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Help me please. I think my boyfriend is doing drugs.
by JennyGirl800, Aug 27, 2009 03:10AM
I know this is very long but please read this I need help!
I am having a lot of trouble here and need an outsider's opinion on this. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now but have known him much longer. He was always very carefree, lived day by day, never seemed to care about himself or anyone else. He was almost reckless. He went thru a phase where he drank heavily everyday with his best friend. He would drink to the point where he would black out, drive home, wake up, go to school, and do it all over again. He continued this pattern for over a month. He also went thru a brief period of cocaine use. I think he only used cocaine a handful of times but it is still a huge deal to me. He then got into doing pills (crushing and snorting them) which became a problem for him. This took place around the beginning of our relationship. He recently finished a methadone program and to my knowledge has been clean. He was also selling drugs (I don't know what) around 2 months ago but stopped because I threatened to leave him if he didn't.
I am now highly suspicious that he is using heroin. This is killing me. I am losing sleep and have no motivation at all to do everyday things, which is so opposite of how I normally am. I am so unlike my boyfriend. I am anti-drugs. I occasionally will drink at a party. I've smoked pot but hate the stuff, it makes me bug out. Drugs scare the **** out of me and I hate everything that has to do with them. This is making me so worried and I'm really terrified about what could happen if this is true.
I truly believe that he has been injecting himself with heroin. I've felt this way for about a week now. It's not just one thing, it's several factors that just add up in my mind. For one, his friends are all scum bags. I hate them. They are grimy. There have been rumors in my circle of friends that the guys he hangs out with have been doing heroin. I have heard this several times from my closest friends.
I became suspicious one night at his house when he spent a long time in the bathroom. He told me he was taking a **** and I was standing outside the door because he asked me to come talk to him. When I was talking to him I felt like something wasn't right, I just had a gut feeling. I remember him telling me that when he would do pills he'd go into the bathroom and I wouldn't know. While I was taking to him he asked me to go get him a q-tip because "he had something in his ear." When I brought it to the door he opened it and was completely dressed. Then after a little while longer he told me I could go away because he was going to start making noises. I just felt like this was very odd because in the past he would just go to the bathroom with the door open and not even care. When he came out he seemed to be acting very weird. I heard him rummaging in his room in a plastic bag and when I came in he asked me to get out and yelled when I wouldn't. He said it was because he didn't want me to know where his money was but he NEVER had a problem with that before because I am completely trustworthy and he knows that. He appeared to be acting very odd and seemed high but I never like to jump to conclusions. He had difficulty counting his money and remembering numbers which is never a problem for him. The next morning before he left for work I heard him rummage in another plastic bag before going to the bathroom and spending a lot of time in the bathroom again.
That night I went thru the same sort of thing except I was outside with some of his sister's friends so I am not sure how long he was in the bathroom for. He told me he'd be out in a little while and when he came outside he seemed high again. He also took a hit off a blunt which is a red flag to me because I know he ONLY smokes weed when he is ****** up because he hates it and bugs out. He appeared sweaty, very tired, and I noticed he had trouble urinating. The next morning I heard him rummaging in that bag and clanking around in the bathroom. He thought I was half asleep and wouldn't notice. After he left for work I did some snooping and found syringes in that bag. One or two were used and there was also a q-tip. In the bathroom I found a folded up picture (which I took) with white powder on the back next to a cup. I also found a belt on the floor which was all wound up tight.
When I confronted him about the needles he told me they were his friends. He told me a few days before that he was holding needles and steroids for his friend and even showed them to me. The ones I found were in a different spot and he told me he didn't want to hide them all together. This honestly did not convince me.
Over the past week I noticed him seem high once and I also noticed a couple times that he had vaseline on the crooks of his arms. He is tired all the time, which isn't unusual because he works very early in the morning everyday, but it does seem that he is sleeping more than normal. He also refuses to cut his hair. This could be nothing but of course with everything else it worries me. As far as our relationship goes he is completely normal, treats me well, and nothing has changed.
Today I got around to testing the substance I found in his bathroom. I used an at home test I bought at a drug store. According to the test it is heroin that I found. For me this was like total confirmation that all my suspicions were true. I tried to talk to him but I am getting nothing out of him. I told him I am not trying to argue, I am not mad, I am just trying to talk. I told him I know the truth, it's right in front of my face, that I found heroin in his bathroom. I even showed him the test but he just denies, denies, denies. He claims the heroin must belong to one of his sisters friends who were at the house that night. He even showed me a mark on his arm and told me he scraped himself with something at work. I don't know what a needle mark looks like really so I couldn't argue that. I told him over and over that I know the truth and I don't believe him and I wish he would stop lying but he tells me he's not doing anything, and "thank you for caring so much but nothing is wrong and the conversation is over."
I just don't know what to do. Even thought I am so sure in my mind that he is using heroin there is still the tiniest part that believes him. After writing this whole thing out I feel that I am stupid to believe what he tells me. How do I get him to confess? I don't want to break up with him. I just want to know what's going on and I deserve to know the truth. I need him to admit this to me so I can know that I am not crazy and so that I can help him. I am so scared because I know the risks that come with using heroin. Do you agree that I am not a psycho, I am not making this up in my mind, that this is for real? How can I get him to admit this to me? He has had a hard time talking to me about drugs because I just don't understand because I have never been there. Should I try being more compassionate and understanding? Or should I be more assertive and tell him not to talk to me unless he plans on telling me the truth because I just can't take this anymore? Any type of advice would help here really. Thank you so much if you read all of this.
I am having a lot of trouble here and need an outsider's opinion on this. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now but have known him much longer. He was always very carefree, lived day by day, never seemed to care about himself or anyone else. He was almost reckless. He went thru a phase where he drank heavily everyday with his best friend. He would drink to the point where he would black out, drive home, wake up, go to school, and do it all over again. He continued this pattern for over a month. He also went thru a brief period of cocaine use. I think he only used cocaine a handful of times but it is still a huge deal to me. He then got into doing pills (crushing and snorting them) which became a problem for him. This took place around the beginning of our relationship. He recently finished a methadone program and to my knowledge has been clean. He was also selling drugs (I don't know what) around 2 months ago but stopped because I threatened to leave him if he didn't.
I am now highly suspicious that he is using heroin. This is killing me. I am losing sleep and have no motivation at all to do everyday things, which is so opposite of how I normally am. I am so unlike my boyfriend. I am anti-drugs. I occasionally will drink at a party. I've smoked pot but hate the stuff, it makes me bug out. Drugs scare the **** out of me and I hate everything that has to do with them. This is making me so worried and I'm really terrified about what could happen if this is true.
I truly believe that he has been injecting himself with heroin. I've felt this way for about a week now. It's not just one thing, it's several factors that just add up in my mind. For one, his friends are all scum bags. I hate them. They are grimy. There have been rumors in my circle of friends that the guys he hangs out with have been doing heroin. I have heard this several times from my closest friends.
I became suspicious one night at his house when he spent a long time in the bathroom. He told me he was taking a **** and I was standing outside the door because he asked me to come talk to him. When I was talking to him I felt like something wasn't right, I just had a gut feeling. I remember him telling me that when he would do pills he'd go into the bathroom and I wouldn't know. While I was taking to him he asked me to go get him a q-tip because "he had something in his ear." When I brought it to the door he opened it and was completely dressed. Then after a little while longer he told me I could go away because he was going to start making noises. I just felt like this was very odd because in the past he would just go to the bathroom with the door open and not even care. When he came out he seemed to be acting very weird. I heard him rummaging in his room in a plastic bag and when I came in he asked me to get out and yelled when I wouldn't. He said it was because he didn't want me to know where his money was but he NEVER had a problem with that before because I am completely trustworthy and he knows that. He appeared to be acting very odd and seemed high but I never like to jump to conclusions. He had difficulty counting his money and remembering numbers which is never a problem for him. The next morning before he left for work I heard him rummage in another plastic bag before going to the bathroom and spending a lot of time in the bathroom again.
That night I went thru the same sort of thing except I was outside with some of his sister's friends so I am not sure how long he was in the bathroom for. He told me he'd be out in a little while and when he came outside he seemed high again. He also took a hit off a blunt which is a red flag to me because I know he ONLY smokes weed when he is ****** up because he hates it and bugs out. He appeared sweaty, very tired, and I noticed he had trouble urinating. The next morning I heard him rummaging in that bag and clanking around in the bathroom. He thought I was half asleep and wouldn't notice. After he left for work I did some snooping and found syringes in that bag. One or two were used and there was also a q-tip. In the bathroom I found a folded up picture (which I took) with white powder on the back next to a cup. I also found a belt on the floor which was all wound up tight.
When I confronted him about the needles he told me they were his friends. He told me a few days before that he was holding needles and steroids for his friend and even showed them to me. The ones I found were in a different spot and he told me he didn't want to hide them all together. This honestly did not convince me.
Over the past week I noticed him seem high once and I also noticed a couple times that he had vaseline on the crooks of his arms. He is tired all the time, which isn't unusual because he works very early in the morning everyday, but it does seem that he is sleeping more than normal. He also refuses to cut his hair. This could be nothing but of course with everything else it worries me. As far as our relationship goes he is completely normal, treats me well, and nothing has changed.
Today I got around to testing the substance I found in his bathroom. I used an at home test I bought at a drug store. According to the test it is heroin that I found. For me this was like total confirmation that all my suspicions were true. I tried to talk to him but I am getting nothing out of him. I told him I am not trying to argue, I am not mad, I am just trying to talk. I told him I know the truth, it's right in front of my face, that I found heroin in his bathroom. I even showed him the test but he just denies, denies, denies. He claims the heroin must belong to one of his sisters friends who were at the house that night. He even showed me a mark on his arm and told me he scraped himself with something at work. I don't know what a needle mark looks like really so I couldn't argue that. I told him over and over that I know the truth and I don't believe him and I wish he would stop lying but he tells me he's not doing anything, and "thank you for caring so much but nothing is wrong and the conversation is over."
I just don't know what to do. Even thought I am so sure in my mind that he is using heroin there is still the tiniest part that believes him. After writing this whole thing out I feel that I am stupid to believe what he tells me. How do I get him to confess? I don't want to break up with him. I just want to know what's going on and I deserve to know the truth. I need him to admit this to me so I can know that I am not crazy and so that I can help him. I am so scared because I know the risks that come with using heroin. Do you agree that I am not a psycho, I am not making this up in my mind, that this is for real? How can I get him to admit this to me? He has had a hard time talking to me about drugs because I just don't understand because I have never been there. Should I try being more compassionate and understanding? Or should I be more assertive and tell him not to talk to me unless he plans on telling me the truth because I just can't take this anymore? Any type of advice would help here really. Thank you so much if you read all of this.
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Pin point pupils nodding falling asleep at inappropriate times.. You found the drugs the needles (do not handle the needles as hep C is common with IV users and when we try it the first times like this we usually do not have our own rig ) handed him the q-tip the belt to tie off with on the floor.. don't see where you can get more proof then that.. In your situation having him confess to you or forcing him sounds a bit like folly at this point.. Heroin is a drug that will take you down quickly and any who are standing close.. I would be getting real with him regarding his addiction and where You stand.. I wish you well.. lesa
My advise would be to get out of this relationship as soon as possible. I know that might sound harsh, but how long are you willing to put up with the lying. Your boyfriend has a long hard road ahead, even if he ever has the desire to get clean. He is putting your health at risk also. You say his friends are scum and he might just be sharing needles with them.
God bless.
Girl, I can read your hurt and I know you are devestated but is this really a man you want to be the father of your babies? The only chance this man has is to let him go, make him accountable and see if he comes out a better man but chances are not on his side. I could be wrong and I hope that I am but either way. WHY would you put yourself in harms way? You are not married and in for a long anmd painful ride with this man and chance that he would ever be truthful with you are slim.
Sorry if I pissed anyone off but this has been my experience with addicts like this. Run, Run, Run...you deserve better and you can not help this man. He will only bring you down......GL, Marty
perhaps you might explain to him that heroin wd's in prison are real bad?
if hes buying smack, theres a very good chance he will get popped by the boys........sooner or later.
we sure do hear stories of heroin use becomming epidemic, maybe it always has been?
you state that everything is fine now...your relationship...his job. if his use continues...it WILL get worse.
there are three scenarios here that you really need to see:
your boyfriend admits he has a problem...seeks help...commits to continued aftercare...and lives a life free of drugs.
your boyfriend denies everything...refuses support from loved ones...and continues his way of life. your relationship suffers...he looses his job...everyone turns their backs on him...he is forced to the streets. your boyfriend has NOTHING...not a penny to his name...no home...only the clothes on his back. STILL he refuses help. DRUGS ARE HIS LIFE. he will steal from the ones that love him the most to support his habit. he will do whatever it takes to score.
your boyfriend gets help...is on the right road. you marry this man and have kids. eight years down the road he runs into "an old friend" and is offered drugs. BECAUSE he is an addict...he is tempted beyond belief...KNOWING what is at stake if he uses just one time. BECAUSE he is an addict...he uses...he's hooked. now, not only is YOUR life afftected...but the life of your KIDS. the house that you had is lost...the car that you are driving is picked up...your kids do not have adequate care...not enough food.
maybe my examples seem extreme to you...but just maybe they are not extreme enough. i would take a looooooooong hard look at YOUR life and decide what you want for your future. the world of addiction is not a pleasant one. there ARE ppl that are successful at getting and remaining clean...but then again there are those that are not.
At this point I am not willing to just remove myself from this situation. If I was in someone else's shoes and was giving myself advice I would say "get away, you don't need him, he is not good for you." And I know you probably wonder how I got involved with "someone like this." Sometimes I wonder the same thing. There is good and bad to everyone, though and I am not going to give up on someone I love because of the bad. Leaving him is just not an option. Right now I am trying not to focus on myself, but on him and the help he needs. If I was to leave him I know it would only make matters worse for him and myself. I love my boyfriend so much and giving up on someone you love is impossible to do.
Does anyone have any insight on what makes a person do drugs? I really want to understand him. He just does not fit the profile for someone who uses. I don't know what leads a person who has a completely normal and comfortable life to start doing drugs. He has a very loving family who cares about him very much and he knows that. To my knowledge there is no history of drug use in his family. He hasn't lost a loved one or gone through anything traumatic. Could he have some type of emotional problem? His mother is actually a drug counselor, so do you think I should consider involving her in this? This would be very uncomfortable for me, but I'll do what needs to be done. Should I threaten him with telling her? Would it be crazy to drug test him? I'm afraid this would almost help his side, because I know heroin does not stay in the system for very long.
I would also like to know more about the appearance of track marks, if anyone could make it more clear to me. And about how long does it take for them to go away?
I'm worried that now, having confronted him, he is just going to become more sneaky instead of turning himself around. Do you think snooping and spying is taking things too far? Are there any other red flags I should look out for?
Thanks again for all of your help. I know there are a lot of questions here, I am just very desperate. Even if you only address a few I will be more than grateful.
-- Jenny
Unprotected sex with this man is just down-right dangerous. HIV & Hep C should be a major concern for you. Do not trust if he says he's OK. If he is out and about and high, he may have sex with others, he may not, but he may. Protect yourself.
Do not be surprised if he steals money from you or your family. Hide your money or valuables. He may not, but he very well may. If his friends come to your home, they may steal from you....money or anything they can pawn to get their drugs. Eventually he may start borrowing money from you too, then he'll start stealing it. Prepare for this and protect yourself.
If you are in a car with him or out in public or even in your home, he could get busted and you, right along with him.
Go to Narc-Anon, they will teach you how to cope with an addict and give you the support you need. You can google it and find one near you.
You ask how can you make him be honest with you?, you can't. You obviously have all the proof, other than seeing him shooting himself up. Trust us, he is doing drugs. Don't be fooled by his lies. He will lie to you a lot. For some twisted reasoning, addicts think people will believe the stupidest lies. They will also lie to themselves....and believe it.
You can't "straighten "him out. He has to want it. You can only support his efforts (not financially).
Why do people become addicts? There are a million reasons, everyone is different. Perfectly normal, happy people can become addicts. Your boyfriend obviously has had a long time, on and off problem.
Yes, you should involve his mother in this, especially if she is a drug counselor. Don't threaten him with telling her, just tell her. He will need all the help and support if he ever decides to get help. His mother may be able to help him admit to his problem. Get together with his mom and talk about all this, you'll need her support too.
Should you drug test him? You could try, but he'll probably refuse saying "you" don't trust him. He'll probably turn it around on you with anger.
Trying to deal with an addict on your own will be to much to bear. You're gonna need help.
Put your seat belt on, you're in for a long, hard ride.
Sorry you're going thru this.
Many have mentioned the possibility that he will start stealing from myself and loved ones. I haven't really seen a change in the amount of money he has. He always has money on him and has many checks he hasn't cashed from work. Do you think it's safe to assume he is selling again?
Obviously this is the only thing on my mind and is greatly worrying me. I have so much to ask and it really helps to have someone else's input as I cannot share this with my family and friends. It's comforting to know that someone else agrees with me on the situation and that I am not making crazy assumptions in my mind. Thanks to everyone who gave me their help. I really appreciate it.
(sometimes addicts need to hit rock bottom before they get back up)
PS
This WILL NOT last...This CANNOT last...
He's probably been addicted to opiods and/or heroin for a long time now. I mean, do you really think he wasn't using any of the drugs he was selling?
I'm sorry for your situation, but it's plain as day to me as well as the other addicts/ ex addicts on this site- he is ADDICTED and you are wasting your time. You can't make somebody get help. You shouldn't let HIS addiction ruin your life too. You will regret it if you stay with him- trust me. If down the road he decides to get clean on his own, and the two of you reunite, then great. But you would be a complete fool to sit around waiting for him to get clean. Sorry to be harsh. I'm just being honest.
i know that what we are telling you is not exactly what you wanted to hear. i'm sure you would like for us to tell you how to save him...well you cant.
listen to me. i have lived the life of addiction through my three sons for the last 15 years...IT IS NOT PLEASANT..and one of my sons contracted HIV as a result of his addiction. from someone who has been there, done that...from someone who thought she could save them...i can honestly say that it wouldnt matter how much i LOVED my BOYFRIEND...if i found out he was shooting heroin...I'D RUN LIKE HELL ! ! ! ! !
After all of this and seeing everyone's opinions, I am starting to second guess whether or not he was clean all along. I truly believed that he was but now I am not sure.
not trying to rag on you both, but just trying to figure out whats the deal........
you seem to have a pretty laid back attitude about a guy that was on blow for a while, then was snorting oxies, then went on a 'done program, now is apparently shooting up heroin?
crying out loud, I had a gal I was with(before I got wrapped up in pill poppin) that caught me smoking weed, then warned me.one more time.......and she caught me again, and she broke up with me for good over it !
you said you cant stand even weed or any drugs but your pretty laid back about this dude and his major addictions. I do wish you all the best.let me say, I think its great for him that you are concerned........
on a side note,since you asked. many people do become addicted due to severe injury,or diseases. some from stress. many from the desire to experiment and some from hanging out with the wrong people...............it effects the wealthy, the educated,the famous, the middle class and the poor. it likes everyone. often people make the mistake,thinking .......I would not fall for that,like those addicts !!! even such nice ole gals like betty ford have fallen prey to narcotics !!
I would just like to clear some things up as I think several of you have the wrong idea here. I am not being passive aggressive and I am not being laid back. I may come across that way but come on this is the internet, you can't see my emotions, and trust me I am not taking this nonchalantly. It's really affecting me and it is a HUGE deal. I just wanted some advice and answered questions from people who have been in this position and have a little more information than I do.
Also, I don't have low self esteem. I know what I deserve and I know I deserve better than this situation. I don't really care about my issues right now. When you're in a relationship it isn't all about you. This is something I need to deal with right now and I don't believe in running away from your problems. If I just up and leave him I KNOW it would only make his drug use worse.
Above anything, he is my friend and I would never desert a friend whom I knew needed my help. I am considering putting the relationship on hold until he decides to come clean and get clean. But removing him from my life completely is just absurd to me and something I won't even consider. I don't care if we're unmarried, or young, or have only been together for a year; that's just not right in my opinion. Running away from this would definitely be the easy way out but it is for sure not the right choice, and I know it.
Many of you feel very strongly that I should just get out ASAP. I need to know, would it be that easy for you to just sever all ties with someone who is such a major part of your life, whom you love so much?
IBKleen: your last message was very helpful and an eye-opener.. I'm starting to think that tough love is the only way. I may actually give him an ultimatum tonight. That's scares me because I know I may not get the response I am hoping for but it seems like the only option right now.
You should all know I am a very positive person by nature. Although many of you have told me this cannot get better, I know there is a chance it can and I am hanging onto that.
Thanks again everyone.
hes very young to be having all these addictions going on and when you confront him, you will see two results, one of total negativity and denial, or one of understanding and reassurance. perhaps even the fact,he might admit he is an addict........then you got something to work on.
hes lucky to have you as a lover and a friend.
good luck and let us know how it goes so we can all learn more
Tonight I plan on talking to him about this and telling him once and for all that he can either tell me what I already know is true or he can not speak to me at all. This is terrifying and I honestly don't think it is going to turn out well. At least not for now.
Also, what does it take to make a person want to stop? My worst fear is that he needs to experience first hand the horrible effects of the drug before he will have the urge to stop.
I cannot sleep over this. I feel like I am going crazy. I hope someone is out there to read this I really need some sort of discussion right now, I need to occupy myself instead of lying in my bed thinking and crying.
Obviously my thoughts are biased by my experiences so I'll explain as best I can. After a slew of failed relationships and attempts to find stability in my life I finally figured out a pattern. When I would become more responsible the relationship would start having problems. Looking back I can see that I brought a certain excitment into things and when that was gone I lost my appeal, relationships ended, responsability fell off and abra kadabra I'm marketable again.
I still think Al-Anon is the way to go. Get yourself healthy and find people who are also dealing with loved one's addictions. It'll help weather you stay in this relationship or not.
As far as if he's an "addict" or not. Addict is a non-diagnosible term, he seems to meet my definition but possibly not his own. Addiction is about continuing use despite life problems caused by use. When the consequences out weight the reward it's addiction. Only the person themself gets to decide if they're an addict or not. This applies to relationships also. Only you get to decide when the consequences outweigh the rewards. If they do and you still stay well...
"""I don't really care about my issues right now. When you're in a relationship it isn't all about you.""""
Im trying to think of a way of putting this so you dont take offense....right now...you basically are in a relationship ALONE right now because on the other end....the line is dead... right now he is consumed by addiction. His whole life right now is getting high and when/how to get his next fix and trying to sloppily cover his tracks (and i mean that both figuratively and literally)..
I definitely think talking to his mom is the best option you have at this point...and btw how is it she came to be a drug counsellor? Im wondering if maybe she used to be an addict herself? Many times that is the case. Im not sure what the actual percentage is but I know a great number of drug counsellors are former drug users and once they get clean they are driven to help others do the same... so she may have greater insight than you even think on this matter, also there may be some hereditary issues going on with the addiction gene if you are still looking for that silver bullet to explain why he is an addict when he seemingly shouldnt be..
good luck to you and please keep us posted
Unfortunately as an addict myself I know better than anyone that your boyfriend will not even attempt to get off until the bad of the addiction far outweighs the good. Its just the way it is. Its so much easier to just get high and forget about your problems and addiction, to just put it off and relax your mind. And as long as he still enjoys the way heroin makes him feel he wont want to listen to you, or anyone. The point when every addict realizes they have to quit and get help is when everything about the drugs they use to love depresses them. If i even look at an oxycontin now I feel an incredible sickness and disgust with who I became as well as guilt for my girlfriend's sake(if solely for her), and I'm only in my first week.
Personally, up untill a few weeks ago I didn't even want to quit. It made me feel so alive and positive all the time, like a better person. (do you notice your boyfriend is strangely happy or tired at times? and other times very grouchy and angry?) I became broke, no job, no money, lost nearly all of my old friends, and had to sell drugs to buy the ones I needed in order to live and operate like a normal human being. The only thing I had left was my girlfriend and she was the single most important thing that helped me(I'll get into how incredibly important having her is later). My life became a constant game of cat and mouse, finding things to sell, or people to buy drugs from me just so I could get even just one pill. This ended up being how I spent my time all day every day. I didn't see any of my friends, didn't participate in activities I use to thrive for, I did anything I needed to in order to get my drugs and get by. It basically becomes survival of the fittest, how far your willing to go and how bad your willing to become just to live...and it differs in every addict. I just couldn't take it anymore, constantly chasing that high just to be able to live...it lost ALL it's fun. It wasn't even about "getting high" anymore, it was about being able to function and live.
Once I started selling some of my most prized possessions I own to get money for the drugs(because I was broke with no job), I realized just how much it controls ever aspect of my life.
Unfortunately 99% of the time, an addict wont even want to think about quitting until they hit rock bottom. I heard it from friends who had beat addictions, people online, TV shows, anywhere... Of course I didn't believe it, thought I could quit when I wanted but that was the farthest thing from the truth. I had tried quitting atleast 3 times seriously in the past, every time failing because it was too hard and I'd rather just find a way to get high and relax. I couldn't quit then because I just didn't want too. It was still so fun to me and at that point wasn't as hard to access.
Anyways, eventually the only thing I had in my life that made me naturally happy without the help of drugs was my girlfriend. Nothing else but her and Oxy. That really started to scare me, realizing my whole life was based around taking this drug, and it was the only way i knew how to have fun. I had betrayed friends I had since i was a very young boy because of my problem and had no one but her(i never betrayed her, i even always paid her back when she lent me money, hopefully your bf is the same!).
Of course she has always wanted me to get off but never really stressed it as hard until the last few months where I've been extremely broke. She told me that she loved me and would do anything in her power to help me out of this illness, but if i didn't promise to atleast try and get help she would have to eventually leave me. That scared the **** out of me. I knew if I lost her I would spiral down into a horrible depression and my addiction would get 10x worse with such little hope for getting clean. This is why I have to recommend that you DO NOT break up with him! That would be the worst thing for his problem, only making it much worse. But at the same time you can't let him stay like this. Basically you should tell him that you know he has a problem and that he can't convince you otherwise, and that your willing to do everything in your power to help him off, but that you wont be sticking around unless he tries to help himself. Unfortunately as i said for most addicts the point in which they finally want to quit is once they've hit rock bottom. For me it was once i became broke and spent every day constantly trying to get money and drugs and never stopping the chase. It became so bad that I realized waking up in the morning and being free of my addiction would be better than ANY high it could ever give me anymore. The stress i experienced every day was so severely crippling that to be free of it would be the best high ever. To me that was rock bottom. I had lost everything and was about to lose the person i love most in this world. I couldn't take that. To know that my addiction lost me my girlfriend and my only form of natural happiness, probably would have brought me to suicide in a month or two.
What i suggest to you is basically the same thing my girlfriend did for me. Just let him know you'll do everything you can to help him but you wont sit around watching him self destruct.
Unfortunately as I said for 99% of long term addicts the only way they will quit is when they want to. And sadly if your boyfriend always has lots of money and un-cashed cheques, getting high is probably still too fun for him. Your boyfriend needs to hate heroin, he has to feel guilty and ashamed every time he sticks the needle in his arm. If not for himself but for the fact that he's letting you down. That's what it all came down to for me, I hated myself and didn't care about what i did, but i cared very much about my girlfriend and losing her. If your boyfriend is a good guy and really loves you he will force himself to quit because he knows you are natural happiness and drugs are not, they're all fake and you are very much real. I suggest you tell him something along the lines of "do it for me, etc.." let him know you wont be along for much longer till he gets help. your gonna have to threaten him with something very important to him (hopefully yourself), because if he constantly has money and a steady job like you say, he will only keep putting it off and getting high. He needs to realize that its no longer all fun and games and that there are serious consequences not just to his health but his social life aswell.
i wrote out lots more but this is already a novel-like response, i'm sort of just venting myself. Anyways, just to let you know jenny, i myself am 19, and so is my girlfriend, so i very much understand what your going through and am willing to offer any support i can.
joking it sounds like your a great girl and i appreciate that.
but if all else fails try this.
Try agreeing with him, and becoming his friend with his drug problems no matter what. It may take a lot of dicipline and sound unorthidox but its worked with me.
Be his friend instead of disagreeing with his use. Use this to try to get info in a way. After that wait for him to come to you. It will help him in the long run and will only take a couple of days before he relizes hes setting a bad example for you.
Now im not experienced with this but it may help you. Try it if you feel up to it, sorry your dealing with this, but if you need support from a guys point of view i can help you.