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HELP for dealing with relapsing heroin/methodone addicts
I am in a similar position as 2bestkidseva except that it involves my daughter and her husband that are both heroin/methadone addicts. The worst part however is their that they refuse to let go off their 3 children to anyone else in the family while they try to get off using the methodone clinic route. To date they have lost their apartment been living in and out of motels, then at a home for helping homeless families for 2 months then my sisters for 3 months. Now since we found syringes and other paraphenalia that looks like they are cooking black tar heroin again, they have moved to his dad's for now. CPS will not get involved!!! It is not a crime to be homeless with children in CA and until they catch them red handed cannot take the parents into jail so they can get the children into a safe place. This is a waking nightmare and I just need support form anyone out there who has experience. My biggest concern right now are the kids, 7 yrs daughter, 4 yr old autistic son and a 20 month daughter, then get the parents into a rehab that will work. I know you cannot make an addict clean up only they can do it for themself but please, ANYONE with any suggestions?
Live in CA Riverside County and CPS in this county is so overwhelmed they do nothing until the kids are in such dire situations it is pathetic. No address, no report opened..... the parents are on the move/run whatever you would call it and no address. I am back out to the methadone clinic to see if she turns up. Bless you all who are working on your recovery.
CPS won't get involved? I like in CA and when my former doctor made a complaint about my pill abuse I had CPS knocking at my door.
We filed a police report last night for the monitor, keyboard and various other items. The deputy that has been helping is dying to involve CPS and is hoping my brother in law's description of events is enought to get him for felony burglery because it showed intent to take something he knew wasn't his and was told to leave and said I don't care and put it in the car anyway. The DA's office around here is really slo-mo and it takes 5 - 10 days to file a warrant. We don't know where they are tonight. Tomorrow I guess I will have to steakout the methadone clinic to see if my daughter shows up and I could at least talk to her to do the right thing ... AGAIN .... she pretends to listen, says what will make you feel ok for the moment then continues with her path. These 3 kids are in dangers path and she cares but can't seem to do the right thing. Go to rehab let the family take care of the kids til she is through the tunnel. Tomorrow I will try again to find them. Thanks for the concern and kind words.
To me stealing is stealing he took a monitor if it is over a $100 it is a felony........
To save your daughter put his *** in jail on theft charges...........
When he goes to court testify that he is a heroin addict so the judge will court order probation when he gets out of jail where he will have to take drug tests.......
He will fail believe me and then the probation officer will have to violate him and throw his *** back in jail......eventully he will get a year in jail and then maybe you can work on your daughter without his influence around so that you can possibly get her into a detox and inpatient drug rehab..........
Hopefully you can save her life and get her away from drugs........ she has to be clean to have a chance but her thinking will be very distorted from addiction......
An inpatient rehab is what will help her and a drug counselor can help her out..........
I hope the best for your family I know it is hard.....get him away from her and jail would be a great place for him..........
To save your daughter put his *** in jail on theft charges...........
When he goes to court testify that he is a heroin addict so the judge will court order probation when he gets out of jail where he will have to take drug tests.......
He will fail believe me and then the probation officer will have to violate him and throw his *** back in jail......eventully he will get a year in jail and then maybe you can work on your daughter without his influence around so that you can possibly get her into a detox and inpatient drug rehab..........
Hopefully you can save her life and get her away from drugs........ she has to be clean to have a chance but her thinking will be very distorted from addiction......
An inpatient rehab is what will help her and a drug counselor can help her out..........
I hope the best for your family I know it is hard.....get him away from her and jail would be a great place for him..........
She just lost her job and he hasn't worked since this last january. They have had some food stamps and cash aid from the co. from time to time. They have lived most recently at my sisters for just under 3 mos and were asked to leave because we found posiytive proof of recent drug use - blakened tin foil, syringes with wadded up squeezed cotton ball type material, staws cut for snorting..... Her drug test for her PC1000 court ordered class on Monday was clean, he has refused to take a test, so we know who is using at the moment and not going to the methadone clinic. She is in such denial about his controling her that she still defends him to the death (litterally?). We know they spent 2 nights at his dads and today I have no idea where they have gone. Last night my sister and I filed a police report of theft by the husband because when he came to pick up some of their things on Tuesday he also took a computer moniter and keyboard that wasn't his. Possible felony because he went in with the intentent of taking what he knew wasn't his but hard to proove. Meanwhile this all takes time 5 to 10 days for the DA's office to make charges and post an arrest warrant.
No, my daughter stayed clean while pregnant until about 4 moths after the birth then I slowly watched the signs and was only met with lots of subterfuge and many stories as to why this or that. Nodding off in mid conversation - oh the baby kept me awake all night, her husband not ever doing anything to help - oh he had a hard day of work, he subsequently got fired because of inability to perform. The same story many families of addicts have heard I expect but I stll love them and fear for the childrens safety. These past 7 months when they were going to the methadone clinic and the husband still couldn't find the energy to get up and find a job baffeled me until recently since it is now clear he wasn't going and that is where my daughters paycheck was going - for heroin. They were lucky they qualified for Medical to pay for the methadone.
Now, the odds of her not staying on methadone and going back to heroin have got to be huge since they have no stable place to live and he needs his illegal drug which takes lots of time and effort to support and find which she will most likely be doing for him. As to CPS, with no address there is no way to open a case. If she would only call I would be willing to put her through medical detox and the naltrexone implant. It would be monthly payments to me but to get the children safe and her clean would be worth it. I am so wrung insideout with stress and worry right now that I am tempted to reach for the xanax!
Thanks to all and bless yo all who are out there and supporting each other through your tough times.
No, my daughter stayed clean while pregnant until about 4 moths after the birth then I slowly watched the signs and was only met with lots of subterfuge and many stories as to why this or that. Nodding off in mid conversation - oh the baby kept me awake all night, her husband not ever doing anything to help - oh he had a hard day of work, he subsequently got fired because of inability to perform. The same story many families of addicts have heard I expect but I stll love them and fear for the childrens safety. These past 7 months when they were going to the methadone clinic and the husband still couldn't find the energy to get up and find a job baffeled me until recently since it is now clear he wasn't going and that is where my daughters paycheck was going - for heroin. They were lucky they qualified for Medical to pay for the methadone.
Now, the odds of her not staying on methadone and going back to heroin have got to be huge since they have no stable place to live and he needs his illegal drug which takes lots of time and effort to support and find which she will most likely be doing for him. As to CPS, with no address there is no way to open a case. If she would only call I would be willing to put her through medical detox and the naltrexone implant. It would be monthly payments to me but to get the children safe and her clean would be worth it. I am so wrung insideout with stress and worry right now that I am tempted to reach for the xanax!
Thanks to all and bless yo all who are out there and supporting each other through your tough times.
I have filed multiple CPS reports and have never had to wait more than 2 days to get someone out to the school to talk to the child. It is amazing what the child will tell at school. In some cases they feel safer to tell their story there. I teach middle school aged kids so by the time I get them they usually know how to get out of having to be removed from their home. They lie to the CPS worker in most cases and it is so frustrating for me. Please tell each teacher you are AWARE of the mandate to report . There are some nice and caring teachers out there and there are some real mean ones. If you get a mean one, please talk to the principal AND the teacher.
If I were in your shoes I would go with Beachtowels idea. I would lie if it meant protecting those babies. Id probably say it involved the baby cuz they cant ask the baby questions.
I agree that it would be best for your daughter and son-in-law to take time apart and focus on their own recovery. Ideally HE should go to detox or rehab, she could either go to a different detox or if possible, and if she wants to get clean, stay with a family member while allowing you to help or completely take the children. You are an amazing grandma for wanting to take that on, dont think I could raise kids all over again myself but I know how we "Nanas" find strength for our babies so I probably would if I had to.
Anyway, Im praying for you, your daugher/son-in-law, and especially those babies.
tzt
If I were in your shoes I would go with Beachtowels idea. I would lie if it meant protecting those babies. Id probably say it involved the baby cuz they cant ask the baby questions.
I agree that it would be best for your daughter and son-in-law to take time apart and focus on their own recovery. Ideally HE should go to detox or rehab, she could either go to a different detox or if possible, and if she wants to get clean, stay with a family member while allowing you to help or completely take the children. You are an amazing grandma for wanting to take that on, dont think I could raise kids all over again myself but I know how we "Nanas" find strength for our babies so I probably would if I had to.
Anyway, Im praying for you, your daugher/son-in-law, and especially those babies.
tzt
I am not aware of the laws in CA but here in Tennessee, you can go to court and file a petion (excuse my spelling) for emergency custody. They will then at that point hear the case immediatly and determine the placement for the children. The charges here would actually be child endangerment, dependency, and neglect. good luck and hope you get help getting them babies out of the hell hole. How long has your daughter been addicted? Was she pregnant with the 20 month while using drugs? Is the child okay if she was using while pregnant?
How are they paying for there Heroin and Methadone?
Are they thiefs?
If they have no money for gas how are they feeding their kids........
Are they thiefs?
If they have no money for gas how are they feeding their kids........
Thank you for the inspiration for formulating yet another plan. We are learning slowly how the system protects the guilty as much as the innocent. CPS will only respond immedately if there is imminent danger and if there is an address to send them to so first we need to know where they are because by today they have to leave his dads and thats the scariest part because we don't know where they will go, all the straight friends have given them up long ago. Good news is that their car is a rat trap and can't go that far and they have no money for gas. For CPS would playing with lighters be considered enough? They always have lighters strewn everywhere.
Thank you for responding. It does help just knowing others do care.
To Road2recovery: I have tried to talk to his dad & step mom over the years. The most recent was when they went to stay with my sister and wanted to be seperated so they could focus on their own recovery and not feed each others addiction/****, etc.. things that make them want to use, they wanted to become successful on their own and then see where the marrage was. I thought sound thinking, so I went to his parents and pleaded his case, asking, pleazse, please just let him sleep on their couch and the stepmom hit me with so much resentment and hate that I have never before felt and the dad, not wanting to lose his marrage, said no. We have not spoken since. It just seems if they had had a chance to be seperate they would have had a chance, but no.
To Notmennow! a chance of a dual family intervention is not that feasable due to the stepmom. Oh, I forgot to add, both his parents blame my daughter for all of this.
To tztlady, Yes the 7 yr old should start 2nd grade on 9/4 and the 4 yr old start his IEP the same day, different school as I finally got my daughter to follow through early on in the year and early into the methodone treatment, and get him evaluated by the school district as autistic and put into the special ed program. YEAH! That was a feat to celebrate. He will be 5 this month, he was qualified for the special ed program at 3 if she would have only admitted to herself his dissability then. CPS and thre school district... that's a bad pairing around here. Last November I talked to the 7 yr old's teacher who directly asked me if I thought there wre drugs involved and I emphatically stated yes. We were talking because they could not get her to school on time and she had been tardy more than 30 minutes 16 days before Thanksgiving! Besides absent 7 times. I would pick her up from school most days and the teacher asked me if I thought she could get to school on time and I said if it was up to me she would be there early every day, passed her a note with my tel number and asked her to call me. She did not file a CPS report then. The schools response at the Xmas break was to expell her from the school citing the tardies & absences as the reason and ther was no room since she was no longer in the schools catchment district, but she must be registered to be in school somewhere else by Jan 4th. The parents were evicted Dec 28th and that's when we started taking care of the 7 yr old. We live in the same schools catchment area so after break I walked into the office and reregistered her for the same school,class,teacher and within the week filed my CPS report and then said in passing to the teacher I realize that as an educator you are under mandate to do the same. The next week the school said they filed a CPS report. I filed a CPS report yesterday. It took CPS 3 months to respond to the first reports..... put it this way, I will not hold my breath. I have found out the best was to get CPS on a case is via the police, so the parents must be caught up in something illegal and then found.
It's getting late so I will respond tomorrow to all you other caring posters. Goodnight & bless you all.
C
To Road2recovery: I have tried to talk to his dad & step mom over the years. The most recent was when they went to stay with my sister and wanted to be seperated so they could focus on their own recovery and not feed each others addiction/****, etc.. things that make them want to use, they wanted to become successful on their own and then see where the marrage was. I thought sound thinking, so I went to his parents and pleaded his case, asking, pleazse, please just let him sleep on their couch and the stepmom hit me with so much resentment and hate that I have never before felt and the dad, not wanting to lose his marrage, said no. We have not spoken since. It just seems if they had had a chance to be seperate they would have had a chance, but no.
To Notmennow! a chance of a dual family intervention is not that feasable due to the stepmom. Oh, I forgot to add, both his parents blame my daughter for all of this.
To tztlady, Yes the 7 yr old should start 2nd grade on 9/4 and the 4 yr old start his IEP the same day, different school as I finally got my daughter to follow through early on in the year and early into the methodone treatment, and get him evaluated by the school district as autistic and put into the special ed program. YEAH! That was a feat to celebrate. He will be 5 this month, he was qualified for the special ed program at 3 if she would have only admitted to herself his dissability then. CPS and thre school district... that's a bad pairing around here. Last November I talked to the 7 yr old's teacher who directly asked me if I thought there wre drugs involved and I emphatically stated yes. We were talking because they could not get her to school on time and she had been tardy more than 30 minutes 16 days before Thanksgiving! Besides absent 7 times. I would pick her up from school most days and the teacher asked me if I thought she could get to school on time and I said if it was up to me she would be there early every day, passed her a note with my tel number and asked her to call me. She did not file a CPS report then. The schools response at the Xmas break was to expell her from the school citing the tardies & absences as the reason and ther was no room since she was no longer in the schools catchment district, but she must be registered to be in school somewhere else by Jan 4th. The parents were evicted Dec 28th and that's when we started taking care of the 7 yr old. We live in the same schools catchment area so after break I walked into the office and reregistered her for the same school,class,teacher and within the week filed my CPS report and then said in passing to the teacher I realize that as an educator you are under mandate to do the same. The next week the school said they filed a CPS report. I filed a CPS report yesterday. It took CPS 3 months to respond to the first reports..... put it this way, I will not hold my breath. I have found out the best was to get CPS on a case is via the police, so the parents must be caught up in something illegal and then found.
It's getting late so I will respond tomorrow to all you other caring posters. Goodnight & bless you all.
C
i think you should be grateful "FOR NOW" that they are on methadone instead of heroin, only because they arent on the streets, they arent buying illegally, they arent using/sharing needles, accept that first, give them some time to try to pull it together,(its a LONG recovery process and i know heroin is ALOT CHEAPER then going to a methadone clinic, so maybe this is a sign that they are willing to put in effort to get clean?) and then maybe you can express your concerns about tapering off the methadone, i know lots of people who function perfectly fine on a low dose of methadone...but if not used for legitimate pain issues, then they should taper off... love and peace...
welcome to the form........
First I know your mental anguish is killing you inside......but there are ways.....
The Baker Act won't work unless two things happen....
first they have to be a Florida resident............
second you must prove that they are mentally ill...........
There addicts and funtioning even though maybe not to others standards........
Mom if I were you I would lie I know that sounds terrible but if you truly think that these kids
are at risk you will need to give childrens protective services a legitamate reason to start an investigation..........
I know this is your daughter and her husband but you have to remember to them they are living
normal lives.......
They live like many other Heroin/Methadone addicts do and many of them have kids just like your daughter.......
Mom I can't tell you what to say only CPS has to believe that they are at risk!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know much about your family dynamics so I will not guess on what is going on, for how long, is there support other than yourself willing to step up to the plate to fight this battle.........etc........
CPS by law have to investigate if certain allegations are claimed even alleged allegations........so that you can get someone there.........
Like maybe you saw them playing with syringes, or you saw someone giving them beer to drink or a joint to smoke.............one of the kids might of gave you some tin foil where someone possibly was smoking some tar......that you have in your possession or a used syringe wouldn't it be awful if your grand child was playing with it and you took it from her .....that would be awful............
What are you prepared to do Mom............
Then there will be the guilt of betraying your daughter are you really prepared for that fight............
Have a plan mom and think it through................
First I know your mental anguish is killing you inside......but there are ways.....
The Baker Act won't work unless two things happen....
first they have to be a Florida resident............
second you must prove that they are mentally ill...........
There addicts and funtioning even though maybe not to others standards........
Mom if I were you I would lie I know that sounds terrible but if you truly think that these kids
are at risk you will need to give childrens protective services a legitamate reason to start an investigation..........
I know this is your daughter and her husband but you have to remember to them they are living
normal lives.......
They live like many other Heroin/Methadone addicts do and many of them have kids just like your daughter.......
Mom I can't tell you what to say only CPS has to believe that they are at risk!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know much about your family dynamics so I will not guess on what is going on, for how long, is there support other than yourself willing to step up to the plate to fight this battle.........etc........
CPS by law have to investigate if certain allegations are claimed even alleged allegations........so that you can get someone there.........
Like maybe you saw them playing with syringes, or you saw someone giving them beer to drink or a joint to smoke.............one of the kids might of gave you some tin foil where someone possibly was smoking some tar......that you have in your possession or a used syringe wouldn't it be awful if your grand child was playing with it and you took it from her .....that would be awful............
What are you prepared to do Mom............
Then there will be the guilt of betraying your daughter are you really prepared for that fight............
Have a plan mom and think it through................
I'm so sorry for this situation and as a grandma myself can only imagine the worrying you must do for those babies. I agree that you should speak to an attorney. Keep telling people and don't stop. The 7 yr old would be going into 2nd grade, right? Well, Im a teacher and as teachers we can lose our credentials if we do not report suspected child abuse/neglect. Let the teacher know what is going on and although she/he will not be able to speak to you about the child unless you have educational right, they can at least keep an eye out. Trust me, any type of hint or clue helps a teacher when it is a CPS issue. Kids usually protect their parents so it takes a very observant teacher to see certain things and if given a heads up, we can zone in on that particular child.
Im a special ed teacher. Is the boy with autism receiving the services he needs? That right there could be cause for action. He has been diagnosed as autistic by a pediatrician, right? Even at 4 yrs of age he should be on an IEP and getting special services. IEP means Individual Education Plan.
Anyway, please keep telling. I am so sorry for your daughter. You are right, until she wants to get clean, she wont. Maybe losing those babies will give her a wake up call.
Good luck,
tzt
Im a special ed teacher. Is the boy with autism receiving the services he needs? That right there could be cause for action. He has been diagnosed as autistic by a pediatrician, right? Even at 4 yrs of age he should be on an IEP and getting special services. IEP means Individual Education Plan.
Anyway, please keep telling. I am so sorry for your daughter. You are right, until she wants to get clean, she wont. Maybe losing those babies will give her a wake up call.
Good luck,
tzt
Have you tried family interventions from both sides of the families. We all love our families even the sick ones. And yes they are sick with a curable decease. I live on the west coast and I am not familiar with the mental health laws in the state of CA. If it were my loved ones I would tell them I am going to petition the court to have one or both parents admitted to the hospital under the Baker Act. This holds a person for 72 hrs while a mental health profesional can evaluate and determine if they are a risk to themselves or their children. If they are receiving goverment assistance the judge you want to be appointed as the payee. You may be able to contact children and families and ask that you be payee on food stamps as I am sure they are selling them for drugs. Also they my want to look into a new drug being used for detox and maintenance called suboxone. This treatment is done in a Drs office and can be prescribed for a month of meds at a time following an induction period. The downfall it is expensive but covered by most insurance plans. But it is time for tough love. Scare her by telling her you will contact the hotel manager and inform them what they are about and if he rents to them that you will call the police. Its worth a try. You are running out of time. These parents are going to die or if luck enough end up in jail/prison. Do they have records? I pray for find the solutions you all deserve. God bless westcoast, noah
Also, have you contacted Social Services and CPS directly (vs. just going by what the police have said?)
Maybe there are some childrens rights groups in your area you can consult. These poor kids ....
Good luck to you, and I really hope you find a way to get the kids away from them.
I'm so sorry you have this cross to bear....
warmly,
mj
Maybe there are some childrens rights groups in your area you can consult. These poor kids ....
Good luck to you, and I really hope you find a way to get the kids away from them.
I'm so sorry you have this cross to bear....
warmly,
mj
i am so so sorry to hear your story...I also don't know anything about CPS..Maybe someone here will and can help you..i can't imagine what you are going through..
Have you tried to maybe talk to your son in laws dad? the one they live with?
i sure hope everything works out..
i will keep you in my many prayers i say tonight.
R2R
Have you tried to maybe talk to your son in laws dad? the one they live with?
i sure hope everything works out..
i will keep you in my many prayers i say tonight.
R2R
Thank you so much responding. This week was the second try to have CPS intervene. The first was when our daughter was arrested for posession when we were taking care of the 7 yr old so she could get to and from school. The police then were dispatched to a neighboring city, Palm Springs, where the father was in a motel with the other 2 but did not search the room, only checked if the kids were ok.They were sleeping at 1 am and the cops said they looked fine! It was a Friday night and a big in season tourist weekend and they couldn't be bothered because it was one of the busiest weekends for the year. This second time the police said they couldn't press charges for posession of paraphenalia because they gave it to us willingly!!!!????? Thus, because they couldn't arrest them, they couldn't call CPS in. It is not a crime in CA to be homeless with children. As long as they are adequately fed and clothed they will do nothing. I know it is just a waiting game right now before his dad gets fed up with the lies and stories and behavior then throws them out. Then it will be one drug house after another probably until they get caught doing something illegal - both are unemployed again. In the meantime the kids will suffer and God only knows what they will witness and be exposed to. The big problem is we have no idea where the drug houses are in this valley and neither so the police very well. We are really sick over this and the children are such innocents it hurts so, so much watching this happen. Thank you for your support.
I live in CA too, btw, and I know many stories of when allegations are made about parents, CPS I thought was obligated to come investigate.
I live in CA too, btw, and I know many stories of when allegations are made about parents, CPS I thought was obligated to come investigate.
I'm so so sorry, but I have no idea.. hopefully someone will jump on here to help you with info.
I WOULD however talk to an attorney, or another branch of CPS... there must be a way. Have you turned over every stone to get these kids away from them? You're right - you can't help the addicts, but you can do every single thing in your power to get those kids away from them, if you have not already.
I am so, so, so sory.... :(
I WOULD however talk to an attorney, or another branch of CPS... there must be a way. Have you turned over every stone to get these kids away from them? You're right - you can't help the addicts, but you can do every single thing in your power to get those kids away from them, if you have not already.
I am so, so, so sory.... :(
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