Aa
Help, please I feel useless and can't admit I have a disease
I don't know wtf is wrong w me. I promised myself I wld taper down and was doing so good and then I wld har a bad day w my back and just make an excuse to justify taking more. I sorted my meds into daily doses, that worked for a Cple days. My mom or husband was goig to talke my pills away and give them to me daily but I think neither really wants to, it makes them feel like a dealer.several weeks ago I started having panic attacks and thinking I was going to die. I called my primary dr and confessed. We then took blood and saw my liver enzymes were slightly elevated. It was enough to scare the crap out of me so I dropped my dose significantly and I promised this wld be the last month of pills. I haven't tapered nearly enough or close to what I was suppose to. My dr doesn't want me to ct due to otter health issues. I don't want to go on sub and I've been to a Cple NA mtgs but honeslty it wasn't really for me just yet and I felt funny being there while still using. So here I am exhausted and have to be up for work and kids in a few hours and I'm panicking that I'm going to die because I took a few more today then I was suppose to. I'm sure this is in my head but I'm scared. I love my kids MOrE then the world so why can't I admit I have a disease and treat it?
It's great to have faith but I honestly believe it's not going to heal pain or deal w life and stress. I
Am so sorry u have so many health problems and pain. It's awful. Makes me feel horrible for complainIng when u have so much going on. U r a real trooper. How r u? How r u feeling?
Am so sorry u have so many health problems and pain. It's awful. Makes me feel horrible for complainIng when u have so much going on. U r a real trooper. How r u? How r u feeling?
I am new and I just realized that I am an addict I was clean for a month and half went threw withdrawals for almost 3 weeks vomiting/fever/shakes/body pains/my own skin hurt/I could not even get out of bed / unable to eat but saltin crackers n ensure.....but yet I related this to my strep throat...... how naive...... I was diagnosed with LUPOS, REMTHOID ARTHRITIS, RAYNUAD PHENOMEN, CHRONIC GASTRITIS, GALLBLADDER DYSFUNCTION, HUGE ULCER AND HPV ALREADY HAD 3 FREEZING N 1 LEAP..... BEEN CLEAR FOR 5 YRS NOW THAT WE WERE PLANNING OUR SECOND CHILD IRONY OF LIFE AGAIN I have lesions of percancerosas cells in my cervical......
Last nite at midnight a took a 500mg of viccidin bc I was in so much pain/stress.
My 5yr broke his tailbone
My husband our sole provider got a horrible cold n has this terrible back pain in which he can barely walk he does not take meds but went to a chiropractor..... but last nite his pain did not let him sleep I tried my best to take care of them but bc my immune is so weak I got sick with the cold yesterday too n my body pains started to act up. By midnight I could not take anymore so I said whatever let me see what I have for the pain n I took it went to sleep until 3 am woke up with anxiety n wanting it to be time for next dose that's when I realized I had I problem...... n started to look up web sites n came a cross this one...... I have not been able to sleep n I just took like an 1 hr ago half of 500mg what am I to do..... by the way I stopped taking the pills in one week the 1st time around I was on 725mg every 3 hrs when pain was too severe I would take 1450 every 8hrs while I was on a pain patch...... this was given to me after my release of my 2 weeks stay in the hospital on DILAUDID every 3hrs....... I all of the sudden decided I didn't need this viccidin so I just stopped taking in that same week I got strep throat n all those withdrawal symptoms began.... how stupid was I!!!!!! I didn't take any medicine for a month and half bc I was taking a leap of faith a friend of my mother (Christian) told me that I was healed n not to take my meds so I had not taken none of my meds not even for my lupos nothing until last night at midnight that I failed n took viccidin n felt so strange....... like I need more..... help pls.....
Last nite at midnight a took a 500mg of viccidin bc I was in so much pain/stress.
My 5yr broke his tailbone
My husband our sole provider got a horrible cold n has this terrible back pain in which he can barely walk he does not take meds but went to a chiropractor..... but last nite his pain did not let him sleep I tried my best to take care of them but bc my immune is so weak I got sick with the cold yesterday too n my body pains started to act up. By midnight I could not take anymore so I said whatever let me see what I have for the pain n I took it went to sleep until 3 am woke up with anxiety n wanting it to be time for next dose that's when I realized I had I problem...... n started to look up web sites n came a cross this one...... I have not been able to sleep n I just took like an 1 hr ago half of 500mg what am I to do..... by the way I stopped taking the pills in one week the 1st time around I was on 725mg every 3 hrs when pain was too severe I would take 1450 every 8hrs while I was on a pain patch...... this was given to me after my release of my 2 weeks stay in the hospital on DILAUDID every 3hrs....... I all of the sudden decided I didn't need this viccidin so I just stopped taking in that same week I got strep throat n all those withdrawal symptoms began.... how stupid was I!!!!!! I didn't take any medicine for a month and half bc I was taking a leap of faith a friend of my mother (Christian) told me that I was healed n not to take my meds so I had not taken none of my meds not even for my lupos nothing until last night at midnight that I failed n took viccidin n felt so strange....... like I need more..... help pls.....
I am new and I just realized that I am an addict I was clean for a month and half went threw withdrawals for almost 3 weeks vomiting/fever/shakes/body pains/my own skin hurt/I could not even get out of bed / unable to eat but saltin crackers n ensure.....but yet I related this to my strep throat...... how naive...... I was diagnosed with LUPOS, REMTHOID ARTHRITIS, RAYNUAD PHENOMEN, CHRONIC GASTRITIS, GALLBLADDER DYSFUNCTION, HUGE ULCER AND HPV ALREADY HAD 3 FREEZING N 1 LEAP..... BEEN CLEAR FOR 5 YRS NOW THAT WE WERE PLANNING OUR SECOND CHILD IRONY OF LIFE AGAIN I have lesions of percancerosas cells in my cervical......
Last nite at midnight a took a 500mg of viccidin bc I was in so much pain/stress.
My 5yr broke his tailbone
My husband our sole provider got a horrible cold n has this terrible back pain in which he can barely walk he does not take meds but went to a chiropractor..... but last nite his pain did not let him sleep I tried my best to take care of them but bc my immune is so weak I got sick with the cold yesterday too n my body pains started to act up. By midnight I could not take anymore so I said whatever let me see what I have for the pain n I took it went to sleep until 3 am woke up with anxiety n wanting it to be time for next dose that's when I realized I had I problem...... n started to look up web sites n came a cross this one...... I have not been able to sleep n I just took like an 1 hrago
Last nite at midnight a took a 500mg of viccidin bc I was in so much pain/stress.
My 5yr broke his tailbone
My husband our sole provider got a horrible cold n has this terrible back pain in which he can barely walk he does not take meds but went to a chiropractor..... but last nite his pain did not let him sleep I tried my best to take care of them but bc my immune is so weak I got sick with the cold yesterday too n my body pains started to act up. By midnight I could not take anymore so I said whatever let me see what I have for the pain n I took it went to sleep until 3 am woke up with anxiety n wanting it to be time for next dose that's when I realized I had I problem...... n started to look up web sites n came a cross this one...... I have not been able to sleep n I just took like an 1 hrago
Ur prob wondering why I'm getting pills, it's because I'm slowly tapering. Working well cuz I'm having min to no WD. And I wS taking ALot 15-20 -10/325 percs. Down to 7.5-8 a day. It's still a lot but much less .
Well because my amount of pills is decreasing, I have no choice bit to stick to mytaper. I c my dr Monday and will not get the usual amount of pills, now that I am Down a bit. Not sleeping great but that's mostly depression.
Sara was being witty and teasing me...we do that a lot....
Listen: Call it what it is: an addiction. It doesn't have to be progressive or fatal (which is a definition of "disease") just acknowledge it and fix it! You'll feel a lot better when you're through with the pills...I promise!! It takes some work but every single day clean begets another and it becomes simple. We'll help you as you help yourself. The most important element that absolutely needs to be present is your desire to be clean! The rest will happen;it's a mindset!
How are you today?
Listen: Call it what it is: an addiction. It doesn't have to be progressive or fatal (which is a definition of "disease") just acknowledge it and fix it! You'll feel a lot better when you're through with the pills...I promise!! It takes some work but every single day clean begets another and it becomes simple. We'll help you as you help yourself. The most important element that absolutely needs to be present is your desire to be clean! The rest will happen;it's a mindset!
How are you today?
Did I miss something? Who wAs being rude? And who is pms'ing? I'm way to tired for this confusion, lol. Was there a post removed that I slept thru? I didn't think anyone or anything is rude. I'm fine ? Clarify please, inquiring minds want to know
One problem with online discussion? You can't hear someones tone of voice or see their expression. I read over my last comment and realized it could've seemed nasty or snide, and that was NOT my intention at all, I just wanted to rephrase my previous statement. I hope there was no misunderstanding :) I have tons of respect for you all and don't want to seem rude.
And here I was feeling good about my post... Excuse my "language", I didn't mean to offend or ruffle feathers, please allow me to rephrase. Once you admit there is a PROBLEM (I think we can all agree it's a problem?), you can work on fixing/changing the problem. (I PERSONALLY feel addiction is a disease, but I'm aware the jury is out on that and I'm not interested in trying to make anyone into believing what I believe.) We wouldn't beat someone up for having a Problem, so don't beat yourself up for it. Like I said, AA/NA is not for everyone, and that's surely one reason why.
COMMUNITY LEADER
So to sum this whole thing up...You have PMS??!!!
Eebb......dont get hung up on the 'wording" of things. Just do what you need to do to get off the drugs and live a clean and healthy life. You can do this!!
Eebb......dont get hung up on the 'wording" of things. Just do what you need to do to get off the drugs and live a clean and healthy life. You can do this!!
Uh how about just work on getting out from under "it" regardless on how you call it- which really is ridiculous. Do what it takes to get clean and don't get hung up on semantics. Its a problem- fix the problem. (I actually don't disagree with the whole problem of labeling of someone this or that, but that is not the point). Take whatever works for you from meetings, nobody says you have to believe everything or drink the kool-aid entirely. Just get clean and work on staying clean using everything at your disposal...
LOL You can always call "it" what I've called "it" :
A Prescription Medication Situation
A Prescription Medication Situation
Your thoughts always astonish me. Sometimes I feel my resistance to NA /AA and stating that I'm not sure I believe being addicted is a disease has definitely ruffled some feathers. Everytime I questioned anything I'm told it's my disease talking and my disease making excuses. I AM diabetic, that's my disease. I am addicted and dependent on pain pills, that I can admit. Saying my addiction is a disease is difficult for me to swallow
Hello. The whole "addiction as a disease" debate needn't be a hurdle to your own recovery journey. Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to admit to having a disease to reclaim your life.
The chequered origins of the disease theory make for great reading and would be extremely entertaining if it weren't for the serious implications that can arise from telling people with a behavioural problem that they suffer from an incurable disease.
The first recorded proponent of the disease theory is Declaration of Independance signatory , Benjamin Rush. He proposed that alcoholism is a disease in the early 1800's and is one of the first recorded physicians to make such a claim. He also believed that being black was a serious affliction named Negrotude as well as endorsing a similar disease called Drapetomania which is the condition which caused black slaves to try and escape captivity.
In the 1940's the father of modern disease theory, E M Jellenik wrote his thesis outlining the disease of alcoholism. His ideas still make up the prevailing wisdom in spite of evidence disputing his medical credentials ( http://www.roizen.com/ron/rr11.htm ) . The whole basis for his theory was built upon a questionaire where he conveniently cherry picked the questionaires which supported his theory and disposed of the rest. The story goes that of the 158 completed questionaires, he disregarded 60 because they contradicted his theory.
Most medical professionals are also reluctant to label addiction/alcoholism as a disease as evidenced in the following citations.
"A survey of physicians at an annual conference of the International Doctors in Alcoholics Anonymous reported that 80 percent believe that alcoholism is merely bad behavior instead of a disease. (Barrier to Treatment. Alcoholmd - Information About Alcohol and Medicine)"
"Another study found that only 25 percent of physicians believed that alcoholism is a disease. The majority believed alcoholism to be a social or psychological problem instead of a disease. (S.I. Mignon. Physicians' Perceptions of Alcoholics: The Disease Concept Reconsidered. Alcoholism Treatment Quarterly, 1996, v. 14, no. 4, pp. 33-45)"
There is also the whole nosology issue which is the science which deals with the classification of diseases. One of the fundemental criteria for a disease is it's ability exist in a corpse. So far, there is no determinable addiction pathology.
So, there are compelling reasons why it makes sense not to succumb to the flawed medicine behind the disease theory. Regardless of what people choose to believe it isnt important. What helped me was to acknowledge that I had "IT" ( whatever "IT" is) and needed to take action to overcome "IT"
All the best on your journey. Regards Jeremy ( ex addict)
3 years 6 months drug and alcohol free.
The chequered origins of the disease theory make for great reading and would be extremely entertaining if it weren't for the serious implications that can arise from telling people with a behavioural problem that they suffer from an incurable disease.
The first recorded proponent of the disease theory is Declaration of Independance signatory , Benjamin Rush. He proposed that alcoholism is a disease in the early 1800's and is one of the first recorded physicians to make such a claim. He also believed that being black was a serious affliction named Negrotude as well as endorsing a similar disease called Drapetomania which is the condition which caused black slaves to try and escape captivity.
In the 1940's the father of modern disease theory, E M Jellenik wrote his thesis outlining the disease of alcoholism. His ideas still make up the prevailing wisdom in spite of evidence disputing his medical credentials ( http://www.roizen.com/ron/rr11.htm ) . The whole basis for his theory was built upon a questionaire where he conveniently cherry picked the questionaires which supported his theory and disposed of the rest. The story goes that of the 158 completed questionaires, he disregarded 60 because they contradicted his theory.
Most medical professionals are also reluctant to label addiction/alcoholism as a disease as evidenced in the following citations.
"A survey of physicians at an annual conference of the International Doctors in Alcoholics Anonymous reported that 80 percent believe that alcoholism is merely bad behavior instead of a disease. (Barrier to Treatment. Alcoholmd - Information About Alcohol and Medicine)"
"Another study found that only 25 percent of physicians believed that alcoholism is a disease. The majority believed alcoholism to be a social or psychological problem instead of a disease. (S.I. Mignon. Physicians' Perceptions of Alcoholics: The Disease Concept Reconsidered. Alcoholism Treatment Quarterly, 1996, v. 14, no. 4, pp. 33-45)"
There is also the whole nosology issue which is the science which deals with the classification of diseases. One of the fundemental criteria for a disease is it's ability exist in a corpse. So far, there is no determinable addiction pathology.
So, there are compelling reasons why it makes sense not to succumb to the flawed medicine behind the disease theory. Regardless of what people choose to believe it isnt important. What helped me was to acknowledge that I had "IT" ( whatever "IT" is) and needed to take action to overcome "IT"
All the best on your journey. Regards Jeremy ( ex addict)
3 years 6 months drug and alcohol free.
When you walk in to an AA/NA meeting, they tell you the only requirement is a DESIRE to stop, and they mean it. You don't have to already be clean, no one there is judging you because they've all been where you are. I've gone to many a meetings with my head hung low, ashamed to admit I'd used. The people there embraced me, told me there was NOTHING to be ashamed of, and to keep coming back. There were days I would go straight from a meeting to the liquor store, but I went back the next day like they said, and it really helped with the shame, embarrassment, guilt, and all the other negative emotions that come with addiction. It took inpatient treatment to get me off alcohol, but without those meetings I wouldn't have stated sober as long as I did (I've been addicted to painkillers the last 8 months and am currently in an outpatient treatment program and AA/NA, today is my first day clean). The meetings aren't for everyone, but for many they help, so I would definitely try again if I were you, but there are many forms of emotional/psychological care for addiction and maybe you'll find something else that works better for you.
It's funny, we all have a preconceived notion of "those people", "the addicts", and what they are like, and then we find ourselves with a problem and come here and meet other people with addictions and our whole perception changes. We realize addicts are just like the "normal" people we know, but with a disease. Admitting our problem is hard, we feel weak and as if we've let ourselves and others down, but that isn't the case. If anything addicts are strong. We wouldn't call someone with diabetes or cancer weak, useless, or tell them they've let us down, addiction is a disease too, and we can't blame ourself or anyone else for it.
You've admitted to us that there's a problem, maybe that will help you admit it to yourself. You didn't let anyone down. Please don't be so hard on yourself or blame yourself for this. No one chooses to be an addict, but once we accept it we can choose to do something about it. Good luck, keep posting, and keep reading.
It's funny, we all have a preconceived notion of "those people", "the addicts", and what they are like, and then we find ourselves with a problem and come here and meet other people with addictions and our whole perception changes. We realize addicts are just like the "normal" people we know, but with a disease. Admitting our problem is hard, we feel weak and as if we've let ourselves and others down, but that isn't the case. If anything addicts are strong. We wouldn't call someone with diabetes or cancer weak, useless, or tell them they've let us down, addiction is a disease too, and we can't blame ourself or anyone else for it.
You've admitted to us that there's a problem, maybe that will help you admit it to yourself. You didn't let anyone down. Please don't be so hard on yourself or blame yourself for this. No one chooses to be an addict, but once we accept it we can choose to do something about it. Good luck, keep posting, and keep reading.
Look- I'm not depressed but my addiction doc that I went on quick Sub treatment put me on low dose anti-depression Celexa for the very purpose of helping me deal with depression after coming off long term painkiller use! Listen to your doc- they know what they are talking about... I would never think I would need it but it's helping!! I'm 31 days clean and I took them when I started my detox because they take 3-4 weeks to start working.. So if you start now they will kick in right on time!!! I would do it for sure
And yeah- I didn't think I was "one of those people" either but I did whatever it took to be clean so went to AA.. Didnt like NA personally even though I didn't have a drinking problem per se.. So try other meetings and find people you like!! I go almost every day now and I actually like it...
How bad do you want it? Because you have to do whatever it takes.. Otherwise you won't be able to stop. The support of others like us helps so much- check your ego at the door and go.. It works if you work it
And yeah- I didn't think I was "one of those people" either but I did whatever it took to be clean so went to AA.. Didnt like NA personally even though I didn't have a drinking problem per se.. So try other meetings and find people you like!! I go almost every day now and I actually like it...
How bad do you want it? Because you have to do whatever it takes.. Otherwise you won't be able to stop. The support of others like us helps so much- check your ego at the door and go.. It works if you work it
Thank you. I always beat myself up. I realize that and my new therapist said that too :-) I walk around w enormous guilt all the time. My dr wants to put me on anti depressants but I think I shod wait till I'm clear and clean first. Idk
i think you are beating yourelf up too much, you say about seeing yourself as one of "those people", but if you think of people like sara, gnarly, etc, you think of strong , purposeful folks, and yet they are addicts, but addicts in recovery, thats the huge difference, it is scary, but you will get there, i am sure . hold your head high, you are worth more than the pills, and you too can get your life back!, god bless.
Thank u both. I think I'm just so scared to see myself as ' one of those people'. That's the stupid mentality I've had. I'm Just So scared. I know I'm not alone but still I'm petrified. I've been add Ted for over a year & I don't want to b someone that ends up being on them 3,5,10 years. When I first started realizing I was addicted, I cld see the light ST the end, I wld say' just another month and then I'd be done. Now I look ahead and can't see how I'd function w out pills. I feel so useless. I failed my entire family. I wish my kids had a better mother
COMMUNITY LEADER
It is very hard to taper on your own so dont get so down on yourself. I remember being scared of what life would be off pills. When my health started to deteriorate i took a long hard look at where my life was heading and finally i realized the only place i was headed was 6 ft under. The reason? I was an addict, no matter what excuse i looked for i kept coming back to the same thing...i was an addict and i needed help. This will be your first step in getting this really going. There is whole new world out here just waiting for you~~sara
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