Going to my first AA meeting and getting closer to getting off this junk!

[suzieneedshelp]

The  AA person thinks I'm toxic.  That's why I feel so bad physocally and emotionally.  Has anyone ever been in this situation?  How long will it last if i slow downnw?  What can i take to help?  Does the Thomas formula help with being toxic?
If so, which elements?  
Thx and peace to all your lives!
Suzie
P.S. I was soo glad i could post!  Forgot to put on my questionaire that i wish we could post more every day!

[suzieneedshelp]

UH HUMMMM..Suzie clears her throat.  Can we get back to my post quesiton? Thx for those who have supported me and helped me during this recent crisis! The other "tough " posts i will chose to ignore, thank you.  I just do not respond well to that.  Challenge me anytime though with caring and humility and I will try to do the same.
I went to my first meeting.  Relay enjoyed it...Now got some reading to do..got my "big book".  
See my question above plz..thank you!
Peace to you all1!
suzie

[hellbent]

Toxic? You bet. When I detoxed I was extremely disgusted with my body. I sweat profusely, my pupils were dilated like I was on LSD. My tongue was bone white, I smelled. This lasted for almost a month. Finally, ONE of my pupils started to shrink. I had one big one and one small one for awhile.... I don't even want to know what that meant, so don't tell me if you know.

It's been almost exactly 6mos, and my body has since long healed. And I was taking an extreme amount of opiates, and benzos. So, your body is cleaning itself and you just have to let it do it's thing. the recipe thing did nothing for me, it just made my intestines more unhappy than they already were

[PING]

hi all. this is my first post for several day's, thought i would be doing better with my oxy's by now, maybe i'm trying to hard, but 2 a day isn't too bad, a long way from when i started abusing the percocet's, maybe i will make it some day. suzie glad you made your aa meeting, the big book has some good stuff in it, i read it when i was in my twenties, now i am 71, and on these darn pill's. everyone have a good day.
                                lee.

[bmac]

Hey there,haven't talked to ya in awhile.I hope you are doing OK
these days.Just wanted to say hi to you and see how you are doing
                  Bill

[suzieneedshelp]

Hey people...still awaiting more specific responses to my post..
Thx!
suzie

[Sundown]

Your withdrawl will depend on how much stadol you are using and for how long. We are all different, but expect several days of "unpleasantness" (to put it politely), but it passes and you start to feel better. Some people do best with CT, some with weaning. You have to decide which is best for you. Whatever you decide, know that the pain of withdrawl is far less than the pain of continued use.

As to the remainder of this "thread", I thought this was an addiction forum, not an anger management workshop.

Sundown

[Sundown]

Seems this thread got a bit "edited", so consider my last sentence deleted as well.
Sundown

[taeme]

Just saying hi telling everyone I'm alive and that I probably won't post much this weekend.  GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE! HEART TAEME

[puma]

Suzie,

I am glad I missed the anger posts. I slept through those apparently. I was a little off the wall last night, but not angry at anyone. I had a stupid seizure of some sort, very weak luckily, (I think) and that is why I babbled in my language. All I told that one guy was to have strength and to never give up. I do that after any seizure, that's often the only way I know I had one, unless someone sees it! That's why I stay home most of the time.

You are doing very well. You should give yourself a good pat on the back. You made the big step, not only cutting down on the stuff, but made a meeting and got the Big Book. You'll find it very interesting about how addiction works, and that is before they knew as much scientifically speaking about it.

I am glad to see you are finally getting the help you need. Ignore the A.A.er's toxic stuff. So long as you cut down you will eventually be able to stop without too much discomfort. If you need anti-depressants or something, just don't mention that at meetings. Some A.A.ers are so hard core they will scold you for taking aspirin. We all know some of us need some medication for certain illness. Depression being one of them.

Take care and God Bless.

Chatahan........wildcat

[CATUF]

End of a LONG day 47.  Had a phone call about an hour ago from someone I haven't talked to in about 2 months who I bought hydro from everytime we talked in the past.  When the topic came up I said "no, I'm not doing that anymore."  But let me tell you . . . it was not all together easy to stick to that script . . . I don't know if it was "the whispers" or just being nervous that I might fail since I had always bought from her in the past (including my fall at 30 days in the spring and almost 30 in July).  Needless to say, I have ZERO remorse about sticking to my guns and the same would not be true if I had fallen.

Take care all.

Catuf
@ 47.8

[puma]

Catuf,

Congradulations on sticking to your guns and refusing to give into temptation. Congrats on day-48, I wish I was at that point! I envy you, but in a good way. Take care and God Bless.

Chatahan....wildcat

[southernbelle]

i haven't posted in a while, but i've been checking in.  been very busy with work, 12-14 hour days, lots of traveling.  i enjoy your logic, though.  i really do.  sometimes i can really agree and connect with your comments.  to everyone else, i support you all.  one of the most important things i've learned lately is that i expect way too much of myself.  i'm just me, and i'm not perfect.  and life goes on.  i've wasted so much time in the past.  i have learned to accept myself as i am, the good and the bad. we all need to trust that everything is going to be okay, we're going to make it.  love to each of you.

[Rdytoquit]

Glad you found AA, after reading your post I could see you are in a lot of pain! I think your anger will decrease as your sober days increase... Good luck!

[puma]

Southernbelle,

Thank you for the encouraging words. You are an inspiration. We need more input like yours to keep us going in a positive direction. Keep posting and tell us a little about yourself if you don't mind. I hope we can encourage you as well.

Take care and God Bless,


Chatahan........wildcat

[southernbelle]

well, to make a long story short, i've had a problem with hydro for a couple of years.  started out legit, but you know how that goes.  my life is stressful (whose isn't?)-- gone through wd's and came out clean, but i will always be an addict, and i accept that.  i'm faithful, loyal, i work my ass off all the time, and i love life and my husband and just about everything and everyone.  BUT i also love how the pills help me calm down.  i accept my faults and do my best to stay away from my strongest weakness -- narcotic pain pills.  i'm at the point right now, though, where i am tired of beating myself up and tired of hearing all the negative energy/static that other folks who don't understand send our way.  i am totally convinced that addiction is a disease--but you have to be an addict to understand that.  society is so judgemental and cruel.  i just keep my dirty secret to myself and do my best to stay clean.  it's all in how much energy we put into things, you know?  i love life and i'm a good person...a good person with an addiction.  we're all in the same boat and in just about the same predicament.  so i'm here for all of you.  love to you.

[mrmichael67]

E-mail me at ***@****.  I need to discuss something with you.

[puma]

Southernbelle,

Thanks for sharing. You are so right about society being so judgemental. And science has fairly well proven that addiction is a disease and we are all good people just stuck with this problem like the others with cancer, diabetes, etc. Even those illnesses need treatment or the person will just die. Diabetics have to work hard to keep their systems running just like we do with fighting our temptations and working at it constantly.

You are an added inspiration to this forum, I hope you keep posting. There are so many that need help here. We will always be here for you too, I know it gets tough sometimes and we all have our days so feel free to vent if you need as well as share your positive posts. Thanks again. Take care.

Chatahan........wildcat

[hippy]

hi everyone  ,hope everyone  is doing good,
i just got home from a 12 hour day of work.
im very sore an ready for a long hot bath.
and a alittle reading.
my nephew will be over sunday hopefully that goes well.
still staying clean. was reading the post about suz going to 1st aa meeting.
i always wonder why drugaddicts go to aa meetings, im sure there are reasons.when i go to 12 step meetings i want to be arround
other addicts. don't get me wrong i have no problem with aa . my father has been there for 37 years. , and i have a lot of freinds who go there.
it's just the aa meetings in the phila area are strict
about addicts shareing at there meetings, they don't allow addicts to talk about addiction or drugs,

i know in some areas of the usa it is different, i hope suze has
an plesant time. i did not understand the toxic point,
what was that about, that she still had toxins in her systeM???

MY  life has just opened uo anther chapter, my wifes brother
is 17 and preganant and her father is a big time christian
and she is putting the bany up for adoption, i guess you can see where this is going, my wife just told me tonight, and now it looks like we may have a new member in my famly. me and my wife are 42 and live in the suburbs and it looks like we will be adoptingthe child. wild very wild.

peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[hippy]

my wifes brothers 17 year old daughter is preganant

[bmac]

Let me say adopting that child will give you something you have never had.My wife and I adopted our granddaughter straight out of the hospital and let me tell you,she has changed our lives for the better.It is hard being our age raising a child again but it is a gift from God.I have kids and my wife has kids from our other marriage but this child is closer to me than anything I have ever had in my life.Good luck and don't let that child get adopted.Let it be a part of you and your wife.It will be wonderful.
                      Bill

[hippy]

thanx for your input,im 42 and me and my wife have been married for 13 years, and we have my two children from other marriages my son is in collage and my daughter is 22 and has a 5year old and is happly married,
but this situation sound like a winner , i love kids so much.
and it looks like it is going to happen,
just when i was getting empty nest syndrome since my som went off to collage, i am very excited about the whole situation,

agian thnks for your support.
just another great reason to stay clean.

[southernbelle]

oh hippy, how wonderful!  babies are so precious and that baby deserves a chance.  i couldn't think of a more positive setting for a little baby.  best of luck.  so glad to hear you are staying strong.  life really is wonderful, you know?  stay in touch...love to you and your wife...i'll keep you in my thoughts.  you'll be such a blessing to your nephew.  in this tapestry we call life, everything has its place and meaning...it's beautiful, the chance we have to bring something positive about...i know in my heart that with all our faults and shortcomings, the positive things we all bring to this earth are much stronger and last forever.  our addictions try to keep those things from showing, but our good will always prevail and win, if we stay in the fight and have faith. you've got some good things headed your way, hippy.  WE ALL DO!  we've just got to hang in there.

[bmac]

You are so right about it is a good reason to be clean.I stopped drinking in part because she kept asking about it.I walked around with a Heineken in my hand for 5 years and I think she thought it was natural.I just couldn't see myself in 10 years asking her why she was drinking and her say well you do.She is a great reason to be clean.Peace to ya!!Bill

[hippy]

hey belle , thank for your kind words, as you say
life has a way of giving with one hand and taking with the other.
i just got all this news today. how interisting.
my sickly nephew is coming over sunday i can't wait to hug him.
he is like a little angel. when i stop to think of all the time and money i wasted on drugs , i find myself ashamed of my
past life style. but staying clean is a blessing.
some days i wish i grew up normal and never even saw a drug

[suzieneedshelp]

Some of you who were not here earlier have to realise that many posts from angry person were deleted but not mine...So yu do not get the full picture...Anyway, peace to you all!  I simply have tried to ignore the strikes out and wish everyone calm...I would never want to bring more stress to the forum or cause trouble.  We all have anough stress in our lives...right?? Without getting on each others backs and not supporting one another no matter wut our situations.
Peace again./..nite nite...
Suzie

[bmac]

I hope I didn't cause you any stress and if I did over look it,because I am an addict.Peace to you.
                           Bill

[Rex1]

Well,

I have been lurking here for a while and thought it was time I jumped in.

Wish I could tell a sexy Bond-like story with the movie starting next week and all, but it looks a lot like I'm in the same boat with many here.

Starting having back problems due to Wakeboarding ( a twenty something sport I did in my thirties!)plus bartending and generally trashing my back in many other ways. Went to my GP. "Here's some Vicodin" he said, and guess what - it worked great.

Throughout the last 3 years, I have been trying willpower and prayer to quit, taper, flush, throw away, and otherwise drive  these damn things away and they won't go.

I was at 10-15 a day, and life for a while was fine. Took care of the anxiety I have been living with for about 15 years especially in the evening, wispering to me "Life will be Ok".

I recently realized that my Anxiety is worse and is always with me now and getitng real bad. Is this from the Vicodin I often wonder...

I am down to 4 a day, but can't cross that final bridge no matter how hard I try. I just need an edge here, just one or two things that you guys here think will help, along with a good support group, which is obvious you guys are.

My intial question to the group is "Is this Thomas Recipe a big help, and what exactly is the recipe - I can't find it".

Thanks, and looking forward to be looking back as many of you are and helping others once I am.

Rex

[hippy]

hi rex welcome, i to was hoohed on 15 vikes a day, but everytime i tried to quit on my own i could not deal with the severe depression and lack of energy so i always went back to the vikes.
then i found this fourm in feb 02 and read aboit the receipe and it gave me hope so i got right on it and it worked wonders for me. ive been clean now since last wek in march 02.

the receipe was a god send for me.
i have found that you can get the ingredients for the receipe at wallmart real cheap.

receipe.

L-tyrosine 500 mg 8 a day week 1 , 4 a day the following weeks.
b-6 100mg 2 a day
a strong multi vamine.
calsiusm -magnisum
copper
zinc
mangneese
phosphors
vitamins  A,E AND C

imodium (immodium) for thr shits week 1
lots of bannas for restless leg
gatoraide for lost electrolites
lots of water .
lots of hot baths
xanax or valiume for sleep week 1, if you cna get it , or want  to .


peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hippy  keep posdting

[hippy]

start the receipe asap.
i went cold turkey and was feeling better in 5 days
the with drawls are like having the flu.
you will feel a lot worse than it really is.

[Chezz2]

And Back to regular old Chezz2.

Chezz

[Chezz2]

So like I said.

You never know who you can really trust on here.

Someone could post under 10 different names and feign needing support just to mess around.

It is BS and that is why I have found other places to go. And I trust who I truely know.

Chezz


And btw - if you really look at some of the posts. Their "signature" is ALL over them. It is pretty hard to fake a writing style. Some things will come through no matter what.

[MrsRat]

Reading this thread made me feel like I was back in the hell, errr, halls of usenet posting again.  I left there years ago for the same reason, the certain people who nothing else better to do with their life than find forums and join them only to flame the regulars.

I've been online since 1994, dated my ISP for 2 years of that, and have owned an IRC network since 1996.  I've dealt with so many internet users who flame.  Best to ignore them totally so they will just go away.  They only post to get replies and stir up anger in the regulars.

Also if I'm correct, the owners of this forum should be able to print out the IP addys of all of us posting here and the times we post.  They can then compare those logs to the troll's posts and verify who they are, then stop their access from the forums.  It's a little time consuming to do, but once a pattern is established, it is VERY easy to follow a troll from forum to forum by their IP number and get rid of them.

I do wish the owners, Phil and Cindy if I'm remembering their names correctly, please excuse my 5th day brain fog if I'm wrong, have an easy time in finding this troll and all of her/his nicknames in here and banning all of them.  Those here who are in need, do NOT need trolls upsetting them.  The sadest part I see, is if they must ban the entire ISP this troll posts from and there would be someone else from there who really would benefit from these forums, then couldn't, because of the ban set.

No one is invisible online.  It's very easy for the owner of forums to trace us down.  I do it all the time in my IRC network if I get in an extremely bad user, and I must write that sad email to their ISP requesting their account be terminated.  I've never been turned down yet from an ISP, the logs always say it all.  I pray the troubled ones who must flame, get the help they need soon, so they go on also to live a good life like all of us in here will once we are clean.

MrsRat

[koalabear]

Believe me, it follows her wherever she goes.  She was given a chance at another forum and started the same stuff there.  So for all of you thinking that you caused any problems, don't worry.  Anyone that makes accusations like her, usually are guilty themselves.

Hopefully, you can move on without her here.  She needs to relfect and take a good look in the mirror.  Hopefully someday, she will swallow her pride and get a real life.

[bmac]

AMEN to that.Very well said there K.B.

[gem1angel]

Just wanted to congratulate you on the pregnancy, its about time you had some good news, hope your nephew is doing ok

CONGRATULATIONS HIPP!....gem xxx

[scoobiedoobiedoo]

Hey, first time poster.I have been addicted to Vicoden 10/500(8 per day) for about 5 months now. Ihave a slipped disc in my back and am going through evil epidural injections of steroids also.I am on day 8 of CT. I have never had a problem lie this before. Never had an addictive personality.But...you know.I am also taking anti-depressants and the occational xanax for anx.The first 2 -3 days I felt really tired(like slept all day) the next couple days I thought I would go outa my mind.Evil mood swings,crying,laughing,just plain freaking out.I went to the Dr that prescibed this for me and since he had just given me 70 vicoden 15 days ago to taper off of  for 2 months, he said he couldn't help me and I would feel crappy for a few days but I would live.This reallly pissed me off.The man that helped me become addicted by prescibing this is now throwing me to the curb??(well of course I was also getting vikes from my pain clinic Dr. but who knew) I now don;t feel half bad.I was experiancin these electrical shock type sensations for a few days also. Oh, and your occational peti-mal seizuire.But now I am just not able to sleep.For the last 5-6 days i have been waking up at exactly 3am.This really sux, mind you.But I am Alive

[puma]

What is a peti-mal seizure? Never heard of it. If you spell it correctly, are you sure you even have it? They now call it partial complex. Look it up under search for guidance.

Opiate withdrawal does not give seizures. Usually alcohol and benzos are the culprit. If you really have seizures, explain them to us, maybe then we could better inform you on meds to take etc. There are different meds for different type seizures.

Take care.

Chatahan....wildcat

[Sundown]

Welcome and congratulations on fiding the strength to make it 8 days CT! From this point on, at leaast as far as the acute withdrawls, it only gets better. As you experienced, withdrawl is not pleasent, and while you think you will die, you don't. So you've made a hugh step. you've also taken the next step, coming here. You will find support, compassion and love from others who DO KNOW what you're going through. I found great strength here, and I hope you do too.

Sundown

[groovygirl]

I

[Sundown]

Welcome! As you see, there are a lot of people here going through the same things you are. That you've gotten down to 4 from 15 is a great step. If it's you're fear of withdrawl that's stopping you, just know it only lasts 5 to 7 days of the "bad stuff" and you DO GET BETTER. I stopped from 50 vike ES a day and was terrified. But my fears were in truth, worse than reality. When you are ready, you will stop. You've gotten this far, so stay on the road. You'll find a lot of support here, and i know it really helped me. I hope it does the same for you.
Sundown

[suzieneedshelp]

No...!!! You have caused me zero stress hon!
thx for caring though!
Peace to you!
Suzie

[puma]

(Rex),

Welcome to the forum. You have already gotten excellent advice from several members here. If you truely have pain and can control the vics at 4 per day, I don't see a problem. If you have a tendency to slip to more, than it's time to try to stop those and replace them with some other pain reliever non-narcotic.

The booze also, you had mentioned working at a bar at one time. Be careful there, that is very addicting especially when it comes to self medication for pain control. I wish you the best and keep posting, we need your input and your insight as well.

Take care.


(Suzie),

I was just checking in to see how you are doing? I hope you are feeling better and reading up. Don't hesitate to go to A.A. just because of drugs. You mentioned quite an alcohol consumption as well. I think you and I are in the same boat here, double whammy. I think we are both lonely as well! Are you? I am.
I have you in my prayers. Take care and God Bless.


Chatahan........wildcat

[suzieneedshelp]

Oh yeah ,lonely for sure.  I feel like **** today.  I guess this being "toxic" as thse AA people said is worse than i thought. I have headache, bad taste in my mouth, tummy ache, shakes, feel weak, just AWEFUL! Never felt like this before. I still did not get an answer if any of th e parts of Thomas' formula would help me feel better.  I drank last night and so wammy is right!  I know not drinking would be the best solution!
Thx,
Peace to your world!
Suzie

[suzieneedshelp]

Toxic, from boooze and drugs.  Emotional roller coaster, on verge tears, headahce, tummy ache, shakes, bad taste in my mouth,..WUT CAN I DO TO FEEL BETTER?  Besdies of course no more drinking!
Thx,
Suzie

[Bodymechanic]

Unfortunately time is the only cure for what is wrong with you. I have been through this more times than I like to think about. It is one of the worst feelings anyone can have. Not only are you tormented all day, you are tormented all night. There is never a break. They only thing you have control over is when you choose to feel the worst. In other words you can take a few pill at night just to get you through.  This will slow you down a bit but it will make things easier. If you have the shakes from alcohol it is best that you see a medical doctor immediately.

I recently saw a pain specialist with knowlege of addiction who basically told me I was hopeless case for sobriety. In his opinion, the best I could do is go on methadone until bupenophine becomes available. I don't mind the bupenorphine but the methadone scares the hell out of me.

Peace

[Rex1]

Hey,

Thanks for the welcome.

I will try the recipe starting today.

Regarding the alchohol, I have been sober on that now for 7 years. ANd my life was never better once I stopped.

Thanks so much for the help and advice. I will do what I can to help here.

Rex

[Tomasello_MD]

The best advice I can give is to go to that AA meeting and take it one day at a time. It really takes your body up to a month to get all of the chemicals OUT. Many chemicals such as alcohol, marijuana and opiods will s l o w l y come out of fat cells in the body over the month. Yes, you will have sweating and may feel lousy, but take it one day at a time and you will feel great in a month or so.

[dreamin]

Hi
is anyone around this morning?  I haven't posted for awhile, but I have been reading everything. I guess I need need to interact more.  hello out there


sheila

[1fortheroad]

Hi I really need some help.  I'm feeling really low and I am petrified of quitting the Hydros for good.  I wrote a little about it further down but no one had answered.  Is thsi a hard place to break into or are new members usually welcomed.  It seems like a close knit group.  I would love some feedback because I'm feeling really lonely right now.

[dreamin]

Hi there,

You are very very welcome here, sometimes the threads get all crazy.  I know the lonely feeling , feeling a little that way myself.  So what's your story, I am not much but I am listening

sheila

[hellbent]

So many of us here know exactly where you are. Stick with being clean, no matter what, and you WILL get your life back, and be able to grow as a human being again. The benefits of what you are doing right now are enormous, but you need to be able to stay clean long enough to reap them.

This is the best time to get involved in a recovery program like AA or NA. It's very hard to do in the state you are in, I know. It was a real ego-thing for me to get into those rooms when I was in detox-condition, but it made ALL THE DIFFERENCE. Get in there and put your hand out, no matter how it feels.

[suzieneedshelp]

Thank you for the advice.  I feel honored to have gottenre your advice message from you Dr.  and on a Saturday!  Kewl!
Thx,
Suzie

[groovygirl]

chezz - That was really funny - buttfly, although my six-year old could come up with something much better.

suzie, poor suzie...you picked a good name for yourself.  Where were your kids while you were boozing last night?  Where were they this morning, when they got to wake up to a hung-over mother?  You've been here for months, and you haven't done any work toward quitting...you have your group that just pats you on the head and tells you it's ok.  It's NOT ok to not be there for you kids...grow up.  What happened to "my Jesse" huh?  If you put as much effort into getting sober as you did that unfortunate mistake, you'll probably end up ok.

Screw the rest of you that love to enable her and others...that's what you are doing most of the time.  Flame me, whatever, it doesn't hurt me, it doesn't bother me.  I used to think this place helped, but the new crop of people are just enablers...it's a melting pot of whiners.

I'm an addict...yes I am.  But I'm sure as **** not going to tell a mother that's been boozing and taking Stadol that it's OK.

[hellbent]

Mariposa Said, "buttfly, although my six-year old could come up with something much better."

You have a 6 year old? You are a mom? Jesus, who is running hell in your absence??

[groovygirl]

That's the best you can do?  next...

[Chezz2]

Okay......you are right.

Tell your little one "Mommy is an idiot, she thinks she is better than everyone else, and never has anything nice to say..."

Then tell her to give you something "better" to post than Buttfly, since Mr. Chezz couldn't come up with something good enough.


Sounds good to me...
Chezz

[vikequeen]

I for one would like to know what makes you so much better than everyone else that you can judge her? whats your grudge? Take a look inside yourself, I am a mother of a 3 year old who takes vikes , incase you did not know painkillers are functioning drugs, unlike alcohol. Let up! Find somewhere else to spew your dislike for people and what YOU think they should or should not do. BADDGIRL

[hellbent]

Babe, you're right, I can do a hell of a lot better ....but I won't.

The only other person who ever called me hellsent was one of the only 2 people I ever feuded with here... you're the person who used to post as Groovygirl, eh?

I'll save my energy for something contstructive, thank you for the offer to bash you however. May still take you up on it at some point in the future.

[mrmichael67]

I called you bent.

[southernbelle]

what's all this about?  that's why i've stayed away.  can't we please keep this clean.  we all need at least one place we can go that's non-judgemental and not harsh.  we can just about be anonymous here, so let's keep it tha way and discuss our addictions.  i love the though of helping others, and being helped, don't you guys?  it's such a cold world out there for addicts.  let's just show love and support for others.  i will keep reading and posting, i want to help others and maybe be a friend to somebody.  real love to all of you, whoever you are.

[mrmichael67]

Want a good place to go, e-mail me at ***@**** and I will point you there.....seriously!  That goes for you too, Catuf.  No hostility there, I promise.

[Bodymechanic]

As I have said many times in the past. THERE IS NO HACKER ON THIS FORUM. There are only people who are usually very nice but when the get some alcohol or drugs in their system act like jackasses.

I use Mariposa 2 as my point. This is an imposter in my opinion. You cannot use someone elses screen name on this forum so you have to make it look like that person, but not exactly. That is how we got Mariposa 2.

I don't know why Mariposa has been taking a bit of a hammering on this board lately. I have never heard her say anything intentionally cruel or insensitive to anyone. Everyone, (yes including me) says something stupid every once in a while.

[suzieneedshelp]

There were many posts from the original mariposa that have been deleted today by Phil n/ or Cindy!  Many!
Thx,
suzie

[southernbelle]

you are right.  we should all allow for a little room for mistakes, i guess.  how are you this evening?  have you ever taken skelaxin (muscle relaxer)?  i've been prescribed that for my back.  is it addictive or anything like that?

[suzieneedshelp]

I DO AGREE that we need to give one another space and rooom for mistakes.  CAlllin a person names and not allowing them to freely express what they feel, no matter what they feel, on here is unacceptable though.
Peace to all of your lives!
Suzie

[puma]

Bodymechanic,

Chezz2, proved you could change names a couple of months ago. He even expleined how and went back and forth right on the screen without changing caps etc. He did it last night to me. Take care

Chatahan......wildcat

P.S.- Now you see what I mean about flaming and many doing it with cursing, name calling, and again I made no threats on anyones lives. If you want to think I did, so be it.

[hellbent]

My guess is that the mariposa account was deleted yesterday, by medhelp, forcing her to create another one. I'm pretty sure she is also the "poster formerly known as groovygirl". I think she tried to be good for awhile, but couldn't help but show her true colors once she got any kind of critical feedback.

[bmac]

I sure missed alot today didn't I.I see the angry one is alive and well.Just let everyone know I filed a complaint with Cindy and Phil about her anger.I am not sure if it will help but I for one am sick of all her ****.I really hope medhelp bans her.She deserves it.IMHO.
                      Bmac

[groovygirl]

Crying to the administation isn't going to get you sober.  Why don't you work on that instead.

[groovygirl]

I don't care if I get banned - being away from all you crybabies is probably the best thing for me.  I've never seen a bigger bunch of whiners and enablers.  Anyone that says, yeah it's ok after a woman/mother posts that she boozed it up all night, while snorting stadol or whatever is a LOSER...driving around DRUNK and on drugs with you kids is a dumb thing to do...no one else will say it...it's the truth...grow up!

[bmac]

Sober? I haven't drank anything in a long time.Sober? You have a mental problem.Well let me tell you something,you have messed with the wrong person this time babe.You better get a grip or you will pay for your ignorance.You have shown your true self here and many many people are sick of your useless help.Go cry to all those friends you have that where laughing with you yesterday,Who's laughing now?????????????????????????????
                  Bmac

[bmac]

Why don't you just go take some more Bup,it seems to mellow you out alittle.You drug addict,whinning little crybaby.

[bmac]

Remember the last time this happened?You sent medhelp a complaint on me.Turn around is fair play idiot.I am sober by the way.But you aren't.You need mental health help.I think that is another forum here at medhelp.Do you need some help finding it?
Please go away.Everyone was laughing behind your back and now they are laughing to your face.You need help.

[Chezz2]

Chatahan - Once again you prove how ignorant you are. Everyone already knows of your mental condition. Trying to blame me for posting as YOUR name is not possible. So get a grip.

It is useless for you to try and convince everyone else otherwise. They know I am geniune and true.

You ought to keep track of what you say in your posts too. Not drinking huh?! What did you did do with the bottle of gin, SHOOT it up?!?!?

That post I sent about Mariposa was for her. Not your delusional A$$. So get a grip and get some help.

Chezz

[groovygirl]

I thought your very last post to me yesterday was the very last post.  Suzie is the one that is putting her kid's lives in danger, but as usual you had to stick you nose in.

We laugh at you, you laugh at me...who cares?  I think it's hilarious how you can get so obsessed and fired up at a stranger...you need mental health help plus anger management.  I would bet anything, you are abusive to women.  Put some booze and drugs in you and I'll bet your a regular wife-beating piece of trailer trash.

[1fortheroad]

I'm sorry for butting in, but it seems that a few of you are taking out your anger on Mariposa and she hasn't really done anything.  I've been reading here for awhile and she has offered some really honest words.  I think her posts are the most honest.  They may not be what you want to hear because they make you think about the painful truth staring you in the face.

I will probably get banned or something for sticking up for her since a bunch of you seem to have it out for her.  It would be too back because I could really use some advice.  I guess you are all more interested in fighting than helping right now.

I'll continue to search for a forum where people can be honest.

[bmac]

You are a joke.Everything you just said is exactly your own problem.As for the trailer trash,don't think so idiot.If you only knew.If you keep this up you might find out just who I am.
Something you don't need, believe me.I bet come Monday morning you will find an email from the admin.telling you goodbye.
You are such a lame piece of work.You say one thing then turn right around and say another.Your words don't hurt me at all.Believe me you are making a fool of yourself.But what do you expect from a idiot.Now what do you have to say now little immature whinning idiot.I am waiting.Go ahead hang yourself.please.

[bmac]

I think you have missed alot of stuff here.But there is alot more to this than you could possibly know.A warning to ya,Mariposa is trouble.Stay away from here,she has serious mental problems.She is very bad news.The stuff you missed was deleted.This is the second time it has been deleted so you have missed alot.As I said watch out for that one,she is bad news.

[1fortheroad]

BigMiserableAssCanker...are you threatening me...oh boy.  I wish you could exchange seats for a second...hahahahahaha LOSER

[hellbent]

dude...it's all the same person.

[Chezz2]

If you do not like someone. Don't post to them. And if they don't post to you. Don't post back.

Simple.

This is posted to NO ONE.

Live and let live...

Chezz

[bmac]

I was confused.I think maybe she has some really bad problems but after rereading these stupid remarks from them/her,I realize it has to be her because there is no way she has friends.Why would anyone want to be around a rude and immature jerk?Thanks for slapping me back to reality.

[cheermom]

i posted a long one re: drug testing and its kind of important.  i realize there is a lot going on with this whole "situation" i was just wondering in anyone had any suggestions for me.

[Chezz2]

I don't know if you know or not.
But watch who you trust and the advice on here. I could sign up myself as Dr. whoever and I am not a Dr.

If a DR. is here via Med-Help, their name will show up in BOLD. Look at any of the other forums under med-help. You will see what I mean. They will also have their medical name DDS, MD, ect. next to it, for the type of doctor they are.

Just a word to the wise. The sucky thing with this forum is that you can never really know who you are talking too. Unless you get to know them and they have been here a while.

Good luck,
Chezz

[cheermom]

thanks for the advice.  so i guess post C-70 wasnt really the Dr responding.  its such ashame since i have gotten such great support from this board for so long and as soon as i felt strong enough to start posting all of this stuff happens.  i went through a really bad divorce and found out the hard way who i could trust and who i couldnt.  this board should be a haven for people like us.  anyway, i should stop because i dont want to impose my opinions on anyone else.
thanks again.

[Chezz2]

No Cheermom,

What I meant was just be careful. 80% of the people that have been posting I have never seen.

There is a few of us that have been here for a few months. I know who I can trust now and who I can't.

About 3 weeks ago I left because I didn't know who I could and couldn't. I didn't like not knowing. And there is really no way to know unless you spend the time and get to know people.

I will say I have never seen that Dr. Toma whatever. Whether he is a Dr. or not, doesn't make a difference to me. But until I have confirmation and I feel I know a person, I figure them to be a fake or posting under a new name. You can change names here as many times as you want. So one person could post under like 5 different names. And you would never know, unless they said so, or the writing matched. But someone could also fake that here.

My best advice is take things and advice with a grain of salt here.

Until this forum is secure. I will continue just to read and post to whom I KNOW.
I also have found other forums on the net.
As you might want to. I can't post them, or email them, that would defeat the purpose of not letting the idiots go there too.
If you search you will find others.
Or just take this place lightly until you get to know some people you feel comfortable with and enjoy it.
Chezz

[suzieneedshelp]

The Dr. is real and they told us about him a while back..Cindy and Phil.  Take care !
Suz

[Chezz2]

Did he call you or something?

And Cindy and Phil said some doc would be here. I don't remember an introduction to him.

But like I said, it doesn't make a difference either way to me.

I still take this place with a grain of salt. UNLESS I personally have made the distinction, and know who I am talking to. That is just for me.

Until this place is put on a secure server anyone can post under 20 names and you will never know the difference.
Chezz

[cheermom]

i was wondering if anyone ever had to deal with drug testing or if Dr Tomasello might be able to point me in the right direction.  as part of my divorce agreement i have to have 8 random drug tests in a calendar yr (aug02-aug03) in order to retain custody of my daughters and re-gain custody of my son in june.  i agreed to this and his lawyer wrote it up something to this effect:  the PCP will schedule 8 random tests.  when the test it to occur the PCP shall send a fax to the lab(specified in the agree.)  the script shall require the administration of the full scale testing for a tox screen using EMIT or RIA testing methodology.  the script shall further provide that testing shall be conducted to maintain a "forensic chain of custody"  the PCP shall upon faxing the script, contact the wife to appear for testing within 24 hrs, etc.  the lab shall forward the results to the PCP and the PCP will then notify each party(me and my ex) of the results.  i dont have a problem with this except i cannot find ONE doctor in 2 counties that will do this for me.  my former PCP who prescribed to me well over 400 percs, tylenol 3's in 4 months time doesnt want to get involved in the legalities.  i have literally called everyname in the phonebook and have been told the same thing.  noone wants to get involved.  not only that they all say that they dont have a system in place to pull my chart 8 random times.  how would they know when to do it?  thats what they say, its not like i can call and ask for the script, it has to be random.  the county offers a drug testing program but they only screen for 7 basic things and it was not "sufficient" enough for my ex.  i got a letter from his atty today stating i was in direct violation of the agreement, i am at my wits end, i dont know what to do.  if Dr Tomasello has any ideas or anyone else i would be so grateful.  i am totally clean and have no way to prove it!

[1fortheroad]

Don't kiss up to me.  I had to see what Mariposa was talking about for myself, and you are a great-big loser.  She is my friend - best friend.  And you are nothing.  You better watch who you threaten.  Any threats you send her way, I take very personally.

[bmac]

And no I don't abuse women.Never have never will.I love women.
Well some of those that have a brain that is.What's with you anyway?Run out of drugs did ya?

[groovygirl]

bmac - don't threaten me or my friend.  1for came here to see what I meant about selfish, ignorant people like you.  You'd be very surprised to know you checks out this site, and they are not people to be intimidated by the likes of you...so sod off loser.

[bmac]

I am shaking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!If your a friend of hers then tell us all why she is so angry and rude to everyone.
And if you think talking to me like that over the internet scares me you are wrong.You need to find someone else to threaten.One more word from you and I'll just cry.Idiot!!!!!!!!!!!!

[hellbent]

Oh jesus, the multi-faceted and multi-schizo mariposa has ANOTHER posting name? Marp1, Marp2, 1fortheroad, groovygirl...get down girlfriend!

This thread has degenerated to such an extent it very funny in a sick way. Remember everyone, this is nothing to use drugs over. These posts can **** with your serenity, so be careful.,

[bmac]

Your threats from you friend are being watched just as my posts are.This is going to cause medhelp alot of good people needing help.I asked you yesterday if you would leave the other place I would leave here,but never heard back from ya.ASll these threats are just very immature period.I don't care who is watching us post.Bytheway they really are reading what we post here and I am sure you already know it.I am tried of sitting here typing all this to you and your friends.So I tell you what I will leave it to you.You can have it.One more threat from your friend and I will make sure someone reads it.

[groovygirl]

You sure do have a way of turning things around - who threatened who?  Whatever!

I'm so tired of all this - it is immature and stupid, and I've lowered myself to your trailer trash level.  I'm outta here.

[hellbent]

"I've lowered myself to your trailer trash level. I'm outta here."

Oh god! Pleasssee Dooonnntt Gooooo! You've brought us all such happiness and joy... I just don't know if I can bear it...

[bmac]

Profanity isn't allow here.Go read the rules.And if you are her best friend I feel sorry for you.I am getting bored, so long for now.I'll see you two losers some other time.

[bmac]

BYEBYE!!

[bmac]

Where are all the threats anyway.I don't see any threats.
Does anyone see threats here?I guess those two idiots are so messed up they are having to make it up as they go!!!!!!!!!!!
What idiots!!!!!!!!!!!

[Chezzman]

See what I mean.

And I had to sign up again and everything. Not too hard to do, now is it.

Chezz

[Chezzman]

And Here is Dr Chezz2 which I just changed too.

You can do this all day long.
Get the point. Someone could post under all of these different names.

Chezz

[lisabet]

I agree with Mrs. Rat - I've found with troublemakers, if you just ignore them and don't respond to their acid posts, eventually they will just move on (to stir up trouble somewhere else)...Love, Lisabet

[puma]

Tuukenaw, shungeenah genna mana. You all are looking for trouble, except a few intellegent ones. TAH-KUU-SAH-NEY. Are you strung out? Need a fix?.....Don't take it out here pot-bavot!!

ME, MYSELF AND I,

PS- for me myself and I,
    I am glad, I'll
    fly, up, up ,up , highhhg.

Typhoon song 1997

[AlexisInTx]

I have been reading (lurking) here for quite some time and I'm really very hesitant to post because of what I've read.  I've been here long enough to read mariposa's/groovy's posts, and although she claims to be 'no nonsense', I find here posts incredibly hypocritical.  I truly feel that she is taking out her problems on others, problems she herself suffers from obviously.  There is NEVER any excuse to call people names, and I've seen here continuously berate, condemn and honestly rip others to threads because it makes her feel better somehow.  Maybe subconsciously she is ripping on herself for being the same way she accuses others of acting?  Who knows how she treats the children in her own life, whether they are her own or others, maybe exactly how she claims others here supposedly treat theirs?  

It sickens me to see how she is continuously allowed to misbehave and act so juvenile, creating diversion and hurt amongst those of us who are really struggling with our own addictions.  She herself has said time and again that she has relapsed, yet she condemns others for relapsing.  Hypocrisy at its' finest.  

Sickening that people allow it in the name of brutal honesty.  I find honesty refreshing, I find hypocrisy, childish name calling and immaturity inexcusable.  And I can guarantee you that those who are in a fragile state needing a little bit of comaraderie, will not seek it here because of the fact that there is such intolerant rudeness and outright demeaning.  

Yes, mariposa's comment will be childish in rebuttal, probably something along the lines of turning her rage against an anonymous poster she doesn't know who speaks the truth, but she's only a hypocrite who is so filled with anger that I feel sorry for anyone having to enact with her at anytime.

Sorry anyone who reads this, there are some wonderful people here, and like i said, I'm just a long-time lurker, but IMHO, certain people like her should be banned so others who truly need help to come out on the other side of addiction to sobriety can benefit from this forum.

[MrsRat]

Chatahan, you and I have talked thru the night on different threads here.  Now your posts have changed.  You said you were listening to music, old stuff you liked if I remember right.  The more you have listened, the stranger your posts have become.  I think what you posted to me an hour or so ago is what is best.  You need to get sleep.  Please try to sleep.  I will pray for you.  Posting here in the mood you are in right now, is not for the best.  Rest is what you need the most at this point in time I think.

I'll be in here again tomorrow and we will talk more then.

MrsRat

[suzieneedshelp]

My daughter is my heart. I do not appreciate any horrible accusations that i put her in danger.  ANy way, hopeuflly this nastines will calm down now.  Tomorrow is Sunday. Hopefully we all can find some peace and a renewed sense of truth and justice for our fellow addicts here on the forum.  When anyone brings my child into the picture i must respond. Otherwise i wil try to continue to ignore and not respond to flaming posts.  WE are here to support one another and learn about addicton and recovery from our fellow sufferers.
Peace to all of you!
Hope you can feel the angel on yur shoulder!
Suzie

[puma]

Mrs.rat

I kind of suspected you were a real rat afterall, but tried to be positive and give you the benefit of the doubt. Oh Well!
Another one bites the dust......

Chatahan.....wildcat

[Sundown]

Trying to get back to the purpose of this forum, if you are under a legal obligation to provide random drug screens but have exhausted your resources at arranging for those tests, you need to notify the court of your good faith attempt and see what other solutions or accomodation can be made. You really should get legal advice for your situation to protect your rights as custody/visitation of a child is a very serious situation.
I know you may be frustrated at knowing you are clean and "can't prove it". But stay the course and things have a way of resolving.
Hope you find this post amid all the bull... going on in these threads right now.

Sundwon

[scoobiedoobiedoo]

ok,this is a support group. Right??Maybe better wording in your posting will keep people from feeling like your being accusitory
Just a thought.Anyway. I like many of you have experiance of some kind.No I may not always spell right.Since it is 3 or 4 in the am that I am posting,can this be justified?I am an addict to pain meds and I jave also been in the medical field for the last 8 years of my life so when I post something that is about a siezuire I think I know what I am talking about.I've had eeg's and mri's and ct's and every other crappy test there is know to man.If you need the definition for this Chateran heres a good place for youto go.http://aolsvc.health.webmd.aol.com/condition_center_content/epl/article/1680.54131  Oh,a nd you probably have not heard of this before because you are not a Doctor and this is my body we are talking about not yours.P.S. I am currently a Pharmacist.Thanks for your time.You guys spend alot of time making people feel unwelcome I hope you can educate yourselfs on meds and medical conditions.Oh, as far as the spelling goes like I said It;s 4 am and I;m not here to impress anyone.Just wanted some support.Think about the way yur postings sound.Read them over before you postand you might find there is sometimes a rendereing of sarcasam or no it all.Bottom line most of you are NOT professonal's bt Addicts with withdrawl,addiction experiance.Stick to your expertise.Thanks

[scoobiedoobiedoo]

Are some people here retipping or what?What a positive environment for people who need support??!!!??MOST of you ae very good at offering advice, while others seem to feel better lashing out and taking some superior status.People are people..right?There is no one here or on this planet who is above all others.We all live here together and without working together and welcoming with open arms those who need help is a sad day for everyone.What do you expect from people who are just reaching out for a hand when they are being shot down with judgement before given a chance?Question on grammer for gods sake??Please!! Do we not have better things to discuss here or/worry about?? I myself know that as I poor my heart out to strangers looking for some helpa nd support,spelling would not be the first thing on my mind.It takes enough guts to even admit you have problems.These are real people with real probelms, sure they may not all be telling the truth about everything but have you always told the truth??If you say yes...you are lieing to yourself.All addicts lie, thats what they do best  to get what they want.How will anyone feel better if theyare shot down and questions?No one appreciates being told they don;t now what they are talking about, even if they don;t there are better ways to come accross.I belieave there is alot of the pot calling the kettle black here.It;'s ok to be angry, sad, or whatever but don;t take it out on the people that your trying to help.This whole last line of comments are mostly ****.Blah, Blah, Blah.....Save it.No one cares to hear it.These are all beautiful people and even you are, but for soem reason you chose to have a god complex?Why? Maybe you need to open up more on yor problems instead of dowling out your internal bull to everyone else.It is ok to ask for help.....................................

[puma]

Skubee,

I have never heard of you before. With all of this **** going on lately. I am suspicious. I have had 200-300 seizures in four years, not petit mal?

They now call them partial complex. Petit Mal indicates just staring into space for a few minutes. Being a Doc or the type of seizure is irrelevent. I have tons of internet **** on seizures of all types. The Neuro Doc here on another forum is excellent. You may consider that forum for your seizure questions since you seem so hesitant to talk about them here.
Take care.

Chatahan......wildcat

[Chezz2]

Cheermom,

Have you thought about talking to your husbands lawyer, letting him know the troubles you have had. Then telling him that your husband can pick the dates and times for your random tests since a doctor won't help.
Then he can have the control. Which it sounds like is what he wants.

Just thought it might be a viable option. That has to suck being in that position.

I hope it works out for you.
Chezz

[cheermom]

my ex and i had a long discussion about the problem i'm having about 2 wks ago.  he said he would contact his lawyer since they wrote the agreement this way without specifying a specific dr who had agreed to do it.  he was having what i like to call "a nice wk" which is usually followed up by a not so nice wk. and once again i was right because this wk he was back to his nasty self and bingo yesterday there was a ltr from his lawyer waiting for me in my mailbox.  it stated that he had notified them that i hadnt been complying with the terms of the agreement and that i had stated i was having trouble finding someone to do it for me.  followed up with the names of the labs stated in the agreement.  well no kidding, i know which labs they want, i just need someone to write the script.  he called soon after and i told him about the ltr which obviously he knew about and that i dont like being threatened since it stated i would not get extra overnight with my son until i complied.  so he didnt really call them for help just to try to get to me once again.  he likes to be nice to my face and then hide behind his lawyer when something doesnt go his way.  i truly believe he would be happier if i was still using because then he would be "right".  i've suggested counseling together so we can learn to work together for our kids but he has refused.  i think it bothers him more than anything that i dont have anything to hide anymore.  funny, he has no concern for his daughters as they live with me full time and if he felt i was using youd think he'd want them out of here.  anyway enough time wasted on that.  i am calling his lawyer tomorrow to respond to the ltr and i'll see what they say.  i'm sure they will be no help as usual.  they of course are loyal to their client, which is actually his father, as he has pd all my ex's legal expenses, etc.  sometimes its almost harder to stay clean than not.  almost...but not quite.  thans for the suggestion. hope youre having a great day!

[cheermom]

thanks so much for your response.  i did think it got lost in all the threads.  this is so frustrating!  legal aid says my income is "too high" which is such a joke as i just started working again and as most people am living paycheck to paycheck.  i will keep trying lawyers out of the phonebook.  most offer a free consultation but will not give any information of value until you pay a hefty $3000 retainer which obviously i do not have.  i have an appt with a DR this coming week and i'm determined not to leave until i have exhausted all avenues of trying to convince him to write the scripts for the testing!  ironic how they never had trouble writing scripts for percs but dont want to "get involved" when someone has cleaned up and needs help proving it.  i'm trying not to fold under all the pressure.  my children are the most important thing in my life and the guilt is unbearable whenever i allow myself to think about the person i was when i was using.  i'm going to NA this wk in hopes of trying to find some peace for myself.  thanks again for responding and i hope all is well with you.  hope to see you continue to post here.  much thanks.....

[Chezz2]

Sorry to hear about the BS you are having to go through. Sounds like typical nasty divorce stuff.
But it still hurts just the same I know. Hopefully your ex will see the light someday and stop trying to hope you are doing bad and be happy that you have gotten clean and better. He might be jealous actually. And probably is.
I know if my wife was addicted to meds or something, would never get better when we were married, then got better after we seperated. I would be a little hurt too. Wondering why the heck she couldn't do it when we were together. So that is probably some it if.

Thanks for asking. So far it is a great day here. Sunny and nice, California. I am actually getting off the computer for the day and spending it with the wife. I spent a little to much time on it yesterday.

So have a good one too. Try and remember, staying clean is for YOU. That you are a lot better person now, and it is worth staying that way.
Chezz

[Patrice]

Someone mentioned their doctor getting them hooked on vicodins........Come on now, did the doctor shove them down your throat??? The first think I learned is As an adult, I am responsible for everything that happens to me..It is easy to blame, but you being an addict is no ones fault but your own...

[Rdytoquit]

A doctor can write a script for vicodan, percodan, valum etc.. in about 30 sec. It takes the same doctor 15 to 20 min. of talking to explaine the reason for not giving the drug. Sometimes even a doctor will take the easy way out.., not to mention how much money can be made in 15 to 20 min.

[scoobiedoobiedoo]

Yes, someone mentioned that the Dr. got them addicted to vicoden.That would have been me and maybe the wording was off kilter.The pointIwas trying to make was after 3 or 4 scripts of vicoden, (which when you have REAL PAIN is a freakin godsend,I'm sure you know what it;s like to have pain??) I had to have it because it made the pain go away and let me tell you a slipped disc in your back is some evil ****.The doctor knew I had to have it I told him.And everytime I went into see him he would say"We just have t get you off these narcotics" And promptly write me a script for 180 more tabs.Who on gods green earth is gonna refuse that when you wakeup at night because your back and neck are throbbing with pain.???!!!Yes I suppose everyone is above all that,except for me??Yu and I both know what was ment by that statement.Iwould have not had the vicoden if it was not prescibed, I am not the kind of person who steals from work or panhandles on the street.So as another one who is so high and mighty runs their mouth without thinking....Think about it.

[scoobiedoobiedoo]

Yes,you people have every right in the world to be suspcious of me, or anyone as far as that goes. I could be lieing to you, but I;m not, I could be anybody and so could you.All this slinging of bullcrap....pity, where is the empathy??It takes a really big person to accept with open arms and no questions, but anyone can sling poo.......This is truly the most bizarre support group I have been to by far.Why is everyone so angry?Did;nt have yor wheaties? We are ALL ADDICTS. And I don't BLAME ANYONE BUT MYSELF.I spent far too many days watching the clock to see when it was time for the next dose of Vicoden.And then promptly denying I had a problem.I like Vicoden.I am suffering with pain because I know I cannot have it again or it will staRT all over again,and I cannot do that, too weak.And to tell you the truth I honestly felt as if someone else was shoving them down my throat, because most days were a blurr.I will be the first one to admit any of my wrongs in my life, so don;t judge.You have not right, youa re not perfect, neither am I.I am a person with feelings, a life, a career, a family, a relationship and a drug addiction.I like you wish I never had come accross my drug of choice.Treat others as you wish to be treated.

[MethMan]

Like the recycle hippy in the Simpsons says, "Simply, man!"
Two simple words that mean a lot (to me at least).
If I were you and were not getting any help with the drug testing, I'd take matters into my own hands.
To have 8 clean tests in a year to get your kids back, why don't you just do a full spectrum test every 3 weeks?
If you provided MORE tests than they were asking for and all of them came up clean, then what could they say?
Sure, they could say, well...it wasn't random.  But, my rebuttal would be, No, they were not random, they were sequencial over a years time and if I were NOT clean, it surely would have shown up in at least ONE of the tests.
What would their arguement be at that point? I don't see one that would be anything other than baseless.

Just my idea... that's all.  Where is your attorney on this one?

God bless to all,
Mike

[puma]

Skubee,

Thank you, you are correct, why remain on God's green earth?

I don't plan to, just waiting for that right typhoon, maybe forming now as we speak, over the Marshall Islands. One can only hope and pray. It's windy tonight, I can feel the energy building in the air!!!!!

Chatahan..........wildcat

[puma]

You came for me,,,,like a thief in the night
You ended my, my life and releived my my plight........

Thank you, (Typhoon I need you so badly!!!!!!!)

This is our time of year as you now so do your thing baby!!!!
I eagerly await your eyewall and arrival!!!!

Chatahan.......wildcat


You don't have to be as strong as STY-Kim, no one upping here!!

[koalabear]

I am not going to bash you for your posts, but I've been here for awhile, seeing people come and go, and what you are doing here is not the norm.

Your abusive outbursts are really offensive.  You even had the nerve to slam on Mrs. Rat.  The people your negativity is pointed toward is unjust.  These people are trying to help you, that is the nature of this forum.  You've created an image of yourself that is less than desirable, and I'm afraid you will be isolated.

Your medical condition obviously is above and beyond addiction.  I am strongly urging you to seek medical attention.  Your posts have a lot of violence and nonsense attached to them.  The seizures that you are having seem to be affecting you.

Please, for your own sake and safety, see a professional soon.  Seek the help you need, and refrain from the uncalled for language you speak.  It is for your own safety.  I really care about what is happening to you.  Your posts have taken a huge turn for the worse and you were not like this when you first came here.

I hope to see you well soon.

Koala

[Sugarbeens]

I don't post too often, but, read everyday.  Please, seek help. You are a good person.  After reading your posts over and over I see that you are one of the really intelligent ones, who, is seeking a way out of the pain.  Are you suicidal??  It sounds like it.  Do you need help?  You hold so much back, I can feel it.  You have been through so much, much more than I have.  When I am feeling sorry for myself, I think about you.  To have lost your child.  How you must hurt!!  Reach out to someone you can really trust.  We need you here on this forum as a support, someone we can learn from.  Don't look for that storm, look for an inner strength I know you have.  You don't have to stop these addictions all at once.  What would make you happier??  Find your son , I think that will be a first step.  The songs you talk about and the feelings you get from them, you are a emotional, hurting, caring, loving person.  You gave that at one time, but, because of pain you have given up.  Please don't.  From this day forward, be yourself, and find yourself.  Are you covering it up with drugs/alchohol.  Of all the people I see here, I know you can stop!  We all can if we reach inside.  Love to all, Butterbean

[athena]

Hi chatahan
I posted to you early this morning but it disappeared.I am very concerned about your state of mind.You have been lashing out at everyone and that is just not like you at all.I used to post to you a lot and you were always so caring and intelligent.Something is very wrong!Are you having seizures that you don't know about?I see from your posts that you are becoming increasingly suicidal.Please get help.This forum is a big part of your life and the people here need you.I think you need them too.Please accept help from the friends you have made on this forum,but first,please talk to a Dr. of some kind.You are in my thoughts and prayers.

pixi

[cheermom]

Sorry, I'm a little new to all this.  What exactly is a Full Spectrum Test?  Would i need a script for it or is it the kind you buy in the drug store?  I did call my husbands attorney today, explained the problem, they said they would call me back but havent(big surprise).  Let me know what it is, hopefully its something i could do.  This is so frustrating!  As far as a lawyer goes i never had one.  Stupid, I know, but the feeling of guilt at the time that i had destroyed my marriage kind of just made me sit back and give him almost everything he wanted.  I'm looking into an attorney now because I'm afraid of what he's up to now.  Thanks for posting to me and let me know what its all about.  All the best...denise

[MethMan]

A full spectrum will show a LOT of different drugs that could be present.  The reason I suggested that is because that would offset any attack you may encounter from his lawyer by saying that you've simply traded one addiction for another.
If a full spectrum test comes back clean, the only thing you could be snorting would be Tide with bleach. :)
Basically, it would cover all your bases.  There are other terms used for a **** test that covers a wide range of drugs.  
As far as getting a prescription or something to have it done, I have walked into a minor emergency center and just asked to have it done.  All you do is go up to the counter and tell em you want a very wide spectrum drug screen.  If they ask why, you can opt to tell them OR you can just say that my prospective employer wants me to do it before employment and since you are paying for it, you'll need a copy of it signed by the attending physician.  

If you need any more info or help and I can provide it, I will do so willingly.  By the way... just so you know, I am NOT a doctor nor do I play one on TV.  I am a recovering addict that just so happens to have some knowledge in this area.  I hope that I have helped in some small way.  There are others here far wiser than I and they helped me in my darkest spot.  To give a small amount back makes me feel good.  I hope it helps you.

God Bless,
Mike

[cheermom]

Thank you so much for the info.  I have an appt on Friday with a Dr who used to be my PCP. I'm hoping he will help me with this.  When I made the appt and they asked me why I was coming in I told the receptionist I thought I was anemic.  I figure the element of surprise would serve me better.  I havent been able to get past the appt person in all the other offices I've called when I tell them what I need.  Since he prescribed me about 400 percs, tylenol 3's, etc in approx 5 months time maybe I can get the upper hand on him.  He really was a very nice Dr but unfortunately thats where my addiction took hold.  If that fails I will go to the walk-in clinic and see if they will do what you suggested.  I cant believe how hard this has been.  But I will get a great deal of satisfaction when my ex no longer has anything to hold over my head after the yr is up.  I'm tired of being talked to like something lower than dirt on the bottom of his boot. Thanks again and hope all is well with you tonight.

[XHydro]

Hi guys.I am finally kicking Hydros out of my life for good.I have went through WD's several times so I know what to expect.Day 3 right now.I took Hydro solid for 3 years and never needed it for medical reasons ever.It all started with a co-worker bringing some to work and giving me one.And of course the warm buzz feeling left me hungry for more.So I initially started buying from local dealers then finally found the easiness of online pharmacies.At first that didn't require any records at all to get the meds.They just took your word for it.That kept me with meds for a year or two.Then stricter laws were starting to be passed and some kind of proof was required but there is always around road blocks.You can actaully find xrays and records on the Net if you look hard enough.So that kept me with meds up until the present time.I have actually went through WD's quite a bit lately like the guy said way up at the top.I had one script left with two refills.But I took at least 5 a day and the scirpt only had 90,plus you could only get a refill once 30 days had past so do the math.So I have been going through 2 weeks of feeling good followed by two weeks of WD's then the cycle started all over again.Just couldn;t ever totally stop knowing that I still had some pills availible and all I had to do was pay for them and have them shipped.

Anyway...thought I would give a little background as to why I am here.This sorta takes the place of AA for me.I'm totally out of pills now and I'm ready to see the quiting process to the end.Going through WD's all the time, I found this place a month ago and used some good advice which really helped out and I want to thank all of you for taking the time.As I said beofre I'm on day three and I'm nearing the hump that I usually go through.By day 5 or 6 I should start sleeping again.Thats what I hate the most about WD's.Looks like some of you still get some sleep but I'm getting 0.But our bodies do handle it differently.I use the recipe which does help out tremendously because I have went the cold turkey route before and took nothing for it.I can tell a difference between using the recipe and not.I do rest easy knowing that many many people have went down the same road already or maybe even going through it at the same time as me.Time wil make things better for me and all you can really do is buckle up and take it one day at a time.I'm pretty sure I'll be feeling much better by the end of the week then its all downhill from that point.I can't wait for the day when I look back and wonder why I did something so stupid in the first place.Once again I'll be high on life and not narcotics.Its hard to remember how it was before I went down this road but I can wait to become "normal" and dependant on nothing once again.Except cigerettes but thats another hurdle that I think would be wise to leave alone at this point:)

Nite all and thanks

[Pinkit]

Just wanted to say congrats to you. You can do it. I'm also addicted to hydro's. I'm not quiting cold turkey like you are. I don't think I'm strong enoung. I'm just weaning off the vic's. My prayers are w/ you. THis is one fu**** up drug to get addicted too. It is so hard to get off isnt it. I think this is the hardest thing I've ever had to overcome w/ in my 25 years of life. Overcome is the word. We can do it. God bless
Peace'
Pink

[lisabet]

Hi Pixi - I got an e-mail from Chatahan this morning and she asked if I would pass on to you the reason she didn't answer your post is because she has been banned from the board. Her e-mail read in part "can you please post to Pixi and the post above her that I was banned & cannot answer them. It is better they just forget I existed and hopfully this developing typhoon will be my final one....my grand finale!"  I know Chatahan's behavior lately has been erratic and bizarre; I'm worried about her--she sounds suicidal, but I don't know how to help.
Lisabet

[Pinkit]

I too am worried about Chatahan. After what you wrote I went back and read her/his forums. Do you think Chatahan is okay. It sounds suicidal to me too. If you hear anything please post it. I am very worried too.
Pink

[lisabet]

Will do - but I feel like I won't hear from her anymore. But if I do I'll pass it along for those who care, and I think there are other members on this board who do.
"Sometimes the least unlovable people are the ones who are reaching out the hardest to be loved".  It's easy to care for the people who are easy to get along with - the real test is when you care for the ones who are the most difficult.
Love/Peace, Lisabet

[lisabet]

Just checked my e-mail and there was a message from Chatahan; says shes getting ready for the "storm" and that 46 years in this world is enough. Sounds like she's ready to "check out".  Now addressing what some are thinking: Is this simply Chatahan being a "drama queen" or is she really suicidal?  In either scenario, the reality is she needs help. I haven't responded to her e-mail yet, but, Chatahan, if you're reading this, please know there are people on this forum who care. I care. Please call your pastor (as religion seems to be very important in your life).  Call your doctor.  E-mail me, although I can be nothing more than a sounding board, I'm willing to be that.  Your son may need you one day; your animals need you. Even though you say you're just another disposable person on this planet, remember this: Your son may need you one day, your animals need you; they would most likely grieve theirselves to death if anything happened to you.  You are here for a reason, as we all are.  You are meant to be here; it is not your decision to take an "early out".  It's simply not an option.  Love, Lisabet

[XHydro]

Thank you for the thoughts Pinkit.Are you trying to drop your dosage down right now?I wish you all the luck.Remember the first few days are the worse but you will feel tons better after 4-5 days have passed.I try to keep short term goals instead of dreaming about what I will feel like in a month.Although thinking about the day when you are back to normal does help give you the desire to stay off of the little devils.Vicodin,Hydrocodone,Percocet are very very bad indeed.I really hope they finally do bump these bad boys up to a higher drug Schedule type(at least Hydro that I know of) so it will make it much harder for someone to take the same route as I did.Its just really too easy to get these pills(legally or illegally) and thats why these drugs are starting to catch up to steet drugs on the abused drugs list.

Today went suprisingly smooth for me today.I still felt like **** but I was able to joke around at work and finish a 12 hour work day without any major problems.Maybe the on and off Wd's helped me out since this is my third time quiting in 3 months.I hope the road is easier for me this time since this is the one that really counts for me.But I would recommend getting rid of any pils anyone has now and to not do it the way I have done.Really hard on the body.

I'm green with envy for all the guys and gals that are saying they have been off for a month plus and feel great.I have no doubt that I will make it to that peak too.I really think most of the WD's and cravings are just a state of mind and I try hard to think positive and act like I have tons of energy each day.I go out of my way to make someone laugh or smile even though I don't really feel like it and I think keeping a positive attitute really does help out tremendously.I'm not trying to act like someone that can give advice to others but I say just try that for a day and see if it helps you out too.Try to act like you feel great instead of acting like you really feel.I know its hard to put on a smiley face when you feel like **** but I think its worth it and at least helps pass the day instead of dragging it out thinking about how bad you feel.Just a thought.It does help me get through the day better.

Thanks for the thoughts and prayers and I'll do the same for everyone here whether they lurk or post.

I hope tommorow is brighter for you.
Nite,
XHydro

[vrolijk]

I am not going to AA, I am stuck on klonopin and clonodine.
It all started with a seizure disorder from Psychiatrits, giving me major tranqluizers, Like mellearil, Thorazine, laxatane.
Instead of getting better, I got completly crazy, and decided this was an anxiety disorder and seizure and put me about twenty year ago on this drug.
After getting the right diagnosis of severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
My life in the mean time was comepletly fallen apart, there was no rational thinking, I could only run around in my mind about all the bad stuff.
and shakes and the normal effect from major tranqualizers.
I was on so many meds that most Pharmacies would not even give them to me and called it un ecthical.
Well, after many years got my head together, and took my self off almost everything. except klonopin 4mg a day, effexor 450. mg and clonodine 2 times 2mg a day.
Last year I had a concusion and the seizures and all kinds off stuff started happening. Could not take my anti depressends any more. They made me sick and lay in bed and so drowsy.
Took my self of that, a neurologist put me on 2mg more a day.
Stil the seizures were happening, and my grade point avarge dropped drasticly.
I was at Harbor view in Seattle for seizure observation and had two days before three grand malls.
Well they cannot take you of klonopin and laying in bed the whole time. Did not cause a seizure, from taking me just a couple of mg off I went into withdrawal.
No, seizure or seizure activity their in Harbor View.
Well, I went back three weeks later to learn, that my memory skills have gone bad, and other little things are strange.
The seizure doc told me he never would take me of klonopin, unless I would be in the Hospital for a month, and then an other month. He was not willing to do this.
Well I am doing it myself right now. I have my self down to 4 mg a day and actually start to react and am getting better memory skills again.
I have some withdrawal, it sometimes makes me crazy.
This stuff stinks,
It is a curse,
People with Chemical dependency problems love to steal them, they go for quite a bit of money on the street.
I have constant break inns in my home.
I am five credits away from a Human services degree and chemical dependency counseling. minus 2000 hours.
I know lots of stuff about other chemical dependency's, but klonopin has my life and it will not be addressed by the medical community.

No, AA meeting do not do it. it is about medical incompantancy.
I have been to the meeting, more for school reasons.
But if any one wants to get of alcohol, go to NA meetings.
Alcohol makes opium in your brain through many chemical processes in the brain and it becomes opium on the end.
No, flight Bommer stories, people will really work with you.
and try to find Dialectic Behavioral Therapy in your area, so you can keep on track. Marsha lehnin from the university of Washington is working on a good program for people with chemical dependency addiction.
It used to be for people that go from one crisis to another crisis. Just a life style that chemical dependency people try to bury themselves in the feelings of numbness.

In my heart, I know I could be addicted to almost anything, and my instincts always said; NO

Well, I am still depended and do not go where to go from here????