I married an heroin addict. She had been clean for over 3 years. We now have an 8 month old. and i discovered the heroin 3 days ago. she admitted to using for a month now. she claims she is searching for pills (methadone etc,) on her own to stop again. She has done jail time for this and has Many many years of jail time hanging over her head if she is exposed legally. I also have two step children with her that live with her parents because of her past usage and legal problems. My wife married an alcoholic. I have recently fallen off the wagon (pre heroin use of my wife) I know that my failure has caused her lapse. However I have since quit again. we were having regular arguments about everything. I have taken the blame. Her mother had gotten word from my sister that she was using and my wife told her it was not so, that I was drinking again and causing all these problems and telling lies. Now my wife says that her mother told her the other children cannot come to our home unless I go for some treatment. I cannot leave my 8 month old stay here alone with my wife while she is using. But the children are suppose to be here in a week for spring break (this is a must happen) so...for that to happen I need to be gone. I have no idea what to do! screaming and praying !!!!! any help?????
Welcome to the forum Jonah .. I'm very sorry to read this as it sounds all very tangled.. I have found the best way to solve any problem was by telling the truth to anybody that needs to hear it. Congrats on quitting drinking you should involve yourself with AA meetings as a back up for support and a way to prove that you are getting on top of your addiction.. as far as your wife is concerned I would be telling the truth.. do not allow it to be turned around. addiction flourishes in the dark.. If the kids miss this spring visit this is the price you will have to pay as you both need to deal with your addictions in the light and with honesty.. I understand you not being able to leave your 8mo. old but you can not allow your wife to put all the blame of her addiction on you either.. I wish you both well.. lesa
Thank you for your thoughts. I have been thru a program and I am now about to start asap also. I have a meeting with my Pastor today. Also. I must say. We met at our church thru a recovery program. we got married after 1 1/2 years. and had a baby a year later. we were not strung out when our marriage began. it was actually very Jesus centered. It is truly sad and destroying. I was up all night because my wife was high as hell. she woke this morning and immediately got high in another room. then went to the doctors office to get her pekacet script. and she took the baby.
My Husband is the one who went to my Dr. and told him of my addictions.. I was so bad off I was hallucinating.. they wanted me to do a in house drug program for 6 mo. no contact but him and I refused this. but I was forced to see my psychiatrist and it made a world of difference.. I'm very grateful to them now.. this is what I mean about bringing it to the light.. I was a heroin addict from 16 till 20 was shooting it got hep c.. you do have a choice as the child is also yours.. Please go to your pastor turn to someone that can help you.. Her Dr. would be a good start. I can hear the pain in your words and this truly breaks my heart for you.. I'm glad that you are getting care and taking care of you because your child needs and deserves a clean parent...
You are going to have to put your foot down. You are going to have to tell the truth. What you are doing right now by allowing this to go on for one minute longer is enabling her to use drugs while you take the blame and your baby is put in danger. Your first and foremost responsability is to protect your baby. You did not do that this morning when your wife left with the baby high. You need to be there to support her recovery but you can not be there to support her using. Please do the right thing here if not for yourself, for your child. I know you know what that is. And we are here to support you all the way..... Best of luck to you and God Bless.
Thank you all so much for your comments. I know that the only thing that I can focus on is protecting our daughter. I must say that my wife did not drive, I had a friend drive. She said she was bringing the baby so as to make a quick exit from the docs office. She did not want her doctor to focus on her very much. I also know that she took some liquid heroin with her in a small bottle so that she could shoot on the road without having to mix it. I have never seen anything like this. I have never been around drugs in my life-I was a drinker as well as my friends. my wife is 31 and I am 35. This is a true disaster! her mother will never see her kids again! I will take our daughter to see her. she will be in prison for a very long time. over 30 years. this is no exaggeration. Please continue to pray as I put forth these decisions.
I agree with 10356, you can't let your wife blame you for her drug use, that's a pathetic excuse. So you fell off the booze wagon, but you accepted the consequences and admitted to yourself and your family that you made a mistake. I see this phrase used often here, "everyone has to reach their own rock bottom." It's unfortunate when it has to go that far, but sometimes it is necessary.
I hate situations like this, there's no easy way to go about it. I think you should tell your family members what's going on at the very least. They need to know the truth.
By the way: "I know that my failure has caused her lapse" - Complete ********. Her lack of selfcontrol caused her relapse. Don't blame yourself for her mistakes.
I am the original poster. I just discovered a copper scrub pad with a portion cut off...I have found small copper shavings around the house before and my wife told me they simply flaked of the scrub pad. I think it is for some drug use. Does anyone know what this could be used for? Thanks
yes, sadly it is for use in a crack pipe. That's the only thing I can think of it being used for except cleaning. I don't know much about heroin usage, I never did that in its purer form just in pills. Im sorry. I hope Im wrong.
Jonah, I dont know what to tell you. Calm down for one. Your daughter will need you to be calm, right? Try to relax, I know this is hard from you. I am not sure of what I said. Someone else may know more about the heroin? I mean, if she is shooting it up, I cannot think that a scrub pad is part of that.
Someone else help please. Not sure about this.
Just try to be calm there Jonah!! Take some deep breaths and count to 10. You will feel better. Im so sorry,
I am the sister of Jonah289. He sent me this link, so I can understand and see for myself what is going on in his household. I am the only family he has. I want to help him and encourage him. He is brokenhearted and in dispair. My very core is in anguish for him and his baby. I am encouraging him to have courage, be strong, and to talk to his pastor honestly about everything for the sake of his baby. I am scared for the baby. My brother is smart and capable. I know he can do the right things. I am willing to whatever I can to help. How can I help him? You all would know what to tell me to do in this situation. I love them so much. Kim
hi Kim. Well, we are not doctors here for one. We can only tell you of our experiences with drugs, etc...and hope that can help in this situation. I agree he needs to talk to his pastor or someone who can offer support for what is happening now. Im so glad he has his sister who loves him and can help him!! Thats a very important thing to have always, especially in times of despair and heartache,
Many more people here know of heroin addiction and will come to help you and your brother. I dont really know much about that very substance, only in pill form.
Good luck to you, I am praying for your family to sort this out.
Keep posting, someone else will know much more and will answer with good advice.
Hang in there okay
I can understand you are in freak out mode right now but you have to focus.. You know she is shooting.. a scrub pad I do not know but I use to use match book covers to sharpen the needles as they get barbs... You need to spill the beans on her.. sit her down and tell her you will not be a part of this and you will no longer cover for her.. doing this it just allows it to continue.. I still believe you need to speak with her Dr, as it is kept confidential and if she is not willing to get clean you have to do what you have to do to protect your child.. I'm very sorry you are in this situation.. junkies will lie steal and sell yours and their souls to the devil so Take Control now so you do not feel so out of control.. her addiction belongs to her and you yours.. keep reaching for support.. speak with your pastor.. we all have to deal with the consequences of addiction.. unfortunately everyone who loves us also has to..
please pray and ask the LORD TO GRANT YOU WISDOM .i also met my husband at a spirit filled church. he hadnt used heroin in 8 years. we married in 1990. he started to use methadone 6 years into our marriage. we were still very active in our church. after years of lies,deceit,anger,fighting got worse as the years went on. in the beginning i didnt really notice. the last few years were horrible. we went to counseling both secular and with our pastor he did go to a rehab for a short time then started again and always denied he used. we have 5 children and we basically lived in hell most days. i finally kicked him out one year ago. he didnt stop it got worse. but PRAISE GOD 2 months ago he went to detox and now is in a christian mens program he is 56 years old. the question could be why did i let it continue for that long? most of the time i wasnt sure and when i confronted him about it he would lie. the weeks turned into months and the months turned into years. you need to try to get her to be honest with herself first, you, the pastor,family and her doctors support her. not sure where u live but there are many christian womens program that she can go to. but she has to be willing. addiction destroys everyone involved. it is hard for us as the spouses to watch our loved ones being consumed by addiction. but GOD is able to deliver. i will definitely keep your family in my prayers, please keep us posted.
Hi Jonah, I'm a former heroin addict. I shot up, snorted it, smoked it, etc. I've never used or heard of using scrub pads for doing heroin. Do you know if the liquid is brown? If so, that's black tar heroin. That's what I used, I'm not familiar with the "white china" heroin which is white. You wouldn't use a scrub pad for using black tar heroin because when it melts it gets gooey, so I would assume it would be for crack since that's what they use when smoking. You have to get your children out, she sounds like she's very far gone. BUT, that doesn't mean she can't come back. She's using your child to help with her addiction(taking the kid to the doctors so the doctor won't focus on her). Please, please, just take your children and leave, or kick her out. You can't force her to get clean, I'm sorry. I would explain to her you know what she's doing, point out the dangers, and tell her if you don't get help I'm done! I know it's not what you want to do, but she has to want to get clean. She sounds like she's very much in denial about everything, blaming you and telling your family you were the one that relapsed to get the focus off her. Like I said, explain how you feel about all this, let her know the reality of the situation, and make sure she gets help. If she doesn't, take your children and leave. You'll save her life this way. You children shouldn't be exposed to this, even if she doesn't do drugs in front of them, she's still high. You have to think of your children over all of this. This is coming from a former heroin addict, if you don't do something, she's going to keep lying to herself and continue this behavior, which will become worse and worse. It sounds like she's doing crack too, doing one of the drugs is bad enough, but both...please take your children and leave. I know it's much easier said than done, but millions of people have done it. You can do it too. You're children will be so much better off, and so will your wife, and you as well. She may hate you because of it, but she'll realize you saved her life.
Let us know how it goes. Good luck, I'll be praying for you.
My wife was just home I now have our daughter!!!! She and the friend just left again to go pick up the friends vehicle. They had left her checkbook here so she could not get it from the shop. She did not look like she was on heroin, but she looked and acted like she took some percocet. We talked briefly about a few things and she told me that she had not used heroin in a week, which is most certainly a lie. She them got dressed like she was headed to a club or something (which is not her thing) simply to go pay our phone bill and drop the friend off at her car shop. She told me she was taking something to kick the heroin and that it was $50 a pill on the street. she told me the name but i cannot remember it. she said " I f***** up and now i'm fixing it." The friend is paying for the pills. She also told me that she spoke to her mother and that she is bringing the other children up Saturday for a week and that I have no choice but to be gone. I believe that my wife is making this up about what her mother said. Of course my wife erased all of her families phone numbers out of my cell phone, but I can get in touch with them by email. Please continue to pray. I have my daughter and will be speaking with my Pastor shortly. Her father is also a Pastor and very close friends with our Pastor...so once this roles it will get ugly very quickly...I should be able to post thru tonight. Thank you all for letting me to continue to get this out...this is helping me keep a clearer head.
To Jonah and Kim~
Wow...this is one of the worst situations a guy can get into!! I can only offer support and prayers and maybe a little advice.
The two of you need to stick closely together. You've got a fight here.
Get everyone together at the house. Both Pastors,relatives,"the friend",etc.. and stick up for yourself!!! She can't kick you out;I doubt she'll call the police.
Try to gather as much "stuff" as you can. Scrub pad,any other evidence of use. Go through the trash. Go through her cell phone and purse. Have witnesses there to watch her reaction. You have to be really strong.
I think the scrub pad is either being used to clean/sharpen needles or for crack. I hope not but she's an addict. That combo kills people...
The sh** has to hit the fan TODAY. She can't take the baby anywhere!! She and her friend are most likely blasted!
The $50.00 pill is probably suboxone and it really needs to be monitored along with therapy to be truly effective.
You've got a plateful,my friends. But,it can be fixed. You just need to be proactive and stop letting her push you around.
Do not let the baby out of your sight.
Keep posting~ If she goes to rehab,I'm not certain they can pull her out and put her back in jail. But she needs something fast,okay?
All the best~
I have no experience or knowledge really about heroin or crack (thankfully), but it sounds like you have got quite a handful going on there. Just wanted to offer my support. And also to tell you that your number one priority has got to be your baby. I would not let that baby out of my sight with your wife at this point. I do know that addicts are liars and will say anything, so you must assume that everything she says is untrue. Do not let her drive with the baby. You do not want to have regrets on this one. I would absolutely NOT leave the house when the children come to visit...not in a million years. You need to stand strong here and do what you need to for your child. You're in a very tough position and I really feel for you. Good luck.
Just some support and advice. When I was married to my first husband, we were both addicts. Very difficult situation to say the least. Our child suffered because of it. We didn't do heroin, but we were very sick parents and not good for our child while we were using. We basically hired someone to stay around the clock and care for her. She was too young to remember, but I DO, and I am not proud of myself. Your wife is going to need a swift kick....you know what I mean. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME! I very seriously doubt she calls the police when she will test positive for heaven knows what. So just stay, don't let that baby out of your sight and gather all the info you can get. Like vicki said....you need everything you can find. Ammo, so to speak. It's hard to deny that you have a problem when someone is standing in front of you holding your drug paraphenalia! If she threatens to call the police if you don't leave....just tell her that you are fine with that and that they will be told about her illegal drug use when they get there. That should put a stop to that.
This isn't your fault. Nobody is really to blame. Your wife is very sick. I have been there. I have actually been on both sides of the situation, and neither side is fun!
I feel sorry that you are going through this. Get all the help and support you need. AND DON'T LEAVE THAT HOUSE and let her keep the baby! If the state knew that she was caring for a baby while under the influence, I would imagine that neither one of you would be caring for her until it got worked out. I don't want to see that happen to you!
wow... This is a really bad situation and i'm sorry that you're in it.... first thing Jonah, you have got to calm down... although things seem to be spiraling out of control.... there is still hope... there is always hope... but its gonna be up to you to dive in there and do it... cause at this point, she's not going to.. what everyone is saying about not leaving the house and not leaving your children with her, contacting her family annd possibly having them come over along with your pastor.... all that stuff is going to have to be done, theres pretty much no other options here unless you want to see something bad happen to your family.... there is no use for brillo (copper cleaning) pads in herion addiction... that is definetly crack.... herion and crack can kill you very fast. please listen to these folks.... we're trying to help you, but only you can do this!! and you CAN do this!!!! be strong my brother... for you, for your child, and for your wife! you can save her life and restore yours and your family! God bless you my friend and good luck...
Jonah you need to sit down with your wife,and tell her that you know she is useing heroin I am also an x heroin addict and you dont need copper cleaning pads for heroin use. I agree thats for crack and heroin and crack can kill you very quickly. Get your family good friends your pastor, and tell your wife that you know that she is useing heroin again. And as others have said dont leave the house stay with your children. I know from my heroin use i lied lied and kept on lieing. Im sorry but your wife will only be interested in were her next fix comes from. My heart goes out to you my friend. I wish you the very best of luck .....James
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