Happy Halloween - Open Forum

[groovygirl]

Happy Halloween everyone - Have a great day and night.

[suzieneedshelp]

Back to ya Mariposa and everyone else!  I'm just getting along still with my stadol.  Had a really bad headache earlier this week. the kind where u feel nausea nd just want to cut off your head.
Take care,
Suzie

[hippy]

donj't ya just love the great pumkin story
with linus

[Witchywoman]

Yay! Happy Halloween everyone.
It's actually my New Years, in my religion. We call it Samhain. It is a time where we reflect on death and rebirth, honor our ancestors, and take an inventory of how we have lived our lives thus far.  There's more to it, but that is the basic gist.

I'm at work, on the most sacred of religious holidays. I wish that my religion was acknowledged, and that I could get the day off to really do the spiritual work that the day encourages.  But, I'll do it this evening, with a group of close spiritual friends.

This year we are also doing a Pagan clothing drive, trick or treating around the neighborhoods for clothes and warm blankets that we are then going to donate to the local battered women's shelter.

The snake sheds it skin and is reborn! (Snakes are seen as sacred sympbols of rebirth in my tradition)

I'm not trying to convernt anyone, just explain what my traditions are this time of year.  

take care everyone,
WW

[PING]

goodmorning. hope you don't mind me asking about your tradrition
( spelling) maybe this is the wrong place to be asking, so i will give you my e-mail address. thank you. and everyone have a pain free day. lee.

                             ***@****

[Witchywoman]

I don't mind you asking at all, but why don't you email me if you have specific questions? I'm happy to answer questions, but don't want to proselytize.  I have respect for all faiths, and believe that love is the tenet that links us.

If you have questions, email me at ***@****
love,
WW

[Bodymechanic]

I am very interested in your experience with deprenyl.  How did it work for you.  How much do you take. Are there side effects or drug interactions.  

I have ordered some online and it should be here in a week or two. I am willing to try anything that will treat the chronic pain, depression and obsession to use drugs.

Thanks

[twindad]

Hello Mariposa, I wanted to tell you that at first, I was a little ticked at you for assuming the reason why I talked about my education seeing as how you only knew me through a couple of Posts. However, I later realized that my emotions are a little on edge and it really doesn't matter what others may think of my intentions as long as I am OK with them. Anyway, today is my 4th day Percoset free, and I feel like **** :-) I am going to stay the course regardless, but found myself thinking that a percoset would sure make me feel better right about now. I decided instead to Post. I am using 800mg Motrin to help. I refuse to use more! My body still feels like I have a lot of restless enery to the point of gitters. I felt a little better in the morning because I went for a workout on the lifecycle and worked up a good sweat. It is about 1:00 here in sunny California, and I feel like I just want to go home to bed and sleep it away. But, since I have 4 year old twins who are stoked about the holiday, gotta do the daddy thing and take them out. Anyway, happy Halloween to all. TD

[Witchywoman]

Hi Bodymechanic,
I'm happy to share my experience with deprenyl.
First of all, I do hope you ordered the liquid, as there is a major difference in quality between the tablets and the liquid.

I currently use just one drop a day, for maintenance, anti-aging, and protection of the substantia nigra, the part of the brain that produces dopamine.  A standard antidepression dose of deprenyl is 5 to 10 drops (one drop is one mg).  I didn't know about dep when I detoxed, but I would guess that it would help a lot, given that our dopamine production is lessened with opiate abuse and deprenyl forces the body to produce more dopamine.

What I've noticed with regular deprenyl use is a subtle, but clear sense of alertness and well being, as well as quite an increase in my sex drive. If you look at the research on the IAS website, you'll see that rats given deprenyl lived 50 % longer.  It currently is prescribed only as an antiparkinson's drug, but does have antidepressant uses as well as plain ol' enhancing of well being.  I have also found that it helps my memory and concentration.  My husband takes it as well and remarks on the same effects. The effects are subtle, but present.

I hope that helps!

WW

[hellbent]

Well, a perc or three probably WOULD make you feel alot better, for awhile at least. Looking back 6mos to my detox, I realize that I could have called a pill delivery in at anytime, and I was horribly sick for almost a month after stopping cold. I am not sure how I made it, but I do remember realizing that any relief I would have gotten was going to be brief, and I would have just ended up in the same situation I had been in for 3 years. Namely, utterly addicted and hopeless.

Another thing I did was to immediately shut my brain off and think about something else, whenever the urge to use occurred. If I entertain the thought of using oxycontin or vikes or whatever, I am in trouble. As soon as I start fantasizing about how good I am going to feel or start planning a drug collection, I am probably already gone. I just don't have any willpower when it comes to that stuff and I have learned to automatically think about something else, anything else.

[twindad]

I guess this is the place for total honesty, so I am goingto say that I have been cheating a little bit (no such thing huh?) I have since the age of 18, and I am 42 now, occasionally smoked a little weed to help with my pain. It allows me to work out, to live a fwe hours of my life pain free. I have always believed in the medical use of pot to treat such things as chronic pain. My wife doesn't know. If she did, boy would I be in for it! I do it away from the house and never around my kids!!! I guess I still feel a little like a scumbag, but I am not sure whether I want to quit, especially right now.

[hellbent]

Yea, this is the place for honesty, not to be confused with condemnation. I've got friends who shoot alcohol into their veins and heroin up their ass. I don't think the fact that you smoke a little weed is going to be a big deal to anyone here.

Anyway, if you are trying to be truly drug free, pot can be a problem. I've never been able to just smoke pot and do nothing else. I made it several months doing that once, then drank vodka and went into a blackout.

For now, however, I suggest you kick the opiates, and if smoking a doob helps you feel better while you are withdrawing, go ahead.

[Thomas02]

Get this: An usually, I was totally out of drugs. I’d just scarfed up all the Valiums and Lortabs, so it was out of the question to hit the doc up for more. So I thought, perhaps I could scan some Fioricet to tide me over. I called the pharmacy tech (an inexperienced girl at a Mom and POP store, thank god). In stead of looking up the Fioricet, she called up my 90 5mg Valiums and told me I had no refills on it, and that she’d have to fax the doctor. Since I knew I’d just got 90 Vals 2 says ago from the same doctor, I didn’t want to press my luck. So I repeated that that I needed the Fioricet ASAP.

So, to make a delightful story short, I show up at the pharmacy and the pharmacy tech hands me my bag, charged me and bids me a good day. It wasn’t until I got into the car that I realized that she’d filled 90 5mg Valiums. Thank the gods whomever they may be!!!! What I birthday present, indeed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Karma is firing on all cylinders today! HaaaZaaaaa!

Thomas

[Bodymechanic]

I got the tablets.  I have read the ads for the liquid form but every single study I have read mentions Jumex by name. Is there really a difference or is this just hype?

Peace

[GOD]

I guess I'd better say it......

"This forum is NOT the place to talk about drugs in a good way.... And you should be ashamed of (&#&#!#@!"

Nevermind... HAPPY BIRTHDAY you lucky scoundrel!

hehe--

~~~~Jess~~~~

[taeme]

Does anyone know those online "drug store" one's that say you can order meds without a script, or with an over the phone consult, or even a phone consult with a nurse home visit.  Are these true, do they work, are they reliable.  Can you be sure what you are getting.  I wouldn't know the difference between a fraud and the real thing.  Has anyone had experience with these.  Can you really get what you need this way? Any thoughts would be appreciated.

[Bodymechanic]

There are many and without too much trouble you will find one. I strongly recommend that you stay away from the online pharmacies. They are the easiest drug connection you can ever get. Imagine having your drugs delivered to your door and perfectly legal.  You could easily get yourself in trouble.  Read the back post from Sean who played the online pharmacy game.

Peace

[taeme]

What do you mean by the back post, where can I find this post from sean.  I see and I understand I am reserved in my decision whether or not to seek such a site.  If I do indeed decide to seek medical advice, meds this direction I do not want to be ripped off, I don't want to try by trial and error I can afford this, can someone recommend which one(s) I should try. I am in a State where kidney stones gets you a script for Darvocet, the doc's are terrified of lawsuits so they majorly underprescribe. I can't even get Midrin or Imitrex for migraines.  I actually have whats called cluster headaches,  I'll have them for a month almost daily and sometimes 2-3 times a day and then not have them for anywhere from 6 mos, to 2 yrs.  But I have it documented in my old records and still they want me to do things like write out a headache diary, and equivalent such fluff. I've had these things now for close to 10 yrs.  I know what not to do.  However, like many people I don't have a definite trigger, most often I am awoken in the early morning with a pounding, one sided, crushing migraine.  It doesn't help that I have no insurance. I can't afford to go test after test after test for them to decide if this is the real deal.  I am ready to go to a different State just to see a doc.  But realistically I can't afford it.  So if you can help me avoid the run around I would appreciate it.

[bmac]

Ya'll stop it,damn it!!None of that talk here misters.

[puma]

Taemee,

You sound like you are going through some serious withdrawals and are at the end of your rope. I've been in that situation and I know what you are going through. People here don't mean to give you the run around, they simply are past that stage and seem to have forgotten the depths one will go to, to obtain that needed item whether it be drink or pill, whatever. Try the onlines but be prepared to send your medical records so the Docs can save their own butts by not prescribing meds by only words given over the net.

Coming here, you will only find people trying to avoid drugs, not getting deeper into them. You still seem to be in the denial stage, only my opinion. I was there before and even thought of violence at times during heavy withdrawal. That's why they say alchohol and benzo withdrawal are dangerous to the person addicted and to anyone in their way during detox!!!!! Your brain is in full amperage overload right now and you need to have some real communication and figure out what you want to do and how to go about it. Take care and good luck.

Chatahan

[groovygirl]

I wrote a story about online pharmacies and the doctors who make MILLIONS off 3 second phone consults.  $25 per month to join the forum, $200 for the 3 minute consult, $90 for 90 Hydros, $30 for shipping...if you don't have a lot of money right now, it isn't the way.  I went "undercover" on one of these forums.  I found that these people are just like us, except they are on the downward spiral...popping 20-40 Hydros a day...with some valium on top...yummy.  They are a sorry bunch, and the doctors don't give a rat's ass about any of them.

As I said, I went undercover and you can bet your ass there are others watching...pretending to be a fellow pill-poppers...probably a fed or something.

I don't mean to be a downer here, but this site is for people wanting to get better...why don't you forget about this drug seeking stuff and write about why you feel the need to indulge.

I'm just a fellow addict...I've been there and done that, which is why I can see the road you're on will only bring you pain.

[FesterTool]

Hey everybody. I havent been posting very much but I try to keep up with what is going on. Everything has been up and down alot lately. I miss my mom very much and I wish I could have her again. I remember when I was growing up and she used to take me shopping with her. Being a teenager I felt embarrassed and walked off on my own, you know; can't let noone see you with your mom.. Mom understood though. She would let me go off with my friends almost everyday. I wish I would have spent more time with her.

I call dad everyday now. I'm not going to waste my chance with him if I can help it. He usually stays busy. I tell him its good for him to do something every once in awhile but dont get carried away. (Where have I heard this before?) He builds these very nice Grandfather clocks in his wood shop and I dont know where he gets all that energy. He's a tough cookie, as he tell me.(By the way, my father has been sober from everything for almost 12 years. I am so proud of my dad.)

Its my 29th day and I feel ok. Pixi, thank you.
Stay Cool!
Festertool

[groovygirl]

29th day!  Wow...that is great!!  How do you feel?  Do you feel back to "normal"?

What's "festertool" mean?

[QueenHydro]

Greetings to you all,
I have not posted in a while but come in every day and read all of the posts.  It is such a comfort to know that I am not the only person with these issues.  I feel like the biggest loser on the planet and when I read all of the personal stories I feel like someone has thrown me a life ring.  I am still working on my plan to taper.  I have been praying alot and also setting aside time to excersize.  My taper will begin in a couple of weeks.  I know that sounds dumb, why not stop now, but I do not
have enough of a spine to stop when I have a full prescription.
I am rambling, I know, but I want you all to know that the kinship I feel when I read the posts here cannot be described.  
I thank you all and will keep everyone updated.  I have been praying for all of you and ask that you would do the same for me, if you are not one to pray then please just keep me in your thoughts.  This thing is bigger than me and I need all of the help I can get.  Thanks to all.

[athena]

Hi fes,it was good to see ya post.I have been wondering how you were doing.I know how the loss of a parent feels as I told you.It is kinda scarey in a way.I always felt safe somehow  while my dad was alive.I too decided to spend more time helping my mom after the loss of my dad.It helped me feel better.i know this is a hard time for you but it will get easier.you are doing so well with your sobriety even though you are going through this emotional upheavel.As I told you,your mom would be so proud!
Your dad makes grandfather clocks?I have heard that there are very few craftsmen still doing that.Im sure it helps him to keep busy.Well,i've written you a novel.you are always in my prayers,keep on the path your on.God bless.

pixi

[Witchywoman]

Bodymechanic, yes there is a huge difference between the tablets and the liquid. The difference is in absorbability. I've tried both and noticed nothing at all with the tablets, whereas the liquid definately increased my alertness, sex drive and sense of well being. It is not a high, it is very sublte. It just feels like dust being cleaned off the metaphorical windows.  Selegine liquid is the way to go. It is also far less expensive in the long run, as a little goes a long way.  The tablets are better than not taking it at all though. let me know what you think of them when you try them.  I'd be curious if it is helpful to people going through withdrawal. My theory is that it would help wds be over faster, as it helps restore dopamine production. The L-Tyrosine gives your body the amino acids that are the raw materials for dopamine production, but the deprenyl actually pushes the brain to make more of it. The combination of L-Tyrosine with deprenyl would probably make wds a lot easier.

Taeme, I hope by now you've realized that this is the wrong site to ask for assistance on how to find and use online pharmacies.  I'm not trying to condem you, but we are here trying to get off of drug, not trying to find easier ways to get them. There are many sites on the internet that can help you find what you are looking for.  I'm for one am blessed that I didn't know about online pharmacies when I was using. Lord only knows how much money I would have spent had I known about them when I was trying to get as much hydro into me as I possibly could.

I do believe there is likely a legitimate use for online pharmacies, for people who have no other way to get pain relief.
But we are here trying to get away from drugs not to help each other figure out ways to get them. Please don't take offence, I'm just trying to redirect you to one of the zillions of other sites out there that can help you in your search. If you use your search engine you'll find many sites that can answer this question for you.

love,
WW

[littleguy]

WW,

Best wishes for a happy and healthy new year!

There was a very good documentary on the history channel last night about pagans.  I didn't catch the whole thing, but I sure wish that I had.  I really liked the 'do what you will, but harm no one' philosophy.  Those are words that I could really strive to live my life by, but I think that it is much harder than it seems.  Take addiction for example - when I am in the middle of an extended run, one of the things that I end up convincing myself of is that I am not hurting anyone (other then myself of course) - and yet - it's not true.  Active addiction in my life touches so many other lives in a negative way.  I would do well to remember that!

As always, you remain an inspiration in my life.  And as usual, I wish that I had some words of wisdom to offer back to you, but I dont.  So, keep it real and fight the good fight...

Your friend,
littleguy

[Witchywoman]

Hi littleguy,
It's so good to hear from you, I've wondered how you've been.

Thanks for the well wishes. Being in a minority religion most don't realize what a major holiday it is for me. I'd have like to have seen that documentary. I wonder if is the one that was shown a few years ago. Was it filmed by the Canadian Women's film project? If so, it might be the one that showed a festival where I was at when they were filming it. My husband's first wedding might be on it (handfasted with the couple's raised arms tied with ribbons and the group danced around them as if they were a maypole). That festival was when I first saw my husband, though I didn't actually  meet him till 5 years later, after that first marriage of his was long over.  His first wife is one of my best friends so it all ended well.

Anywho....how are you? Catch us up on your life sometime if you'd like to. I miss you.

love
WW

[taeme]

Point taken.  I can see the road clearly I have been down this road as well a time or too.  I think I am deceiving my self that I will be able to control my intake(which by the way is not a normal dose) and I'm fooling myself that I won't get even more tolerant and therefore need more and more.  And I know that like the other drugs which I deceived myself with became a problem until I just about O.D'd, gave those up cold and found something new to fill its place.  Sound familiar to anyone.  I agree with you all, I'm not withdrawing right now, just freeking out where I'm going to find my next supply before the fun runs out.  I may be withdrawing cause what I have is only what I call a stablelizer.  Won't go through the anxiety and irritation of "if I could just get something to take the edge off".  Point well taken I appreciate your advice.  As you can see I'm on the fence about which way I what to go.  I'm scared about going to that place again, I just want it. You know.

[Starraven]

I have been through the migraine headaches and I know how hard they are to deal with.  Although my Neuro doc never prescribed narcotics for them.  We went the preventative route with elavil, tofranil and Ibprofen at night before bedtime and an occasional fiorinal if needed.  I was taken off most of that when I was pregnant and midrin was readily prescribed.  I don't understand why you can't get imitrex or midrin for legitimate headache pain.  Unfortunately you are addicted (to all painkillers in general? Viks? Not sure if you mentioned it) and you know that your search and find is a never ending cycle. Until you make a consious decision to quit (for your health, for your family? to find some normalcy in life?) you will continue to be stressed out, panicked and you will continue to try every avenue to get the drugs you so crave.  Enough to drive oneself crazy.  I can't imagine going through that, my dependency was enough from meds prescribed to me so readily for a spinal surgery. ( I have to admit I did use an overseas pharmacy once, but this was long before I actually had a cat scan and mri done and then surgery) I still have a refill of a hundred Lortab and after 32 days of being clean my desire to refill becomes less and less.
Most people here are in different stages of recovery, and it really is hard to justify helping you get your drugs when we are trying so hard to move on and forget about them.  We just know how destructive the pills are.  Noone is judging you, we are just trying to recover, and at times it is sooooo difficult.
I'm waiting for the day when I don't think about pills at all!  Everyday gets me closer!  Stay with us here, this forum is a wonderful support group for all of us.  We can't post our personal email in this forum, otherwise I would if you ever needed a one on one.  I do have AOL instant messenger if you have it for aol..hopefully I won't get in trouble for telling you that screen name..Its Scarletmane. (hopefully I won't get in trouble for posting this)
My heart goes out to you
Hugs
Suze

[Witchywoman]

I want to correct the misconception that we can't post our emails here.

Cindy and Phil say that it is not a great idea to post them, but as far as I know, there is no rule saying that we can't.

In fact, if we get an email through yahoo or hotmail, that is not our personal, main isp, I personally see no risk or problem with doing that at all.

I write to many people from here. I give out my yahoo email address, have for years here, and never have had a problem with it.

My yahoo addy is ***@****

Cindy and Phil, if I am wrong, please correct me. But I hope folks aren't afraid to post emails, since without daily emails when i was going through wds, it would have been much harder to make it through.

love,
WW

[Starraven]

Thanks Witchywoman! ( I emailed your email address to myself so I have it now)  I went ahead and created an email account with hotmail instead of using my regular one as suggested! Thank you for posting your email address, Since I have been here I have followed your posts very closely as you are one of the many that have inspired me here.  For that I thank you.

So this is my email address, ***@****  (note the TWO n's instead of one.) I would be very happy if anyone emailed me. LOL  All of my friends are "straight" and don't understand my addiction ( I know I will always consider myself an addict even though I am clean right now) at all and it sure would be nice to get to know others that understand.

Hugs to all,
Suze

[Bodymechanic]

That is exactly what I am looking for, something to give me energy and take away the foggy head.  I hate having a foggy head. I have had a foggy head my whole life. The usual antidepressants don't clear the brain or clean the lens.  I don't think I need anything to make my any hornier than I already am.  BTY Did you know that spontanious ejaculation has been reported in men withdrawing from opiated drugs?  I'm not kidding.  God...I wish that would happen to me.

Peace

[mickyc]

WOW! I think I am in love with you. I didn't think someone responding to me would be so inspiring and make me feel wanted and excepted. Thank You!

I am starting to think alot about starting this abuse all over again. I just move from the country (Arkansas) to St. Louis. I love the city life but my ex-wife moved me up here with her so I would take care of our son. I see her dating, I am not doing the same work that I loved, and I do not have a life because Teresa (ex-wife) is always going out so I watch Tyler. I know I am fortunate that I get my son almost every day, but being used like I am is wearing on me in a huge way. A friend of my gave me some hydros last week and I haven't been abale to get my mined off of them. The good thing is that I don't think I have the confidence to pull of the fake injuries as I did before. Thanks alot for your inspiration. I think I can be a little more at ease at this point!

[taeme]

You know guys I just don't know how to do it, theres so much in my life that just seems to much easier with the little devils, I able to be more intimate with my husband, I don't over eat, I don't binge and purge like I have for almost 10 yrs., I can sit and do my work which by the way I'm working on my second degree, I feel good just to be alive and feel like at last I have peace, I feel good about myself and who I am, that is accept for the deceit and like you said the continually next fix.  I find I'm often happy just knowing I have them even without taking them.  I know this is a crutch.  I just feel like if there weren't any restriction on getting it, I would be fine.  LOL.  I feel like my only problem is obtaining it.  I know this is an addictive behavior, I know this but I don't have any other ill side effects from it other than a little constipation and then again when I can't get any I'm not as social nor am I really motivated.  I think often I need something for depression and anxiety, but I know you give me anxiety meds, detox meds etc.. It'll be my newest best friend.  Has anyone been addicted to coke? Been there done that?  Can someone share their story.  You know in my life I've always had a managible distaste for life.  I think its genetic, my biological father was an addict/alcoholic and finally after I believe so type of hepatitis/cirrhosis of the liver he hung himself off a bridge.  I was 18 yrs then I'm 25 now.  However, I didn't really even know him.  I grew up in a stable, loving family.  I would say though I grew up quite lonely.  Just a little background.  I can't help but come to this site everytime I get a chance, I am listening.  I always say to myself theres no way to go back, I will never be able to walk into a dr's office or somewhere else and know that drug seeking behavior.  I don't know how to be a normal patient and still have my problems treated.  I really do have chronic back pain where I have to sleep on the floor and cluster migraine headaches.

[taeme]

By the way can someone explain how this site works.  How long does a forum run for? Who decides what stays and what goes? How is it determined what is actually visible on the first page where you select a forum? Because some have more posts than others and they change as well.  

Additional note:  Do you all believe that addicts are the most suspicious, perhaps untrusting people out there?  I always believe that people are suspicious of me.  I also believe especially on the net that if someone recommends a particular site, or product that they are undercover trying to sell and what not.  What do you think?

[Sundown]

I've just started posting today after reading this forum for about a month. I also started out using vicodin for cluster headaches. For several years, I used it pretty responsibly. I also have major depression. When I became depressed, the vikes made me feel better. Finally, about 6 months ago, I went back on antidepressants, but found they didn't work. My headaches were worse and the shrink gave me plenty of vikes. Finally, after working up to about 40 to 50 a day of ES, I realized I was commiting slow suicide (rather than the "fast" suicide I almost commited when I first got depressed). Drawing on the strength of the stories I read here, I didn't feel so alone. I stopped 25 days ago, got a new shrink, got on real treatment for my depression, and for the first time in many years, I actually feel GOOD. I can't even  remember when I last felt like this.
The first step is to see the road you're on. The next step is to decide if you wnat to keep going down that road to an early death or not. Once you have decided on that, the decisions on what you need to do become very apparent. It's not easy to get off that road, but it is worth it to choose life instead of death.
I wish you the strength and courage to choose well.

[mickyc]

Hey sweetheart, I don't know much about telling people how to deal with there problems with drugs, but I do know that I was going to school for my company that I worked for and when I started taking Hydros and perc I started to fail my tests. Life seems to go down hill slowly with every thing. I am starting to use cocaine, and when I use drugs I over do it. The thing is, my drug of choice is the opiates, and now that I am starting to use, ocasionally, I am wanting opiates more and more. I quit cold turkey and this is the only rehab I have ever experienced, which I have only been on for a couple of days, but it seems to curve my wants of satan. But I do know that this helps. Good Luck.!!

[taeme]

Just wanted you to know that if I had a choice to be hooked on opiods or stims like coke.  I'd choose opiods for a few reasons first of all coke addition spirals very quickly, tolerance develops quickly.  I went from the first time to nearly killing myself in around 6 months.  I guess because I used to the point I couldn't snort anymore cause my nasal passages were so inflamed I found other roots to use. I would recommend you stay away from this, especially with depression, even if your not depressed  you will be. Coming down is a real bummer, and if you use for any  length or frequency this down lasts too long for me.  I got of cold, cause I knew if I didn't I was dead that was all there was to it. I may have lived for a while but I would have ended up doing stuff I didn't want to do. I would have done almost anything for it, althought I didn't venture onto this dark avenue I would have.  Its also illegal which made my prospects for the future very dark. If you can stop now before it gets out of hand.  If  your an addict, your an addict.  You won't be able to control yourself no matter how it starts or what you say.  I'm not judging you,cause I don't if I would listen either. For goodness sakes I'm still stuck in this opiate mess.  Just a word from someone who been down that path. But please continue to share I may be able to help.

[athena]

Well that post made my day.lol Im glad you feel welcome.I probably read posts for 2 mos before I got up the nerve to post.Im so glad I did though.The people here are great.
You sound like you have lost your confidence in yourself.I have lost mine and am struggling to get it back.First of all,you need to get a life of your own.It's great to be a loving parent but we need attention too.Your ex will continue to take advantage of you as long as your available.Trust me,a good friend of mine has used me as her gopher for 4yrs.While I was in a relationship 4yrs ago,she pretty much took care of herself (shes 58) as soon as I stopped dating (because I lost my confidence) she had me doing all her grocery shopping,running errands and taking care of her grandchildren.she basically tells me that im not doing anything anyway so I should help her.Im 39 and a nurse so she thinks I can take care of her or something.Anyhow,the point im trying to make is that if we dont have a life of our own,we will get taken advantage of by exs' and friends.lol I thought taking hydro was giving me the ability to be more social when actually it was robbing me of the one thing I needed to be social,my confidence!Sorry about the novel,I've rambled enough.Glad your here.

pixi

[athena]

Hi and welcome
I have been reading your posts and noticed that you seem to be warming up to the idea of life without opiates.I too believed that they gave me more energy,made me feel happy and generally made my life better.It was not untill I was off them for a few weeks that i noticed a great improvement in my energy level.I really didn't realize that the hydro were actually robbing me of my energy,concentration and desire to be with others.The chronic pain is a tough one.maybe you can find something non narcotic to help you.I wish you good luck.

p.s
I never thought life could be good without opiates.It can be GREAT!

pixi

[athena]

Hi ww and Happy New Year!I wanted to let you know that I watch the history channel nearly every day.They repeat their programs over and over so i'll let you know when it is coming back on.I caught the tail end of the pagan program last night.it was very interesting.Have a good evening.

pixi

[taeme]

I hate to be the downer here, but I have been off opiates for periods of 3mos or more and I felt pretty normal however I always came back to the same conclusion that I felt better happier with them.  I do see how someone can feel better without them cause they don't control your life and actions so much. And perhaps some or most of the guilt goes away, and get better with time.  But me, my person doesn't feel better just the spirit a little.  I still can't help wanting them.

[taeme]

Those vics ES have 750mg acetaminophen wheren't you worried about keep the ratio of acetaminophen to hydrocodone to a minimum.  I always tried to stay away from the higher doses of tylenol, ect... cause I knew I wasn't taking the recommended and I knew I was looking for liver failure.  Just wondering what you think?  Are you, did you have probs with your liver?  Do you know anything about taking too much guiafenesin and pseudoeffedrin,(what I called the filler in my hydrocodone cough medicine, not like tussio..)?

[Bodymechanic]

I am glad all of you feel so good when your off drugs but I sure as hell don't. I'm always tired, I ache all over and I can never sleep.  I am generally apathetic with no motivation and sometimes can be a pain in the ass to people.  I don't mean being off drugs for a few weeks, I mean being off for years at a time. It is always the pain and the general fatigue that drives me back to the opiates.  I truely feel better on them.  I mean in low doses of say 5-10 mg a day of hydro. If I did not abuse them, which of course I always do, I would be fine.  

I have been reading in the psychiatric literate about numerous cases of depression related to depletion of endogenous endorpines (just a theory).  I can't help but wonder if that is what is wrong with me.  The usual antidepressants usually make me much worse. I'm sure I can go on forever like this but the quality of my life inside myself is not nearly what it could be.  I also think I could help a lot more people if I didn't always feel boarderline shitty all the time.  Yes I found God a long time ago.


Looking for the cure


Peace

[Sundown]

At the time I was taking so much vike ES, I didn't care if it killed me. All I wanted was the relief the hydro offered. Yes, the dose of tylenol was crazy, up to 35 GRAMS a day, potentially fatal. How it didn't kill my liver is amazing. I guess I thank god that it didn't kill me. I certainly know of people who have dies from those kinds of doses, but at the time I was so out of control it didn't matter. That goes to show how twisted and destuctive the drive for opiates can be.

I noticed you have been using vicoprofen. While the motrin may not be directly toxic to the liver like tylenol, high doses can cause bleeding ulcers and kidney damage. Remeber, none of this stuff is safe, they all kill you slowly but surely.

I know how scary stopping is. Believe me, I never thought I would ever escape from the nightmare and really thought I would end up dead. It was when I finally reached my bottom, lost my family, my home, and my business that I finally began to see that the final loss would be me. That's when I chose life. Stopping a 300 to 400 hydro habit scared me but I knew I had to. I did it only with a few days of Darvon to soften the blow. Suprisingly, the withdrawl wasn't as bad as the misery I felt using the damn drugs.

I am now preparing to live my life again. I still have a beautiful 7 year old daughter who still needs her daddy. Now she may actually have one again.

No matter how seductive the drugs may be, remember they are your enemy. They seduce and kill. The fact that you are coming to this forum suggests you are starting to see that for yourself. Please believe there is a good life on the other side.

Sundown

[Sundown]

I just posted to taeme, and when I went back to the forum, another comment welcoming me to the forum seemed to have " diaappeared". I tried reloading the forum several times but never found the post again. At any rate, thanks for welcoming me and for your support. I owe a lot to the forum and the fine people who have had the courage to share their stories and provide hope and safety to me over the last month. I guess my way of thanking you all is by finally stepping up and posting my story as well with the hope that someone else might find hope from my experience.

I never thought I could break this addiction. I was convinced that I would spend the rest of my life (as long as it lasted) stuck in addiction. If I could do it, believe me, anyone can. I knew every trick to getting my drugs, I used every rationale to keep using (after all, if it took away my "pain", why would I ever stop).

To all of you, thank you for "being there". While you may not have been posting support to me directly, you actually were a great source of comfort and support. I owe you all a debt of gratitude. Now I hope to give back by talking to all of you. I welcome your friendship and support. We all need each other, and we are not alone in our struggles.

Sundown

[Bodymechanic]

I mean this in a kind and loving way but it seems to me you have come a long way in a very short time.  Just a few posts ago you were asking about online pharmacies.  Now you are asking people what they were thinking while off on a drug run.  I am not judgeing you and I am definately not trying to be confrontational but I think you might do well with a lot more introspection and less making suggestions. If I am stepping over a the line here someone please tell me. I learned in 12 step meetings a long time ago that I do much better with a lot more listening and a lot less talking.

You are difinately on the right track, keep up the good work.  We will all support you.

Peace

[taeme]

I see what your saying, but my advice was with reference to coke which I've been there and done it, and not touched a drop of it in over 4 yrs. So that's the only place I offer advice, as far as opiodes go I have no advice just suggestions that I have on good authority. I never imply to have the answer or presume to be better than anyone.  I'm a talker and conversational type person thats how I help myself with a sort of interaction.  As far as listening goes, speak away I am listening.  I give no judgement and expect none.  I appreciate your opinion and as I said above my only advice comes from what I do know.  See I can see the reality of my own problem but I just don't know that I care.  I just want to be happy.

[taeme]

I'm reading through the messages and I hope that I'm not stepping on toes.  I have no intension of doing this. I like a lot of you have extensive knowledge about medications, I also have a strong medical background.  I've always know what these things could do before I even started.  I just didn't care anything, any medicine that made me feel good.  Start with my favorites, work my way down until they're all gone.  Down to the benadryl and the Nyquil, alcohol at times, but I can really drink (thank god) cause it give me a migraine not always but you just never know and thats one of the pains I'm trying to alleviate not create.  Just wanted to ask.  It is not my intension by any means.

[puma]

(Bodymachanic),

You hit the nail on the head. They have proven some people have lower endorphines and Dopamines than others just as diabetics have higher blood suger production.

I also feel like **** most of the time and would love to be able to take anything I want to relieve the pain when it gets bad. We don't have much say so however, and the addictions are well documented, for these various things as you know.


(Teamee), you have been posting for several days and still seem to looking for that quick desperation fix. Sorry if I am too blunt.

I really think you need a thorough checkup, and I am sure you can get relief somewhere.

You mentioned you don't drink much but take Nyquil! What do you think is in Nyquil that make people sleep? (Alcohol).

If you are going the alcohol route for relief just buy cheap Gin and mix it. It surely will make you sleep better than Niquil, but remember eventually you will have to deal with the skakes in the morning and start to drink 24/7 for relief.

I was lucky, I caught my addiction in time before any liver damage or dementia set in. Some may disagree, LOL! I did have some interesting detox sessions at the mental health center though, swearing, violence, tie downs, the whole nine yards. And that was with meds for relief from withdrawal symptoms.

If you think that is what you want for your life, than online pharmicies in your best bet.

I pray you decide to come clean and give it up. I know it's hard. I've been fighting this **** for over four years. So many people here even for much longer than that.

Tell us more about your life and why you need to numb yourself or sedate yourself from the world please! Belive me, I am not preaching as I am no angle here, just concerned and trying to recover like most people on this forum. Sorry for babbling.

Take care,

Chatahan

[suzieneedshelp]

I tooo have chronic severe migraines.  Nothing worse than your head feeling like its splitting open or like a knife is stabbing you there. WEll, I am sure there is worse like neuropathy or other pains I am not aware of that go on 24/7.  Can not concentrate on anything else with that kinda head pain though.  It makes for some desparate moments. But plz tell us why you cannot get a prescription for imitrex or one of those great new drugs? Is it the money?  They are very expensive and no generics yet.  I became addicted to stadol long before they came out with those that really go to the  heart of the matter and are not addictive.  But...even  now.. there are times when my headaches are not helped by the imitrex.  And I simply need a pain med so I can maybe sleep it off.  Other wise I can not sleep.  WEll dear we are all here for you.  I am still on the stadol. So..we are not all in recovery yet.  Take care and keep  postin!
Suzie

[taeme]

Thanks guys.  As far as the imitrex goes, they won't prescribe it to me here, at least not yet.  I think cause they don't believe I have headaches.  And the money issue simply limits any doctor shopping to find someone that will truly listen to my problems, however I've contacted a Dr. I know who is going to send me some free imitrex, told me to take wellbutrin as a preventative and is going to see if I need a Beta blocker.  He also talked about a few other migraine meds he's going to let me try.  When I receive those I'll tell you guys what they are and if they work.  Do you know where any migrain meds have any addictive potential, one's that I should steer clear of.  How about midrin?

[taeme]

One thing I have going for me is that I don't like pot, and I really don't like alcohol.  I thought besides the alcohol in the niquil it was as the antihistamine, maybe benadryl that helped me to go to sleep.

[Starraven]

I was prescribed Midrin for my headaches.  I was on them for about nine months due to headaches, before that I was on fiorinal.  I know that the fiorinal has a barbituate in it, but Midrin has a sedative in it as well.  I got the quoted information below from the internet.

"MIDRIN®

Midrin is used for abortive relief of migraine and tension headaches. It is a combination medication containing isometheptene (vascular constrictor), acetaminophen (analgesic), and dichloralphenazone (mild sedative).

Midrin is effective for many patients, and especially when taken early in the attack. On occasion, it is used for limited periods of time as a preventative. It is considered to be non-addicting and associated with minimal rebound effects."

I believe you can actually get Imitrex from the online sources on the net, and you did say you had documentation/records of your headaches, so I don't see why you can't get some releif from non addictive medications.  I will do a search for you.  IF you want email me here (***@****) and if I find any information on imitrex on the net I will email you back. (NOTE: two nn's in ***@****) That is, if imitrex is really what you are looking for, versus narcotics or barbituates.

Oh, also, if you have trouble sleeping, I found Melatonin to be very effective when I need it.  You can purchase this from GNC, also when I start feeling edgy I take Kava Kava root that is also available at the Healthfood store.  (although if taken excessively I think it too can cause liver problems, so I take it only when i really feel the edginess)
Hope this helps
Hugs,
Suze

[taeme]

No I am really intersted I think he is going to send me samples and midrin may be one of them.  I just wanted to make sure cause I heard somethings about people kind of getting high off of it.  But you know if you have an addictive personality you can get hooked on vitamin C, cause I guess a lot of it is psychological.  I too have tried melatonin, I've used it for about 3 years now, some times I use it every night for months, but for the most part I use it maybe just once a month. I can actually use this like a normal person.  I agree, I think it works too.  It doesn't make me sleepy it just somehow tells my body to relax enough to fall asleep. (I do not feel anything I just know that I'm not longer unable to sleep, hard to explain).  Thanks for your interest and concern it is always appreciated.  Taeme

[trout]

Valium sucks!  What a terrible high.  Have fun sleeping and remember this, it takes a lot longer to got through benzo withdrawls than it does opioid WD, so party on with your bad self.