Hi everyone. I am new to this forum. Brand new! I am a 31 year old married male. I have a son, he is 3. I've battled addiction for probably close to 10-12 years now. Mostly alcohol...some marijuana...and recently vicodin/percocet. I "stopped" drinking about 3 or 4 months ago (drinking regularly that is) and started taking vicodin then percocet. A few years ago, I went to AA for about4 months...didnt drink, did well on it but I didnt stick with it. I just didnt really enjoy it. I started taking pills (of course in my mind, that was okay because I wasnt drinking). But within a few months, alcohol was cheaper than buying percs on the street so I went back to drinking. Today, I have been completely sober for 4 days. I guess the point is that I have been "on something" for the last 10-12 years. I'm a "functioning" addict. I have a steady job and have the entire time...I never drank or did percs while my son was awake. But regardless of the day...once he was in bed...I either drank, smoked or pop a few percs. I dont wanna do this anymore. I want to live a clean, healthier life. For myself, my wife, my son especially...my family.
I've been at work all week...I'm functioning. My withdrawal from the percs isnt too bad since I wasnt taking them all day or a ton. Only 2 or 3 every night. I guess now I'm just scared to the future. Like, I always looked forward to my nights...whether beer, wine, liquor, percs...whatever. And now...I'm having trouble adjusting to everything. I know its only been 4 days...will I ever return to "normal"? As odd as it sounds, the last few nights...I've felt like my day/night ended at 8pm when my son went to bed. I always enjoyed my time with him the most, since he was born. But then he went to bed and it was time to "feel good" every night. Now I wanna "feel good" without substances. I dont even know if there is a try answer to this. I'm excited and optimistic, yet scared and anxious for the coming days/weeks/months. Does anyone have any advice or optimistic words you can provide?
JHDM