Ground- Hog Days of tryin to quit.. Failed everytime!

I have been doing about 160- 200mg of oxycontin for the past 6 months straigth. I tried to quit doing it pretty much everyday when i get up, but somehow some-way i always found myself chasing the pills for the withdrawals are horrible, the worse probably the cold-hot-chill-sweats and leeplessness. The physical neck and back-pains  i think i can handle, but the mental pains is something that i am new to, and i dont know what to do. I'm freaking out. i'm asian, my parents' only son and they still think the world of me i cant let them down. They dont know what i am going through right now. I cant afford be on oc everyday like i was the past 6 months. This was the biggest mistake i've ever made. It's getting out of hands, I'm going to run out of money soon and im worry my parents would find out and for sure that would do way more harm than good... So i must try to quit now before it gets any worse.

I'm a rookie addict. I know i'm still very new to this opiate painkiller, as a matter of fact, i dont know much about this at all. I regret every minute being high on it. But here I'm having to figure out a way to quit this, as soon as posible.

I hate the person i have became and i could already seeing myself going toward a path of self-destruction... I'm very religious, i prayed every night and tried everyday with my best intentions and wills but still hooked on them oc. What the hell, iam tired, i am sick of going around wasting my money and time on this and have no time for anyone or for anything... I'm throwing my life away and i can't believe it's happening... I heard that about 85% chance people could never get off doing this oc thing that im on, that really scares me.

I know i'm ready. I just need some knowledge from the people that walked on the same road i'm walking on now, and from the experts that can helps educate me on how to quit this doing this drugs without the help of either METHADONE or SUBOXONE. Dont really want to be off one thing and hooked on another. I've known people who are on Subs and/or Methadone for yrs, they can't stop taking them cuz if they do they'll go back to do the oc again for their w/d/s are 10 worse than that of the oc?!??...

Please help me before i kill myself for becoming the biggest disappointment of my parents...
Tomorow when i wake up i will try to quit again, whats the very first thing i need to do for the first day getting off the oc??? Before the symptoms even shows up, what can i do to fight against it better this time? i have a very addicted personality and made weaken by the drugs. I wish i was a stronger-willed person but i' m not... Last time i quit was 4 days clean and i relapsed on the 5th day, crazy and super stupid i know. Now im on my 2nd day doing the oc again and tomottow i will have to go through the horrible stage-One-of- the- withdrawals again.... Im horrified. My oh ,my...

Sorry about me keep rambling on and on. I'm high on it right now and  feel so guilty and regreting every minture of it like i said...z..z..z...z... If you could please help me one more time with all of your wisdoms and expertises. THANK  YOU VERY MUCH...
gOd BLeSS :o(

[standByme360]

"Try these things...

Hydration - water, and lots of it.  Hot baths - with epsom salt, helps extract the toxins and calms you down.  Protein Shakes - gives your body the amino acids that it needs to rebuild itself.  Hylands Restful Legs - if RLS becomes a problem, otc, natural remedy for one of the more annoying detox side effects.  Exercise - sounds difficult, but even a 15 minute walk helps get your blood pumping and natural endorphins kick started.  Imodium (immodium) (or alternative) - for upset stomach, cramps and the runs. "- Freed.

I will try these tomorrow for sure.

I was puppy360, hi everyone, my accounts was de-activated for something i shouldnt have done. Due to that i lost all the encouragements and advices, couldn't get acess to it and i have replapsed, i know i want to quit really really badly but this crap always has a way to beat me...

Limewire: Scorpions- Wind of Change.

[freedom007]

You just have to make your mind up that you want this more than anything.  200mg is a good amount of Oxy...so perhaps a little Taper wouldn't hurt.  When you do jump...go all in...throw out anything you have left...tell your dealers you are done and not to respond to any of your communications...tell someone (if not your parents) so they can hold you accountable...give them your bank card...whatever it takes.

If you want it bad enough...you will find a way.  Secrets will only give you an "out" to start using again.  I held on tight to every friend that did not know...hoping they wouldn't find out so they would get high with me still.  You must cut all access off...because you will relapse and prolong the process.

You know what to do...deep down...but your addict self is still holding on...

Good fighting...keep posting...


~ Free

[standByme360]

.... wide awake at 5am in the morning... stressing...
"if there's a will there's a will".

TRUE...
i have to do whatever it takes to be done with this. Life is waaaaaay tooo short to be wasted on chasing them pills anyways!...

This time i'm biting my tounge and push myself to the limit huh Free? Might even have to disappear for a while too... must take a sick leave from school and work too perhaps?

hmmm, maaaaaang!! : (

[freedom007]

I would recommend taking 3-4 days off, if you can.  This will be like the flu...and any outside stress will just increase your chances to relapse.  It can be done though...so don't let that get in your way.  By day 4/5/6 you should be good enough to get stuff done...not great...but good enough...

[cleanmom]

I would recommend reading everything you can in the health pages. Educating yourself will be helpful. Not only will you learn about what you are about to embark on but there are plenty of great tips in there to help you with the withdrawals, so check it out if you havent already. You can find it on the top right of this page. I will tell you that for me, who has been an addict for nearly ten years and relapsed countless times, i was not able to get any significant clean time until i turned my problem over to God. And all of the willpower in the world will not cure this disease. You need to give up your WILL and use Gods POWER. This was actually one of my previous posts i made if you want to check it out in my profile. And really, you will need more like a full week to yourself without any outside responsabilities to fully get throught the detox phase of this. And heres the really bad news. After the detox you are going to have a lot of emotions to deal with and this is where aftercare comes in. See if you can find yourself a substance abuse counselor and get into some aa/na meetings, they are all anonymous. You will need recovery care or you will relapse, so please above all else do these things after your through your detox. And most of all turn to God. He is the only one who can truly heal you. Pray day and night if need be, read some scriptures, even when you are in the worst of it, it will get you through more than anything else. I am here if you need me. And i will keep you in my prayers. May God Bless you and pull you through.    ~Luv, Jacky

[standByme360]

"If there's a will  there's a way."

Thanks Free, i'm planning on doing just that. Hope you have a good day. I'm gonna try to go to sleep now, already passed 5am over here in the Couve. TTYL.

[pharma9]

It's tough...I know...but a determined person can do whatever their mind sets out to do.
Freedom gave wonderful advice and if you get back on the wagon now you will have the worst of it over in a week.
You have some clean friends that can help you through this and get you on the right path.
You have your whole life ahead of you and now is the time to change your life for the better.
Be positive and use humour and you will get through this and be all the better for it.
Consider it a huge learning experience.
Make up your mind that you are better than those stupid pills.

[standByme360]

....z..z waking up at 2pm feeling desperate and disgusted with myself. Oh my goodness....

[freedom007]

it will pass...you have NO natural good chemicals in your brain...and it is hungry.  That is what you are feeling.  Write this journey down so you will never do it again...my journal haunts me...which is good.

[vicki595]

Hey~ We went all through this over the weekend....remember?  You know what to do.

It concerns me that a little thing like getting deleted from MedHelp was enough to force you back to the oxy. Your support IS here and you were able to get back here a second time and a third time so....what is really going on? Just ask yourself.
Are you an addict? Do you want help?
Tonight...find an NA meeting somewhere...get out of your apt. and eat something.

Or I'm going to call your Mother...ya dig?

Vicki  xo

[standByme360]

vicki vicki vicki...
I need help!
and support... without the knowledge and support from everybody on here, i don't know where i'd be...
this is the biggest mistake i've ever made in my life....

hmmm...
just got out of the shower, eating a banana... that's all i can eat, for now...
I should go for a drive though, i'm so stressed out and constantly thinking about doing oc...

i dont have any subs in me so this is super horrible... taking a week off from school and everybody... Feeling like i can't even breath..

i will google it later on this evening to find  an N/A meetings in my area. Maybe that will help me get clean and stay clean, hopefully...

thanks vicki... gOd bless you and many people on here... Please pray for me, i can't believe this is happening...

[GA Guy]

People use the word willpower on here a lot. I'm sorry, but willpower won't keep you clean. It will get you clean, and even allow you to white knuckle it for a while, but recovery is the key...and that comes with surrender and not willpower. You have to surrender to the fact that you have no control over the drugs. Find aftercare and get to the root of the problem..from that comes recovery.

[standByme360]

This really helps me out a lot, thanks buddy...

[sadrn1]

you will make it through this it will take all that you are but keep in mind how hard it is to be an addict and remember that minute that passes you are closer to the end of the physical part of withdrawl (withdrawal)  the mental part takes longer and what i had to do was keep tabs on myself and do the positive reenforcement ok five minutes clean then write down how it felt - nobody is better at feeling guilty like an addict but remember it is a disease and nobody wakes up in the morning and says i want to be a drug addict cut yourself a break and focus on this one minute clean and feel proud of that

[petroglyph54]

Hey, glad  your back. I just found out the deal yesterday and left you some message over at the dog 360deal. How does one get kicked of of here?? I gotta say that obsessive compulsive thing we have in common can be a great asset once your clean and doin real life stuff here, Really. I use to have to bond with a bonding company, they said they could see I had singularity of purpose and bonded us for a whole lot more money, so maybe you can see this as sort of an asset? I like that the people here know what they say, and arn't gettin rich writing some book as an expert. Your back, your strong, young, I'm, with you on the faith, that helpls a lot!!  I expect to hear more from you, be well my friend!!

[standByme360]

I bought these suboxone of the streets at $15/ piece for they takes away about 50% of the w/d/s symptoms. But ums, i heard quitting methadone or suboxone is a lot harder than quitting the oc. I didn't want to, say... get off with one addiction and get on with another....

there was this girl posted a question on how or where she could get free methadone/ subs. Of course there's no such thing as free in those meds. I thought this girl lives somewhat close to me, so i offerred her to come get these two subs i had free- of- charge.... Thought if it'll helps somebody getting off the pills, might as well giving me myself some good karma, rather than flushing them down the toilet...

SO i offered it to her and next thing i know my account got deleted... So i created another one (sad_puppy360 then puppy360), and the second one got deleted too... Ha. All because i'm such a junkie didnt want to see these two 8mg Subs go to waste. Anyhow, i finally learned my lesson, or actually the rules and regulations on here so i should be good from now on. Lol. I wont go offering pills to people on here ever again... ;o)

So yeah that's the story about me getting kick off the forums, hehe.

I dont quite understand about these- assets- things that you're telling us... I'm slow now not as bright and alert for dealing with the withdrawals... But yeah i thik i will try to go to church again... Thanks Petro, it's nice chattin with yer!.
;o(

[standByme360]

My oh my, your post lifted my spirits up quite a bit. Maybe i shouldn't go around feeling guilty and can't focus on what's really important. Yep, you are right. I have to stop feeling sorry for myself, also stop beating myself up over and over every minute of the day like i have been everyday for the past several months..


i believe in me. i can do this!
:o/

[petroglyph54]

Thanks for sharing! Remember no good deed goes unpunished, hehe. Yeah, what I,m sayin is when yer on the other side, these strengths you got, determination, forknwledge of some things not to get into, little life roadblocks, you got determination, stamina, you got what it takes to succeed in life really well. You will, I can tell. When your ready, I know this ain't bigger'n you. Glad you are back, be well.