Help-prescription fraud-need advice desparetly

Someone please give me some good advice....I am seriously addicted to opiates and I think I have finally hit rock bottom. I have been on narcotics for 4 years now. I have degenerative arthritis and just had diskogram done several months ago and found out I have a tear in the fibers around L5-S1 and the center nucleous is leaking out...(herniated disk). I am a patient at a pain clinic and am now on Methadone. My doc wants me to have an IDET but my insurance wont cover it and I think I am too young for a fusion...Im not even 30 yet and really couldnt afford the surgery anyway. For the past year I have been going through the cycle of running out of meds early and trying to figure out how to get more to get me through. Recently I was involved in a car wreck...well it was a road rage incident....guy with big stuffed duck tied to front end of flatbed utility truck ran me off the road passing me, i blew horn and he slammed on brakes and reversed into me causing 5,000 dollars damage to my car...broke my husbands foot and then he waited for cops to get there....needless to say I have been in extremem pain since then...I took extra methadone( I only take 30mg per day), so I ran out. My brother just had back surgery and he was taking percocet....he had a refill of vicodin left at the drug store and I called it in and picked it up.. I really didnt think he was using it anymore, and he wasnt, but he ran out of his percocet early and tried to get his refill just 4 days after I had already picked it up. I know I really screwed up, and he knows the truth now b.c I told him...he was mad but understood that I was desperate...going through withdrawels for 3 days and in pain and knew I could get my meds for 5 more days....the problem is now his workers comp is involved and is filling a police report. I am wondering if anyone has been through this kind of thing before.....I am hoping that by the grace of GOD that I wont be recognized on the surveillence tapes at the store. The pharmacy told him whoever picked it up cam in the store so they will be going through the tapes with the police soon....I didnt really go in the store, I went through the drive-thru not in my car and with dark shades on....the store doesn'thave camerras that show tag numbers, just the car through the window...I am hoping that because I was driving a super-raised truck that they wont be able to identify me...and my brother isnt either......PLease give any advice you can..... I know I messed up, but I am really a nice person, loving mom, devote Christian, but I gave in to a weakness and know I am so truely ashamed. My husband doesnt know how bad my provblem is. What should I do???????

Thanks for any advice.

HElp_me_im_drowing!!!!! And i dont want to go to federal prison....

[marcatj]

gosh, i'm not sure there's much you can do, but wait it out.  

i think if you are close to your husband, you should tell him what's going on - that will at the very least give you some support, and some relief from "keeping secrets."

and as much as this may not be what you want to hear - this could be the scare you needed to get off these pills.  likely they will not recognize you... but perhaps this time of true fear is exactly what you needed.

i don't know, it's just a thought.

but i do think if you and your husband are close, again, i would tell him everything.  at least you won't feel alone in this..

i wish you well..
mj

[beachtowel]

In the first place it is not a federal offense...........
If identified you will be charged with two felonies......
one F-5 possession of illegal narcotics
two F-5 possession of illegal narcotics by fraud

You back condition I have I have a tear in the same place and I am 51 with a lot of degenerative
disc disease.........
I get by with Lidoderm 5% Lidocane patch which numbs the injured area and Motrin 800
The don't do surgery for the tear there even with the herniation and at your age that would be nuts....
You need to let the tear heal then do physical theropy for the disc to strengthen your back....

Your an addict whos main concern is taking narcotics and not just for the pain.......
You are probably a very nice person a loving mom and a devote Christian your also a THIEF
who stole from her own brother how sick is that?
I also think taking Methadone for that injury is like killing a fly with a shotgun..........

You need to start worring about your addiction and I know you don't give a **** about that right now.......all your thinking about is not getting caught and charged by the police and getting your next script..........
You should use your insurance and go directly into a drug detox then into a inpatient drug rehab.....

How and why do I make these statements because I did the exact same thing for the exception of stealing from my own brother I forged a script.......

Your an addict and when you decide to fix that everything else will start to fall into place and then you can get back to being a nice person again.......but right now your a thief and an addict........

On the positive side if you detox and check into an inpatient rehab it will look very good to the judge if you do indeed get charged.........

Think about what you did and the life style your living when are you ready to admit that your hooked on narcotics and that you stole your brothers perscription that is reality and not what a good person and a christian women would do ........think about it.........

[Help me Im drowning]

I really dont think I can tell my husband......I am really afraid of the fallout from this if I do get caught....my only consulation right now is that they said the person who picked it up came into the store because the slip that was signed with my brothers wife name was ont he books inside....I actually went through the drive through and wasnt even driving my vehicle....Do you know if their cameras at drivethroughs are likley to get my face if I was driving a Huge raised truck....arent they more pointed to car winsdows?  I have never seen any cameras there at the drive thru, but inside they are all over......I will keep on praying for God to have mercy on me....I love my family, have 2 small children and will definately never do antything like this again.....I just am putting all my faith in the Lord to protect me through this so I can  get my life back on track without it falling completely apart....I realy dont think I will be able to handle it if I am caught......Thanks for you advice!!!!!!!

[vicaddict]

I agree with mj, but if they DO recognize the vehicle then whoever that vehicle belongs to will get blame placed.  Are you certain they can't identify plates from the vehicles? I find it odd if they have cameras in the store they do not outside as well. Do you or the person who owns the truck go to this pharmacy often? If so, the cashier may be able to know who's vehicle it is, or recall etc. Not trying to scare you more, just some things to keep in mind.

Again, I agree with mj I would confide in your husband b/c one he really needs to know, and if something does go down you def. do not want him to find out the other way. I also agree, that maybe this is just that "warning" from above..

Please keep us posted and will say some prayers for you.

Tracy

[beachtowel]

Wow will you listen to yourself you steal from your brother and your putting your faith in God to ignore you being a thief to obtain illegal narcotics........
Your a mother of two do you think that your living a good example as a mother for your children and on top of all that your afraid to be truthful with the person in your life that you share the most intimate secrets with......... but I guess when the detective starts calling or they are knocking on the front door that would be a better way for him to find out...........
I know your a good person and good people make very bad choices sometimes but would you read your own posts what do you see????

You should sit down with your husband and ask for his forgiveness and his help and get you into a professional detox and an inpatient drug rehab.........your a mess girl I know I have been there a couple of times...............by the way if you are caught you better make sure you have some bail money ready.........will you go to your husband then?  Just to let you know it is your husband that will bail you out I don't think God will come and help you with bail money............

Sorry if my words sound harsh but as I think back I can feel exactly how you do right now and it sucks big time maybe this crash and burn is what it will take for you to open your eyes sorry........

[vicaddict]

Hi beach!

I meant to also suggest that. About rehab, b/c if you do get caught they will see you have admitted and are seeking help.

[Help me Im drowning]

I KNOW I AM ADDICTED TO THIS ****....I HAVE BEEN GOING TO ORTHOPEADIC SURGEONS, NEUROSURGOENS AND NOW A PAIN CLIND....THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR 4 YEARS.  i HAVE WENT FROM VICODIN TO OXCONTIN TO METHADONE....I HAVE THE ANNUAL TEARS, DEG. DISK DISEASE AND DEGENERATIVE ARTHRITIS (HEREDITARY)...MY GRANDMOTHER HAS HAD 7 BACK SURGERYS SO FAR IN HER LIFE AND I AM GOING DOWN THE SAME ROAD.  I DONT GET HIGH OFF THESE DRUGS, THEY JUST HELP THE PAIN....AND I RATE A 5-8 ON THE PAIN SCALE EVERYDAY EVEN WITH PAIN MEDS.  I KNOW WHAT I DID WAS WRONG, SICK AND COMPLETLY SCREWED UP...I KNOW THAT I AM NOTHING BUT AN ADDICT AND A THEIF, BUT I NEED HELP......IF I GET CAUGHT AND MY LIFE FALLS APART, I DONT THINK I AM GOING TO GET THE HELP I NEED...MY HUSBAND WILL PROBABLY LEAVE ME...MABY THATS WHAT I DESERVE THOUGH....I REALLY WOULD RATHER DIE THAN GO THROUGH GETTING CAUGHT...PLEASE ANYONE WHO CAN PRAY FOR ME......PRAY FOR MY BROTHER...WHO BY THE WAY IS ALSO AN ADDICT WHO HAS STOLEN PAIN MEDS FROM ME ALSO....I REALLY DIDNT THINK HE WAS GOING TO USE THEM, ALTHOUGH I KNOW THAT NOT AN EXCUSE FOR WHAT I DID....I AM REALLY FREAKING OUT THOUGH AND HAVE NOONE TO TALK TO....THANKS FOR THE PEOPLE WHO GIVE KIND WORDS.

[vicaddict]

One last thing. I know right now you are scared, and you say you will never do anything like it again. But, you really do not know for sure. I am not saying your a bad person, or anything at all. Heck I of all people cannot cast stones. But my point is this:

Say you do not get caught. You will eventually lose that "petrified" feeling. IF you do not get caught,  you may at some point take pride in that and end up still using, and one day  will do something worse than this.
Just some things to think about. Like I said, I am not saying this will happen but I know how the "addict" thinks, I know b/c I am one. Although I have never done anything like this or would, does not make me any better than anyone else either. An addict is an addict is really what I am trying to say to you.

[vicaddict]

I will say some prayers for you as well as your family, but please still seek some help. Starting with telling your husband everything, and asking his forgiveness and his support and help....the rest will all fall into place. But it has to come from within YOU first.

Prayers your way and your family's

Tracy

[beachtowel]

I understand you scard and what people here are worried about is your health....
I don't understand why a loving husband would leave you for one bad decision and again I will say to you I have stood in the exact spot your in twice so I know exactly what your thinking........I can also tell you that your hubby is fed up to his gills about your pain and all the meds that your taking because it domiates your life and your thoughts even though you don't realize it.........

Your thinking is so distorted your addiction has altered your decision making and your emotions and rational thoughts are all screwed up.........

you entered a forum full of addicts do you not think that we have all been where you are and some of us more than once..........
you don't even feel bad about being a thief and stealing from you own brother how could you get into his mind if he is an addict too that he would not miss his refills.......and then say well he stole drugs from me before does that make it ok........your justifying everything and it is the addiction in you doing all the thinking and all the talking........
What good are you to your kids right now and if you do go to jail what about your kids and your husband then?
Wake up girl four years with the same problem in your back with no healing I would like to tell you something your addiction can fool the brain by sending messages to the brain that your back is really hurting when in reality it is not that is how powerful addiction is and how it effects your brain....

Sorry I feel really bad for you and your family right now and the real bad thing is your mind is focused on the wrong questions and the wrong problems........

good luck to you sometimes it takes a crash and burn to save your own life........

[marcatj]

.. honey, Beach is right.  and you mentioned you are a Christian.. not to be cliche, but you probably need to Let Go and Let God right now... you have no choice but to surrender to what is... there really is nothing you can do.

if you cannot take it in tonight, please reread everyone's posts tomorrow.  your addiction is the problem, and if this situation doesn't give you a really big scare, or some sort of repurcussion, you likely will just continue to use.

no one here wishes you harm... we only wish you sobriety.  so you can live an authentic life, and as well, never be in this position again.

so the bottom line is - my advice would be to surrender.

good luck, sweety...
mj

[vicaddict]

Wow, this sentence really rang true for me:
"Your thinking is so distorted your addiction has altered your decision making and your emotions and rational thoughts are all screwed up".........

Mine are exactly that! When I think about w/d that is exactly it! I am having irrational thoughts per the addiction. Kind of like when I was going through counseling for my panic disorder. That too, irrational thoughts, and I applied what I learned in 3 years of counseling to that and retrain my brain..I am now able to be more "rational" in my thinking process with that. How ironic. Think I need to take from that, and apply to the thoughts of addiction and w/d. wow! I never even thought to compared the two.

Also, the part of the pain meds making our pain worse. That I JUST found out today from my new Dr. I NEVER would have thought that! They do actually make your pain worse = more tolerance to the drug=  your want/need for more of the drug.

But as always, great post beach. I always take something from what you write!
Huggs and on that note have a good night!

[beachtowel]

I feel so bad for this young lady she thinks her problems are so unique but her story in the world of addiction is like watching the sun rise.......

She is leaving stuff out what I am mainly referring to is honesty with her soul mate............

I believe after four years of heavy narcotic use he is sick of it...........
He also understands she has a problem and is desperatly wishing that she will shake out of it but like most addicts she will lie and try to hide her sickness hoping everything will fix itself but in reality a crash and burn and dealing with her addiction will be front page shorty, she might get lucky enough to get out of this one but she is in full tilt addiction mode so it is just a matter of time.........

When you start stealing from the people you love and family your way out of control.........
I only wish that she would choose honesty over everything else but as addicts to lie is to breathe.....

[VOsRose]

You're so right.  We've all been through similar situations.  I was consumed by guilt over the "thefts" I perpetrated when I was using.  Mostly, it was scamming my poor, sweet mother out of her and my father's (whose cancer diagnosis and death was the catalyst to my addiction) hard earned savings.  I apologize to her, still, every chance I get.  Of course, she forgave me a long time ago.  Her ONLY concern was my life and that I get help.  I still have not forgiven myself.  I am fortunate that I am able, now, to take care of her financially.  It doesn't make it a bit better or a bit okay.  They worked hard and, from the day they got married, saved HALF of my father's income.  He died thinking she was well taken care of and would never have to worry about anything.  

The pain and worry I've caused her will never be okay.  The really, really sad thing is she is now subcoming to Alzheimer's and I'm not sure she really remembers the extent of the money she was sending me on a daily basis.  I will never forget.

Another thing is this...you are right on point with her needing to be honest with her husband about what is going on.  BUT...first she has to get over the "symptom" of her addiction and face the disease.  She will never be able to be honest with anyone until she is totally honest with herself.  She says she knows, but she has not yet admitted that she is not omnipotent in her addiction.  She needs to find, within her heart, the strength to admit it to herself and then she can be truly honest with her loved ones.  I'm afraid she may be in for a bumpy ride unless she can do that.

I can remember being in her exact position and trying to make deals with God...If you just get me through this without getting caught, I'll never do it again.   That was bull.  Not only did I do it again, I knew how to do it better so as not to make the same mistakes.  Pitiful, looking back.

When I finally faced my addiction, and dropped to my knees, humbled and ready for help, I was ashamed to ask.  I didn't feel worthy of asking God or anyone else for help...I had lied to them all so many times.  But, as I found, the people who love us are the first to forgive us and want the best for us, despite what we've done.  After we begin to heal ourselves, we can then begin to make restitution to others...and not before then.

I wish her, well, also.  I know how scared she is right now.  I also know that fear will be a distant memory if she doesn't stop the process.  

[oneway]

Do you think your making her feel even more guilty is helping.  Honestly I read a lot of your posts and I think you come off with I've done it all attitude that doesn't fly with a lot of people.  So what she stole from her brother.  She told the dude. She is in addiction.  Who doesn't lie.  She came on here and got the courage to speak and you try to bash her.  If you knew what I did when I was going at the streets hard you would probably be wanting to call the police on me.  Man we all paid the price for all the bad stuff we have done.  Why you trying to make a person feel more guilty.  I think she got balls for coming on here and admitting that.  Believe it or not man their are people on here that have gone through things that you haven't.  The people who usually think they know it all are usually the first to relapse.  Who cares if she thinks her story is unique?  Are you mad because she should realize that you have been through the same thing so she is not allowed to have her moment to vent.  I read a lot of stories on here and never comment but I almost always get something out of it.  How many times did you lie during your addiction man.  I know you may not mean to but in a lot of your post you come off like I've been there done that, I'm right.  Its easy for people to give the 2 cents but hard to actually listen.

[kuda]

Ok deep breath! You know you have  a big poblem. That's the first step! Now it's time to get some help. Why not let your husband know? If your going to deal with this he's gonna find out anyway.  Then call your doctor and TELL him or her whats been going on and that you want to stop and seek out other options for pain (there are other options that may work for you) If you find that they are not supportting your goals then find another doctor (they may suggest detox) Find a support group it helps a great deal to talk to someone who's walked in your shoes. If you have a pastor ect that may be something you may consider. You can overcome this!!!!

[Dave W.]

IIf I were in your shoe's,I"d be more concerned about getting off the Methadone
before I was sent to jail. That's just me,the addict speaking. Your perceptions
of reality are surely all over the place. No offense,but do you really think the
police never catch their man(woman)? I have been to jail from drugs and
beleive me,it didn't even phase my drug use one bit. It actually made me
want to get high more to escape all the BS. Not trying to be the guy saying
that I've been there,done that,seriously. I truley think you need to act as if
you will be getting caught,(worst case senario),and if you have gone through
the withdrawls of Methadone,I'm almost positive,you won't want to be in jail
going through withdrawls,right?Go get some professional help ASAP,so you
won't make a very bad situation worse,for yourself and your loved ones. I'm
not trying to be a jerk,just trying to start you on the right path,since you (we all)
have at least done bad things which require other people's intervention for help.
All addicts need help,is what I'm saying.Good luck and God Bless you

[STEVE T]

Side stepping the real issue here, cant she say her brother had her pick it up or something like that.

[Shattered]

BeachTowel is being a bit judgemental and harsh. You need to wait it out and confide with your husband. Most importantly you need look at what caused this problem ( the addiction) and  concentrate on a plan to kick it.

[Shattered]

Cool it. Your comments are not helping. You are only satifying your own transgressions and past guilt. You are not helping somelse.


To Drowning- Again wait it out ( maybe take STEVE T's advice ) ...and then concentrate on the addiction. good luck

[dfr3]

OH WHAT ADDICTION CAN DO TO US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i know the guilt shame embarasment oh, so well!!!   i hope you can see the power of this ****.
i am trying to ween now i no how you feel maybe we can do this together i am a loving mom too.  and the lies i have told.  i know this stuff is killing me  i do not even remember what sobriety feels like.  but with GODS help i will.

as far as getting caught you probably won't, but do not take this as a good sign sometimes i wish i had got caught in my drinking days, maybe i would have gotton sober earlier!!!
i have not drank in 10 years.  but am addicted to pain pills now.  

good luck and keep keep us posted.
lol
jill

[beachtowel]

Like her you both are missing the point..........

No everybody does not lie that is for people who are ashamed or afraid of their life style being exposed........

She is a mother of two and has a husband who she refuses to be honest with do both of you think this is normal or ok or acceptable........

All I would like to hear from one of her posts is that she is considering recovery and helping herself to get away from the insanity she has been living dragging her family in with her for the past four years.........

What statements did I make directly trying to hurt her..........

She has zero consideration of stopping using my whole intentions is to hear her once ask some advice about Recovery and getting her life back............

one way you missed the point of unique........I was referring to her back injury which is her justification and she doesn't get it I am only trying to get her to think about recovery........
my comment of I've been there twice was only to let her know that I understand what she is going through, as far as venting if that is what you call it I guess I read it as she is in a panic because she is only afraid of police.......not herself or her family........

one way why in the world would give you the idea that I am mad?

Where is your post to her showing all this compassion and concern that your accusing me of not having?
When your reading my posts your only see what you want to see which I feel is a very narrow minded perspective.........

If you have read any of my posts over the past 7 months or so I am all about recovery not a Posh Puffs salesman...........

Shattered where is your post to this young lady?
I would be very interested to read what your thoughts would be............

[Two222]

THANK YOU ! I completely agree with your comment about beachtowel and his know-it-all guilt filled posts. I also don't think making her feel like what she is saying or admitting isn't worth **** is helping at all.  You aren't an expert. I have posted before and have gotten your same reaction of, "nothing you say is new and I know cause I've done it". It truly isn't helping anyone....well maybe it's making yourself feel better and superior. Like I've mentioned before people like you are the reason others stop going to N/A meetings. I don't know what it is about sobriety that turns others into mind readers and experts like yourself.
It is not your place WHATSOEVER to judge her on the acts she has done, and it's definitely not your place to say a god damn thing about her family! Your very quick to point the finger at every single person and THAT is a narrow-minded thing. Why don't you take a second to use your brain a little before posting accusations. On second thought why do you even post at all? Just keep your thoughts to yourself, cause no one is begging for your expertise.

[CATUF]

I'm with Steve T - she just picked it up for her brother.  Her brother already knows, so he just needs to tell the pharm. "nevermind, my sister picked that up for me - it's sitting at home.  Sorry to trouble you."  

If I were the brother, I condition that assistance on my sister getting the help she obviously needs.

btw, I did exactly the same thing on scripts that really belonged to my mom and a good friend.

[Savas]

Jeez...  I can tell you a way to quickly make it go away (maybe) but it won't help with your other problems. You're brother would have to go along with this. AND, he'd have to give up his prescription for that month. You'd have to still have the prescription (or most of it) too.
    You'd have to write a night and date it for the time of pick-up, telling your brother you picked it up as he asked.
He'd have to say he mentioned you picking it up for him, but thought he'd said don't bother.  It's shaky, but it could work. You'd then go to the insurance and report the incidence.

You do know that once your body is addicted to these medications, they essentially stop working well for you? At this point you're dealing with pain which because of the addiction, you can't even be sure how bad it is.

I've got a rod and screws in my leg, and after all these years, it doesn't hurt "that bad". Then again, I think I'm just used to it hurting, and have adjusted.
HOWEVER, if I miss my dose and start withdrawal, my leg hurts worse than right after I first had the surgery, to the point I can't walk. I KNOW I'm not taking a *deal with the pain* dose anymore (I've been tapering, down to 5 milligrams). So be aware that this does eventually happen, regardless of how little or how much pain you're in.

Otherwise, let's step back and take a breathe. People have to remember there are two types of addicts out there.
Addicts who have an "emotional problem/psych problem" inside them that craves the high of drugs to achieve escape...

And pain management addicts. These are people who may never have taken a drug for pleasure in there whole life (not counting a few tries in college) but are in life changing pain due to physical injury. They don't have "addictive personalities", they just don't want to be in pain.
This doesn't mean they haven't become addicted to they're meds. Most are. It just means the drive is different. With these folks, you take away the pain (and this includes withdrawal pain), and they wouldn't be using anymore.
Because of the failures of our society in dealing with addiction, both of these types are being let down, misinformed, and not being given proper treatment, for different reasons.

But it comes to the same thing.

[vicaddict]

I think that b/c the time that has passed, her brother probably thinks it is too late to say that. By now they would wonder what took you so long to "remember" that. Know what I mean?
B/c I was thinking the same thing, but the amount of time since the meds were picked up, workmans comp filed a complaint, and before that her brother had to. So, for him to say that now probably would raise some eyebrows. Then again, if he isn't willing to press charges why would anyone else. That is unless, the workman's comp covered a replacement prescription. Then they will not drop the issue I doubt.

I don't know, just my 2 cents.

:)

[Two222]

If you do get into trouble and admit to the judge that you have a problem (and you have no other prior legal problems) he might cut you a break and send you to treatment, especially if you tell him you want to get sober.

Beach towel- calling her sick and a thief is really un-called for. You can go on and on about how your so blunt and truthful, but saying that **** doesn't achieve anything does it? None of the 12 steps say to call a fellow addict any names. In fact, they condone that. I'm really starting to wonder what kind of home group you are attending?

[vicaddict]

I agree that if she has no priors, and does get caught if she asks for help, they may cut her a break. I thought about that too.

Well either way, I hope it all works out, and she gets the help she needs..

Peace All!

[Papa2]

This is my first posting so bear with me a little. Most important is you are a Christian,Everthing els ewill for in place.as a christian myself and also a vicoden user since a BAAAAD wreck in 1992.I am in a lot of pain and also have the same problems like all of you. I am getting ready for my WD now but I know God puts us in these situation to make us stroger and closer to HIM I will pray for you


Papa2

[vicaddict]

Very well said.
Just wanted to welcome you to the forum, and congrats on your decision!

Best wishes;
Tracy

[notmenow!]

What state did this  occur in as it varies state by state as far as felony versus misdemenor.
Example: in connecticut it is a misdemenor. That why you should mention what state your in, If its Florida it is a felony. Could your brother just be trying to scare you, I know a case with a husband and wife. The husband later came forward and said to the pharmacist I did'nt know my wife had picked it up for him, It is all up to you brother right, when the police report is made out if ever your brother just has to say a family member picked it up for me which is not against the law on class 3 drugs. I think your over reacting because you are so caught up in the quilt of your inappropriate drug use. You are in pain management you should be honest w/ the dr and tell them the current drug regimine is not approriate for your pain level. It is not unusual for pain management patients to build a tolerance to their medication. The job of the pain specialist is to treat your pain. unless there is more to the story. The methadone has a long half life, Now tell me the vicodin actually did anything for you. I know you didnt get high on it , maybe you did 30 is a low dose. Ask him to double you dose to 60 that 30 is no longer holding you.

[oneway]

Me being narrowminded AHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHAHHHAHHAHAA.  but look at yourself.  You refuse to ever aknowledge that your post are ever negative you narrow minded fool.  Oh you keep calling her a THEIF when she is already feeling bad.  Kick a dog while its down your real stand up.  Yo truth be told I'm a THEIF I was straight up robbing dudes with guns and use to be bring terror to neighborhoods I'm definetly not proud of this but its funny because a guy that a lot of people see as uncompassionate has way more compassion then your wanna be father figure phony leader self does. Yo man you talk about how you been through all this and that and seen it all that sounds like bs to me.  Because if you were involved with a hardcore addiction you would understand that people ALWAYS LIE and would be a lot more understanding.   you talk about being ashamed of lifestyles and thats why we lie, yo we lie to get drugs.  Now your making up stupid points just to defend what you said.  Dude you need to go out and do something besides this forum.  You talk about you been through all this hardcore stuff that sounds kind of fishy to me because most people who really been through a lot are a lot more humble then you are.  You talk about:  OH I was anhonest man and took my sentence.  What did you do six months to a year you want a cookie now.  Your the man, you know it all, you are the king of recovery, we should all listen to the jesus of recovery beachtowel.  Honestly get over yourself.

[oneway]

Your all about recovery.  I don't know most of the time BASED on your posts you seem like your just about giving advice because it heightens your self esteem, could be wrong hope I am.  Where is my post to her well that was defending her from your tirades of implying that she is a bad person and should feel guilt and shame when she already does.  She is in a state where she probably can't stand up for herself because she already feels so low so I stood up for her.  Get off the computer sometimes and exercise see the fresh air.  Not being mean but giving you tough love just like you right.

[Robyn68]

There are so many posts that I might repeat some of the things that have been said.

First, have you considered talking with your physician about your use of opiates?  Have you considered seeking detox or treatment?  Are you even at the point where you can honestly admit that you have a problem?  Because you do have a problem.   Normal people do not steal pain pills.

I know this because I will steal a pain pill from anyone, no matter who, because I am an ADDICT.  I constantly steal from my mother when I run out, because I am an ADDICT.   I do not feel guilt for the doctors I lie to to get my opiates because I am an ADDICT.   Sometimes I have a rational thought that it is insane that I have five different physicians and five different pharmacies from which I am getting my pills but that thought does not last long because I am an ADDICT and must feed my ADDICTION.  

Like you, drowning, I am a loving mother, regularly attend mass, live in a nice house, my children go to private school, I have a masters degree, and I am killing myself because I am an ADDICT.    Few of my friends know and my neighbors would be shocked.

Over the past three years I have been in treatment three times and each time my husband (no ex-husband) clearly made it known how disgusted he found my addiction to be.  So I know all about hiding and worrying about being caught, so on and so on.    Recovery from an addiction is a process and right now your fears are understandable.   Instead of me praying for you that you "don't get caught" I would like to pray that you begin to see that you are living the life of an addict and that you will seek the help you need despite your fear of reprisal from your husband.   Because, believe me, this will not be the first negative consequence you will have if you continue to abuse pain pills.

I just came across this board this morning.   I need to detox and formulate a good recovery plan.   I have been addicted to opiates for five years and know this disease is going to kill me if I don't stop.  

[Help me Im drowning]

I think I have found my soul-mate.  You know, I do know that I am indeed an ADDICT.  LEt me tell you, when I first posted this this question it was for all the wrong reasons.  I hadnt really told my Step-brother yet.  I just wanted to get an idea if I would in fact get caught.  I have had many thoughts about how wrond this is....and had even picked up the phone several times to call my brother and just tell him everything but until this morning...I never did.  Over this weekend though I have finally, I think, gotten control.  See I started snorting my methadone, because I thought it would work better.....I honestly do have severe pain in my back, but until now, I havent decided to go back to a surgeon because, for one, I already still owe one orthopeadic surgeon over 1200 dollars still for 2 years worth of treatment and them never finding the problem in my back....I am now a patient at a pain clinic...they are the one who did a discogram and found that I have these tears in my L5- and L6-S1 vertebres (i have 6 instead of 5) and that they are herniated....they want to do an IDET but my insurance wont pay for it...I have asked them if surgery was an option but they just say...you can go to a surgeon if you want but they wont touch your back.....my step-brother who I took the pills from has the same problem...literely...L5-S1 tears and he just had a fusion......All the pain clinic docs want to do is giving me pain pills, i guess until BCBS wants to pay for the IDET.....like you I also have been stealing pain pills from people for a long time now...my family, my friends, my mom...my husband...the list goes on...but my husband is a control freak, he is verbally abusive and he would be disgusted if he knew the extint of my ADDICTION....I have been praying all weekend about what to do and I finally saw the light when I would snort a methadone, then say to myself....I am not snorting ANYMORE....then 30mins later I was saying just one more.....and all the time I am having this crazy conversation with myself that thats the last one....and I realize that I am no longer in CONTROL......I called my brother this morning and told him I really needed to talk.....he is meeting me at lunch today at 12:30 and I am going to tell him everything...I love him and we are very close and I just pray that this doesn't ruin our relationship.  I will never tell my husband (unless I do get caught) and I still hope and pray I dont get caught..  I believe that my brother will help me get away with it if we can....we just have to come up with a good story...I will say I put it on his porch or something and it must have got gone....I am sure that I will be able to pay Workmans Comp back without it being too much of a deal.....Mabey I am still out of line here, but I do WANT to be able to get away with this so that I can go on and have the back surgery to take care of the pain, then I WILL get help to get clean.  I KNOW I  AM AN ADDICT AND RIGHT NOW I AM ALSO A SORRY SELFISH CORRUPT PERSON.  I DO NOT LIKE WHO I AM AND MY CHILDREN DESERVE BETTER.  I AM GOING TO BEAT THIS....ALSTHOUGH I WILL NEED ALOT OF HELP ALONG THE WAY.  I hope I can count on the people in this forum to help.  i have seen so many great posts and i hope you can also accept me into this wonderful place.....one question.  What is the Thomas recipe?

[mom2rachie]

Although Beach CAN be harsh, he's right.  Your thoughts and fears and prayers are based on not getting caught.  Perhaps if you looked at what the situation REALLY is and prayed for HELP from God to get CLEAN and start getting HONEST withyourself and your husband who you are joined to BY GOD, you will receive the outcome you're looking for.

God is NOT Santa Claus.  Ask him to heal you and take your addiction away and ask him for the strength to talk and confide in your husband and to be a mother to your children and maybe after then HE will see that you are not caught and punished.  We can all say "Dear God, if you just get me out of this jam I promise to......" but that doesn't mean we will make any real changes.
Ask yourself what you want out of life.  Maybe this is the wake up call you really need to make some major changes.  Maybe God saw the direction you were going and decided to intervene!!

I REALLY WOULD RATHER DIE THAN GO THROUGH GETTING CAUGHT...PLEASE ANYONE WHO CAN PRAY FOR ME......PRAY FOR MY BROTHER...WHO BY THE WAY IS ALSO AN ADDICT WHO HAS STOLEN PAIN MEDS FROM ME ALSO....

For a mother to say that she would rather DIE than go through getting caught is beyond addcitive behavior, it's selfish.  Get a grip.  Make haste in changing your life, GET HONEST, and worry about getting caught AFTERWARDS!   You're mentioning your brother at the end and saying he is also an addict is just the addict in you trying to justify your behavior,  Nowhere in your posts have I heard that you want a chang, only that you don't want to get caught.  Well, maybe getting caught is your bottom and the only way you WILL and CAN change.

You're in my prayers regardless.  God will fix this the way He sees fit and as a Christian you need to trust in that.  Marcatj is right, Let Go annd Let Go.  What's done is done.  The only thing you can change right now is you!  I wish you luck!!

[mom2rachie]

Please review steps 5 - 12 of AA...  You need to LIVE these rightnow and forever in order to heal.  You're already halfway there by believeing and trusting in God (supposedly).  God less you and your family.

Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

[mom2rachie]

I meant GOD Bless ....

[Savas]

Try not to be so hard on yourself. Today's attitudes have created a whole group of "socially proper" addicts. The old view of the addict as a dirty, uneducated chasing-drugs-on-the-street person is a classic and no longer fits in today's society.
     The changes in how pain management, insurance coverage, and drug control are dealt with are making a country of husbands, mothers, daughters and sons who go to church, temple, got to PTA, go to the office, put the kids down at night, and take highly addictive medications on a daily basis.
Social attitudes haven't caught up.
The best thing you can do is find like people, and share your experiences. Be it NA, or whatever form you choose.
You should also try to research your insurance's website, and any related material on your condition (both addiction and back). Don't just accept what your "clinic" tells you.

I'm going to say something contradictory to the NA message (well, I don't think it is, but some say it is).
You have to start taking control of the information your taking in. Look into what's truth, what's a half truth, or an outright lie. Most pain management people are caught up in a snare of insurance policy problems, doctor regulation problems, and government Law on treatment problems. It's hell. If you aren't already, take a more proactive approach in all this. Research law and policy carefully. You'd be surprised at the loopholes you can find.

And of course, deal with your addiction during all this. You'll find that the above will impact positively on it, if it goes well.

[pepsiblue]

You know what, You make me SICK. You tell this poor, scared woman "You steal from your brother, how sick is that..." (oh, and what is it with all the ........'s in your posts. You need that long of a pause to think of what you are going to say? Its annoying. You are annoying. You do have this 'know-it-all way about yourself and let me be the first to tell you dude, YOU DON'T.
You make her feel more guilty about something she is already so guilty about she is practically hysterical. Nice, dude. Really nice. And I am sick of you telling every addict that posts here that they ''need to get into inpatient rehab''. Oh, Bull$hit! Matter of factly, most opiate addicts do not need inpatient rehabs. Detoxing can be done at home, and it takes about 3 days (oh, but I am sure you already know all about it, mr. know it all) to physically withdraw. What do you do for a living, anyway?? Work for some rehabilitation facility? Geez, dude----oneway is right....get over yourself, and stop kicking others when they are already down. Because, to be honest----if an addict was thinking about inpatient rehab, and you were the poster child of what to expect in the support groups there, it would probably turn them off of the idea to enter. There's a time for tough love, and there's also a time for compassion. You need to learn which is which.

Peace out

[Two222]

seriously man...just give up now. Nothing is going to make him believe he is wrong about anything. So just do what I've done and concentrate on giving good advice to people when/if you can.

[pepsiblue]

I see that, and I agree.

[Savas]

Well now... you have to keep in mind that while harsh, he is right. Perhaps it's not how I would have said it, but if you look further on, she ironically acknowledges most of what he says.

I gave a literal answer, how to try to make a bad situation go away. Maybe it helped, maybe it didn't. But he told her some hard cold truths. The only thing I'd say is perhaps if he'd couched it in "nicer" terms, she may have listened. Or maybe not. *shrug*. No one likes a swift kick in the *ss. It's embarassing and humiliating, But sometimes it's just what a person needs.

The good thing about it, is she got a wonderful variety of answers. When I read this thread, I see different views and expressions, and she can learn what she needs from every single one. If she chooses to.