Help Please!

Ok my name is Cori, I'm 23 yrs old and have a 2 yr old son and am married. My husband's name is Jeremy. Jeremy has had an alcohol problem and even went to jail for 4 months for duis. It has been 4 yrs since then and had been doing really good. In the last year he's starting taking medicine from my dad and other people's medicine cabinets. My dad has some health issues and takes methadone as well as fentanyl (for terminal cancer patients sucker lollipop like medicine). Jeremy would deny taking it even when I'd find it on him in his bag, etc. He would wrap it up in toilet paper and put it in his pocket and even when confronted still deny it say he just found it on the floor or something. He's had a pretty rough upbringing and a lot of emotional issues never dealt with. In the last year we've also been seeing the doctor for depression/anxiety. He would be so lathargic sleep all day and still be tired. So we've tried different medicines, effexor (made him mean), ambien for sleeping, switched to zoloft, ativan (which was probably part of making him so tired), and now seroquel. Then they just told him he has low testosterone so is taking medicine for that. Yesterday I guess he drank and then took ativan which I guess makes your 'drunk better'. He was watching our son and when my son woke up from his nap jeremy didn't and my son flooded the kitchen and was crying when my brother in law heard him. I knew something was up cuz jeremy was acting so weird the last two days. we haven't been drinking at all and he thought it was okay yesterday. he admitted to taking my dad's meidcine finally yesterday and that he wants to get help. he told me he would take the methodone cuz it would make him feel normal. He hates feeling weird with sleeping and stuff and i think he is really trying to cover up his emotional issues with alcolhol and pills. What help should I get him? I don't have money for an inpatient thing. What about meetings and meeting with a counselor? Please help!

[GoingToMakeIt]

Counseling is a good choice. If you have a church, most provide counseling. Another option is NA or AA meetings. See if he would read things on this forum. He might open up a bit when he realizes that he is not alone in this.

Welcome to the forum, too!

[corilou]

Thanks, this last day has been so hard. It's like he's finally admitted to his problem and now everytime it's brought up the tears well up. He's such an amazing person and he just needs to take care of himself to be the person he is underneath it all

[joann1975]

cori... i am glad he has admitted he needs help...that is a huge step... i agree with goingtomakeit... i would contact AA or NA right away...you can do a google search and their websites will show meeting times for your area etc... or if you go to church that would be even better in my opinion... best of luck to you and your family and welcome to the forum...you will get lots of support here!

[corilou]

I've thought about that, it's weird though because it's not like he drinks really ever. Just yesterday and then he says 'he's not addicted' to the pills they just make him feel better and he doesn't take them all of the time. He's just so distraught and says he can't believe he let this happen again. his family is terrible, my family is closer to him and my dad has said he'll help pay for everything.

[Mollyrae]

Hi Corilou, I am new to this site but have been reading alot of posts. I too have had a problem simular to Jeremys and what he needs right now is an inpatient program. He might be able to kick it for a while but the temptation is for the most part too strong. With the inpatient program, not only will they be able to ease the addiction but train the mind on how to focus on the good in life and not to constantly chase the high. Because he says he feels normal when he is high means the addiction is very strong. 98% of the time, people relap when it has that strong of a hold on you. I know this because I went through it. If I hadn't gotten professional help I would be living his pain also. Please seek help, you are both too young. Sincerely, Mollyrae

[corilou]

Mollyrae, did you do an inpatient program? How long do you think is necessary?

On Friday we went to my parent's house and he took some of my brother's atterol (sp?) and was so out of it, it was obvious he had taken something.

Even when he tells the truth, he lies like he says he thought it was aspriin or that he found them on the floor.

Yesterday he had a really great day and got up early early cleaning the kitchen to make me feel better so by the end of the day he was way tired and couldn't keep his eyes open.

[louise65]

im on seroquel and i have to say it wipes me out, so it could be contributing. i dont drink but i can imagine on top of the seroquel it would be pretty rough. you are doing well sticking with him and being so understanding, its sounds like you are going to need some sort of outside help of some discription, good luck, louise

[10356]

Hi Corilou
Welcome to the forum as your hubby I too have had a lot of issues with my up-bringing I was addicted to heroin at 16 and after a few years there moved to crank coke what ever I could get my hands on I finally gave up street drugs and started drinking and using prescription drugs this continued for 30 more years... After a almost O.D. my Dr. recommended a Psychiatrist it was the best thing that ever happened to me. It was not easy as it dredged up a lot of past memories but with his help I was able to slay my past and finally put it behind me I quit drinking July4 2007 and have quit my Doc. a little over 2 months ago. I no longer live in the past and have not the need to smother it with drugs or alcohol.
Get him professional help to work out his problems and to help him put them behind him. I wish you and your family all the success in the world.

[corilou]

Thanks so much for your reply. I know inpatient would be ideal but I don't see how that's an option in our situation. I just want him to get better, I've seen him when he's clean and isn't clouded by addictions and I want that person back.

[corilou]

I just want him to be 100% honest now that I know but he still won't. I know it's how its always been for him his family is terrible and if his mom knew all this she would be going crazy. They're more selfish than supportive, so they'd care but not for him just how it affects them .

[lucyred68]

there is a great in-patient organization called Teen Challenge, that is free of charge.  you have to be free of the drugs for a few days, then they take care of you, council you etc.  you live at their facilities for 6 months.  it is faith based, and i have known several who came through the program and stayed clean for many years.  they are still clean today.  it has a great success rate.

Lucy

[10356]

Do you have a private Dr. or belong to a lg. HMO County's also provide psychiatric need's on a sliding scale, you mentioned your family would help pat may-be you can find an alternative. Other wise you have been given some great advice on NA AA or Church.
It is the nature of an addict to lie about addiction..

[sadinmichigan]

It is obvious how much you love your husband..I would just like to say this..after reading your post..your husband has a bigger addiction than what he is really admitting..It is very hard to admit we are addicts..embarrasing,humiliating etc..so i understand that part..I think it's a start, that he has begun admitting, but i don't think he has admitted it all..The things and behaviors you are describing say..ADDICT...and for him to feel better on pills..means he has to be taking them more, than not..They are very easy to obtain either through a Dr.or on the streets and often in the work place..He needs to be honest with himself before he can fix it..would he be willing to come on here and see just how NOT alone he is...with addiction and family issues?? that might help him to open up and really lay it on the line as to what he is doing and how long...

[worried878]

There are meetings around the clock for AA/NA in most every area in the country...[phone] is the number for NA and u can find a meeting close by....it would be great if he would come on the forum as well....he is lucky to have u for support

[Mollyrae]

Yes, I did an inpatient program. I would not be where I am today if it wern't for the professional treatment I recieved. Your Husband has a serious problem and I sounds like he will not admit it. You are only seeing a some of what he takes, you are not seeing what he really does. I know this because I did it. My Husband like you only saw some of it. He was shocked when he found out only after I had admitted it. I was ready for help. Inpatient counselors work on the addiction but also work on what makes you addicted. Take Care, Mollyrae

[Mollyrae]

As for the amount of time to spend in inpatient, that depends on you Husband and how addicted he is.

[corilou]

I'll talk to him about coming on here. I just seriously want this to be all done. These last few days, I don't know if its from finally not taking pills or what but he's been so tired and I can see it in his eyes, is he going thru withdrawal or what? I don't even know. All of the inpatient places I've looked at near me are like $25,000 a month, and that is so out of reach for me.

[newmanagment]

corilou, do ya boyfriend know God at all. i dont push religion on ne one, but there is a place out there called Teen Challenge. it is a spirtually based recovery program. it is in 2 phases, the first phase is four months, and the cost is between 700 and 800 dollars depending on the state you live in. they boast a 98% no relapse rate for people that complete the hole year!!! not only is that almost unbelievable (but true) but like you most of us aint got 25 K layin round!! check it out , best a luck to ya....

[road2recovery]

I am so glad you found this forum, not only to help him but to help  you understand about addiction...I think that he is not telling u everything, and the only way to know is to sit down and really talk this through...As addicts sometimes we tell some but not all.....If he is taking pain medicine, and addrall, then his addiction may be bigger then you think....But the good thing is that at least he is not denying all of it...
There is so much help out there....He may need inpatient, but i understand about the money part... beleive me i know. , ,my daugher is in rehab and it has taking our savings plus more....
I know there are different programs in different states...Some are free..
Look into everything before it gets worst
my prayers are with u and your family
r2r

[corilou]

I'm familiar with the teen challenge program, myself I am LDS but am familiar with the Christian programs. I will definitely look into that thanks. I just want him to get help, he's the most amazing person. He's been thru so much and overcome addiction before and has just fallen back.

[corilou]

The teen challenge program is a year long, there's no way I can do that. I'm meeting with our church leader this week. And then there's church run meetings we're going to try and maybe an na meeting and we're going to start meeting with a psychologist/counselor. He has so much he's had to live thru his dad dying of a drug overdose, abusive stepfather, etc. But I think he'll make it thru

[newmanagment]

it is a year program , and the second phase is usually in pennsylvania... but the recovery rate is untouchable, and even the first phase would give him four months clean and a chance to breath without thinkin bout all the stress of life ya know? but the church run meetings are great too.... tell him to pray on bended knee, and he will receive wut he ask for...

[corilou]

I will. I know I need to do whatever will get him thru this and help him in his recovery but that's huge...a whole year. On their website it says to try your own means meaning meetings, counseling, etc. so I'll do that and see where it takes us, hopefully he'll come to admit the larger scope of it.

[newmanagment]

LOL, while it is a good program, i dropped out cuzza the year thing myself. i cant stand bein way from my babies for a 3 day binge , let alone a year. but he can jus do the first phase if the meeting or all else fails. im tellin ya, bendin a knee and asking for one day of sobriety helps..... if ya can get him to try it.
tell him bout my dad, which i havent known because he was always drunk, and how to this day i wouldnt **** on him if he was on fire because he beat my mom eva time he got drunk. have him think bout this, for every drink he has , pill he pops, line he snorts, or rock he smokes..... His own son will follow and double it.... i use that when i get craving, and jus thinkin bout my kids being cursed with addiction makes me sick enough to pass alot of the times. my family has a looooong history of alcoholism, drug abuse, and general chaos that im tryin to break with my babies.

[newmanagment]

BTW.... wuts a year away if he isnt mentally and spiritually with you ne way?
how many bdays and christmases will be missed if he continues on this path. more than the one of each he would miss if away a year....
just a thought

[lady67]

I agree with newmanagment, what is a year compared to living the rest of his life clean and sober.  I hate that I lost 15 years of my life due to those stupid pills.  I used to do exactly what he did.  i would take pills from family members and wrap them up in toilet paper or a paper towel.  I would even stick them in my bra so no one would see them.  It is a horrible addiction and it turns us into people we would never be without the drugs.  I am so glad to see that you are supporting your husband.  That is one of the main things that helped me get clean...the support of my husband and daughters.  Even though my youngest daughter is only 11, I have been honest with her and they have all supported me and it has meant more to me that I can say.  I wish you and your husband the best of luck.  I hope you can get him to come on here, it really does help.

Hugs~
Susan

[grievingwidow]

#1 - have all of your family members hide their medications.

#2 - seriously consider if this is the way you want to spend the rest of your life, you and your son deserve better.

[Mollyrae]

I'm not sure what your financial situation is but there are good treatment programs run by the state. Go to your local social service and inquire about help. Also, try using an emergency room. Tell the Doc's that Hubby is addicted (take your Husband) and they will most of the time place him in an inpatient program right off the bat. I talked to my Doc first who put me on all the meds in the first place and she helped me from there. Please talk to your local agency. THEY CAN HELP. Take Care......Molly

[corilou]

These last few posts have kind of frustrated me. It isn't like he isn't there, w/o this last week he's been amazing. I know he's dealing w/ stuff but it isn't like he is addicted to a certain pill or drug, if it is there he'll take it. I know he has a problem and needs to take care of it but seriously life is hard enough and I kinda look for support and help on this thread not ppl reminding me how ****** everything is right now. I've searched online for hours and I found one inpatient that's only $6,000 but it doesn't seem like there's very much one on one with anyone just a lot of meditiation etc. I'll look at the state sites.

[corilou]

Even if I ever decided to not stay with him I could never leave him by himself, I care too much about him.

[lady67]

Don't give up on him.  Mu husband didn't give up on me, and I would have totally given up and went off the deep end if he would have left me.  I am 41 years old, and he has been with me since I was 15.  He is the love of my life and we are truly soul mates.  He said this last binge that he would have to leave me if I didn't get clean because it was breaking his heart watching me sllowly kill myself.  Without him and his support I could not be clean for 5 glorious months.

Good Luck Carilou, remember in the end it is YOUR decision what you decide to do, (leave or stay) and it shouldn't be made lightly.  I will pray for you and your husband during this difficult time.

Love
Susan

[corilou]

Thanks! Right now giving up isn't even in my thoughts. I signed up for this for the long haul and addiction is a disease like anything else. These lies aren't lies about affairs or something like that. I'm really about getting him help. He deserves it.

[addictedme]

I dont think anyone has suggested help for you (didnt read every post though) . You could try nar anon or narc anon,,programs for loved ones of people with addiction problems,,gl

[corilou]

Yeah I've looked up those meetings. I just feel like its such a weird situation b/c from reading thru the forum it seems like most people have like one substance whether it be a street drug or pill that they are addicted to and he doesn't really. Whatever is there. Thanks addictedme for the advice.

[Mollyrae]

I'm in no way putting you or your husband down. I think you should stay with him. My Husband stuck with me. I don't know what I would have done without him. Addiction dosen't have to be to one certian thing. He is addicted to just being high. That is just as bad as if it were to heroin. And you say it isn't all the time but it is everytime he can get his hands on something. That is a strong addiction. Please stand by him. He needs you and your incredible strength. Please contact a Doc. They will send you in a direction you can afford. Mollyrae

[bandnmom]

Your hubby is very lucky to have you in his life. Not everyone that is battling adiction (addiction) is luck enough to have a spouse as supportive as you are to your hubby. I did not but did have great friends to lean on for support. It is not going to be easy but by the sound of it you know what you are in for. Just stay strong and please take care of yourself. You seem like a very strong and caring person. Good luck to you and your family. I wil pray for you. If you need anything please ask.

[wannabefree330]

You may be extremely suprised to find (as well as he) that when he is able to get off all the alcohol and drugs, and start working on RECOVERY alot of his emotional problems may resolve.  Alot of us addicts use because we don't know how to deal with emotions.  Good or bad.  Most of the time, we have no idea what made us the way we are.  But, fact is we are what we are.  He has admitted he has a problem.  That is a HUGE step and the biggest one.  You both are real lucky that it was just water damage.  your son could have been killed.  I'm sure you already recognize this.  Being supportive is so much different than enabling.  He is very lucky to have you, but careful you don't begin enabling him.  Even though he may not believe he has a problem with alcohol, fact is any mind altering substance is a problem.  That goes for all of us addicts.  Just remember this-take one step at a time.  Focus on getting sober from the drugs, start a recovery program-find a very structured one. AA, Church, whatever.  Then, be patient, and start dealing with the underlying cause of him needing to feel 'normal'.  What does that mean to him?  This will work into dealing with the depression issues.
Best of luck and remember-I don't claim to know everything.  What I have said here is merely my opinion and hope you can take what you need from it and leave the rest behind.

[wannabefree330]

one more thing, I know money is a huge factor here, but so is the life of your husband and child; let alone your family.  Be willing to go to any length to do this.

[corilou]

Thanks. I found a pretty reasonably priced substance abuse specific counseling firm. So hopefully it'll help. I really think the one on one is best for him, I've never been to group meetings i'm just afraid he'd blend in..he's a very shy one.

[wannabefree330]

There are many places that have outpatient programs. It's somewhat like school. you go for certain amt of hours a day, have homework, they drug test you.  dont know if they are less expensive but I would assume so.  If you still cannot afford this, He needs to go to AA-alcoholics anonymous or NA narcotics anonymous.  They are free and other addicts helping addicts.  You have to want to go though.  My ex used to tell me he was going to a meeting and found out later he was going to the stripper bars each time.  Do you think he has the motivation right now to want to quit?  Because, in order for this to work he has to do it.  You cannot do it for him unfortunately.  You are an amazing support for him.

[corilou]

He just talks about wanting to move forward but I remind him that he is going to have to drudge it all back up to get past it. I think he does want to quit, I just think he feels very ashamed and like a failure but i just keep telling him i'm so proud of him. so we'll see. i think we're going to try and get him involved in other activities as well. he's been out of work for a while b/c its just very hard for him to get work with the dui's on his record, AZ is crazy about Dui's. But maybe even the most basic of places would help him feel like he's contributing.

[wannabefree330]

Reinforce this fact:  The things that have happened in our past, whether by our own doing, or someone else doing to us, are exactly that IN OUR PAST.  They will haunt him until he pulls it to the surface and deals with it once and for all.  One thing that helped me is deciding I was not going to let my past run my life and predict my future any longer.  There are people who have murdered others, even their own family and because they have dealt with it, forgiven themselves or others, they can move on.  Until he deals with these issues, he is stuck in his past whether he wants to believe it or not.  The counseling will help tremendously-but he has to be willing to talk about it.  We are our own worst critics.  noone is going to think his past is as bad as he thinks it is.  And for me, even speaking the words and getting them out of my head was a big help.  It's when I allow them to take over my mind when I get into trouble.
Best of luck-I'll pray for him.

[corilou]

Thanks, he says he wants to focus more on his past than anything else in counseling which can't be bad. He seems to be doing really good this week so fingers crossed

[wannabefree330]

Hope everything is going ok.  I'm praying for the both of you.  I think him taking a step and being willing to focus on his past is a major hurdle!  This is probably what he has needed for a long time.  Encourage him to completely honest and miracles will happen.

[primo2316]

Peace be with you.  Your husband and I have much in common except that I'm much older.  It's been a long hard road for me and I pray Jeremy doesn't have to go through the same.  I want him to know that he doesn't.  I used to try to kick my 30 yr. heroin habit by taking methadone, oxycontins, morphine, or codeine.  Not very rational.  I still struggle with alcohol even though I have a bad liver.  Stubborn and capricious, that's what  I am.  Jeremy has to find out what he's running from, because it sounds like theres something (or several things) that are tormenting him.  We BOTH have to take a personal inventory and write down all our resentments and deal with them, speaking them out to someone we trust.  Only then will we be free.  Good luck and God richly bless you and your family Corilou.  Get Jeremy to act NOW as using drugs is like playing Russian Roulette.

[corilou]

Thanks everyone! It's been a week or two now and everything has been going great so far.