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HELP!!! Methadone and Sex Drive
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HELP!!! Methadone and Sex Drive

My bf has been on methadone for his heroin addiction for a little over a year, but for the last 4 months we have not had sex (and rarely the months before that). I have heard that methadone lowers sex drive, and he has also gained some weight, which  makes him feel insecure (but he knows that I think he's sexy regardless of weight). This is obviously hard for me to handle (considering we had great sex before this) but the parts which completely baffle me are 1) that he occasionally still has sex dreams (he is a sleeptalker :X), which I would assume wouldn't happen if he has no sex drive and 2) the fact that the other day I saw that he had been looking at porn online. Why would he be looking at porn if he doesn't have any sex drive?! This is hitting me pretty hard and I really don't understand it. I used to consider myself a pretty attractive person but it's really eating at my slef-esteem because I feel like his sex drive has only decreased to the point where he is only turned on by that slutty, porn star look. Does he really not have a sex drive or is it that his normal looking gf can't do it for him anymore?! If any guys can help explain what this all means or if any girls have been through this... HELP!
Tags: help, sex drive, methadone
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228936_tn?1249097848
Porn is also an addiction and he may be trying to stimulate himself. From being on methadone for many years and now free, I can tell you the sex will stop and things in his life in gereral will probably get worse. Methadone, there'e no future in it! all the best
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271792_tn?1334983257
Here you go hun..I thought this may help you:

http://www.medhelp.org/forums/show/119
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306867_tn?1299253309
Gotta agree with Mr. Lucky on this.  Please get this out in the open with him before it eats you up.  It's not healthy for you to be blaming yourself. Been there done that.
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Avatar_m_tn
The m'done can lower testosterone level and leave him low on energy, so he might want to get a blood test. It could just be the m'done leaving him feeling blab and maybe tired all the time or wore out by the time he gets home. He may also dealing with issues from his addiction and adding some stress in his life and you said the weight gain bothers him also and may need some kind of counseling. As far as the porn, he may be just trying to get back in form, you may have to get some hand-cuffs and a whip...lol.
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Avatar_n_tn
Hi just thought I'd add a little to this post. I have had a severe decrease in sexual drive and I'm currently addicted to oxy around 100mg a day and my drive is almost completely gone. Before I got addicted I could be ready to go every time the wind blew. Please don't take it personal but he is really probably feeling like his is a faliure as a man because of the loss of sex drive. As for the porn on the web. I think he probably is looking for something hardcore or over the top so that he can get himself worked up so he can please you better and may be trying to get his drive stimulated. When you drive is really low sometimes it takes something a little over the top or haredcore to get you going. I can say with honesty I have done the same thing only trying to get myself ready to get with my wife. So it is deffinantly the drug doing it to him. I have asked alot of people and done a lot of reading on the matter myself and that is the conclusion I have come up with. I have heard a lot of good things about suboxone treatment for herion and oxy opiate addicts maybe he could switch to that instead.
Good luck
Verdigo
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Avatar_n_tn
thank you so much for everyones posts! they really help!
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217599_tn?1202854552
when i was on done i had no sex drive.  it came back with a vengeance when i got off. in fact i was hornier than ever!!  let him know that you understand that it is the drug that has stolen it.  maybe that is what it will take to wake him up and get him to get help quitting.
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Avatar_n_tn
Methadone is the worst opiate to come off of.  He can be permanently of opiates if he considers ultra rapid detox. 2 years worth of methadone is what it would cost and he can get a naltrexonee implant to prevent him from doing it again.  Check this out rapiddrugdetox.com  .  THey are the cheapest and the best. good luck
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228936_tn?1249097848
Sometimes you have to make a choice, do you want sex-love or dope? Do you want to be a feel good zoombie or be a man or woman? I made the wrong choice many times and paid but no more. all the best
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567683_tn?1216707877
my husband is on methadone too!! Im having the same probs and hes in denial that its the methadone he trys to tell me he thinks there is something really wrong with him. Im tired of it !! Last year i wrote down every time we had sex and jan 08 i added it up and we had sex 8 times in 12 months when we used to at least once a day .. Im ready to leave him becasue hes never gonna quit taking the pills and thats his whole life. He is so not intrested in me one bit .. I have tryed everything. I am to the point where i am starting to feel like i dont wanna be with him because he makes me feel like im begging for some booty call. Its just lame and im young 32 i dont need to spend the rest of my life with a man that has no desire to try and even quit these damn pills.
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567683_tn?1216707877
Oh yeah and my hubby has been taking these pills for 6 years now.. I left him because of them in 2005 and we were split up and he went to rehab and said he was on his way to recovery i thought so as he was very sexual with me for about 2 months then all of sudden i see a decline in the sex and see him sweating and having all the symptoms of being back on them and sure enough he found someone else to prescribe to him... Not sure what to do here ?? Im lost and i absolutley love having sex!!!! How is this ever gonna work he does not see a prob at all he is completly happy being high and not having sex and freaks when i bring it up
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Avatar_n_tn
It is forsure the pills . I have been clean for 52 days now & im back to normal although my wife has slowed down from me not wanting to have sex when i was on the pills . But she is comming around slowlyLMAO . Before i quit the pills inever wanted to & didnt care how much she begged bitched didnt matter . Now my wife  thinks  im a sex addict which i guess is better than a pill head .

To  Irritated371 if you could get your hubby to see  this forum maybe he would come around & see it really is the pills . Or you could always find somone else if he doesnt wake up . Not that im telling you to do that !!!
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175734_tn?1225138040
The porn thing doesnt mean anything.....When im on pills i have no desire to have sex....But for some reason i still look at some porn......It dose not have anything to do with my wife.....
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Avatar_f_tn
When my bf and I first started doing oxy's our sex was great we could go on for hours but it soon got to the point that we just couldn't come so we just gave up all together. Besides sex was the farthest thing from your mind when you are hooked on opiates you more concerned about getting sick and going through withdrawls. You become totally preoccupied about where the next pill is coming from. I am on methadone now and I must admit my sex drive has gone down but not completely away and he is still using the oxy's and his sex drive is about the same as mine we have sex maybe once a week or two. And when we finally do it's pretty good. I'm not sure how the methadone would affect his sex drive sometimes mine is way higher than his. so who knows. Sex drive is an issue with a lot of methadone users though.
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Avatar_f_tn
It may affect the men differently than the women.
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567683_tn?1216707877
Im started to think that my hubby is just not attracted to me anymore.. I am beginning to get really mean towards him because im so sexually frusterated.. I cant even stand to be around him and i feel that he thinks this is all funny... Everytime i have a talk with him he says "it's not you its me and i dont know what my prob is but im sooooo attracted to just dont think sex is very important" I know for sure it has to be that he is taking 3 wafers a day. Its killed not only his sex drive but his freaking personality too. I just want my husband back or a divorce.. I am not really that over weight and im not ugly!!!! I dont think he wants to come off them either he enjoys them
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352798_tn?1399301754
Have you tried an Al-Anon meeting? I bet this is a far more common problem than you think.
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567683_tn?1216707877
No cant even get him to talk to me he thinks im just obsessed with bitching at him.. Everytime i try to talk to him he just runs the other direction and ignores me .. We actually were just trying to discuss the issues and he grabbed his keys and left. That is after the fact that he came home with flowers for me which i could care less about because that is his way of saying i love you but still not giving you any sex... What is wrong with men that care more about themselves than there wives.. Guess im not important to him.. We used to have amazing sex and we have had sex 3 times since jan 08 which is just not doing it for me........... Im losing my mind here and tired of being called a ***** and nag because i wanna discuss how it makes me feel...............When we have had sex its nothing like before it last  a whole 2min then hes done and could careless if i even ***.. He says sorry couldnt help it . He is no longer into foreplay or different positions and basically his attitude is lets just get this over with so you will quit harassing me Then another 3 months goes by and start nagging again because i have patiently waited and tried to wait for him and i come to realize if i wait for him i will never ever get any.....He makes me feel like **** about myself and i used to have great self esteem and now i have ZERO it does not help that i used to be a frequent tanner and ended up getting cancer (melanoma) from tanning and luckily caught it had surgery and its gone but that has also given me low self esteem with all the scars but just happy and lucky to be alive.. Im so confused and he is also very controlling and does not let me do anything with friends cuz he is worried i will cheat which if things stay like this i dunno it might happen cuz i refuse to be 32 and spend the rest of my life married to a man who does not want to have sex or intamcy ... It is somewhat important in a relationship and we have been married ten years... Any advice from any of you would be greatly apprecited. He just told me that i should not be talking to anyone about our probs and that this is noones business and that he does not care to read this **** cuz thats all it is. Is this marriage just over???? Am i being a *** for wanting my hubby to sleep with me and just show some emotion.. He actually has no emotions either... and constnaly complains of being weaty all the time and i tell him its the pills and he denies it K Thanks all of that are being so supportive
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352798_tn?1399301754
I do hear your frustration. Please get some counseling for yourself. A counselor can help you figure out how to resolve these problems and what to do next.
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577285_tn?1367000551
Man , I'm glad I'm single!
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Avatar_f_tn
this sounds like me andmy hubby we rarely ever have sex its bee four months now. i too started to wonder whats wrong with me. i tryed sexy nighties everything he didnt even notice. doesnt matter how much i complain he doesnt seem to even care. it is pulling us a part i love him dearly and never want to leave but fear temptation will get the better of me eventually
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1029436_tn?1256690764
sounds really familiar I was always ready for sex and had a great sex life before methadone (opiates) now that I'm off I have that normal thing that happens in the morning for a man "Ya Know" when I wake up it took 17-18 days clean for that then my sex drive came back stronger then ever.  Ladies it's not you it's the drug I speak from experience hang in there and remember that.  
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Avatar_f_tn
Me and my man have a real good relationship. The only thing is methadone. He drinks it everyday @ the clinic, and he wants to stop, but I am affraid he'll go back to his old habit. He had a lot of sex with a lot of women and I am 16 yrs younger than him, and I have a long sex drive, we would have outstanding sex till he increased his dosage, now he lowered it to 70, and the sex got worse. He would take 100 before, now I feel it's me, not to mention he threw me off him and ran to the shower, and not even try to explain why? I love him, and I know he wants to quit. But I also know he was a player. I don't want to loose him, but I will not be played a fool again by any man. He knows I'm slick, and a woman knows if her man is cheating. I am 100% devoted to him and I hear these old broads flirting with my man, and if he quits and wants sex? He better get it from me, I am 43 and know how to make love real good. And for these broads flirting with my man, back off! We have a good thing, and I am sexually fustrated walking time bomb ready to go off and I can do damage!!
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Avatar_f_tn
ok a lot of you woman on here sound really navie. My husband and i have both had our fair share of drug problems. His problems were worse than mine and he ended up joining the methadone clinic. And his sex drive did drop drastically. We  were use to having sex everyday and well it dropped to just a couple times a month. And at first ill admit i thought somthing was wrong. Even perhaps that he was cheating on me. And it caused me to withdraw from him and im ashamed to say it caused my drug use to spiral out of control. He was still very loving to me and tried to explain everything but i was to pig headed to hear him out. And from past experiences when a man stopped having sex with me he was getting it eleswhere. But he really wasnt. But my herion use became so heavy i almost od everyday. He begged and pleaded with me to join the methadone clinic with him so i wouldnt end up dying. Well i finally gave in and joined. And guess what it did help me fight the herion cravings but it really does decrease ur sex desire drastically!! So its not just a guy thing, it happens to girls too. So yea now we both have lower sex drives and that is an issue we work on. But we love each other and our lives our so much better without being on the herion. And for someone to leave someone for being on methadone( if there really on it to help themselves) is ridiculous and selfish. Now i understand all this. And relationships arent all about sex anyway at least they arent suppose to be. True love can work through any issues. i hope this helps someone understand what their man may be going  through and perhaps save some relationships.
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1535150_tn?1302560275
Bumbles69 is right, I am currently on 200 mg of methadone a day and I have basically no sex drive, no matter how hard I try it just doesnt seem to want to happen.I think the only way to fix that problem would be to lower the dose. My girlfriend worried that it was her too but it truly isnt, methadone affects alot of aspects of your life(im not saying it isnt worth it though).I am sure your boyfriens feels pretty insecure about it and im sure the porn was just to try to help him get excited. It isnt easy to be a guy and have those issues especially if u r young, im 25. Basically i wouldnt blame yourself sweetheart it is cuz of the meth and let your bf know that u understand and try not to put too much pressure on him to perform cuz that makes it alot tougher too
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Avatar_f_tn
my boyfriend is currenly on methadone after been on heroine for 6 years he had no sex drive when he was on heroine will things stay the same or get any better with methadone
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Avatar_m_tn
HI welcome to the forum...sorry to be the berror of bad news but methadone kills your sex drive completely I lived in a sexless marriage for 6yr....thank God the rest of our marriage was in a good place or we wouldn't have made it ....once you of it it does come back but even the stuff like viagra wont help................Gnarly  
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Avatar_f_tn
thanks gnarly your lucky your marriage is secure im really going to think hard to what im going to do next as i just found out hes still taking heroine while taking methadone which has devastated me as i thought we were on our way to beating this but cleary not
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Avatar_f_tn
well  here is a little different take, I am the one (female) that has 0 sex drive, I have really bad nerve damage from lower back and legs, I am on Lyrica ( for nerves) and then was on opiates 25 days clean and I would love to have my  sex drive back. 5 years ago when I meant T we had great sex and we are older than most of you but after the nerve damage and my opiates I don't want it. So is there hope for me, after I have been clean for awhile or is it the Lyrica and nerve damage??????
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Avatar_m_tn
i am 25 years old and have been going to a methadone clinic for 2 years and it has not had a single effect on my sex drive on bit. But that does not mean  your loved ones dont have the opposite happening to them. Because my girlfriend of 2 years began using oxys and also went to the clinic and her libido and sex drive fell like a ton of bricks and she was always a very sexual person before that and we had a great sex life.  she tells me to leave if i want to because she cant satisfy me and she feels guilty because she knows im  unhappy sexually.  But i tell her time and time again that i love her and i will stick with her through this.  So methadone will effect everyone different but it does not discriminate, male or female satistics show it can have a great effect on libido and sex drive and testosterone levels in men.
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1899751_tn?1321501388
i am having the same problem with my man.. he is also in methadone treatment for addiction to opiates.. he also has no sex drive and has weight gain, and i feel the same way u do i feel he is no longer attracted to me and it hurts. we use to have GREAT sex too.. now since he has been in methadone treartment it went sour.. And i too dont understand why this is happening.. i just wish it would go back to normal.. for my self esteem, it has went down drastically, because of this. so you are not the only one that is having that problem. im having that problem too..
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Avatar_m_tn
HI .......sorry to here your in this bind but the clinics dont mention this to anyone and it is devastating to a marriage.....it not you or him its the dam methadone it ruins both men and wemens sex drive and until he is off of it you got a sexless marrage or b/f to live with I was on it for 6 1/2 yrs and I dont even think I could get it up after 4 or 5yr on the stuff so your not alone in this ....best bet is to start to taper off and get free of this suff ....its a grind to do but it is doable ive been clean for a little more then 2ys from the stuff and everything is back to normal there are a lot more side effect then that but this one is major .....I even tryed Viagra and had no luck the only way to get it back is  to quit using good luck and God bless.......Gnarly    
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Avatar_m_tn
Methadone is not good. Ive seen people drop. If you cant help your man. WALK! I have done a lot of drugs. I have been to meetings I have been to jail. I am successful now, I still do drugs, My lady takes 100 mgs a day. I don't take them, I don't take pills period! I have had friends die, go to jail, withdraw, lie, cheat, steal, forget who they are. This is a no brainier. WALK! Best thing you can do. It will resonate, he will feel it, you aren't doing any good staying around. You must WALK!
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Avatar_m_tn
That WALK is the best solution is Bull. You have to remember that most( if not all) addicts have underlying reasons for the addiction to start with- Most people just dont realise that !
2nd- If you do love the person you have to stand by them, no matter what !! Specialy if its family !! Of course theres limits for everything, when it comes to a marriage, but theres other ways that can be used to make up for the the decay in sex ( as they say, theres a lot of ways to kill a fly, not just one).
3rd- If they are already o methadone that means they want the change and recognise that something was wrong; That they took the first step cause they care... Mind you , its not easy to tell the ones you love that you have problems with drugs...So if they said so, it is a big start !!
I had an addiction for 20 years, destroyed several relationships, missed out on the best times of my kids, and after all that time i can say that people can change !!
So i think the 1st question one should ask is- Do you really love Him/Her ?!? If so, theres alternative solutions, ways and remedies...Remember that things will get better !!
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Avatar_f_tn
Im glad I read this...I have been completely devastated with the change in my man since we both started methadone.. I have never loved, wanted or missed intimacy so much in my life. I adore him and his change in sex drive and lack of concern towards acknowledging it also hurts. I was thinking everything from is he having an affair, to, should I look for just sex elsewhere, ( but I dont want to betray him.). Now I know I have to either learn to just accept it and live with it or encourage him to get off the methadone eventually. Until then, Im not too sure what Im going to do. It seems that now that I feel rejected and unattractive to him all the time, other men are making it difficult for me not to think about ending our relationship. Sex, or at least intimacy, is THAT important to me. He used to not be able to get enough of me. He also smokes tpot and that makes everything ten times worse., Its like he just wants to zone completely out evry chance he gets and has lost interest in everything except sleeping. Sad.
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Avatar_f_tn
BUT, I should add....at least he is trying to straighten out his life. No more chasing pills and opiates. It is so true that no one mentioned the change in sex drive.   :(
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Avatar_f_tn
Well, its six (6) months later and as I was told ,our sex life returned to normal. He was embarrased to discuss it. It hurts a mans pride. It WAS the methadone. It removed the sex drive but not his desire to have sex or his love for me. As we developed a tolerance to the methadone and leveled out at a low dose our sex life resumed to normalcy. I encourage other women to be patient and sensitive with this issue with your partner.They dont understand this change any more than we do! A once virile man who loses his drive for sex for unknown reasons even to himself, can be extremely uncomfortable with how the subject is approached.It gets better. It goes back to normal. Be patient and loving and try to be understanding. After all, when we women have the loss of sex drive we dont show it like men. We have the same feeling but we dont have the obvious disadvantage of losing or not being able to obtain an erection! For men, its out there for you to see. So, just relax and give him some time ladies. Its NOT you!
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Avatar_m_tn
hi me ad my boyfriend are both on methadone we both go to the clinic andhe has started to lose his sex drive he wlll get hard when I give him oral sex but when its time for him to g down on me he goes limp and sometimes right before he goes in he goes limp hes blaming it on the methadne which is hard for me to believe bc he has been on it since we met and when we first got tgether we had sex at least 3 times a day he was always all over me even in public hell I thought that was all he wanted! we still kiss a lot everyday he still tells me im beautiful all the time but the sex has died down to like twice a month and even then hecan barely stay hard I feel so hurt and confused bc he says that its not me its the methadone but come he has been on it for years I mean yes he is on a higher dose now 'but 10 years of taki opiates and 5 years of taken the methadone he has no problem with his other gfs and honestly not to sound stuck up but im better lookin then most of them I just don't know what to do anymore im so sexually frustrated and tired of telling him to either see a doctor or quit the clinic ifhe loved me hed try to fix the problem and the fact I get hit on like crazy doesn't help! any advice I don't know if i can spend the rest of my life with someone that cant have sex with me like I need
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Avatar_f_tn
I am 24 and my boyfriend is now on methadone treatment. We have been together almost 3 years. He developed his addiction to roxy's during our relationship. The methadone helps, but he has no sex drive anymore. Even though i know its not me, my self esteem is being destroyed. He wont go to the doctor because he is embarrassed. I worry that this will be my life now. I did not expect to deal with this kind of thing in my twenties. I don't do any drugs, but i was raised in a home where everyone did. I dont want to spend my adulthood this way. :(
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Avatar_m_tn
im 31 male and went to methadone after quitting roxy's and what you described in your husband I went through. I went from having sex all day everyday that used to be always a top 3 priority for me lol but i started the methadone clinic a year ago and i think ive had sex 6 or 7 times this year and i have a beautiful wife and its not hard for me to get girls im not ugly i live in a small town thats predominantly poor and im not and my confidence is high as you can see i could literally go on for ever lol i started like everyone else at 30mg went up too 200mg and i just finished (quit) the clinic 4 days ago as today is saturday and wednesday was my last day of 4mg. i found this post because i just finished an orgasm and thought to my self i cant believe i forgot what this felt like! and immediately googled to see if i wasnt alone. its not to say i ever stopped liking girls (i would still look) but i really didnt care if i had sex with them anymore i used to think it was great it was like women no longer had power over me and i could treat a women like a man and believe me none of them could understand it either. I used to avoid actually having to have sex like the plague i just didnt want to do it i felt the work wasnt worth it (crazy) Once i forced myself to have sex with someone to get something i wanted and I faked the orgasm i can say that was a first for me but i had too i felt like i couldnt stop unless i faked it and i really didnt want to do it in the first place but she was nice to me and i wanted something (i know some of this sounds bad but i want to be truthful so people can know what goes on in someones head on methadone i dont speak for others just myself) and i dont want anyone to feel like the lady writting the post and the way i envision my wife feeling the same was which i hope she doesnt she one of the most beautiful women i know. i can say i had sex when i felt i had to please my wife as she doesnt understand, or if i ran into someone (only happened once) that in my mind met all the qualifications of what i knew i should want and did it. sex still made me orgasm (sometimes when it was really really really good) but its weird to explain its like the methadone changed my decision making in a small weird way it had nothing to with energy as i worked 18 hour days and now that im coming off methadone i can say the withdrawals arent that bad i only used a 3 day patch once im on day four of that and i just feel my age (i think) (creaky body aches) and the rapid temperature changes from sweating to going under a blanket but not as bad as what i was expecting but i will say i get this weird feeling in my head like when you go too far underwater the only way i can really explain it is when i was given a prescription for anger issues it made my head feel like it was in a bubble its like that and i feel like i might get dizzy but i dont and i see the change in the way i process info its crazy im back to the old me is all i have to say without the roxy (thank god) well almost i think i have a lot more to go because this seems to be more mental than anything i wasnt forced to quit i did it for my kids so i want too, i think thats why the withdrawal wasnt so bad nothing hurts when you do it for your children and after reading your post i want to go give my wife a hug and tell her im sorry i put her through that but methadone saved my life then i feel it almost killed me as im watching people that have been going to the clinic for 20-30 years just falling apart and showing back up in line day after day and i cant fault them if it wasnt for my kids i think personally i would of stayed on methadone for the rest of my life i couldnt see the problem when i was in it i knew there was something but i couldnt put my finger on it and it was weird the new power i had over women who couldnt understand why i was always winning with them because secretly i didnt want any sex from anyone and they couldn't understand how to handle me and the flirtiness just aggravated me (i know weird again) because i could see right through it but im glad to be back in the real world my wife should be the puppet master i do believe in women propping up kings the most powerful person in the world isnt the king its the person who can make kings.
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