Just to start im sorry to who i make madbut i truely have heard all the bad mean comments and thoughts and i have questions im trying to get answers to . ok well its kind of hard for me to talk about it i never i would have a story like this. My husband and i just had our first baby together and he was born last monday he was perfect 7 pounds 10ounces beautiful all his health screens were perfect and for the first time in the whole 9months my husband and i were happy we both felt like we had everything.. And for the first 2days we had everything till 30 mins before they discharged us . well my health chart had been flagged because i had been to treatment b4 for meth,herion and pills. i had been sober after that for awhile then started using ughh meth again and couldnt stop except for three months in my pregnancy then started using again. Anyway i was to scared to tell my doctor and at the end of my pregnancy i started having extreme high blood pressure i was a week over due so the finally induced me last sunday. once i was at the hospital they were very sneaky about what they were doing but finally monday at 2:30pm he was born healthy 7 pounds 10ounces he was perfect. anyways when it was 30 mins till we could go home a social worker came and told methey put our son on a 24 hour hold cuz i tested positive for meth and they pushed my baby out of my room and took him to the nursery. wtf. my heart was broken the next day came and they said hey were discharging me but my baby was going to be held on a hold by cps.. it didnt seem real it seemed like a bad dream. my husband was mad .. i hate myself for what i have done to my son i talk to the nurses 20times aday to check on him and its killing me to not be holding him i cant believe what i have done he was showing signs of withdrawl so they put him on morphine and he is doing much better they said he will be kept there a month. when my husbands family found out they would call and thearten me and say horrible things just like everyone else i hate myself and will never forgive myself ever. its his week old bday tmrw and he isnt going to b with me i cant stop thinking bout it and i try to be strong but i cant and my husband is mad at me cuz cps is pretty much saying **** you to him. i cant believe i did this it makes me so sick. i have a case worker and nobody will answer my questions so if anyone can help please i need it. everything is harder when u have no support and they only thing u can think bout is what u did to your kid. what usally happens next why r they trying to act like he has no rights to his own son. how long is it going to take me to get him back i will never give up i will do whatever hey ask me to i need my son and so does my husband. this is killing me please someone tell me how i can get thru all this just to go thru it again tommrow
try to take it minute by minute it will all work out you must get clean and stay that way and I think you should seek a lawyer or at least ur husband should try not to beat yourself up that will do u know good now try to be strong for the baby. I would suggest some form of treatment program as a good faith sign that u want help. there's alot of people on here with great insite keep posting. good luck and if you need someone to talk to message me. my prays r with u and ur family.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. Are you not even allowed to visit your daughter??? That would be so hard, I can't even imagine how you feel.
The good thing is your daughter is healthy and is receiving excellent care.
Please try and forgive yourself and think about the future. I agree, it sounds like you need a lawyer. Your husband should definitely have rights if he is clean. Has he offered to take a drug test to prove that he is?
I just don't know much about this as I haven't had to deal with it but I do know that addiction is a disease and you need to stand up for yourself and tell them you are getting clean.
Tell his family that their comments are not helpful.
You sound like you will be a loving mother and I am sure you will get your baby soon.
Please keep us posted.
Since you said they put your son on morphine, I'm going to guess you are talking about methadone, and not methamphetamines...?
Likely what will happen is you will be assigned a caseworker who will do home visits to make sure your home is clean safe & prepared for a baby. They will also assessed any other children that may be in the home. Assess, not neccessarily remove. You will be expected to pass random drug screens. You will also be expected to attend parenting classes. The whole process could take several months to complete.
As someone said before, I would recommend you voluntarily seek treatment & start attending Na meetings. You will probably be required to anyways.
As for your husband being able to get custody...yes, he probably could if he is clean. But you will most likely not be allowed to remain in the home. At best, it would be stipulated that you not be left alone with your son. At least until the situation has been resolved.
I don't tell you all of this to worry or discourage you, just to let you know some of what you can expect.
Right now your son really is in good hands, where he can be properly treated & kept comfortable. I know that you miss him & its impossible not to worry, but all you can do now is work your hardest to get him back. Do whatever they ask of you, no matter how silly or minute you may think it to be. Get clean & get the tools you need to stay clean. Do that & you will get your son back. Good luck to you!
Hi want, and welcome to the forum! I am so very sorry that you and your husband and baby are going through this! I want to offer you support, we do not judge here! Please use this opportunity to get your situation straightened out! Get some help to get and stay clean so that you will be prepared and healthy when the baby comes home! Please get some professional help to deal with this! I wish you the very best! You will all be in my prayers! Stay strong, you will get through this! Keep posting for advice and support! Let us know how it goes!
Thank you for being so nice. Its hard to take it min by min when your world is torn apart. My husband is talking to a lawyer now so that will help us out alot. i have called places to get a rule 25 so i can go to treatment. its been aweek since my son cartar has been born and i cant even see him in the hospital yet i just want to hold my son. ita crazy that they let me bond with him for the first two days 24/7 then not let me see him. all i can do is picture his face and breakdown and cry.
I can't imagine what you are going through. I remember when my son was born and it was hard to leave him for a minute. I really am glad your husband is talking with a lawyer. It's just not right for a mother not to be able to see her son. It's NOT RIGHT. Please let us know how you make out. I wish you the best. Try and stay as strong and healthy as you can. He is going to need a healthy mommy when he comes home.
Thank you for the support. My husband has saidhe would take a drug test and he is goinf to talk to our case worker tmrw and see from there. I understand our family is going to be mad and hurt at what is going on i get that. his dad and brother are so hurtful it makes me wanna give up. they will leave voicemails on my phone telling mee how worthless i am that i should lose my son forever they wish i would get cancer and be on my death bed so they can come make my life hell and laugh when i die. its nuts.
That is horrible and they have no right to say that. You have a disease and you are fighting to get better.
I don't understand at all why you can't visit your son. That just doesn't seem right to me at all and it makes me so angry.
If he is in the hospital you should be able to visit.
Tell your brother in law that if they leave any more nasty voice mails you are going to turn them over to the police and have them charged with harassment. The last thing you need right now is a family who isn't supportive. Hang in there and fight, fight, fight.
Your husband need to tell his family that the mean comments and the voicemails will not help this situation! This is coming from ignorance about this disease! Understand that they are hurt and confused by this situation! However, the mean comments will not do anything but hurt everyone! The most important thing right now, is for you to get some professional help, get yourself healthy and ready to care for your baby! You can get yourself through this! Many women and families have been through situations like this! Get all the information you can and do everything you are told to help get yourself healthy and get your baby home with his family!
I'm praying for you and your family! Please keep posting, let us know how you are doing! Stay strong and get yourself ready to be able to care for the baby! Take care!
This is so heartbreaking. My heart is hurting so much for you, for as a mommy myself I can't even imagine what you're going through. Please understand that it will get better and you will have your child back one day. The state does not want to take kids from their parents and I'm positive they will do all they can to work with you and your husband. But, you have got to get healthy for yourself and now for your family. Be the role model that Cartar needs. I can tell you're going to be a wonderful mom, and you'll get that chance. Start today and make a new and improved life for yourself...you can do it. ((Big Hugs))
I can't even begin to know how u feel I myself have 3 wounderful kids r u checking into inpaitent programs ? your husband sounds like he's doing all he can from his end is he willing to take a drug test ? I am in the health profession lets leave it at that we would always let moms in to see their babys. now sometime they need to have someone with the mom at all times. did they tell u you couldn't see ur baby at all? and can I ask how you are doing with the drugs are u staying away from them and have you made any head way in getting in to a program. If you are having trouble getting in to treatment maybe you could call and out patient facility the day I started with out patient they were send 2 others to inpatient u may get there quicker and start working on your issues and be in a safe place to grieve over this part of your life cause that got tobe some heavy emoitions and your husband and lawyer can work with children and youth once they see that ur getting better and the way you love your baby it will all be ok . They really are looking out for the best intrest of your little guy. know is as good of time as any to get the help you need My thoughts and prays are with you .please keep up the posting it really does help.
Well the hospital gave him to us right after he was born and let us keep him in our room all day and night as much as we wanted The day we got to leave is there when they came in and ttold u us he had to stay there and so did we for 1 more night and he had to stay in the nursery and we could see him in there. then the next they they discharged me and kept him there they said cuz i tested positive. the day i came in to get induced. I don't get why they would let us have him with us and then all the sudden take him out of our room. that was the hardest part. so we had to go home without him that was on wed they havent let us see him since then. his family doesnt care who they hurt. they all have had adfictions and been thru stuff but some howthey are better then everyone. i have my amitt or deny hearing thursday and his dad is going just to hurt my feelings and make me fall apart.
His family always makes you hurt when your down the most.our son is a week old today i miss him so much. i feel like giving up im sick of everything.. His dad wants to get custdy so he can keep him from me. But his dad always abused them and there mom and is a really abusive person and i could never let him go there. just incase they say no to my husband what can i do to make sure his dad wont get him.?
Thank u. yes i started looking and i truely know in my heart that im going to be a great mom but its hard to keep my head up and the whole postpardum thing is setting in and he isnt here all that is making my mind just wanna agree with everyone. . i hate being cut down . i truely never wanted this to happen i never thought it would i hate myself for doing that to my son i can barely look in the mirror. i have been doing good with getting high . im not going to lie i have used a few time like for two days since i have been home and i can blame it all on how hard this is but i think that me getting high is the reason im going thru this. i hate it.. i want my son when i look around and see his stuff or sometimes ill wake up cuz in my dream he is crying and ill wake up look around and he isnt there it freakin kills me. i cant believe i put my son thru this he is my lil man angel.
Everyone knows you are hurting and how painful it must be not being able to see your baby but if you truly want your baby back you have to get help right NOW. You need to stop using. Be proactive and start making phone calls on how to get some help.
They are going to drug test you and if you aren't showing that you are clean or want to get clean then there is less chance you will get your baby back right away. If you show them that you are trying to get clean it will help so much. Start searching for someone that can help you with this. You need some support and the not knowing what to do or what is going to happen is putting you in a really bad place.
Get on the phone and find out how you can get help.
Please let us know how you make out.
I feel for u. I've been thinkin about u n whatever it is that ur goin thru since u commented on my post a couple days ago. Im glad u finally shared ur story. Theres alot of good support here. I'm sure ur son knows how much u love him. Idk what id do if they keep my baby away from me. I think I'm getting induced this week. Nobody knows what we go thru. It's our own personal hell. Something we did to ourselves and even worse our own babys. I just want u to kno I'll b thinkin n praying for u n ur son as well as for myself n my soon to b daughter. Plz keep us updated. I mite b going thru the same thing by the end of this week.
And I kno what it's like to b judged bc of this. My family doesn't talk to me at all. The way the ppl at the hospital talk down to me is the worse. My ex (babydaddy) even talks sht to me.
U have to stop using! Plz! I kno what it's like to wana get high. but u have to get help. I kno sumone who was in the same situation n they still don't have their baby back after 15 mos bc they can't stop. in that situation they did give baby to a family member.
Sweetie, get some help to fight this! Maybe a lawyer! Don't give up and try to calm down as much as possible! You need a clear and calm head! First, get yourself clean and healthy! Don't let your emotions take over and lead you! You can get through this and get your baby home! Stay focussed and as positive as possible! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers! Keep posting for support!
I made all the phone calls i needed to thanks to u i am taking a rule 25 tmrw and i have a meeting with my caseworker they just gave me. Im done using cant do it anymore my son means more to me then everything.
OMG that gave me goosebumps. I am so happy for you. It must have been so hard for you to be just sitting there not knowing what to do.
GREAT NEWS. You fight for this more than you have fought for anything in your life. You can do it and bring your baby home soon. I can hardly wait until you tell us that. Please keep us updated.
Thank u so much.. your right nobody knows unless they go thru it .I cant tell you enough that you made the right choice and i wish that i would have done that cuz i looked at the mn laws and stuff and there were so many programs i could have been in and my son never would have gotten taken and this process would be over when he is done in the hospital. . keep me posted on how everything is going and it wont be easy but the hospital really will be the best place for her. then you get to bring her home!! Im sure it will be the best feeling ever.
Thank u so much it was hard and still ***** but you made me feel like i needed to do something that would help my son and myself so thanks for the motivation. i cant wait but i still am not sure about somethings that are making me scared. when r they going to start letting me see my son?
Exactly, you have to find that out because it's not right. You should be bonding with your son right now. You should be able to visit him in the hospital. See if you can find out from your caseworker. Phone her tomorrow and ask her. You need someone on your side fighting for you. Be strong with her and if she doesn't seem helpful ask her politely if you need to get a lawyer. Maybe that will get her moving on helping you see your son.
Good idea thanks i will. i havent seen him since wednesday i need to see him to feel ok again hes doing great i call and check on him 20 times aday but its not good enough i wanna hold him before i go to treatment for 28 days.
Like I said b4, I almost didn't make the rite choices. But I had to woman up n realize no one was gona b on my side but ME. We have to do this for us n our babies. No one else is gona b there n I don't have ne false hope that sumone will. if u ever need to talk I'll b here. When r u goin to rehab?
The case worker told me yesterday that the time they give me is six months. thats to long for me.. i have my rule 25 today and hopefully i can start treatment thursday they have spots open. did u find out if ur getting induced
6 mos!?!? Omg... That's too long! Can u at least see him? Hold him? Where is he gona go til then? Hopefully not with ur husbands family. I'm so sry to hear that. I don't find out til tomorrow mornin. I got my appt with the methadone Dr today tho. Idk what I'm gona do if they don't let me take my baby home. With getn induced I feel like they're tryn to hurry up n get her out of me so they can take her. Idk tho. What's a rule 25? I'm so happy that ur taking charge n doin what needs to b done. Just see thru it n take it a minute at a time.
I want to go asap hopefully friday. my husbands family is trying to get custody from the county so i cant b apart of his life.whatever i gotta just ignore it. it still hasnt hit me cuz i have to b strong for my husband but now if he doesnt let me sink it in i can feel it in my body im gona cave
U r in the exact same situation my friend is in. her husbands family got the baby n tried to keep the baby away from her and her family. Didn't work tho. U and ur family have rites even tho u don't have custody. So keep ur head up. I'll b checking on u!
Thanks for all your advice. They induced me also but i was 41weeks when they did. but the nicu is going to be the best place cuz she is going to need special care. and i have been asking about what will happen you will get to be with the baby while you are there but u get discharged and she will stay. but after the hospital says she is done withdrawling and is safe to go home you will get to take her babygirl home.. but there will be monitoring ect. so keep ur head up
My son going there would be the worst possible choice.. but my husband shocked me today and told me his dad is going to help get him get custdoy and he can leave me and move in with his dad and he will help raise my son. but that would be my biggest nightmare ever. but my husband gets high to and he is acting like he didnt no and that i lied about it.... crazy so now im freaking
Your only option here is to get clean and stay clean. Did you phone your caseworker today so you can see your baby? Let people know that you are fighting for this and want to see your baby.
Don't get into a battle with your husband right now. He can say whatever he wants. Just concentrate on yourself and doing everything to get your baby back.
Thank u for all your support. im clean now only two days but its a start. i had court today and i have to complete a couple of things in order to get my son back. i can do it... my husbands family told the court they will do whatever to make sure i cant get him back. im scared of that
Again, don't listen to what your husband says. Just listen to people who are working FOR you. Did you have a lawyer when you went to court?
2 Days clean is fantastic. You are young and will recover quickly. The next few days may be rough but just think of it as fighting for your son as that's what it is. Great, positive attitude. You CAN complete anythig they want you to do to get your son back because if you don't you will regret it for the rest of your life. I am so proud of you.
Keep it up and I can hardly wait to hear when you get your son back.
It is going to happen.
Im scared that if he goes to his family members they wont let me see him or anything how does that work and if im doing everything im supposed to and its done by the time im giving they have to give him back right. ????
I'm not very familiar with these type of situations. I do know that whenever possible, they want the baby to be with it's momma. Pat is right, DO NOT listen to your husband or his family. They are just trying to scare you. The more they get into your head, the more it impedes your progress and could cause you to relapse. Get a lawyer if you can and do everything they tell you to do plus some. As far as visitation with your son goes, I'm sure they will give you visitation (maybe supervised) until you have completed the steps they have lined up for you. Your husbands family legally cannot deny your visitation if it is court ordered. They just want to beat you while you are down. I know it's hard not to let them get to you, but you are taking the right steps in the right direction. Keep focused on that. And check and see if you can visit your baby in the hospital. That is a supervised environment. Keep yourself above reproach and you will come out of this ok. Best wishes to you!
just wanna let u kno iv been lookin at this thread every day reading any updates and wanted to to kno u hav more support then u think . not every1 that reads this posts on it. so please keep us updated and i hope u see ur son very soon
Referring back to the situation I told u about... They have to let u see ur son and it most likely will b supervised. I think in that case if the mom wasn't getn better n doin what she was supposed to then the baby went up for adoption after a yr n then they would b able to keep baby permanently. Which is what happen. The girl I knew couldnt stay clean.
I had my Dr appt today. I'm scheduled to b induced Tuesday mornin. How long did it take for u to give birth after u were induced? I finally talked to the NICU Dr too. They couldnt give me ne idea how long her stay could b. She could go home with me, that would b best case n worse case is 2 mos in nicu. I almost started crying when we were talkin bout hey goin thru w/d. I still can't believe what I've done
I am reading your posts, and ms walker as well.
I hope to God that everything works out for y'all. You must be in living hell right now. I can't imagine it. You said you were clean for three months, so you know you can again!
I'm curious, you said that you started meth again. Is that methadone, or methamphetamine? I take methadone, and there are women at my clinic that deliver babies and who are now pregnant. CPS isn't called at all. Of course the hospital checks their urine and bloodwork for anything else, and they're clean. If you're talking methadone, why the hell did they take him?
Six months seems ridiculous to me as well. That's too long.
As for your husband...his family sounds like a real piece of work. I'm so sorry. It's incredible how quickly someone you think is on your side can turn on you. Especially your spouse, and especially when they don't sound squeaky clean, either. I think you said that his parents are/were abusive. Make sure your case worker/lawyer knows that.
All the lawyers say they don't want to waste my money cuz they no nothing can be done .. it ***** i got a call from my mom saying that our son is going to go to a family member of his!! Great so now what????
It can be less as long as i do what im supposed to do .. but now that he is going to his family member they r always going to try and pull ********... im scared they gna keep my son from me.. my husband and i know they dont want him they just want to b able to say haha we have your kid. they want me to never see my son and they still want my husband in his life... i feel like i just had a baby carried it for 9months went thru labor all for someone else
You talk a lot about your husbands family, who sound awful.
What about your family? Is there any way at all that they could help you? If what you say about his family is right, then would your family not be a better choice? I think I read that you said his dad was abusive;has there been domestic violence charges against him?
Don't let the stress of this bring you to using again. If you feel the urges coming on, go take a walk, a really fast walk, for about a mile or so. That always helps me clear my head and think straight.
Lots of people on here are praying for you, and hoping for the best.
Thank you for the prayers. . well my family i have my mom and cousin and her side but they live in washington state and my mom is very very badly addicted to hard liq.. and her and my cousing are trying to get us to sign papers so they can adopt him... so besides my dad and brother his family is all.. i just dont know what to do. they hate me and now after this they w do whatever it takes so i can never see him again. im scared
Keep ur head up hun. she will be very well taken care of. and dont let the two months scare u she will be out and by urside before u know. i got induced at 930pm my son was born 230pm the nxt day.. it was amazing til this started... is anyone going to b there with u.
Don't give up. Itll b so worth it in the end! And just imagine how u will feel knowing u won the fight. so what happen with rehab? And I wouldnt b too worried bout the inlaws. they have to let u see him if it's court ordered. If not, theyll get in trouble for not cooperating. Ull also have a caseworker u can report everything to. And when u get him back u can laugh in there face for the way they doubted u Lol.
That's a long time in labor! I hope mine doesn't go that long. Idk who will b there. My ex lives an hour away n is gona try n make it. But he has work n doesn't get paid til Friday. And he doesn't have a car cuz I broke it Lol. So Besides him I don't kno bout anyone else. I'm scared I'm gona have to do this completely alone!!!
Listen, if you give up, you are doing exactly what everyone wants and expects you to do! You need to prove everyone wrong.
This is going to probably be a hellish battle, but you need to fight fight fight! Find a good lawyer...you need one. Do EVERYTHING being asked of you and more. Make sure CYS knows about your husband's drug use, and the fact that he was aware of yours. DON'T tell them in a way where they will say you are just retaliating. They need to know that, though. If you start pointing fingers, it will look as though you are making excuses...just be factual with the info. Keep pushing for visitation. I don't think, if you're being compliant, they can deny you that, especially if it is supervised.
You're not a bad person, you have a problem, and you CAN beat it. What better motivation? I'm telling you that the state would ALWAYS prefer that a child be with his/her mother, so if you do everything they ask, and are compliant, you will get your son back.
Quit listening to your husband, or his family...it's all fear mongering. They know they more they scare you, the more likely you will relapse. Do NOT give them that power. Go to NA meetings, AA meetings....you can't do too much.
Praying hard....fight your a$$ off honey. It may take a while, and it will stink, but if you do everything right, you will have your son back. I'm so sorry you are suffering so much....you can turn this around sweetie. You have to, Using is NO longer an option. If you use, all bets are off.
Im sorry i wish i could go with and b there for you. im sure your gping to do great. hurry and get her out here so she can go home w u! U have no idea who and what my inlaws are like .his dad had been telling him to leave me and gey custdoy of our son so he can have our son to his self. Its so hard my husband doesnt talk to them infront of me which is annoying me but whatever im at that breaking point hopefully things turn around fast i dont think and cant handle him going anywhere with his family they wont show him love and cuddle him this is killing me
Just checking in. You have received great advice from nursegirl and everytime you are feeling down, you should read it over and over. It is a very empowering message. You will do what you need to bring your baby home.
So Whats goin on with u? Hows baby? Is he still in the hospital?
Yea I'm excited but trying not to be too excited. Same with getting things ready. Idk what to get ready for. I feel like I should b happier but really I'm scared outa my mind.
Im sure u w do just fine..my son has to be there til the end of next week. then we find out who they picked him to go with.. this ***** im going to lose it when they tell me its his family my husband hasnt been helping at all he wont even go take a ua r anything. he has gotten alot meaner he is always telling me to kill myself ect that hopefully our son goes to his family cuz they wont let me see him ever again. ahhhhhh so how did it go..
Have u seen baby at all? I'm sry to hear he's still in there. Y is ur husband being so mean? He's supposed to b there for u. I'm sry he's a jerk. Its just a much his fault. He's still using, is that why he won't give a ua? Hopefully his family will come to there senses and act grown! If they're the only ones trying to get ur son then they probably will, sry to say):
Everything went great Tuesday. Labor kinda sucked. Her heart beat would get real low whenever I had a contraction. Almost had to have a csection. Once it came time to deliver it got easier. 2 pushes Lol. But she got to come home with me lastnite. No w/d as far a we can tell. She didn't have to b in nicu at all. We still have to watch her tho. Dr said it could take a week for w/d to show. cps did come n talk to me. They said they would have to report my opiate abuse n that sumone would b contacting me. Idk what's gona happen with that tho. And they're sending sumone to do a home check this Sunday. I'm still worried bout somethings but I'm just so happy my baby is healthy. Thank u for ur support! U don't kno what it means to me!
hiya im new to this site and im from england but have just been thru the same situation (more or less!) i had my son for 4 days in hospital then they took him off to foster care... even tho my family (mum & sis) were there 2 have him 4 sum reason they didnt look within the family 1st which they shud do! its a horible situation 2 b in hun, i really feel 4 u but like the other ppl on here say just do everything they ask of you and more if u can! i havnt got my son back yet but the process has started for him 2 *** back to my mum so things r lookin up but ive still got a lot 2 prove 2 social services. when does ur case go thru court? coz u shudnt be denied access. you r his mum and as long as ppl dont turn up 2 contact off thier head or put their babies at risk in any way (which im very sure u wudnt) and they cant stop u from seeing him.. keep it up and dont let people make u feel like u want 2 use.. i know its easier said than dun cuz i still feel like using sometimes when i let things all get on top ov me but write your feelings down when u feel like that it works for me.. if i can see things on paper it helps me deal with it better. good luck and ill keep praying for you xxx
Thank u so much. its just so hard when i feel like i made the biggest mistake in the qorld and it cost me my lil angel and knwing that i could have prevented this... im so low down right now and dont have any support here for me except from all of u that im greatful for. its hard and then having a husband and his fam beat me down all day everyday i feel like giving up
It's a shame your husband stands up for those who are against you, instead of having your back like he said when he took the wedding vows.
But if he is still using himself then that means you still have an unstable home and that's no way to raise a child. Everyone needs to get real honest and stand together if you want to get your baby back. You say you are only clean for two days, does that mean when you got out of the hospital you came home and used again? I'm no trying to be mean or judgemental I'm just playing the devil advocate for a minute. All the drug use has to stop completely, or this will not work. Your husbands included.
I have some good news for you.When family court judges look at a case, they always want the baby with the mother, if she has done her homework.
Mothers come before grandparents, aunts, etc. The judge will ask you what you have done to get clean and stay that way, and also what you have done to make your home acceptable for your baby.The more you can show the better your chances of being considered in a favorable light.
So now you have got your work cut out for you, and please don't pick up the drugs again.Ask your dh, is he willing to give up the drugs too. Good Luck to you!
thank you on Thursday we are starting our parenting goal plan and i have 6 months to complete what they ask of me. being sober makes all this hurt seem alot worse. and my husband says he isnt taking there side he is just keeping them happy. ugh its hard. but i want my son and i wont give up hopefully all the mean crap needs to stop cuz thats what is killing me
The hospital and child services kept your baby to protect his health and keep him from being sick.
Your only choice is to go to rehab and get clean now. I can tell by the way you are writing that you are still using meth. PLEASE don't listen to your in-laws.
Just FOCUS on getting into rehab ASAP. Trust only your case worker and a lawyer. There are services for free lawyers in all states. Don't trust your husband--he is using too and his family will influence him.
Tell your caseworker BEFORE anyone picks up the baby that your husband's father abused his wife and kids. Have them put your son in foster care, which is more reliable than your in-laws. There are many, many loving and safe foster homes and parents out there. I was one for years.
Then you focus on REHAB and parenting plan, NA meetings, and a church if you can. You need a support system of your own. Otherwise, staying clean, caring for a baby, and dealing with a shifty husband and bad in-laws will be far too hard to do on your own.
Make it easier on yourself. Follow the advice you're getting here. Get CLEAN and be reunited with your son when you are healthy. Push for supervised visitation, whoever ends up caring for him while you get well.
I hope that you can get clean, stay clean, and hold your head high. And I pray your son will be healthy when he's released. Best of luck to you. Remember: focus on what must be done. Block out the other crap.
i know they kept him there for that reason and im greatful they did. he is still there. im so mad at myself for what i have done. yes im going to treatment on tuesday. they checked out my father and brother in laws backgrounds and saw they were abusers and said no. they keep leaving me messages telling me they will do whatever it takes so i will never see my son again. ughhh. and im scared to say your probley right bout my husband his family always seems to do that. i just gotta do what i need to. thank u for the striaght truthful responce and support i need good motovation and it helps when i come here so thank u
I just wanted to check in with everyone and give you girls a update! Thank you all so much this has been the worst possible thing to happen in my life. But all of you have helped turn it into the most positive thing as well. I just got out of treatment and did great now im in a great relaspe prevention program 2 days a week and have NA twice aweek my cps case worker said im doing great and by the end of feb my son CArtar should be back at home with me im so excited i have court monday to see if overnight visits can happen. Cartar has been placed with a living single mom for now she is wonderful she sends me photos and updates everyday. so thank you all for everything
Wow! I just sat and read this entire thread, and it about ripped my soul out! I'm so glad you are clean now and that your baby is healthy. That is ALL that matters, because that's what it'll take to get him back. Congratulations on your time clean, and just don't ever, EVER touch drugs again. I'm sure they will be watching for a while, and I would hate to see you lose him! It sounds like rehab was a blessing for you. Again.....I'm so glad it's worked out, and your husband's family didn't get to keep him. That would have been a disaster. Don't listen to any more negativity from ANY of them, your husband included. No one has a right to beat you up emotionally. Remember what you did for yourself and your son if you ever want to use again! You DID IT! Congrats!
Nov 07, 2012
my husband usallay says one thing and does another he blames me and keeps being very abusive he calls me names says hurtful stuff tells me he will break my face if i speak without raising my hand he broke my jaw last sept for throwing a cd away ; he blames me and keeps being very abusive he calls me names says hurtful stuff tells me he will break my face if i speak without raising my hand he broke my jaw last sept for throwing a cd away
Nov 10, 2012
Im scared to leave he will take everyrhing that i worked hard for
Nov 11, 2012
it's so crazy because I'm starting to believe it. I use to be a very strong minded girl now my mind is completely messed up. and I don't get why I can just pick up and leave what is holding me back besides having nothing cause he will take everything
Nov 14, 2012
i dont understand how he can be like this right now he isnt even somonei feel like i know
Nov 15, 2012
At the worst time ever i find out my husband cheated on me and then tonight beat me for getting mad and crying.. im fice mins away from doung something dumb ti myself im so worthless why do i deserve this
Ii was confused, because I'm slow and still brain dead.....so for anyone else that was confused, Nighthawk has been loving, posting, supporting and suggesting for a long time. That's why she's aware of the history that we weren't if we just read this thread. The posts and dates referenced above are from the "abuse" community on this forum.
I'm hoping wantourbabyback will listen......for you first and then your baby.
Just clarifying outloud in case someone else felt lost, too. Ha!
Congrats on completing rehab and getting clean. You should be so proud.
I am so happy you are getting your baby back and can look forward to a long happy life together.
Protect him girl. I know you can.
I Havnt been on here in so long... I'm sooo happy ur doin what u need to for ur son. U didn't give up! I just want u to kno that I've been thinkin about u and am glad to see that u have made great progress (= and its such a blessing he didn't end up in the hands of ppl who don't have his best interest at heart. It also sounds like ur alot happier! Just keep it up. February isn't that far away, especially if ur granted overnites.
You're husband is the enemy. You're husband's abuse will destroy your sobriety. In treatment the first question asked "Is there anyone at home that will sabotage your sobriety?" The idea is that the person "at home" will either attend a treatment for families of addicts, so that the person can maintain their sobriety, or that there are other arrangements made so that the home is "safe" and your sobriety not sabotaged. You're describing an abusive home that you are pretty determined to brink your baby into. How have you addressed the physical abuse issues at home?
You don't want your baby in your in laws hands, because they don't have your son's best interests at heart, the fact is that your son's father is just as bad as his own father, and regularly physically and mentally abuses you. It' would be dangerous to bring a new baby into your home because your husband continues to be abusive to you.
You ask, why is this happening to me? I'm a good person? Somewhere along the way you became co dependent, and when you go to treatment , and are 100% forthcoming, a trained professional will work with you and you will find out why "a good person, who hasn't done anything to warrant abuse" does indeed, become a target for abuse. You don't have to be at fault for a psychopath to pick you out of a crowd and abuse you. There are enough problems in the world, and many people suffering in co dependent families, so there are still lot's of women who lack the self esteem to put an end to abuse, the first time an abuser "tests" you. Because that's exactly what they do. They play with you like a cat with a mouse, and after they've destroyed you, they'll throw you away and call you pathetic.
The physical abuse that you're talking about will rip your son's heart out faster than you doing drugs. Say you were a "functional addict" and didn't beat your kids when you were high, but just made it impossible to save any money, never owning a home of your own, or no college fund, or other bad "choices", beating a boy's mother is more damaging then if you did your drugs in front of your son. AND it won't be long before your husband starts to beat your son, because in your words, he doesn't think what he's doing is wrong, it's always the victim who causes him to react. He thinks that he teaching you how to "act" when he beats you or abuses you. Telling you to put up your hand to talk, why not make Carter put up his hand to talk? It's okay for his mother, why not him? It's okay to punish you physically , why NOT punish Carter? He believes he has a right to do what he's doing. AND co-dependence to him means, that you're going to let him get away with abusing you. You're husband doesn't ever have to put a hand on your son (but i think he will) to damage CARTER BEYOND measure.
I think it's great that you went to treatment, that means alot. If you're blood and urine testing (you can get that done free in through the treatment centre) that's great too! Your long term sobriety is in danger. You are in danger staying with this man. He does not love you, or he would not abuse you. This is NOT because you are unlovable as much as it is he is probably misogynistic, trained from birth. This is something that has to be talked about ALOT in treatment with your addictions therapist or counselor. By you allowing a man to abuse you, you really start to feel like the stupid piece of **** he's been beating into your head. You have less and less ability to believe you can make it on your own. YOU DESPERATELY NEED TO BE OPEN WIT H A COUNSELOR AND FIND OUT WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO PROVIDE CARTER WITH A HEALTHY HOME. If you think all you have to do is "show up" to a rehab and not do drugs, while your drug testing, you're not doing nearly what it's going to take to DESERVE Carter.
You have to understand that, when you're being forthcoming , you are in "recovery". When you are minimizing or refusing to disclose the truth of your reality, then you are in denial and you are feeding your co dependence.
From experience with my own mother, i'll say one last thing. My mother never hit any of her four children, but, she died with all four of her kids despising her for staying for "everything" (things) and the sex and not leaving her abuser and getting her kids the help that they needed. All person's coming from abuse, will suffer consequences.
This guy is telling you that you deserve what he's dishing out. Because of him putting in terms of YOU having something to do with the abuse, You're asking WHY is this happening to me, i'm a good girl .IT's smoke and mirrors with an abuser. He doesn't know you, or care about you, you're his punching bag. Find a real man, start with Carter and work up from there. This is not as easy as you doing the bare minimum , and do what people have to do, to get out of jail, or get their kid back. This is about you NOT knowingly setting up that poor little boy for a life of shame and abuse, by bringing him back into your husband's home.b You have to do this sober, of you simply won't make it. Right now Carter is in a "loving single mother's home". YOU be that loving single mother for Carter.
Just like using dope "IS NOT AN OPTION", allowing violence around your son, "IS NOT AN OPTION", allowing violence in your life "WILL SABOTAGE YOUR SOBRIETY".
Everything is going great i have been sober now for 69 days and feel great i see my son two times a week not nearly enough.. He is three months tmrw. we have our case review jan 24 so hopefully it will go great im still in outpaitent treatment... hows u and ur daughter
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