Aa
HI
So I just officially joined this community. I've posted a few times the last week, but decided to join and make the effort because I know I need it. I also noticed I had been posting as a 'female' the last week lol- so I had to straighten out the profile, first and foremost.
In any case- I went thru 6 days of w/drawal last week from oxy and just when I got through the worst of it, I F*cked up. That was on Sunday. Yesterday the same, and again today. I'm so disappointed in myself I can't even describe it but an even stronger feeling is that I am scared out of my mind that I don't have control on this. I've had problems with different substances for a while now (namely Alcohol) and alcoholism is all throughout my family. I've battled with myself as to whether or not I'm an alcoholic and finally decided I don't give a sh-t what name you give it....and for the most part I’ve lived a decently normal life in that respect. I’ve done the whole AA thing- and it helped at the time, but I never wanted to have to quit everything, for ever, and I’ve tried to handle things my way.
I’m worried about this habit I’ve formed with oxy. I feel like it’s eating up my sole, and has its clenches deeper than anything has before. I’m f*cking scared of it, and I just wanted to say hi to everyone as I intend to use this place to help me, and I’m dead serious about cleaning up I just am having so much trouble gather the will power to do it. Any advice I’m listening.
Jc7
In any case- I went thru 6 days of w/drawal last week from oxy and just when I got through the worst of it, I F*cked up. That was on Sunday. Yesterday the same, and again today. I'm so disappointed in myself I can't even describe it but an even stronger feeling is that I am scared out of my mind that I don't have control on this. I've had problems with different substances for a while now (namely Alcohol) and alcoholism is all throughout my family. I've battled with myself as to whether or not I'm an alcoholic and finally decided I don't give a sh-t what name you give it....and for the most part I’ve lived a decently normal life in that respect. I’ve done the whole AA thing- and it helped at the time, but I never wanted to have to quit everything, for ever, and I’ve tried to handle things my way.
I’m worried about this habit I’ve formed with oxy. I feel like it’s eating up my sole, and has its clenches deeper than anything has before. I’m f*cking scared of it, and I just wanted to say hi to everyone as I intend to use this place to help me, and I’m dead serious about cleaning up I just am having so much trouble gather the will power to do it. Any advice I’m listening.
Jc7
I've found trying to handle things "my way" never worked...along w/ being an addict, i am also a recovering alcoholic17+ yrs....well...till i started the pills.......but my experience was...alcohol was the worst of my demons...to quit and stay off of.....but i never relapsed on alcool w/ the help of AA...yeah, i didn't like giving up everything either...but all i really gave up were the d.u.i.'s , the booze, trouble w/ the law, and the insanity...i kept everything else...you can too if you want it bad enough...
Nothing CHANGES, if nothing CHANGES!!!!.... it's kind of like ....."We keep doing the same things over and over, expecting different results".
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!! GOOD LUCK and KEEP POSTING!!!
Nothing CHANGES, if nothing CHANGES!!!!.... it's kind of like ....."We keep doing the same things over and over, expecting different results".
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!! GOOD LUCK and KEEP POSTING!!!
Hey guys- I appreciate your words, the nice ones and also the ones I need to hear. I remember a few years back when I was mandated to do a 90 in 90 for AA…it sucked, but I remember hearing something there I’ll never forget. A guy saw me in the back row and asked what I was doing here and I explained that I was only there because I had to be for court. He asked if I wanted to stop to stop drinking- I replied that I didn’t want to completely stop that I just wanted the trouble to go away and go back to the way I used to drink. The guy responded that if I’m not willing to give every last part of me to quit, and I’m not scared for my life, then he said get the hell out of here and drink- said come back when you hit that point if you haven’t died.
Point is- I understand what you all are saying, and I know your right. I just want to get my life back before I lose it. I feel like things are different this time around, this drug is different from alcohol, it’s sneakier and stronger and it f*cking scares me and I know I got too much going for me to succumb to this sh*t, I know if I even use another month it will be even harder to kick…f*ck I’m talking 2 much, I just didn’t want you all to think I’m wasting my time here- I’m not and I want to get back to living life again, the way I used to. I'm just scared 'cause I knew how to quit drinking when I needed 2, but i'm scared i don't have the answer for this.... I might look up a few aa/na meetings around town as much as I hate that idea----I’ll post tonight when I get home from work.
Jc7
Point is- I understand what you all are saying, and I know your right. I just want to get my life back before I lose it. I feel like things are different this time around, this drug is different from alcohol, it’s sneakier and stronger and it f*cking scares me and I know I got too much going for me to succumb to this sh*t, I know if I even use another month it will be even harder to kick…f*ck I’m talking 2 much, I just didn’t want you all to think I’m wasting my time here- I’m not and I want to get back to living life again, the way I used to. I'm just scared 'cause I knew how to quit drinking when I needed 2, but i'm scared i don't have the answer for this.... I might look up a few aa/na meetings around town as much as I hate that idea----I’ll post tonight when I get home from work.
Jc7
Sounds like you are ready to quit. If you went that long last time then I am sure you can do it again. If you really have a hard time with it you may want to talk to your Dr. about suboxone. Don't feel bad about messing up, I think we have all done that. A long time ago I went 5 days and BAM went right back and started up again. Just like you I was and am scared of this addiction that I have and decided to quit. I am only on day 3 and still feeling like **** but I notice each day is getting better than the other. We are all here to help and post as much as you want.
Its good that you're scared...thats what did it for me. I'm not there yet, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm glad I'm getting a grip on this before anything horrible happened. The thought of getting caught or destroying my health is pretty SCARY!
gtmi, i dont think ya were being rude, just realistic. your first post pretty much sums it up...
so does your desire to quit outweigh the high you seek when you use. if you are scared of your addiction, then that should tell you that you are no longer in control. as far as handling things yourself, cuz ya dont want to quit everything, i was like that. time for you to realize my friend that you are not handling anything, it is handling you. AA/NA works, if you work it! so y did ya quit working it? this forum is full of love and support , when ya earn it. but to earn it ya need to find some will power, and fight a little harder than you have in the past! it is time to man up, get rid of the pills, and fight the fight of ur life. we will support you , and help with all the w/d's, but you are the ultimatly the one that has to fight the battle. we are all online here, none of us can give you willpower , only support from afar, and words of advice... my advice is to stick around, get a lil tougher , and find the willpower to take back control of your life.....
so does your desire to quit outweigh the high you seek when you use. if you are scared of your addiction, then that should tell you that you are no longer in control. as far as handling things yourself, cuz ya dont want to quit everything, i was like that. time for you to realize my friend that you are not handling anything, it is handling you. AA/NA works, if you work it! so y did ya quit working it? this forum is full of love and support , when ya earn it. but to earn it ya need to find some will power, and fight a little harder than you have in the past! it is time to man up, get rid of the pills, and fight the fight of ur life. we will support you , and help with all the w/d's, but you are the ultimatly the one that has to fight the battle. we are all online here, none of us can give you willpower , only support from afar, and words of advice... my advice is to stick around, get a lil tougher , and find the willpower to take back control of your life.....
I worried for a long time before I quit...hence my name....but I finally did...you are getting ready...that is all...you are mentally knowing you have to just gotta let your will power catch up with ya...you will quit soon if you keep worrying as it totally takes the fun out of using....did for me anyway..and keep posting
goingtomakeit..you are so right, i actually had flash-backs as i read your post...that was me...but desire to quit finally overcame me and i would have rather died than not quit. so i quit
jc you can do it..you just gotta do it. you have to be strong, it will always be easier to use. make a commitment and talk toyourself about it...i will not touch another oxy even if it kills me. make changes, do not allow yourself to have anny access. as long as you have access you will use. that is why we are addicts...you have to stop the source.
i am not giving you advice i did not take myself. i had to loose some of my so called best friends to do this. i had to be honest with my dr and myself. being hhonest with myself was probably the hardest part. nobody likes to be called an addict. but i do believe you will do this when..your desire to quit is stronger than the desire to use
well put gtmi
jc you can do it..you just gotta do it. you have to be strong, it will always be easier to use. make a commitment and talk toyourself about it...i will not touch another oxy even if it kills me. make changes, do not allow yourself to have anny access. as long as you have access you will use. that is why we are addicts...you have to stop the source.
i am not giving you advice i did not take myself. i had to loose some of my so called best friends to do this. i had to be honest with my dr and myself. being hhonest with myself was probably the hardest part. nobody likes to be called an addict. but i do believe you will do this when..your desire to quit is stronger than the desire to use
well put gtmi
I was not trying to be rude in case you were wondering. But it is true. It takes more than worrying about it although that is a good step. As is talking about it and getting real honest. We lie to ourselves about these drugs. It's not too bad. I can quit anytime. I'll just take these 2 or 4 and taper tomorrow. I was going to quit today but I need the energy so this weekend I'll do it. These pills are running my life! I really should stop...some day.
Goingtomakeit is right...LIKE ALWAYS!!! ; )
If you want to quit, you will stop.
Getting through the first 7-10 days is the hardest (physical w/d's) but overcoming the mental w/d's (cravings) and staying clean is the hardest!
I found here was the best place to get support. There is also counseling, NA meetings, etc or even just reading books, exercising and pretty much developing a new, maybe even busy, lifestyle because pills give you a lifestyle that is hard to leave and forget.
You can do this!
If you want to quit, you will stop.
Getting through the first 7-10 days is the hardest (physical w/d's) but overcoming the mental w/d's (cravings) and staying clean is the hardest!
I found here was the best place to get support. There is also counseling, NA meetings, etc or even just reading books, exercising and pretty much developing a new, maybe even busy, lifestyle because pills give you a lifestyle that is hard to leave and forget.
You can do this!
Welcome to the forum. This is a hard and deadly disease to fight, but it can be done.
Have you given any thoughts to trying Suboxone? I'm not trying to push it, but it can give you the time you need to retrain your thinking, change bad habits and get your life back together.
Any way you choose to get clean, you will need to dig deep for all the strength you have. When you get cravings and are close to caveing in, get on this forum and talk about it first. We're here to help you. Just make up your mind to do it again and do it.
Keep posting.
Have you given any thoughts to trying Suboxone? I'm not trying to push it, but it can give you the time you need to retrain your thinking, change bad habits and get your life back together.
Any way you choose to get clean, you will need to dig deep for all the strength you have. When you get cravings and are close to caveing in, get on this forum and talk about it first. We're here to help you. Just make up your mind to do it again and do it.
Keep posting.
When your desire to be clean, outweighs the desire to use. Then you are ready to quit.
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