Hello~~

[skinderella]

Opps.. I posted this in the wrong Place... My Bad

Well, Its been about 5 yrs since I last remember being off some sort of Hydro...
It always seems to follow me... When my RX is out, somebody leaves a bottle on a counter, and for some reason, I feel like its mine to take??  I have switched tylenol for hyrdo with friends who I know will NEVER know, cause they dont take them.  If a friend has surgery, you bet your butt I am the best to take care of them, cause... Well u know why!  I hate that this little pill controls my life!  I work in the medical field, so its even worse.  I have not gone as far as doing anything @ work yet, but I have thought about it!! Sooo Sad.  I have NOBODY to talk to.  I sorta told my mom when my last RX ran out, and then... What do we have here?? Another 120 Norco, just keep poping up!  (My fiend sells them 2 me for $2 a pill and I sell for $5, and that gives me my 100 for free)So she thinks I am off, but I have surgery next week, and the first thing she asked me was "do u need any hyrocodone?" So she is obviously not that bright about addiction.
I now have 10 Norco, 10 Morphine and 30 Oxycodone! My friend fills on the 8th, and I soooooo dont want to get them anymore, not only is what I am doing illegal, but its with close friends so I am not that worried.... BUT I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Urggggg... Just wanted to vent, I am new to this and this is my first post!
Hello~~~

[theeagle]

Apparently you arent familiar with the wording of the Hippocratic Oath?  First of all - do no harm. How does that fit with being in the medical field and stealing patients and friends (?) medications?

I replied to your other post - there are several Nurses on the forum that would probably talk with you. But I would like to add my input. You are strongly at risk of losing your job. Losing your friends, going to jail, and losing your life. If you really want your life back you will knock it off. You will cut off all supply - Docs and friends. You will establish a plan with a quit date and you will do your absolute best to hold to it. You will find some form of aftecare - NA/AA/SMART recovery/this forum ......... And hopefully the laws of karma wont catch up with you.  And knock off the illegal stuff yesterday - apparently you have never been in a Federal Prison - thats where RX fraud people go -  I spent 3 years in one and you really dontt want to go there.  Get smart.........

[skinderella]

Yes I know what I am doing is VERY Bad, and Yes I want my life back.  I was NEVER like this before.  I try to remember being "sober from pills" and Its hard to remember.  I had an accident, broke my back and it just started from there.. I went to Pain mng for help, and they just RX 120 Norco w 2 refills!!!!!  What kind of doc does that to a Health 31 yr ols female.  I am single, just lost 50 lbs, had some Lipo and I want more than anything to get back to Normal..  I am READY to quit, also these silly pills make me CRAVE ciggs!!!  When i dont take a pill a Cigg is discusting to me!!! How werid!!

They just founf cancer cells in my cervix, and my surgery is Next tuesday, so after that recovery I am deleting all numbers from my phone and quitting cold Turkey.. I have thought on more than 1 occasion to tell my doctor to STOP refilling my meds!!!!! But what if i get through the W/D fine and 1 day need a few.  I feel like telling my doc just give me like 10, not 200 ya know.... The more I have the more I take!!!! Blabla bla

But Trust me I have tried and failed, B/C of W/D, but I know I can do it!  I have been looking @ herbs and I thing I am gonna try Velvet Bean...

Ever heard of this!!!!!
Please dont think Bad of me :(
Just talking about this is a huge Step 4 me!

[theeagle]

Actually i just scrolled here to make another note for you....... First of all - - WELCOME TO THE MEDHELP FORUM!!   Thats a better foot to get off on, isnt it?  And apparently I dont remember the things that I did not that many years ago to obtain pills. It does bite!  You are sounding pretty good - you still have few things to work on - but we all have that. It wasnt the Docs fault that you got the pills. Nor his/hers that you took them. You might want to check out a post on the Social Side that speaks of this very condition! Should still be up toward the top....  Sorry about the cancer cells - I did a clinical trial at Mayo 13 years ago for the liver ...... that part doesnt make it any easier.  And get that part out of your head about needing the pills in the future - - - - your in the medical field - patients get pain meds when they need them - - jeeeezz.....I am a drug addict and I get them when necessary!! Keep that part in mind.  Besides - pain will not kill you - narcotics will.  I do not think badly of you ... like I volunteered...I must have forgotten some of the things that I did. Addiction will make you a different person and also make you do some strange things. I am not familiar with the Velvet Bean - Velvet Rabbit...Yes..... Bean ..No.   But I will look into it and get back to you - addiction is a hobby of mine, you might say.  This is a huge step for you - - and I wish you well with it!  I will look into a Bean - - -  eagle

[imanaddict]

No one thinks bad of you. You are in the right place to talk about this and get help and support. Soooo many of us have been right where you are, including myself. It took a big wake up call for me to stop and I'd hate for you to go through the same. It's better to WD at home where you can do things to ease the WD's rather than in jail.

YES you CAN do this if you want it bad enough. Aftercare is a MUST! As many many people on here have said in other posts- "Getting clean is the easy part. STAYING clean is the hard part."

Check out the Thomas Recipe for a list of things to help you thru WD. I found a REALLY HOT bath to help tremendously. I stayed in the bath for a good 2 hours and kept refilling the water as hot as I could stand it. If you have access to a hot tub, that would be even better. Keep yourself hydrated with water and vitamins. Also exercise will help too but it will be hard to muster the energy. You have to find some inner strength to accomplish your goal.

And last, don't be ashamed or think anyone will think bad of you. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing, and your progress. Sign up for the addiction tracker on your page so you can track your progress. I wish you all the best!

[theeagle]

Not sure why you would do the Velvet Bean for withdrawals........it has some serotonin and dopamine qualities...but not much. Has been used as a coffee substitute in some places... and as an aphrodesiac......But I find no reference at all to the w/d's..... Maybe you should look up Kratom if you must have something like that - - at least its semi valid........ And props for signing up for the addiction tracker already .... you are making some good moves.

[imanaddict]

I live in Dallas also! Sweet!

[skinderella]

I also have no insurance :(
And I hear the detox meds r very expensive. I think I can cope w support from here. I have a plan!!
Yoga, dancing, family,
I just joined LA fitness, and I love to dance.
I have some Xzanax for anxiety, not worried about them, I have had the rx for over a year. I have 2 months supply of lunesta. Just need to locate a hot tub and I think I will make it!!!
Thanks its great 2 know people r there 4 me

[theeagle]

Sounds like you have a program and a plan ...... and a place for support.  Thats a good recipe to succeed......... Best of luck -  eagle

[skinderella]

Just want to thank u all for your help!! I will need it even more next week after my surgery!!!