Help! addicted single Mom of three

[jennysjb]

I used meth as a kid and over came that problem through a christain rehab for women. Ive always been a advicate against drugs and have always wanted to start a rehab like the one I was in when I was twenty. Now im still a christaian but started taking pain killers with the girls at work just for fun. The addiction has grown. I never look for the drug, it seems to find me. Now a guy in my neigborhood brings me  50 to 100 vikodin a month to buy. I use for a week or two and withdraw for two weeks. I cant take it any more. I cant go to rehab because the kids need me. Now, my Dr perscribed me ritalin for A.D.D and ive been abusing those too. Snorting them. I'm fourty years old and am acting like an idiot. This has taken five years of my life. how do I say no when that ******* comes to my door? I keep telling him to cut me of because im so addicted. He comes back and I give him money. I want my relationship back with God. My life was so good.

[rosebud66]

only you can say no!!!!!!

[rosebud66]

trading one for the other is not over coming it is just switching it around.......have you thought about meetings at least?

[jennysjb]

I feel so powerless. I love my kids so much. I cant believe this is happening. Im almost out of ritalin and am so afraid I'll withdraw from those. I have to be on top of things being a single Mom and having a full time job. I HATE THIS!!!! I dont have time for meetings but im gonna have to figure out a way.

[rosebud66]

what is the alternative?  worse case is you loose them to your addictions and then where will you be?  there are plenty of people who are on top of their game clean and sober and when you get there you will see it is actually much easier that way.  just by the things you are saying you must get outside help, meetings at a minimum.  you will have far more time not worrying about pills anymore....just try it out ok?

[broknbck]

well it is a pretty huge battle getting clean. but if you plan for it , you can do it.

first you will have to let some people in on it so you can get the help you will need for the kids, and then be able to just concentrate on quitting and getting through it. it will mean disrupting some lives for a short time and maybe making changes in your daily life for afterwards.

yes- it will be a big deal. but you know that you are headed straight for a brick wall and something has to be done.

once you have found the help you will need with the kids (that is if they are that young still) the next step is to talk with your doctor and set up a plan for getting off of everything. it is sometimes very dangerous to just quit everything at once and your doctor can advise you on how this can be done safer.

good for you for recognizing that you need to make a change . and you can get through this. you just have to really want it and pull out all your owe me a favor cards you have.

[jennysjb]

Thanks so much everyone. Your awesome. Im in tears. It feels good to talk about this someone who understands. Do I have to go to NA? or can I go to AA? What would you suggest? Ive abused alcohol in the past too.

[rosebud66]

na

[girly44]

some citys have better AA meetings, than NA, in my town, people with drug problems, go to AA too, because there are just some awesome people in the program, so try both and see what you like better, or where you feel more comfortable. You will be surprised to see all the many different types of people their. From single broke moms, to lawyers, and doctors. And they are all like family. It is amazing how addictions, bring people together and they will be like your family members. Good luck!

[neverb4addicted]

If your withdrawing for the two weeks anyway your getting past that first hurdle over and over..you need to find the will to say no so that it becomes three and four weeks...It can be done but your will power is the only thing that can get you there..it rough..I know..I am going through sever wd's at the moment..It comes down to you..your the only one that can make that choice..and you do have the strength..you just gotta dig down deep and grab it..its there your a single mom..you have more strength than you give yourself credit for..just gotta gear it in the right direction..best of luck to you..i know its hard..suffering big at the moment..drop a line anytime..

[wannabefree330]

I had a great sponsor who when i asked if i HAD to go to meetings said, "you have to go to meetings until you WANT to go to meetings".  Once I got to that point, I loved them.  They 'filled my gas tank' so to speak.  AA is a fellowship that in most areas accepts anyone with a chemical addiction.  There are a few here and there that frown on it (those are usually the closed meetings though).  So, you have admitted that you are powerless over this and that your life is unmanageable.....GREAT!  Do you believe that God can restore you to sanity?  Sounds like you do?  As you know, this is the next step.  Get back to church.  Talk with your pastor and confide in him what is going on!  There may be a tremendous amount of support there.  There is NO excuse to not go to meetings.  If you have to , take the kids!!  I've been to many meetings where kids were there.  I'd rather deal with a few kids roaming the room than their parent out using!!!  As far as the neighbor....you have options....don't answer the door, or have someone else answer.  Eventually you will have to tell him if he comes around again you'll notify the authorities.  Instruct him you're done with that, and you will go to any length to stay sober.  GET A SPONSOR.  Chances are there are people in your church w/similar issues.  Find someone, and call them.  Pray for acceptance, courage, and knowledge.  Then turn it over to God.  You still have to do the work, but you will need your God to get through this.  Good luck, and please let us know how you're doing.

[scaredmom330]

keep talking on here, people are wonderful and give good advise, but only you can choose to following it.. Pray and Pray so more, think of your kids. We are all here for you if you need to talk,

God Bless
Karen

[ochooked]

Jenny --  ditto to every post about mine.   That is why I love this site - - - just tell it like it is - your story will shock no one on this site because we all have a similar one - some a little better, some a little worse.  Girl, just keep posting - it really helps to let others (even in this way) know of your problem.  So many on here have made the journey you are on and come back to give the rest of us hope and encouragement.  So, keep talking.  Everyone above had some great suggestions.  You really must get to the point that you admit you have the problem (you are already there) and then the next hard step is to admit it to those who care about you - - then form a plan to attack your problem -- not just sit idly by and wait on the guy to show up next month - -the cycle never ends.  There is help out here and you are now starting to find some of it.   Best of luck to you - - many of us will be praying for you.   Ochooked