that he was aware of yours.  DON'T tell them in a way where they will say you are just retaliating.  They need to know that, though.  If you start pointing fingers, it will look as though you are making excuses...just be factual with the info.  Keep pushing for visitation.  I don't think, if you're being compliant, they can deny you that, especially if it is supervised.

You're not a bad person, you have a problem, and you CAN beat it.  What better motivation?  I'm telling you that the state would ALWAYS prefer that a child be with his/her mother, so if you do everything they ask, and are compliant, you will get your son back.

Quit listening to your husband, or his family...it's all fear mongering.  They know they more they scare you, the more likely you will relapse.  Do NOT give them that power.  Go to NA meetings, AA meetings....you can't do too much.

Praying hard....fight your a$$ off honey.  It may take a while, and it will stink, but if you do everything right, you will have your son back.  I'm so sorry you are suffering so much....you can turn this around sweetie.  You have to,  Using is NO longer an option.  If you use, all bets are off.  

XOXO
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4228027 tn?1360084803
Im sorry i wish i could go with and b there for you. im sure your gping to do great. hurry and get her out here so she can go home w u! U have no idea who and what my inlaws are like .his dad had been telling him to leave me and gey custdoy of our son so he can have our son to his self. Its so hard my husband doesnt talk to them infront of me which is annoying me but whatever im at that breaking point hopefully things turn around fast i dont think and cant handle him going anywhere with his family they wont show him love and cuddle him this is killing me
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4228027 tn?1360084803
Thank you so much all the advice has been a blessing
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4228027 tn?1360084803
Yeh its crazy i guess i deserve all of this my son didnt deserve what i did
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4228027 tn?1360084803
Wow thank u so much i just cryed reading it over and over..thank u
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2107676 tn?1388977459
Hi hun
Just checking in.  You have received great advice from nursegirl and everytime you are feeling down, you should read it over and over.  It is a very empowering message.  You will do what you need to bring your baby home.
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4228027 tn?1360084803
Thanks for the answers it helped out alot i couldnt say thank u enough
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4228027 tn?1360084803
Hopefully everyone had a good safe weekend
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4228027 tn?1360084803
Hey sweetie how are you??i know tuesday is coming you gotta be alittle excited to see your angel's  face for the first time and your going to feel so lucky.
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So Whats goin on with u? Hows baby? Is he still in the hospital?
Yea I'm excited but trying not to be too excited. Same with getting things ready. Idk what to get ready for. I feel like I should b happier but really I'm scared outa my mind.
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4228027 tn?1360084803
Im sure u w do just fine..my son has to be there til the end of next week. then we find out who they picked him to go with.. this *****  im going to lose it when they tell me its his family my husband hasnt been helping at all he wont even go take a ua r anything. he has gotten alot meaner he is always telling me to kill myself ect that hopefully our son goes to his family cuz they wont let me see him ever again. ahhhhhh so how did it go..
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Have u seen baby at all? I'm sry to hear he's still in there. Y is ur husband being so mean? He's supposed to b there for u. I'm sry he's a jerk. Its just a much his fault. He's still using, is that why he won't give a ua? Hopefully his family will come to there senses and act grown! If they're the only ones trying to get ur son then they probably will, sry to say):
Everything went great Tuesday. Labor kinda sucked. Her heart beat would get real low whenever I had a contraction. Almost had to have a csection. Once it came time to deliver it got easier. 2 pushes Lol. But she got to come home with me lastnite. No w/d as far a we can tell. She didn't have to b in nicu at all. We still have to watch her tho. Dr said it could take a week for w/d to show. cps did come n talk to me. They said they would have to report my opiate abuse n that sumone would b contacting me. Idk what's gona happen with that tho. And they're sending sumone to do a home check this Sunday. I'm still worried bout somethings but I'm just so happy my baby is healthy. Thank u for ur support! U don't kno what it means to me!
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hiya im new to this site and im from england but have just been thru the same situation (more or less!) i had my son for 4 days in hospital then they took him off to foster care... even tho my family (mum & sis) were there 2 have him 4 sum reason they didnt look within the family 1st which they shud do! its a horible situation 2 b in hun, i really feel 4 u but like the other ppl on here say just do everything they ask of you and more if u can! i havnt got my son back yet but the process has started for him 2 *** back to my mum so things r lookin up but ive still got a lot 2 prove 2 social services. when does ur case go thru court? coz u shudnt be denied access. you r his mum and as long as ppl dont turn up 2 contact off thier head or put their babies at risk in any way (which im very sure u wudnt) and they cant stop u from seeing him.. keep it up and dont let people make u feel like u want 2 use.. i know its easier said than dun cuz i still feel like using sometimes when i let things all get on top ov me but write your feelings down when u feel like that it works for me.. if i can see things on paper it helps me deal with it better. good luck and ill keep praying for you xxx
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4228027 tn?1360084803
Congrats thats so great!!!!! It must be amazing.
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4228027 tn?1360084803
Thank u so much. its just so hard when i feel like i made the biggest mistake in the qorld and it cost me my lil angel and knwing that i could have prevented this... im so low down right now and dont have any support here for me except from all of u that im greatful for. its hard and then having a husband and his fam beat me down all day everyday i feel like giving up
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  It's a shame your husband stands up for those who are against you, instead of having your back like he said when he took the wedding vows.
But if he is still using himself then that means you still have an unstable home and that's no way to raise a child. Everyone needs to get real honest and stand together if you want to get your baby back. You say you are only clean for two days, does that mean when you got out of the hospital you came home and used again? I'm no trying to be mean or judgemental I'm just playing the devil advocate for a minute. All the drug use has to stop completely, or this will not work. Your husbands included.
  I have some good news for you.When family court judges look at a case, they always want the baby with the mother, if she has done her homework.
Mothers come before grandparents, aunts, etc. The judge will ask you what you have done to get clean and stay that way, and also what you have done to make your home acceptable for your baby.The more you can show the better your chances of being considered in a favorable light.
So now you have got your work cut out for you, and please don't pick up the drugs again.Ask your dh, is he willing to give up the drugs too. Good Luck to you!
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4228027 tn?1360084803
thank you on Thursday we are starting our parenting goal plan and i have 6 months to complete what they ask of me. being sober makes all this hurt seem alot worse. and my husband says he isnt taking there side he is just keeping them happy. ugh its hard. but i want my son and i wont give up hopefully all the mean crap needs to stop cuz thats what is killing me
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Honey, listen to me.

The hospital and child services kept your baby to protect his health and keep him from being sick.

Your only choice is to go to rehab and get clean now. I can tell by the way you are writing that you are still using meth. PLEASE don't listen to your in-laws.

Just FOCUS on getting into rehab ASAP. Trust only your case worker and a lawyer. There are services for free lawyers in all states. Don't trust your husband--he is using too and his family will influence him.

Tell your caseworker BEFORE anyone picks up the baby that your husband's father abused his wife and kids. Have them put your son in foster care, which is more reliable than your in-laws. There are many, many loving and safe foster homes and parents out there. I was one for years.

Then you focus on REHAB and parenting plan, NA meetings, and a church if you can. You need a support system of your own. Otherwise, staying clean, caring for a baby, and dealing with a shifty husband and bad in-laws will be far too hard to do on your own.

Make it easier on yourself. Follow the advice you're getting here. Get CLEAN and be reunited with your son when you are healthy. Push for supervised visitation, whoever ends up caring for him while you get well.

I hope that you can get clean, stay clean, and hold your head high. And I pray your son will be healthy when he's released. Best of luck to you. Remember: focus on what must be done. Block out the other crap.
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4228027 tn?1360084803
i know they kept him there for that reason and im greatful they did. he is still there. im so mad at myself for what i have done. yes im going to treatment on tuesday. they checked out my father and brother in laws backgrounds and saw they were abusers and said no. they keep leaving me messages telling me they will do whatever it takes so i will never see my son again. ughhh. and im scared to say your probley right bout my husband his family always seems to do that. i just gotta do what i need to. thank u for the striaght truthful responce and support i need good motovation and it helps when i come here so thank u
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4228027 tn?1360084803
I just wanted to check in with everyone and give you girls a update! Thank you all so much this has been the worst possible thing to happen in my life. But all of you have helped turn it into the most positive thing as well. I just got out of treatment  and did great now im in a great  relaspe prevention program 2 days a week and have NA twice aweek my cps case worker said im doing great and by the end of feb my son CArtar should be back at home with me im so excited i have court monday to see if overnight visits can happen. Cartar has been placed with a living single mom for now she is wonderful she sends me photos and updates everyday. so thank you all for everything
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480448 tn?1426952138
Wow, what an amazing update!  GREAT job!  Keep fighting, keep working it...I coiuldn't be happier for you!  Way to go!  Don't let your guard down hon!  Keep on truckin'!

What's going on with your husband?  Did he get any help for HIS use?  Are you two still together??

Much love...you still have my prayers coming.  Your happy ending is coming soon...what an incentive to work your recovery huh?  XOXO
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Take this as a lesson learned and never touch drugs again. Your son will not remember you like this so do your very best to stay away from everything. Best of luck to you.
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Wow!  I just sat and read this entire thread, and it about ripped my soul out!  I'm so glad you are clean now and that your baby is healthy.  That is ALL that matters, because that's what it'll take to get him back.  Congratulations on your time clean, and just don't ever, EVER touch drugs again.  I'm sure they will be watching for a while, and I would hate to see you lose him!  It sounds like rehab was a blessing for you.  Again.....I'm so glad it's worked out, and your husband's family didn't get to keep him.  That would have been a disaster.  Don't listen to any more negativity from ANY of them, your husband included.  No one has a right to beat you up emotionally.  Remember what you did for yourself and your son if you ever want to use again!  You DID IT!  Congrats!
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3060903 tn?1398568723
Nov 07, 2012
my husband usallay says one thing and does another he blames me and keeps being very abusive he calls me names says hurtful stuff tells me he will break my face if i speak without raising my hand he broke my jaw last sept for throwing a cd away ; he blames me and keeps being very abusive he calls me names says hurtful stuff tells me he will break my face if i speak without raising my hand he broke my jaw last sept for throwing a cd away

Nov 10, 2012
Im scared to leave he will take everyrhing that i worked hard for

Nov 11, 2012
it's so crazy because I'm starting to believe it. I use to be a very strong minded girl now my mind is completely messed up. and I don't get why I can just pick up and leave what is holding me back besides having nothing cause he will take everything

Nov 14, 2012
i dont understand how he can be like this right now he isnt even somonei feel like i know

Nov 15, 2012
At the worst time ever i find out my husband cheated on me and then tonight beat me for getting mad and crying.. im fice mins away from doung something dumb ti myself im so worthless why do i deserve this


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3060903 tn?1398568723
" Cartar has been placed with a living single mom for now she is wonderful "
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3060903 tn?1398568723
You must go to a shelter for Carter. Should he witess this. Please love Carter more tham this.
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3197167 tn?1348972206
Ii was confused, because I'm slow and still brain dead.....so for anyone else that was confused, Nighthawk has been loving, posting, supporting and suggesting for a long time.  That's why she's aware of the history that we weren't if we just read this thread.  The posts and dates referenced above are from the "abuse" community on this forum.
I'm hoping wantourbabyback will listen......for you first and then your baby.
Just clarifying outloud in case someone else felt lost, too. Ha!
Thanks Nighthawk~
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2107676 tn?1388977459
Wow Girl,
Congrats on completing rehab and getting clean.  You should be so proud.
I am so happy you are getting your baby back and can look forward to a long happy life together.
Protect him girl.  I know you can.
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3060903 tn?1398568723
ufortuately i ca't use my keyoard right ow,  xoxo clea _ i_ ks
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Huh?
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4228027 tn?1360084803
Im confused?..
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4228027 tn?1360084803
Thank you so much it means alot to me that i found alot of the best advice from everyone on this site i needed awake up call and support  so thank you  you have truely been real with me.
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2107676 tn?1388977459
Make sure you keep us updated.  
I bet you are so excited about seeing your baby again.
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I Havnt been on here in so long... I'm sooo happy ur doin what u need to for ur son. U didn't give up! I just want u to kno that I've been thinkin about u and am glad to see that u have made great progress (= and its such a blessing he didn't end up in the hands of ppl who don't have his best interest at heart. It also sounds like ur alot happier! Just keep it up. February isn't that far away, especially if ur granted overnites.
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3060903 tn?1398568723
You're husband is the enemy. You're husband's abuse will destroy your sobriety. In treatment the first question asked "Is there anyone at home that will sabotage your sobriety?" The idea is that the person "at home" will either attend a treatment for families of addicts, so that the person can maintain their sobriety, or that there are other arrangements made so that the home is "safe" and your sobriety not sabotaged. You're describing an abusive home that you are pretty determined to brink your baby into. How have you addressed the physical abuse issues at home?

You don't want your baby in your in laws hands, because they don't have your son's best interests at heart, the fact is that your son's father is just as bad as his own father, and regularly physically and mentally abuses you. It' would be dangerous to bring a new baby into your home because your husband continues to be abusive to you.

You ask, why is this happening to me? I'm a good person? Somewhere along the way you became co dependent, and when you go to treatment , and are 100% forthcoming, a trained professional will work with you and you will find out why "a good person, who hasn't done anything to warrant abuse" does indeed, become a target for abuse. You don't have to be at fault for a psychopath to pick you out of a crowd and abuse you. There are enough problems in the world, and many people suffering in co dependent families, so there are still lot's of women who lack the self esteem to put an end to abuse, the first time an abuser "tests" you. Because that's exactly what they do. They play with you like a cat with a mouse, and after they've destroyed you, they'll throw you away and call you pathetic.

The physical abuse that you're talking about will rip your son's heart out faster than you doing drugs. Say you were a "functional addict" and didn't beat your kids when you were high, but just made it impossible to save any money, never owning a home of your own, or no college fund, or other bad "choices", beating a boy's mother is more damaging then if you did your drugs in front of your son. AND it won't be long before your husband starts to beat your son, because in your words, he doesn't think what he's doing is wrong, it's always the victim who causes him to react. He thinks that he teaching you how to "act" when he beats you or abuses you. Telling you to put up your hand to talk, why not make Carter put up his hand to talk? It's okay for his mother, why not him? It's okay to punish you physically , why NOT punish Carter? He believes he has a right to do what he's doing. AND co-dependence to him means, that you're going to let him get away with abusing you. You're husband doesn't ever have to put a hand on your son (but i think he will) to damage CARTER BEYOND measure.

I think it's great that you went to treatment, that means alot. If you're blood and urine testing (you can get that done free in through the treatment centre) that's great too! Your long term sobriety is in danger. You are in danger staying with this man. He does not love you, or he would not abuse you. This is NOT because you are unlovable as much as it is he is probably misogynistic, trained from birth. This is something that has to be talked about ALOT in treatment with your addictions therapist or counselor. By you allowing a man to abuse you, you really start to feel like the stupid piece of **** he's been beating into your head. You have less and less ability to believe you can make it on your own. YOU DESPERATELY NEED TO BE OPEN WIT H A COUNSELOR AND FIND OUT WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO PROVIDE CARTER WITH A HEALTHY HOME. If you think all you have to do is "show up" to a rehab and not do drugs, while your drug testing, you're not doing nearly what it's going to take to DESERVE Carter.

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3060903 tn?1398568723
You have to understand that, when you're being forthcoming , you are in "recovery". When you are minimizing or refusing to disclose the truth of your reality, then you are in denial and you are feeding your co dependence.

From experience with my own mother, i'll say one last thing. My mother never hit any of her four children, but, she died with all four of her kids despising her for staying for "everything" (things) and the sex and not leaving her abuser and getting her kids the help that they needed. All person's coming from abuse, will suffer consequences.

This guy is telling you that you deserve what he's dishing out. Because of him putting in terms of YOU having something to do with the abuse, You're asking WHY is this happening to me, i'm a good girl .IT's smoke and mirrors with an  abuser. He doesn't know you, or care about you, you're his punching bag. Find a real man, start with Carter and work up from there. This is not as easy as you doing the bare minimum , and do what people have to do, to get out of jail, or get their kid back. This is about you NOT knowingly setting up that poor little boy for a life of shame and abuse, by bringing him back into your husband's home.b You have to do this sober, of you simply won't make it. Right now Carter is in a "loving single mother's home". YOU be that loving single mother for Carter.

Just like using dope "IS NOT AN OPTION", allowing violence around your son, "IS NOT AN OPTION", allowing violence in your life "WILL SABOTAGE YOUR SOBRIETY".
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4228027 tn?1360084803
I cant wait to hold my little man!!!
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4228027 tn?1360084803
Im so excited for my future and couldnt thank you enough
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4228027 tn?1360084803
I finally get to see cartar there is no greAter reward then that thank you ladies for everything
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So how was it? I bet he's big now! U have to b so releaved u got to see him? Is he doin ok?
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4228027 tn?1360084803
Everything is going great i have been sober now for 69 days and feel great i see my son two times a week not nearly enough.. He is three months tmrw. we have our case review jan 24 so hopefully it will go great im still in outpaitent treatment... hows u and ur daughter
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