Help me please

First of all, I have to say that I am knew to this web site. So please bare with me, but I am definetely in need to some advise.
My finance is a fabolous man! But the last seven months of our lives he relapsed into a drug addiction.  The last seven months were pure torture.  I am someone that has never used so I did not understand any of it.  There is so much that I need to talk about with people that have been in my shoes before.  I feel like I am alone in this, but I know that there has to be many more families out there like me that love the person enough to help them.  I am very aware that it is his problem and that he is the only one that can fix it.  But as long as he has that problem it is the families problem also.
He is currently in a rehab , and will be getting out in 12 days.
I need advise, I need to talk........
I love this man with all of my heart,
I know that this is going to be a tough battle,
I need to talk to people that have been in my shoes,, and even will to hear from the users themselves.  I have ben going to the meetings at the rehab once a week for the families, and I have learned so much from going there and hearing from the users themselves, and from the speakers.

Please everyone, I am beggin for some help......
I need some hope... "Something to believe in!"

Thank you for reading some of my story.

[IBKleen]

Hello and Welcome!

I don't know what more I can add. You are doing all the right things by supporting him and going to meetings. You can also find a Nar Anon meeting/s in your area and attend them by yourself. they could prove helpful.

When he gets home, hopefully the rehab will have set him up with an aftercare plan. He is going to need to adhere to it strictly. This is something he needs to do, with your support---but it is HIS program. There will be time for the two of you to perhaps attend meetings at a later date, but in the beginning he needs his space in the early stages of recovery.

It is great that you want to believe in him---do that, just do it with your eyes open. He will be an addict for the rest of his life--it will always be there. How he handles it will determine his recovery.

It is a holiday weekend and quite slow here today. Please be patient. Others will be on.

Good Luck. I will pray for you.

[banana911]

i've only been on this site for 10 days - - but sporatically i do see posts like "i think my friend has a problem" or other such things that the people in the users life are also reaching out - i hope one of them replies to you for some more "in your shoes talk".  

and as IB says it sounds like he is doing all the right things & the aftercare & the meetings.  

years ago in therapy my psycologist suggested i go to the alanon meetings (IB is saying Naranon which sounds more right)  - - but you'll find people like you at alanon also.  i don't think i was really present at those meetings (me using at the time, duh) but i do rememeber just a lot of heartbreaking stories but so so much love and sympathy and sharing and community.  

[lashamummyof2]

Hi
You must go through the program with him, you need to understand the disease. Please go to Alanon, or naranon - anyone to help you understand.
My brother just died a month ago from alcohol. He was out of rehab two months and died. His wife left him and we told him to get help or we could not help him...it was very sad.
If your fiance is in rehab it is one step...many more to follow. the best thing you can do is educate yourself. Most rehabs have a friends and family component to work the program into your lives. See if you can contact them and get help for yourself.
Good Luck!!!

[fishmeal]

Hi, I am surprised that beach has not responded yet.  Honey, we have hearts of gold and an anomaly somtimes called addiction and dependence.  The people we have in our hearts are somtimes as addicted to the calamities as we are.  Hey, what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger right?  You are in for a life of truama.  And it's is Spiritual sometimes.  We feel more when more is at stake??? for the most part.... sometimes I feel that I am addicted to truama.  Brace yourself and enjoy the ride.  We mean well but there is fun heart ache ahead.

[lurker]

you've obviously been away - beach has been banned from posting. You can still IM him, but he can't post  I missed what happened but he's not here anymore