Going to addictionologist tomorrow. I back slid and feel like crap..

[HookLineandSinker68]

I f$&%#,,,, up. Was down to 40 mg weaning, doing great. And now took another 10 mg for the last 2 days. All I've worked for the last 2 weeks is fing gone. I'm so disappointed in myself and I question why, and I have no answer. I'm so tired of this. I have appt to see addictionologist tomorrow early. They help wean, I'm not wanting methadone or sub ... No way... But now I feel I have to be babysat in order to wean or I won't do it. So so upset at me I feel like I've failed and was doing great.. Wtf is wrong with me!!!!!! me is the answer...ughhhh.
I'm never going to get my six digit job I lost back if I can't get off these devils. I blame me not them. Anyone been to a doc? How do they normally help you? Are they rapid wean or slower? Just advice on being honest with them. Not even sure of their plan with me yet. I'm ready to check myself in soon of I can't do this.. I'm blabbing but pissed off and shaking. My husband holds the pills and I was moody 2 days ago and he hands me one said take it your to moody.. And I did... Please help with some insight and why did I do this when I hate them? Ughhhhh

[weaver71]

Great news, knowing what to do is a huge part of the mental battle. Hopefully the anxiety will lessen now, no more decisions or anticipation. Your on your way out, nice work so far.

[HookLineandSinker68]

I've posted threads on here for a couple weeks to vent, ask questions, get support. Went ct, did not go well so tapered from 70 mg a day to 40 then back up to 50 mg yesterday(dumb dumb). Went to my primary care, what a joke.. She said just quit. Those who can I'm envious of, as I could not. This is not giving you a weaning schedule, this is my story and my end result with a specialist who has done this thousands of times. I do have to say I feel relived now, that I have a watch dog and must follow his plan ....why it works, he stated I will be fine and should feel no withdrawals at all. none....IF I stick to his plan. Went in nervous, was honest and told him straight out, he checked his computer and said you do have a problem, started naming off docs I get my meds from.... Wow... I had to provide urine sample. Came in was professional and started me tomorrow on 4 pills of 10 mg /325 for five days and then 3 for five days and so forth. When I get on my fifth day of one.. Jump off. He also gave me a patch that you were n your arm called clonidine .1 mg which is the lowest because my bp runs a little low. He used this method for All patients without withdrawls. He  did say she down to two or one per day, if I get uncomfortable to call and he will increase by .5 mg then one a little longer like 10 days. He also stated he has a patient with a 300 mg per day methadone issue and she recovered in two months, moved her to 3 vicodin a day now for pain. He said there are others he treated that makes my dose look like an infants and this schedule has worked. The key was to put the patch on now and start to wean. Went to fill scripts and asked the pharmacist and he stated this was a super slow wean so my body should be just fine. The clonodine will cause a little fatigue and dizzy if you stand up to fast but no wds in hundreds of patients. A my dose he said I will skate through this. BUT but but he said my challenge will be mental coming off since I already have anxiety. And need to stay strong through the mental. He said he will get me through no physical but the mental I have to get through on my own. I'm ready ready ready.. Guess I just needed to hear this for myself. This is my taper schedule I'm not advising you on anything just what I was given by A doc who helps thousands. He does believe in methadone. But only for chronic pain, small amounts. Not for detox. Hope this gives someone light like it did for me. Hubby still has to hold the pills and patch goes on tonight... Again this is mY story, not prescribing nor telling you how to taper you.. This is what I was prescribed to not have wds....thanks

[HookLineandSinker68]

Thanks so much. Just wanted to know tapering is best to ease this withdrawl. Even though 3 days seems easier to just get er done.

[HookLineandSinker68]

Thank you much. I heard about Imodium helping not only the runs to the bathroom but blocks the receptors similar as methadone to some point. I see a addictionologist in a hour. I pray he does not suggest sub or methadone in which I can't take, severe reaction with throat and mouth blisters and nodding to where I could not function or drive. I'm my worst nightmare and cannot believe me, yes me did this to me. But I will look at this step as positive and if he weans me, which praying he does will have him write the plan out, give it to my husband so HE does not offer me anymore than weak me will take. I cannot believe how these take over someone's life and ruin you. I take 2 every morning with coffee so I get my energy kick start. The morning decrease is far the worst for me.. Loaded up on the Thomas and taking them faithfully. I notice l tyrosine is not suppose to be used until you jump but take it for the energy while weaning and swear it works wonders. I was down to 40 mg now 50mg and starting again today. 40 mg I was fine... 50 I get a high feeling we crave so my body was telling me I was weaning right the first time by not feeling high and being comfortable.  Lets see what this pro says in an hour. I will post the outcome and see what' he decides for me, I just hope it not what my family doc said ... Just stop them.as . If thAt was so easy. Thanks to all, I read these like every hour for encouragement and to vent to relieve giving my hubby a break on all my blah..he does not understand addiction nor moodiness and irritability and tends to ignore me when I need to talk and gets mad at me says mean things and oh just want to take a numb pill when he does this... Hugs to all. Will update in case I can help anyone out there as well.

[weaver71]

How do you think I felt? I gave my wife my pills and tapered 10mg a month from 200mg of methadone, and at around 30mg a day, I found them. She looked at me and said, "Do you think I'm stupid, it's obvious you took some extras." I didn't tell her about all the ones I was getting on the street till later. Opiates effect the same part of the brain that all animals have, the cerebral cortex, they call it the old brain in therapy. So, an addict in withdrawal has as much brain power as a rat. Now rats are pretty smart, I guess, but they're known for being sneaky and all for themselves and what they want. The frontal lobe of the brain is cut off when the fight or flight mechanism kicks it, we are all instinct, no real logic. This is a real medical condition you're dealing with. Don't be too hard on yourself, but do something different. Einstien said that insanity is trying the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. From what I understand, he was pretty smart. So what's new? The other thing is, failure is giving up trying. You obviously care and long for a good life or you wouldn't have ever come here or returned in shame. Give yourself a break, but really think about what happened and how you can do it different.

[overopiates]

all was said above but dnt beat urself up.MOST cant taper alone I couldnt.If u dnt have someone handing them out through ur taper as said already u will take more its addiction no more no less plain and simple addiction.U r also simply stretching out the w/d and will keep beating urself up when u backslide.If u dnt have  some1holding them simple flush em.Get supplies in my opinion most important thing to get for the3-4days of physical w/d c/t is immodium(NAME BRAND)liquid works great.I and many others took double or more of the recommended dose through those 3-4days.I was swigging the bottle.day2+3 lol BUT helped so much.NO JOKE.A lot of people dnt realize name brand immodium works a million times better than generic,its safe to take more for a short time,also it helps w/not just tummy issues(although it will eliminate them which is great)helpa with other w/d symptoms because of how it works.Easiest way2explain(not the scientifically accurate way2say this but u will get it)immodium works so great for tummy stuff and as i said take generously helps ease other issues cause it works similar to opiates n the way that it binds u up so to speak.Basically ita sort of like taking a small dose of opiate when ur w/d r going but clearly u wnt ever get a buzz lol.Does that make sense?Ive used this a few times when I went through w/d and heard/know many others they say the same.No its not gonna male u100% but it will surprise u how it alleviates lots of w/d.hope i didnt confuse u.

[lost324]

dont be mad at your self just keep tapper in down its not easy but you can do it.

[kyle505]

If you don't have anyone who will give you the meds per your taper plan, then you'll never be able to taper. If you can't taper then you should just stop. You can play at detox but eventually the addiction will catch up to you, with devastating results.

[Addicted2long]

This is why tapering is so difficult..sometimes its best just to bite the bullet and get it over with. Trust me its less pain and suffering in the long run.

[Coze11]

Hookline&S, Im very new at this, but one thing I believe is you used more because youre an addict, and no other reason.  Relapse is part of this disease, crazy thinking is too.  Thats why I feel so vulnerable about it, because I feel my brain can think its ok to use drugs in a milisecond and Id act on it.  So just please know that youre not bad.  I dont have any advice as Im just days in.  Except, shame will only help you to use.   Sometimes Id pop some pills just because they were there, and I didnt want to have any limits, but knowing that theyd leave me feeling crappy.  Crazy disease!  Good luck!

[BlondeChick10]

You have to let your body guide as I told you in my PM if I can you can I am a drama queen not in too bad of away :).  There is no easy way I finished my taper and it took me all the way down .5 mg for a safety net then I plunged its not the greatest but not the worst either . The malaise ***** and I have some body aches, irritability and not motivated although I went to work except one day the first day as I wanted to see how my body would react.. Nothing I couldn't chalk up to the flu for my colleagues.  You CAN and will get through just move forward ! Good luck.

[Sweetness91]

Listen, YOU ARE NOT A TERRIBLE PERSON!! It's a physical addiction first, then once you kick it, I feel it's more of a mental addiction, though I could be wrong, I'm not a doctor. Lol. The physical part for me is the hardest, because you know that just that one little pill can solve the pain and you can feel somewhat normal. Backsliding is not relapsing...when I weaned, there were days that went back and forth in the beginning, but the closer you get to those low doses, the more you want it. And at that point it's easier to say no to that extra dose. I'm on day 16 w/o methadone...and I'd love more than anything to take something to feel better, but I just have to remind myself that I WILL feel better...WITHOUT the meds...may not be as soon as I'd like, but it will happen...and it can happen for you too. BELIEVE, HAVE FAITH & TRUST THAT GOD WILL NOT GIVE YOU ANYTHING MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE! And ya know what, knowing He has given me 12 kinds of hellish pain in the last two weeks, and that I've survived it, tells me I am one helluva A STRONG WOMAN! good luck my friend...you can do it!! And I won't say "hang in there"...at first when I was trying to kick it and someone would say "hang in there", all I could envision was seeing them "hangin there".  Hehehehe. A little humor and laughs go a long way :)

[Missshawn]

Ok,don't take any more