Had to really fight temptation today

[Addicted2long]

So I was driving my car to get an oil change when I was listening to the radio and heard the end of a girl talking and say call ###-###-#### for your chance to win and I didnt even know what they were giving away. So I dialed it in my cell and called the number and a girl said hello. I thought that was weird because why would they answer every phone call even if you werent a winner. She asked for my name and location and then told me I was the #5 CALLER! I could not believe it so now I was real interested in what i was about to win. We played a little game and i won $500! I was so pumped i could not believe it for once in my life my luck had changed lol. So almost right after I get the money I get a phone call from a friend with opana 40s. My mind goes crazy and I think of any way and every way to justify just getting one or two to celebrate my win. I panicked and didnt know what to do so I called my MOM! Now I didnt tell her that I was having a craving or anything I just told her about my win and what not. Well she told me that my luck was changing and that god has plans for me and that I need to be strong and stick with this. She reminded me of why I am where I am today with 38 days clean. She told me she loved me and that shes proud of me for sticking with this. I have really let her down oover the last few years and I couldnt do it again. I deleted the number from my cell, blocked it, and instead of using the money for drugs..i used half of it to buy some stuff I still had at the pawn shop from during my using days and I paid bills with the rest. I did something I havent done in a long time..BE RESPONSIBLE!. But shortly after I felt really good. Usually right about then I would have just done the pills and started to feel really guilty and depressed. But I battled through the temptation and I said NO! I wish there was a meeting I could go to tonight but ill have to wait til tomorrow night. Hope this gives some of you some hope and encourgement that even in those tough times u can pull through. I would have done it if I had not had some aftercare to get me through. Meetings, my family, and therapist are the main reasons I have gotten thus far. I also want to thank my new and awsome friend bama..without your encourgaement and kind words we have had the past few days I dont know if id be feeling this postive. Thanks for being there for me and kickn me in the butt when I get down. Im like a rollercoster which u prob noticed by now! Lol..and thanks to everyone else on the forums yall are great. Take care

[Addicted2long]

thanks bama I love chatting with you 2! I am the dragon slayer! Rrrraaaaaarrr!

[bama88]

Aaww. You are a dragon slayer. Lol lol. I really love talking to you. I am so proud of you. Im gonna get my pom poms out of the closet and dance around the room for you. Here i go...... Your my hero. I mean it. You inspire me so much. Im so blessed to have met you. But I've got to.get my pom poms and my whoo hoo  dance going

[Addicted2long]

Aww thanks..and I know exactly what your going through. My mom tried to hard and for so long just to help me. I know how much she loves me and I know how much it hurts her to do what im doing. She knew that I had a problem with painkillers but it wasnt until I was arrested with a possesion of heroin charge that she learned I was now doing heroin. It broke her heart. Ive never seen her so sad and so alone and and scared. I had tried to quit soooo many times but I had always done it on my own. This time I had the support of my family and it helped me a ton. Please dont give up on your son. He loves you trust me. You dont know how mean and awful I was to my mother and she is the most important person in the world to me, When addiction takes over your no longer yourself. U say and do things you dont mean. Deep down they are holding in there feelings and numbing them with drugs. One day they will burst open and he will cry like a baby. They say a person must hit rock bottom before they will get help. Well I say thats 50.50. Sometimes a familys love can turn someone around before that happens. If youve tried for awhile and he didnt listen them he would be one of those who must hit rock bottom. I was one of those myself. Sadly its hard to let that happen because often you may worry like my mom that rock bottom is often jail or death. But there will be a polint that he is sick of the life and wants help. WHEN that happens please be there for him. It will guide him through the tough times and he will see your face when hes suffering wd. My mom gave me a picture of my family and a poem on it and I looked it everyday I was fighting for my life. I would not be here today if not for her

[tulsa1966]

You people here are my encouragement. Parents been gone and have kept all others so far away. I know now that i pushed them off and locked them out. Depression is a ********* and so is addiction those two things have left me solo. I hope to someday change that. But for now thinking of a relationship is out of the question and scares the crap out of me. got to fix some things ya know like trust and abandonment issues. Been single for 19 years. Everything that i have done i did it alone. So this forum is kinda like my coming out party. I hung around here for a while just reading and hoping to someday make a post. My first attempt was aborted when i found out you had to register. But a few days ago I just had to do it. Once i let it out it was like losing 50 pounds. Your responses is like therapy.

I so hope that a recent recommendation by or to (can't remember which) the FDA to ban opiates goes thru.

[Addicted2long]

Thanks Lulu ya I agree theres nothing more I can really do. While In rehab I got really interested in working at one as a addiciton specalist or whatever and would think it would be a rewarding career..and thats what its all about. I also think it would help me with my own sobreity and its up and downs. Something I am going to look into..im in finance now so it would be a biggg change at the least. I love helping other people I always have since I was a little kid. Ive always been active with my chuch and through college I worked in many programs and I currently work with the MDA in my town. I love it and I believe in karma and that i will get it all back one day. Well actually I guess I already have! Im clean! I cant be more thankful for that. I have done something that most dream of and put heroin in the rearview mirror..The demons are scared of ME! I showed them whose boss. I felt crazy in rehab after like 6 days of no sleep in the middle of the night i was screaming "U WANT SOME MORE OF ME PUNK!" U CANT BEAT ME! and laughing and crying at the same timee. I really fought a battle let me tell you. MINDSET..you get yourself in the right mindset and you can do ANYTHING. U must prepare for war. Saddle up..And ride out the storm.

[justme1119]

What a sweet mom you have.  Just the few words you wrote about your conversation was an inspiration to me.  My son has disappointed me so many times. I pray that some day I can encourage him the way your mom encouraged you.  

[lulu747]

I am doing a happy dance for you in my head right now!  Powerful stuff...You're right...Addiction doesn't discriminate and you must always keep your guard up.  Keep making those responsible choices and give yourself a HUGE thank you...You're LIVING your life...Awesome!  The best way that you can help anyone else that is struggling is by continuing your journey to recovery...Your strength and brave choices will inspire others...Your compassion will inspire strength.  Good for you....Lu

[Addicted2long]

Thanks for the support everyone I really appreciate it. It feels good to have not put myself back in my recovery, I have had a really tough week and I just want to get to next week in one peice. I feel your pain tulsa and sometimes I want to do the same and just give in because after 38 days I still feel like **** alot of the time and the depression and anxiety is killing me. I thought by now I would be feeling great but its been really hard the last couple of days. I think that because of all the stuff going on in my life it has triggered for me the times when I normally would rely on opiates. This is what me and my therapist are working on..coping skills. For many of us we have to learn them all over again and thats ok. Its like a bad car addicent..you have to do physical therapy to walk again. Well you need to do the same for your brain before you can be you again. And honestly for how long I was high and numb I should not be b itchen about a month. If I was sick and miserable for a whole year that would still be more than fair. I just need to thoughen up and push myself to the limit. If I was able to quit heroin coldturkey and get this far I cant fail because Im emotional and bored. I cant tell ya how important this forum has been for me the last month. Even just reading and learning from yall has been such a help. Everyday I see new people posting and getting started on the jouney to sobriety and it makes me so sad. I feel for all the people who are going through this and I wish I could help others before they get to the point I did. But people are stubborn and theyd rather learn from there own doing. I have had a few friends that got into heroin after me and I told and begged not to take that path and waht it did to me and well..they are no longer with us anymore. They decided that they would try it anyway and so fast there lives were ruined and a few oded. Its so so sad to me and I cant explain in words how much I hate opiates. I wish that there was no pain so that they never were created. I wish they were harder to get and doctors would grow a heart and stop giving out this crap like its candy. You cant expect people not to do or take things that make them feel good. There has to be stricter laws and more guidelines in place for doctors. We spend hundreds of millions od dollars on the war on drugs mostly in mexico and we turn our head on the real war thats going on right here in the US. The doctors are the true drug dealers. Then they push addicts into a overpriced rehab and are given suboxone and methadonea nd are hooked on another big business trap. Grrrr it gets me so mad i swear i wish i was able to do something about it. I will go out of my way and help anyone I ever see struggling or starting with this addiction. If and when I have kids later in life if they grew up and I ever caught them doing pills I would die. I would be so heartbroken and hurt I dont know what I would do. I would take them away so fast and move to the other side of the world. I do not want to see this hurt anyone else. If you are just getting into opiates or have other taken them for a short period of time PLEASSSSSSSSSSSSSSE please listen to the intelligent and awsome people here at medhelp. Addiction doesnt discriminate guys..trust us. Stop now and youll save yourself your soul. You play with fire and your gunna get burned..bad.

[tulsa1966]

I am so very proud of you A2L. I am finding out how hard it is to fight. Sometimes I just want to give in and let it take me back. Oddly enough i only think about the pills when I feel the pain that got me on them in the first place. Instead i get up and make tea. Today I seemed to be more focused and did more work than i did all week. But I still cried alot. I cried so much on the way home I almost crashed into the back of someone. I know that i need to get it together. Trying to figure that one out.

But you rock big time!!! Keep it up. I am drawing from your strength.

[bmdad]

Way to go! Instances like that make you stronger and stronger each time. Next time you get that urge to use make sure you take a second and remember today. If you have to, put sticky notes all over the place reminding you! As the days go by the cravings will be fewer and farther between but we can never let our guard down.

I'll have almost two years here soon. My wife just had surgery two days ago. I was the one that went to the pharmacy to pick up her meds. Low and behold, she was prescribed one of my favorites. Norco! (well, one of my many favorites, ha ha) We keep them put up because of our young kids so I'm the one that brings her one when she needs it. It hasn't bothered me one bit and hasn't even crossed my mind to take one. I do know that if I even have a flash of a thought, I'll have to figure something else out with them. To be honest, I should probably figure something else out anyways. I couldn't imagine taking anything from her that she actually needs for pain though.

Keep going strong and never give up.

Be proud of yourself!

Best of luck.

[kyle505]

I'm at the end of day 11...I can't even imagine being clean as long as you have - congratulations. And I admire your beating the temptation. You are setting a great example for those of us just starting this journey. I will remember your story the next time I am tempted. Thanks.