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Help me please. I think my boyfriend is doing drugs.
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Help me please. I think my boyfriend is doing drugs.

I know this is very long but please read this I need help!

I am having a lot of trouble here and need an outsider's opinion on this. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now but have known him much longer. He was always very carefree, lived day by day, never seemed to care about himself or anyone else. He was almost reckless. He went thru a phase where he drank heavily everyday with his best friend. He would drink to the point where he would black out, drive home, wake up, go to school, and do it all over again. He continued this pattern for over a month. He also went thru a brief period of cocaine use. I think he only used cocaine a handful of times but it is still a huge deal to me. He then got into doing pills (crushing and snorting them) which became a problem for him. This took place around the beginning of our relationship. He recently finished a methadone program and to my knowledge has been clean. He was also selling drugs (I don't know what) around 2 months ago but stopped because I threatened to leave him if he didn't.

I am now highly suspicious that he is using heroin. This is killing me. I am losing sleep and have no motivation at all to do everyday things, which is so opposite of how I normally am. I am so unlike my boyfriend. I am anti-drugs. I occasionally will drink at a party. I've smoked pot but hate the stuff, it makes me bug out. Drugs scare the **** out of me and I hate everything that has to do with them. This is making me so worried and I'm really terrified about what could happen if this is true.

I truly believe that he has been injecting himself with heroin. I've felt this way for about a week now. It's not just one thing, it's several factors that just add up in my mind. For one, his friends are all scum bags. I hate them. They are grimy. There have been rumors in my circle of friends that the guys he hangs out with have been doing heroin. I have heard this several times from my closest friends.

I became suspicious one night at his house when he spent a long time in the bathroom. He told me he was taking a **** and I was standing outside the door because he asked me to come talk to him. When I was talking to him I felt like something wasn't right, I just had a gut feeling. I remember him telling me that when he would do pills he'd go into the bathroom and I wouldn't know. While I was taking to him he asked me to go get him a q-tip because "he had something in his ear." When I brought it to the door he opened it and was completely dressed. Then after a little while longer he told me I could go away because he was going to start making noises. I just felt like this was very odd because in the past he would just go to the bathroom with the door open and not even care. When he came out he seemed to be acting very weird. I heard him rummaging in his room in a plastic bag and when I came in he asked me to get out and yelled when I wouldn't. He said it was because he didn't want me to know where his money was but he NEVER had a problem with that before because I am completely trustworthy and he knows that. He appeared to be acting very odd and seemed high but I never like to jump to conclusions. He had difficulty counting his money and remembering numbers which is never a problem for him. The next morning before he left for work I heard him rummage in another plastic bag before going to the bathroom and spending a lot of time in the bathroom again.

That night I went thru the same sort of thing except I was outside with some of his sister's friends so I am not sure how long he was in the bathroom for. He told me he'd be out in a little while and when he came outside he seemed high again. He also took a hit off a blunt which is a red flag to me because I know he ONLY smokes weed when he is ****** up because he hates it and bugs out. He appeared sweaty, very tired, and I noticed he had trouble urinating. The next morning I heard him rummaging in that bag and clanking around in the bathroom. He thought I was half asleep and wouldn't notice. After he left for work I did some snooping and found syringes in that bag. One or two were used and there was also a q-tip. In the bathroom I found a folded up picture (which I took) with white powder on the back next to a cup. I also found a belt on the floor which was all wound up tight.

When I confronted him about the needles he told me they were his friends. He told me a few days before that he was holding needles and steroids for his friend and even showed them to me. The ones I found were in a different spot and he told me he didn't want to hide them all together. This honestly did not convince me.

Over the past week I noticed him seem high once and I also noticed a couple times that he had vaseline on the crooks of his arms. He is tired all the time, which isn't unusual because he works very early in the morning everyday, but it does seem that he is sleeping more than normal. He also refuses to cut his hair. This could be nothing but of course with everything else it worries me. As far as our relationship goes he is completely normal, treats me well, and nothing has changed.

Today I got around to testing the substance I found in his bathroom. I used an at home test I bought at a drug store. According to the test it is heroin that I found. For me this was like total confirmation that all my suspicions were true. I tried to talk to him but I am getting nothing out of him. I told him I am not trying to argue, I am not mad, I am just trying to talk. I told him I know the truth, it's right in front of my face, that I found heroin in his bathroom. I even showed him the test but he just denies, denies, denies. He claims the heroin must belong to one of his sisters friends who were at the house that night. He even showed me a mark on his arm and told me he scraped himself with something at work. I don't know what a needle mark looks like really so I couldn't argue that. I told him over and over that I know the truth and I don't believe him and I wish he would stop lying but he tells me he's not doing anything, and "thank you for caring so much but nothing is wrong and the conversation is over."

I just don't know what to do. Even thought I am so sure in my mind that he is using heroin there is still the tiniest part that believes him. After writing this whole thing out I feel that I am stupid to believe what he tells me. How do I get him to confess? I don't want to break up with him. I just want to know what's going on and I deserve to know the truth. I need him to admit this to me so I can know that I am not crazy and so that I can help him. I am so scared because I know the risks that come with using heroin. Do you agree that I am not a psycho, I am not making this up in my mind, that this is for real? How can I get him to admit this to me? He has had a hard time talking to me about drugs because I just don't understand because I have never been there. Should I try being more compassionate and understanding? Or should I be more assertive and tell him not to talk to me unless he plans on telling me the truth because I just can't take this anymore? Any type of advice would help here really. Thank you so much if you read all of this.
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406584_tn?1399591666
Hello and welcome to the forum.. from everything you described I would venture your boyfriend is a Heroin Addict.. The scrap on the arm he showed you would not look like 1 puncture with a needle but a line that is raised and can resemble a scratch to someone that does not know what they are looking at...
Pin point pupils nodding falling asleep at inappropriate times.. You found the drugs the needles (do not handle the needles as hep C is common with IV users and when we try it the first times like this we usually do not have our own rig ) handed him the q-tip the belt to tie off with on the floor.. don't see where you can get more proof then that.. In your situation having him confess to you or forcing him sounds a bit like folly at this point.. Heroin is a drug that will take you down quickly and any who are standing close.. I would be getting real with him regarding his addiction and where You stand.. I wish you well.. lesa
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306867_tn?1299253309
Yeah sure does sound like you have a heroin addict on your hands. Addicts are great liars. Unfortunately you can't get him to admit it or do anything about it unless he is willing.
My advise would be to get out of this relationship as soon as possible. I know that might sound harsh, but how long are you willing to put up with the lying. Your boyfriend has a long hard road ahead, even if he ever has the desire to get clean. He is putting your health at risk also. You say his friends are scum and he might just be sharing needles with them.  
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1018307_tn?1251912947
Well you allready know he's using and it sounds like you've decided to stay at least for now so now you have to figure out how to take care of yourself.  I would look into Al-Anon meetings for support.  You may consider setting some clear boundaries with regard to sex.  As 10356 said Hep C is a concern (over 80% of Methadone clients, think heroin addict) as is HIV both can be transmitted by needles and/or sex.  He may or may not be more honest in time, likely he will go back and forth.  Education is the best thing available to you at this point.  Not to blame the victim but you might want to look into what drew you in to a relationship with someone who was actively using when you started dating him.  Again Al-Anon or possibly some counseling might help with this.
God bless.
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Avatar_n_tn
I have never even seen street drugs but my exboss and friend had a lifelong problem and we had long and honest talks because he knew I would not judge him. I caught him slower than I should have because like you, I was nieve about the signs. I confronted him after I had to show up at work 4 hours early to do his work. I made coffee and drank a cup and needed more. By this time another employee showed up and I was making my coffee and talking. I stirred the coffee took a big gulp and then realized I had stirred the coffee with a bent spoon. Ok, I am not THAT nieve....spit coffee everywhere and took a closer look at the spoon. It had been bent and cooked and I had used it for my coffee...ugh! Anyway, my point here....love for you will not make him quit. I am sorry, it's just the nature of the beast and not you at all. I may catch some heat here but I don't care. If you think he is dealing you need to go talk to the police and tell them what you have told us. He is in too deep to help himself and I dont think treatment will stop him at this point. I think he needs a good dose of reality by having to answer for his ill deeds.
Girl, I can read your hurt and I know you are devestated but is this really a man you want to be the father of your babies? The only chance this man has is to let him go, make him accountable and see if he comes out a better man but chances are not on his side. I could be wrong and I hope that I am but either way. WHY would you put yourself in harms way? You are not married and in for a long anmd painful ride with this man and chance that he would ever be truthful with you are slim.

Sorry if I pissed anyone off but this has been my experience with addicts like this. Run, Run, Run...you deserve better and you can not help this man. He will only bring you down......GL, Marty
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406584_tn?1399591666
although I agree with everyone except calling the cops.. Not only does this really do no good but you also forget he has friends and these people can make your life pretty unpleasant especially if you have anything of value. You may consider cutting your losses.. as I agree what drew you to someone with a drug problem in the first place.. You may want to work that one out with yourself..
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942290_tn?1252622149
well it does not sound good................


perhaps you might explain to him that heroin wd's in prison are real bad?

if hes buying smack, theres a very good chance he will get popped by the boys........sooner or later.


we sure do hear stories of heroin use becomming epidemic, maybe it always has been?
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186166_tn?1385262982
sounds like your boyfriend has quite a history with drugs...swapping one addiction for another.  aahhhh...the nature of the beast.

you state that everything is fine now...your relationship...his job.  if his use continues...it WILL get worse.  

there are three scenarios here that you really need to see:

your boyfriend admits he has a problem...seeks help...commits to continued aftercare...and lives a life free of drugs.

your boyfriend denies everything...refuses support from loved ones...and continues his way of life.  your relationship suffers...he looses his job...everyone turns their backs on him...he is forced to the streets.  your boyfriend has NOTHING...not a penny to his name...no home...only the clothes on his back.  STILL he refuses help.  DRUGS ARE HIS LIFE.  he will steal from the ones that love him the most to support his habit.  he will do whatever it takes to score.

your boyfriend gets help...is on the right road.  you marry this man and have kids.  eight years down the road he runs into "an old friend" and is offered drugs.  BECAUSE he is an addict...he is tempted beyond belief...KNOWING what is at stake if he uses just one time.  BECAUSE he is an addict...he uses...he's hooked.  now, not only is YOUR life afftected...but the life of your KIDS.  the house that you had is lost...the car that you are driving is picked up...your kids do not have adequate care...not enough food.

maybe my examples seem extreme to you...but just maybe they are not extreme enough.  i would take a looooooooong hard look at YOUR life and decide what you want for your future.  the world of addiction is not a pleasant one.  there ARE ppl that are successful at getting and remaining clean...but then again there are those that are not.
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Thanks so much to everyone who replied. This is all helpful information.

At this point I am not willing to just remove myself from this situation. If I was in someone else's shoes and was giving myself advice I would say "get away, you don't need him, he is not good for you." And I know you probably wonder how I got involved with "someone like this." Sometimes I wonder the same thing. There is good and bad to everyone, though and I am not going to give up on someone I love because of the bad. Leaving him is just not an option. Right now I am trying not to focus on myself, but on him and the help he needs. If I was to leave him I know it would only make matters worse for him and myself. I love my boyfriend so much and giving up on someone you love is impossible to do.

Does anyone have any insight on what makes a person do drugs? I really want to understand him. He just does not fit the profile for someone who uses. I don't know what leads a person who has a completely normal and comfortable life to start doing drugs. He has a very loving family who cares about him very much and he knows that. To my knowledge there is no history of drug use in his family. He hasn't lost a loved one or gone through anything traumatic. Could he have some type of emotional problem? His mother is actually a drug counselor, so do you think I should consider involving her in this? This would be very uncomfortable for me, but I'll do what needs to be done. Should I threaten him with telling her? Would it be crazy to drug test him? I'm afraid this would almost help his side, because I know heroin does not stay in the system for very long.

I would also like to know more about the appearance of track marks, if anyone could make it more clear to me. And about how long does it take for them to go away?

I'm worried that now, having confronted him, he is just going to become more sneaky instead of turning himself around. Do you think snooping and spying is taking things too far? Are there any other red flags I should look out for?

Thanks again for all of your help. I know there are a lot of questions here, I am just very desperate. Even if you only address a few I will be more than grateful.

-- Jenny
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306455_tn?1288865671
OK, you have decided to live with a Heroin addict. You love him and want to help him, but first things first... Now you must prepare, protect and educate yourself.
Unprotected sex with this man is just down-right dangerous. HIV & Hep C should be a major concern for you. Do not trust if he says he's OK. If he is out and about and high, he may have sex with others, he may not, but he may. Protect yourself.
Do not be surprised if he steals money from you or your family. Hide your money or valuables. He may not, but he very well may. If his friends come to your home, they may steal from you....money or anything they can pawn to get their drugs. Eventually he may start borrowing money from you too, then he'll start stealing it.  Prepare for this and protect yourself.
If you are in a car with him or out in public or even in your home, he could get busted and you, right along with him.
Go to Narc-Anon, they will teach you how to cope with an addict and give you the support you need. You can google it and find one near you.
You ask how can you make him be honest with you?, you can't. You obviously have all the proof, other than seeing him shooting himself up. Trust us, he is doing drugs. Don't be fooled by his lies. He will lie to you a lot. For some twisted reasoning, addicts think people will believe the stupidest lies. They will also lie to themselves....and believe it.
You can't "straighten "him out. He has to want it. You can only support his efforts (not financially).
Why do people become addicts? There are a million reasons, everyone is different. Perfectly normal, happy people can become addicts. Your boyfriend obviously has had a long time, on and off problem.
Yes, you should involve his mother in this, especially if she is a drug counselor. Don't threaten him with telling her, just tell her. He will need all the help and support if he ever decides to get help. His mother may be able to help him admit to his problem. Get together with his mom and talk about all this, you'll need her support too.
Should you drug test him? You could try, but he'll probably refuse saying "you" don't trust him. He'll probably turn it around on you with anger.
Trying to deal with an addict on your own will be to much to bear. You're gonna need help.
Put your seat belt on, you're in for a long, hard ride.
Sorry you're going thru this.
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980052_tn?1262970679
Hi Jenny! I am a recovering heroin IV user (87days clean) and will try to give you alittle insight on this. First though I will say addiction does not discriminate... I do not fit a "profile" of an addict, I have a comfortable life and look like the girl next door  I don't consider myself a scumbag or think I llok like 1 so just making clear we come in ALL walks of life... I was wondering how his mother got into the field of addiction w/ no addicts you know of being in the family? Also I do think you may want to talk to her and she will probably have great perspective on this,I am sure if she see's your bf regularly she may have suspisions already, but she would be a great help in helping her son seeing she's educated,anyway track marks (mine anyway) are usually in the bend of the arm,top of feet,on hands.wrists they tend to look like a scratch if he's been using the same spot a couple of times..if he switches spots regularly they may not be as glaring but you will definately notic red marks w/ a tiny pin ***** in the center(often addicts scrape that off) which will cause a red spot. The marks will not heal over night and like I said depending on the places he uses and how often some will be more noticeable than others,he also could be shooting in his feet so keep a watch on that basically if all of the sudden he has "scratches" from work alot or alot of  red bumps and scratches your probably right on... I would not recommend calling the police on him at this point that could just backfire on you and make him very angry at you,himself and sink deeper into his addiction. It sounds like your bf has been an addict for some time just different drugs and like myself it has unfortunately progressed to this point,I don't think you will be able to make him admit anything until he's ready but please keep your gaurd up! I can tell you heroin addiction will make you lie cheat and STEAL anything and everything form the one's we love the most,It's an awful addiction that will take EVERYTHING AWAY AND FAST. Be very aware of any valuables you may leave around(jewelry etc) You may also notice his sex drive go down,appetite change,pinned pupils, all the signs seem to be there unfortunately,I wish you the best of luck hang in there if there is anything more you need to ask me feel free GD LUK JENNY : )
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Avatar_f_tn
flmagi is absolutely right, i couldnt have said it better myself. i was in your shoes, had an addict boyfriend and i myself knowing nothing of drugs. i had made up my mind to move away and get out because no matter how hard i tried he wouldnt admit anything, even when i had obvious proof. he lied, stole, did whatever was needed to get his next fix. thank god he came to me last night and said he had a problem and he needed help... he has to want to fix himself. and my honest advice is until he's willing to do that, get out. write a letter explaining you love him, cant watch him destroy himself. sitting there while hes on drugs and keeping your mouth shut to keep things at a civil level is only going to enable him. if you keep throwing things in his face he will get angry and possibly violent. i wish you the best of luck, its not an easy thing. you're in my prayers.
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Avatar_n_tn
I am also curious, how quickly does a person become addicted to heroin? At this point I've figured out that he has done/is doing the drug, although he will still not admit to it. However I am not sure if he is considered an addict. Reading these comments it seems that a lot of you have classified him as that. It's a hard pill for me to swallow, I never really considered that it has gotten that far. Do you think it is likely that if he only starting using in the past month or so he is already addicted to the drug?

Many have mentioned the possibility that he will start stealing from myself and loved ones. I haven't really seen a change in the amount of money he has. He always has money on him and has many checks he hasn't cashed from work. Do you think it's safe to assume he is selling again?

Obviously this is the only thing on my mind and is greatly worrying me. I have so much to ask and it really helps to have someone else's input as I cannot share this with my family and friends. It's comforting to know that someone else agrees with me on the situation and that I am not making crazy assumptions in my mind. Thanks to everyone who gave me their help. I really appreciate it.
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186166_tn?1385262982
is he an addict?  hhhuuummmmm...he's locking himself in the bathroom and lieing to you about what he's doing...what do you think?????

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Avatar_n_tn
I don't know. I guess there is a part of me that doesn't want to believe it's that serious. I'm just not very familiar with this. I thought it was possible that he was doing heroin purely for enjoyment and not because he NEEDS it. Obviously I know that consistent use will lead to addiction, it's just hard to accept that maybe this is something he needs to do already.
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1011285_tn?1302120458
Im sorry to hear about your boyfriend and what your going through...Heroin can be one of those drugs you use and it just takes that one time to get addicted...I know you dont want to believe it but from what i seen you write, i am completely 100% postivie that he is using heroin. With the trackmarks they just dont simply go away. So if you still need proof just keep checking, and i promise you will keep finding....You may not want to hear this but there isnt much you can do with getting him clean. HE has to want it or its no use. If you do tell his mom you should think about having a intervention with some of his family (this can open addicts eyes sometimes and makes them realize that there an addict) please be careful as you move forward with this sometimes drugs make people do herendous acts to there own loved ones. Educate yourself, be prepared for the worst, if he is not willing and your just his girlfriend im sorry but get the hell out of there!!!! before he brings you down with him
(sometimes addicts need to hit rock bottom before they get back up)

PS
This WILL NOT last...This CANNOT last...
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Avatar_f_tn
He's absolutely an addict. And not just mentally addicted, but physically addicted too.  You said he had successfully completed a methodone program- then supposedly stayed clean then just started using a little while ago. I am willing to bet that he probably stayed on the methadone (or other opiod pills) after the treatment was through and then switched to heroin recently because it is cheaper than the pills.  

He's probably been addicted to opiods and/or heroin for a long time now.  I mean, do you really think he wasn't using any of the drugs he was selling?

I'm sorry for your situation, but it's plain as day to me as well as the other addicts/ ex addicts on this site- he is ADDICTED and you are wasting your time. You can't make somebody get help. You shouldn't let HIS addiction ruin your life too.  You will regret it if you stay with him- trust me.  If down the road he decides to get clean on his own, and the two of you reunite, then great. But you would be a complete fool to sit around waiting for him to get clean. Sorry to be harsh. I'm just being honest.
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306455_tn?1288865671
It doesn't take very long to become addicted and if there is a prior history of addiction, all it takes is once or twice and "Bamb !" , you are addicted again.  The mental part of addiction is really the hardest thing to recover from and some people never resolve the mental issues. They can be very deep issues that require intensive therapy, counseling, NA etc. Did he do any of those things while on the methadone program?
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186166_tn?1385262982
you REALLY need to go to some alanon meetings.  what i hear is alot of justification and excuses from you.  open your eyes...see what is right in front of your face.  your boyfriend is a HEROIN addict.

i know that what we are telling you is not exactly what you wanted to hear.  i'm sure you would like for us to tell you how to save him...well you cant.

listen to me.  i have lived the life of addiction through my three sons for the last 15 years...IT IS NOT PLEASANT..and one of my sons contracted HIV as a result of his addiction.  from someone who has been there, done that...from someone who thought she could save them...i can honestly say that it wouldnt matter how much i LOVED my BOYFRIEND...if i found out he was shooting heroin...I'D RUN LIKE HELL ! ! ! ! !
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980052_tn?1262970679
I WOULD NOT RECOMMEND THE ABOVE POST...SORRY but that's just plain cruel and unless you've walked a mile in his shoes you would no how completely crazy this sounds..not to mention you could end up in JAIL..I would definately get his mother's advice seeing she is educated in the field!!!Getting her on board to helping her son will be a great relief to you, best of luck Jenny
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Avatar_n_tn
While he was on the methadone program I thought everything was going great with him and to my knowledge he was clean. I know that they tested his urine several times and he was always clean, but I also know that heroin does not stay in the system for very long.

After all of this and seeing everyone's opinions, I am starting to second guess whether or not he was clean all along. I truly believed that he was but now I am not sure.
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942290_tn?1252622149
how old are you guys?

not trying to rag on you both, but just trying to figure out whats the deal........

you seem to have a pretty laid back attitude about a guy that was on blow for a while, then was snorting oxies, then went on a 'done program, now is apparently shooting up heroin?

crying out loud, I had a gal I was with(before I got wrapped up in pill poppin) that caught me smoking weed, then warned me.one more time.......and she caught me again, and she broke up with me for good over it !

you said you cant stand  even weed or any drugs but your pretty laid back about this dude and his major addictions. I do wish you all the best.let me say, I think its great for him that you are concerned........

on a side note,since you asked. many people do become addicted due to severe injury,or diseases. some from stress. many from the desire to experiment and some from hanging out with the wrong people...............it effects the wealthy, the educated,the famous, the middle class and the poor. it likes everyone. often people make the mistake,thinking .......I would not fall for that,like those addicts !!! even such nice ole gals like betty ford have fallen prey to narcotics !!
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271792_tn?1334983257
You are only fooling yourself Jenny if you think things are going to get better. they will not unless he gets honest and gets help.

The sad part is that your self esteem is such that you think this is acceptable and you don't know that you don't deserve this. If you get help for YOURSELF then you will learn that you don't have to live like this.

Be good to yourself.
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Avatar_f_tn
I have to agree with every one above, I too believe him to be a  addict. Do you really want to stay in a relationship with someone you can't trust?  Love is based on communication and honesty first and foremost.  Just the fact that you don't believe what he is telling you is a complete relationship deal breaker.  If you want to try to help him as you sever all ties and run for the hills, tell his mother everything you suspect and share this forum with her.  She may want to stage an intervention and have the connections to do this.  Don't waste one more minute of your time.  It is better to be healthy and alone than to be in a disfunctional relationship (he checked the mileage?).  Do you want this to continue until you contract a disease or perhaps accidently become pregnant?  Step up and do the right thing!!!!
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406584_tn?1399591666
I would like to add one more comment in a statement you made that caught my eye that he has pay checks not cashed and money.. He use to sell ? well it sounds like he is selling again.. I can tell you from experience that living with a dealer can be a very dangerous environment to be living in.. it can also be very surprising when your front doors are shattered at 4 am and you have guns pointed at you.. Hope you do what is best for you for as of right now.. You are barely a blip on his radar as far as how you feel about anything he is doing.. I really do wish you well for yourself and that maybe his mom can take the reins as you seem very passive aggressive in protecting yourself..
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Avatar_n_tn
We are both 19.

I would just like to clear some things up as I think several of you have the wrong idea here. I am not being passive aggressive and I am not being laid back. I may come across that way but come on this is the internet, you can't see my emotions, and trust me I am not taking this nonchalantly. It's really affecting me and it is a HUGE deal. I just wanted some advice and answered questions from people who have been in this position and have a little more information than I do.

Also, I don't have low self esteem. I know what I deserve and I know I deserve better than this situation. I don't really care about my issues right now. When you're in a relationship it isn't all about you. This is something I need to deal with right now and I don't believe in running away from your problems. If I just up and leave him I KNOW it would only make his drug use worse.

Above anything, he is my friend and I would never desert a friend whom I knew needed my help. I am considering putting the relationship on hold until he decides to come clean and get clean. But removing him from my life completely is just absurd to me and something I won't even consider. I don't care if we're unmarried, or young, or have only been together for a year; that's just not right in my opinion. Running away from this would definitely be the easy way out but it is for sure not the right choice, and I know it.

Many of you feel very strongly that I should just get out ASAP. I need to know, would it be that easy for you to just sever all ties with someone who is such a major part of your life, whom you love so much?
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Avatar_n_tn
Also, FYI: we do not live together, I do spend many nights at his home, I do not feel that my safety is at risk here.
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Avatar_n_tn
What do you mean by "he checked the mileage?"
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406584_tn?1399591666
I lost my son over my heroin partner.. was he worth it.. NO ! I have hep C stage 2 liver disease.. 1 kidney at stage 3 Was he worth it NO ! You may never use the drugs but you will be effected by them.. I really have nothing further to say but I hope it works out as you envision it in your mind and heart.. lesa
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271792_tn?1334983257
Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. That was a very well thought out and mature statement.

I have to be honest: For me, tough love was the only thing that worked. I had people in my life that stuck by me, held my hand and attempted to help me. I didn't get the help. Then along came the people who gave me an ultimatum and showed me "tough love". It was then, and only then, that I admitted that I had a problem and got help.

Many, many years later I married an alcoholic. He too is my friend, my best friend in fact and for years I stuck by him. He did not admit he had a problem and it began to effect us emotionally and certainly financially. I finally told him that although I loved him he needed to make a choice. He would lose everything if he didn't. He will be celebrating six years sober this October, GOD willing.

So when I speak to you I speak from my personal experience as an addict  and from someone who lives with an addict.

Most everyone here has had experience either with themselves or a loved one who is actively using. They mean no harm to you and are out to help and protect you. In the two years I have been on this site I have seen hundreds and hundreds of young girls like yourself lose everything by loving an active addict.

It is difficult at best and I admire you for wanting to help. Do yourself a favor, consider joining perhaps an al-anon group where you will learn from group members who are going through exactly what you are. They can best teach you to set boundaries, etc.

Again, take good care of yourself.
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Jenny -  A few years back my wife had to make the same decision that you are looking at today. And she stayed. It took me a couple more years to get it entirely together - - those years were not a huge picnic......but they also included an intense year of chemo...We  are looking at celebrating a 30th wedding anniversary this year and my youngest is now fine young man of 20............  and I am clean and pleased. No one is saying to "get out ASAP" - - but they are trying to prepare you for what may be in store.  Best of luck to you with whatever decision you make.......
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I completely understand that everyone is trying to share their wisdom and help me out. I hope that my last comment did not come across as abrasive or defensive-- it was not meant to be that way. I am only trying to be informative and clear about my situation and feelings. I appreciate everyone's comments, they have each been very helpful to me.

IBKleen: your last message was very helpful and an eye-opener.. I'm starting to think that tough love is the only way. I may actually give him an ultimatum tonight. That's scares me because I know I may not get the response I am hoping for but it seems like the only option right now.

You should all know I am a very positive person by nature. Although many of you have told me this cannot get better, I know there is a chance it can and I am hanging onto that.

Thanks again everyone.
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980052_tn?1262970679
I am a true believer in leading w/ your heart BUT when your safety and health are in danger I would think long and hard, no we may not see your emotions but on this forum you are going to get OUR opinions and advice in which YOU asked for..I am sorry if you think we aremaking your bf sound like or be someone he is not but you asked and we kindly shared OUR stories in trying to help you, yes you are young but does that matter not really except many of us have lived this lonnnnngggg road of addiction and we're only offering you guidance as to maybe keep you from a longer road of heartache and BAD experiences for we have lived the hell and are only telling you what we KNOW!! As a knewly recovering heroin addict I can tell you and I'm not trying to be harsh but you are definately not his main priority when he wakes up in the morning sick or looking for the next high and as you can read many of us have shared VERY personal experiences w/ you to try and help ....take it as you will
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942290_tn?1252622149
theres an old saying........" if I knew what I know now.........when I was 20,I would be a millionaire"

hes very young to be having all these addictions going on and when you confront him, you will see two results, one of total negativity and denial, or one of understanding and reassurance. perhaps even the fact,he might admit he is an addict........then you got something to work on.

hes lucky to have you as a lover and  a friend.

good luck and let us know how it goes so we can all learn more
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I definitely don't think anyone is making my boyfriend seem like something he is not. You are all working with the information I shared with you, so your opinions are validated. I appreciate that many of you are sharing personal experiences with me and I recognize that. It has all been very helpful. Thank you for being concerned with my safety and health. Until today I hadn't really considered that, I was only thinking about his.

Tonight I plan on talking to him about this and telling him once and for all that he can either tell me what I already know is true or he can not speak to me at all. This is terrifying and I honestly don't think it is going to turn out well. At least not for now.
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i posted earlier. i am glad you have chosen the ultimatum route... this is what i finally had to do. i wrote a letter, printed it out so he could see what i was saying and process it rather than have it go in one ear and out the other. before i could even say anything, he said we need to talk, i have a problem and need your help. i know its a tough and scary situation, to think you may have to stick to the promise you make if he doesnt come clean.. but there is hope. remember though he can only want to change this himself.. best of luck, in my prayers
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All I can add is that with IV Heroin it gets bad and does it very quickly. There aren't a lot of people out there that can say they "experimented" with it and it was just a phase they were going through and they moved on. The nature of that drug administered that way is that from the very first time you use it, you start moving stuff around and making space in your life for it. Financially it quickly becomes a huge burden. There are people who can function, stay on it for long periods of time, and not seem to hit a bottom or have their world come crashing down around them, but they aren't your average user. Your boyfriend isn't hitting a blunt at a party anything minor like that. If he's an IV Heroin user, you're going to start seeing things go downhill pretty quickly. As far as telling whether or not he's got track marks, don't worry - you'll be able to tell. Even between the toes, there will be bruising - that's just the nature of it. Have you ever gotten blood taken and seen how it bruises? That's about how it will look on all the places after a while. He'll get sloppier and probably won't care if you know eventually. That's just been my experience - I hope you're wrong about him.
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I didn't end up talking to my boyfriend tonight, but I told him I want to talk to him tomorrow. Does anyone have any advice on how I should go about discussing this and giving him an ultimatum?

Also, what does it take to make a person want to stop? My worst fear is that he needs to experience first hand the horrible effects of the drug before he will have the urge to stop.

I cannot sleep over this. I feel like I am going crazy. I hope someone is out there to read this I really need some sort of discussion right now, I need to occupy myself instead of lying in my bed thinking and crying.
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What does it take to make an addict stop....nothing. Unfortunetly he or she will have to deciede when enough is enough....It took me almost a year and 20 plus relapses , my wife kicking me out, and being confronted by everyone that loved me to realize that i had a problem.  It was me and only me who could deciede when to quit.  Remember he wont quit for his parents,his friends, or even you.  He can only quit for himself.  I know thats very hard to grasp because he loves you, but addiction is the devil.  Someone not addicted to opiates or never having an addiction themselves seem this could be easily fixed with a little work and support.  I would never in a million years wish an addiction to opiates to my worst enemy.  It is a living hell and you need to keep your guard up.  Be safe be strong and know when enough is enough .
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Good morning, hope you got at least a little sleep.  The ultimatum route is only effective if you are willing and able to follow through.  Otherwise it's an idle threat.  I commend you for wanting to stick it out but I still question the reasoning.  If you started dating when he was using it seems like you liked something you saw when he was using.  The question is what's left when or if he makes the changes you want?

Obviously my thoughts are biased by my experiences so I'll explain as best I can.  After a slew of failed relationships and attempts to find stability in my life I finally figured out a pattern.  When I would become more responsible the relationship would start having problems.  Looking back I can see that I brought a certain excitment into things and when that was gone I lost my appeal, relationships ended, responsability fell off and abra kadabra I'm marketable again.  

I still think Al-Anon is the way to go.  Get yourself healthy and find people who are also dealing with loved one's addictions.  It'll help weather you stay in this relationship or not.

As far as if he's an "addict" or not.   Addict is a non-diagnosible term, he seems to meet my definition but possibly not his own.  Addiction is about continuing use despite life problems caused by use.  When the consequences out weight the reward it's addiction.  Only the person themself gets to decide if they're an addict or not.  This applies to relationships also.  Only you get to decide when the consequences outweigh the rewards.  If they do and you still stay well...
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Hi Jenny! i just read your post this a.m I woke up thinking or your sit. and wondering if you had the chance to talk to him and I see you haven't,which gives you more time to come up with your plan..I totally think a letter (which sm 1 sugg) is a great way to get through to him. that way you can get out EXACTLY what you want him to hear and your not fumbling and rambling for the write words, and he has no choice but to hear your side w/o interuppting or exploding on you! Think about it the curiosity of what is in that letter will most likely get the better of him and I'm sure he'll read it!! It does sound your boyfriend cares for you and I'm sure respects what you have to say or are feeling, Just because he 's using doesn't make him a completely insensitive monster that you don't know anymore (although in time it COULD come to that) Best of luck and stay strong!P.S I thought alot about ppl posting RUN RUN and GIVE UP well if my non-using ppl in my life gave up on me and turned my back I truly don't no where I would be today,and would have just validated my low self-esteem at the time when I thought I was hopeless and a loser I thank them ALL the time for believing in me long enough until i could start believing in myself again!!!
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something that stuck out that you wrote..you said-
"""I don't really care about my issues right now. When you're in a relationship it isn't all about you.""""

Im trying to think of a way of putting this so you dont take offense....right now...you basically are in a relationship ALONE right now because on the other end....the line is dead... right now he is consumed by addiction. His whole life right now is getting high and when/how to get his next fix and trying to sloppily cover his tracks (and i mean that both figuratively and literally)..
I definitely think talking to his mom is the best option you have at this point...and btw how is it she came to be a drug counsellor? Im wondering if maybe she used to be an addict herself? Many times that is the case. Im not sure what the actual percentage is but I know a great number of drug counsellors are former drug users and once they get clean they are driven to help others do the same... so she may have greater insight than you even think on this matter,   also there may be some hereditary issues going on with the addiction gene if you are still looking for that silver bullet to explain why he is an addict when he seemingly shouldnt be..

good luck to you and please keep us posted
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Hey Jenny, Yes someone can be addicted to heroin after a month easy, people can become addicted in less than a week, even a few days. It doesn't take much and by the time you can admit to yourself you have a problem it is usually too late to stop easy. I am currently in the process of getting off oxycontin which I have now been addicted to for almost a year. Oxy and heroin are very similar (funny what the pharmaceutical companies give us) and they can and WILL completely control your life if you let them.
Unfortunately as an addict myself I know better than anyone that your boyfriend will not even attempt to get off until the bad of the addiction far outweighs the good. Its just the way it is. Its so much easier to just get high and forget about your problems and addiction, to just put it off and relax your mind. And as long as he still enjoys the way heroin makes him feel he wont want to listen to you, or anyone. The point when every addict realizes they have to quit and get help is when everything about the drugs they use to love depresses them. If i even look at an oxycontin now I feel an incredible sickness and disgust with who I became as well as guilt for my girlfriend's sake(if solely for her), and I'm only in my first week.
Personally, up untill a few weeks ago I didn't even want to quit. It made me feel so alive and positive all the time, like a better person. (do you notice your boyfriend is strangely happy or tired at times? and other times very grouchy and angry?) I became broke, no job, no money, lost nearly all of my old friends, and had to sell drugs to buy the ones I needed in order to live and operate like a normal human being. The only thing I had left was my girlfriend and she was the single most important thing that helped me(I'll get into how incredibly important having her is later). My life became a constant game of cat and mouse, finding things to sell, or people to buy drugs from me just so I could get even just one pill. This ended up being how I spent my time all day every day. I didn't see any of my friends, didn't participate in activities I use to thrive for, I did anything I needed to in order to get my drugs and get by. It basically becomes survival of the fittest, how far your willing to go and how bad your willing to become just to live...and it differs in every addict. I just couldn't take it anymore, constantly chasing that high just to be able to live...it lost ALL it's fun. It wasn't even about "getting high" anymore, it was about being able to function and live.
Once I started selling some of my most prized possessions I own to get money for the drugs(because I was broke with no job), I realized just how much it controls ever aspect of my life.
  Unfortunately 99% of the time, an addict wont even want to think about quitting until they hit rock bottom. I heard it from friends who had beat addictions, people online, TV shows, anywhere... Of course I didn't believe it, thought I could quit when I wanted but that was the farthest thing from the truth. I had tried quitting atleast 3 times seriously in the past, every time failing because it was too hard and I'd rather just find a way to get high and relax. I couldn't quit then because I just didn't want too. It was still so fun to me and at that point wasn't as hard to access.
Anyways, eventually the only thing I had in my life that made me naturally happy without the help of drugs was my girlfriend. Nothing else but her and Oxy. That really started to scare me, realizing my whole life was based around taking this drug, and it was the only way i knew how to have fun. I had betrayed friends I had since i was a very young boy because of my problem and had no one but her(i never betrayed her, i even always paid her back when she lent me money, hopefully your bf is the same!).
Of course she has always wanted me to get off but never really stressed it as hard until the last few months where I've been extremely broke. She told me that she loved me and would do anything in her power to help me out of this illness, but if i didn't promise to atleast try and get help she would have to eventually leave me. That scared the **** out of me. I knew if I lost her I would spiral down into a horrible depression and my addiction would get 10x worse with such little hope for getting clean. This is why I have to recommend that you DO NOT break up with him! That would be the worst thing for his problem, only making it much worse. But at the same time you can't let him stay like this. Basically you should tell him that you know he has a problem and that he can't convince you otherwise, and that your willing to do everything in your power to help him off, but that you wont be sticking around unless he tries to help himself. Unfortunately as i said for most addicts the point in which they finally want to quit is once they've hit rock bottom. For me it was once i became broke and spent every day constantly trying to get money and drugs and never stopping the chase. It became so bad that I realized waking up in the morning and being free of my addiction would be better than ANY high it could ever give me anymore. The stress i experienced every day was so severely crippling that to be free of it would be the best high ever. To me that was rock bottom. I had lost everything and was about to lose the person i love most in this world. I couldn't take that. To know that my addiction lost me my girlfriend and my only form of natural happiness, probably would have brought me to suicide in a month or two.
What i suggest to you is basically the same thing my girlfriend did for me. Just let him know you'll do everything you can to help him but you wont sit around watching him self destruct.
Unfortunately as I said for 99% of long term addicts the only way they will quit is when they want to. And sadly if your boyfriend always has lots of money and un-cashed cheques, getting high is probably still too fun for him. Your boyfriend needs to hate heroin, he has to feel guilty and ashamed every time he sticks the needle in his arm. If not for himself but for the fact that he's letting you down. That's what it all came down to for me, I hated myself and didn't care about what i did, but i cared very much about my girlfriend and losing her. If your boyfriend is a good guy and really loves you he will force himself to quit because he knows you are natural happiness and drugs are not, they're all fake and you are very much real. I suggest you tell him something along the lines of "do it for me, etc.." let him know you wont be along for much longer till he gets help. your gonna have to threaten him with something  very important to him (hopefully yourself), because if he constantly has money and a steady job like you say, he will only keep putting it off and getting high. He needs to realize that its no longer all fun and games and that there are serious consequences not just to his health but his social life aswell.
i wrote out lots more but this is already a novel-like response, i'm sort of just venting myself. Anyways, just to let you know jenny, i myself am 19, and so is my girlfriend, so i very much understand what your going through and am willing to offer any support i can.
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Date me?

joking it sounds like your a great girl and i appreciate that.

but if all else fails try this.

Try agreeing with him, and becoming his friend with his drug problems no matter what. It may take a lot of dicipline and sound unorthidox but its worked with me.

Be his friend instead of disagreeing with his use. Use this to try to get info in a way. After that wait for him to come to you. It will help him in the long run and will only take a couple of days before he relizes hes setting a bad example for you.

Now im not experienced with this but it may help you. Try it if you feel up to it, sorry your dealing with this, but if you need support from a guys point of view i can help you.
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hey jenny.
ive been in the same shoes as yourself, maybe alittle diff.
me and my EX got together in 2006 it was perfect everything was great, the only thing was i ate pills and he smoked pot, about 4 months into the relationship we both talked about being clean an did so.
i quit and he quit.
we moved in together in the 5th month of our relationship, everything was fine for about 2 weeks then i started noticing little things like how he would let me in the bathroom most of the time (if i needed to get in for something lol)but then there were times he would tell me to go the h*** away i thought i was his pooo stinked or something lol idk.
well one day i went to go into the bedroom and he had locked the door, i knocked and asked him to open up he said hang on, he opened the door and he had white stuff in his nose.
ive done coke i know what im looking for and i know the high blah blah. thats the diff. your kinda in the dark of what to exp. and what to look for. (back to the story)
i looked at him and i was like hang on babe you got something on your nose an he fliped the h*** out, its a booger or something on those lines. i was like oh i think i laughed it off.
well the next day he went to work and i started looking around and i found baggies, straw, blades. when he got home i had everything on the table and i was like what the F*** is this. IDK where that came from. LIE LIE LIE.
My point is i went through this for about 16 months, i would hide money for rent it would vanish, 2 bank accounts $400.00+ in the negative, stealing from my family and his, i was working 2 jobs when i couldnt get him to work 1.

i walked out when i caught him smoking crack!!!!!

Listen i understand you love him, i loved mine too but there is a time when you have got to draw a line step outside the box and just watch him self destruct.i know it sounds bad really really bad, smacks are the worst(i think)addicts because the drug is sooooo dependant on fixes. dont be as stupid as i was an let him get you all himed up in some s*** that will make your head spin.

FYI- i still talk to him an still love him just as much, and he is clean now has a great job, his own house, a nice truck. Guess what he hit rock bottom before he cleaned up. he was sleeping in a truck for daysssss at a time, stealing, smokin, snortin, pawning, liein, doing anything to get high. it only took him 1 month after i left him to hit his low.

AND we were together for alittle over 2 years, Friends to this day.

Good Luck Jenny
Be Smart About It!!
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Hey i was wondering how your boyfriend turned out? Is he still doing heroin? Are you still with him? I am in the same situation you were in. I am pretty sure my boyfriend is doing heroin, I have been with him for 3 years now and its just the past 3 months i have felt he has been doing heroin. He has been lying to me about where hes going, hes not himself anymore. He doesnt take care of himself, i have to force him to shave and cut his hair. Hes stays up late but nods off the whole time, and gets mad that hes nodding off so it doesnt make sence. I have talked to his mother about it and she has been thinking the same thing because he is not acting himself. He always goes in the bathroom for awhile and twice i found small pieces of tin foil floating in the toilet. When his mom confronted him about the foil he said it was from hersey kisses but this was thick foil so that was a lie. Than i found white powder on a desk and his ID covered in white powder and he tried to tell me maybe one of his friends was doing coke on the desk and its probally candy on the ID because that makes alot of sense. I dont want to leave him because i love him and dont want him doing heroin but he gets mad at me and fights with me anything i bring it up. I am really worried about him and im always stressed and upset watching how he nodds off and lets him self go now. I dont know anything about heroin or what i should do, im worried things are going to get worse or even overdose. I know he has to want help in order to get help but hes so stubborn and just keeps lying to me. I was thinking of drug testing him, he said he will take a drug test i just dont know how hes going to act when i actually give it to him and i think hes just going to say he took a vicodin because on a drug test it just shows opiates so it could be either or.
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I found out about my boyfriends addiction to heroin 3 days before the delivery of my baby. I noticed a mark on his arm and Inquired about it, he confessed because we never lie to eachother. I'm going through it!!!! not only am I sort of forced to help or be with him I have a newborn for him and I cry a lot because its mentally draining. He's curently seeking detox he wants help I kno he does because he cries real tears telling me he wants better just talk to him and suggest detox. I kno what u are going through good luck if u want I can give u my email address because I have almost became an expert at this stuff I kno how the marks look I know withdrawal symptoms I kno a lot.
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I found out about my boyfriends addiction to heroin 3 days before the delivery of my baby. I noticed a mark on his arm and Inquired about it, he confessed because we never lie to eachother. I'm going through it!!!! not only am I sort of forced to help or be with him I have a newborn for him and I cry a lot because its mentally draining. He's curently seeking detox he wants help I kno he does because he cries real tears telling me he wants better just talk to him and suggest detox. I kno what u are going through good luck if u want I can give u my email address because I have almost became an expert at this stuff I kno how the marks look I know withdrawal symptoms I kno a lot.
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I am dealing with a similar situation I found a dope pipe in my boyfriends pocket while he was sleeping this morning of course he denied it to the fullest saying it was his friends and his friend had left it in his car I've had suspiciouns of him doing it for awhile but he always get really angry and denys it I've been with him for 4 years and we just had a child together only 5 weeks ago I don't know what to do I'm at a total loss and I told him I would drug test him and he agreed so if any one has any advice for me please I need help!
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I was heartbroken that my husband moved in with another woman so I had a spell to bring him back home and stop the affair he had with her. In just 2days he left her and went to live at the motel. He called to say so and get news of the kids. The discussion was pleasant, as if he was changing to become the man I knew when we got married. It was exactly as you said…. Now he’s back home and is absolutely crazy about me. I am so thrilled by this spell that I cant find the right words to say how I feel right now. All I can decently say is that you changed my life and saved the most important thing in my life: my family, way to contact my savior is  ***@****.
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Hi there! I k ow this forum is 3 years old, but I came upon it because I beleive I might be in a silimar predicament. Jenny, I was just wondering, since its 3 years later, how did everything work out with you too? Our situations at this point are almost identical.

My biggest concern is that I have NO idea how to confront my boyfriend and ask him if he is using again. I'm very much aware of the fact of how difficult breaching this subject will be at first, and I just want to get through it without causing him to be upset with me or anything. I would be more upset with him if he was hiding this from me than anything else.

Lately he's been very sweaty, and tired. He also disappears to the bathroom for extended periods of time at least 2 or 3 times a day. He disappeared into the bathroom a lot when we first started dating before he came out and told me he had been using. He stopped for about 2 months or so, but he's doing it again. That's really what's rasing a red flag the most for me.

How on earth do I ask him if he's using again? What if he actually isn't and I'm just being paranoid? Could I be wrong?

If anyone could just help me out, that would be fantastic. Please...
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I can answer some of that....

I found a crack pipe under my husbands dresser the night of our wedding.  He told me it belonged t someone else and he was going to destroy it.  I then  found baking soda and torn steel wool pads under the seat of his car and fragments all over.  He said...he was going to do some but never did...He was tearful and crying and saying he was proud of himself for not using, etc....I belived him again....

THEN....In his room at his moms house, in the trashcan....I found A torn in half beer can with lighter marks on one side and a white pasty substance on the other side, which was confirmed to be coke./baking sods...i.e. crack....  

LATER...I asked him about it and he said he didnt know what I was talking about....Yelling....Then he said he had only done it once....He then blamed me for being untrusting and causing problems, gave my wedding ring back and packed his thing and left.  

This man has DEVISTATED my life.  I wish I would have broken up with him a year ago when he gave me numerous opportunities.  I have 3 jobs and work so hard I cant stand up...he works 1 job and claims to never have any money to help pay bills...there are things missing from my home which cannot be explained.  A Laptop (which he says he stepped on)  I bought him a 300.00 pair of sunglasses for christmas...they were "broken" as well.  Both of our family cameras are missing....even my kids psp she got for Christmas....gone....Im such a fool...
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I noticed these posts are from a little over 3yrs ago...I'm just curious how this story has played out, because for the past yr I have been in the exact predicament with my boyfriend and have been his primary support system, I loved him too much & couldn't imagine not sticking by the man I love when he needed me most.  I am NOW currently choosing to walk away... he has since turned on me after making this decision, by stealing from me (2 flatscreen TV's, one of which belonged to my 11yr old son, a ps3 that I later found at a pawn shop & had to purchase back) These are only a few items of the many. His excuse for his behaviors is that he believes I am sneaking men in my house at times when he is sleeping & has actually chased "men" out of my yard & placed recording devices in my house/car & forced me to listen & explain myself....there was nothing to be heard but silence & static. I guess I'm curious if this woman had any different outcome...if her love for him made a difference in his addiction.
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Very good points!
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So this guy I have been dating /friends with for a really long time I believe is using something. About 5 years ago he was addicted to pain meds which started when he just about cut his finger off .. Since then he said he is clean he said he went through the terrible withdraws but he's clean now and would never use again.. But here lately he just doesn't seem right he sweats a lot while eating or pretty much doing nothing and he looks really tired . I confronted him about taking any pain meds and he got very upset with me saying no he doesn't take anything. I just don't know how to exactly know if he is using .. Help me please he makes me feel like I'm going crazy
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So this guy I have been dating /friends with for a really long time I believe is using something. About 5 years ago he was addicted to pain meds which started when he just about cut his finger off .. Since then he said he is clean he said he went through the terrible withdraws but he's clean now and would never use again.. But here lately he just doesn't seem right he sweats a lot while eating or pretty much doing nothing and he looks really tired . I confronted him about taking any pain meds and he got very upset with me saying no he doesn't take anything. I just don't know how to exactly know if he is using .. Help me please he makes me feel like I'm going crazy
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So this guy I have been dating /friends with for a really long time I believe is using something. About 5 years ago he was addicted to pain meds which started when he just about cut his finger off .. Since then he said he is clean he said he went through the terrible withdraws but he's clean now and would never use again.. But here lately he just doesn't seem right he sweats a lot while eating or pretty much doing nothing and he looks really tired . I confronted him about taking any pain meds and he got very upset with me saying no he doesn't take anything. I just don't know how to exactly know if he is using .. Help me please he makes me feel like I'm going crazy
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Hi Finfozie Welcome to the forum. You are posting on a old thread if you go to the top and hit post a question and post this there, you will get more responses and visibility, also we have living with a addict forum you might want to check out. As far a your bf using again I would say listen to your gut, It is usually right. Him being so defensive the sweating, You have a good idea our I suspect you would not be here. He is the only one that can get clean He has to want to. Ask him to take a drug test from the drug store He should have no problem showing you he is clean, if he has a fit he is hiding something, I hope you are wrong but we seldom are in this situation. Keep reading and reaching out for support. I wish you both well, lesa
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