Going to make the tri-fecta (quad-fecta actually) this year :)

[Back2Me]

Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year NOT ADDICTED! For the first time in 5 years I am not starring down a physical addiction to opiates during ANY of these hollidays, let alone ALL of them :)
My very first detox was Halloween 2009 and I have had at least 20 serious relapses since and always find myself depress like mad around the hollidays just knowing I would have to use ALL of my vacation time around one of them to attempt to detox, and end up feeling miserable throughout and usually being a huge bummer for everyone. But not this year.
I cannot say I have been perfect. I have had a few missteps since May of this year but nothing that landed me physicaly hooked. I am finally just sick of being constantly sick and to be honest I know that I do not have another detox left in me. My body and mind just could not take it. As it is the horrible times I have had have left my central nervous system shot and my body tired and sore. But here I am, for the first time in a loooong time.

[gnarly_1]

Hey Dude good to see you great to see you clean  im with Sarah though ...if strong will where enough to keep you clean I would have 15yrs instead of 5  I could string together 6mo but a beer lead to a joint  my back went out and lead to a bottle of pills and it was game on...1 is to many and a 1000 never enough    im not trying to bust your b alls im trying to keep you alive this disease only gets worst with time for addicts like you and I you must treat the disease or it will come back with a vengeance  4mo is huge and I get it I dont have a detox left in me ether but without aftercare your heading for another bout of it  I wish you well in the  new year but do yourself a favor and work some sort of program.......Gnarly

[dominosarah]

If you have changed your lifestyle how is a pill crossing your path?  When is the last time you took a pill?

[Back2Me]

Thanks. The struggle is indeed real :)
It has been a roller coaster year but this year I have collected more clean time than the last four years combined. I have been off of H for well over a year but fell heavy into pills again around this time last year. That lasted until around late April after blowing through about 8 grand in four months (really). I had a bad time detoxing (again) it drug on for a month with tapering and at the jump point it was terrible. Oh and I did have a brief but brutal detox in late January in between all that, I only lasts like 2 weeks. So anyway here I am. I had one cave in during the summer with some cough syrup, used it for three days, and had freakiing withdrawals from it, FROM JUST THREE DAYS of moderate use. I also came across about 10 Vicodin and took like 8 of them over two days and again felt like garbage. I am at the point now that if I drink a beer or God forbid touch a pill I feel really bad the next day like withdrawals. I get hot flashes and really nerved and sleep issues its crazy. I'm even getting like that from eating bad, too much garbage food and the next day I feel all icky.  It takes a week for me to get feeling right again. I had been working out for a few months and was feeling better then I got sick and then the hollidays had their way with my diet and so now I'm putting the gym and diet on hold until after the first. Just can't fight that fight right now. Don't really want to, too much delish food :)
I am just done with it all. My body is telling me something and I have no choice but to listen. And I will not face another detox. I am thankful every night for that. Believe me I have not forgotten how bad it is. My lifestyle has totally changed, I have changed my phone number and given it to no one. First time I had ever don't that. I have a new job and no contacts. Yes the occasional pill has crossed my path but there has never been access to any more. So anyway it's a process and for me, one day at a time. And 2014 has seen new ground for me, I just have to build on it. Holliday drug free has been great.

[jifmoc]

* That's after the FACT..oy!

[dominosarah]

Congrats on the quad fecta!!  I gotta ask the same question too, what are you doing for aftercare?

[jifmoc]

Hey! I remember you: you wrote the utterly hilarious play by play on how you felt  detoxing. (Well, it's funny after the face.) Anyway, nice to see you. Gotta say, your post made me sad. Sounds like you've been struggling like crazy. Just sounds so exhausting. Cool that you made it thru these holidays. I got ask the 9 million dollar question: what do you for aftercare?